Out of the Race

[Ashin Varanin]

Starlines became stars, and the Star Destroyer Chimaera -- Invictus-class, heavily modified -- hit realspace over Dasid Anya. 'Thanks but no thanks' characterized the populous world's attitude on rejoining the Fringe. The Killiks and the Lugubraa hadn't especially cared about the netherworld vanishings; chaos had been minor here; the rest of the Confederation had looked bad by comparison; and now Dasid Anya was an ally but not a member. And with the Confederation's efforts so focused on former Protectorate territory, that wasn't likely to change anytime soon.

Making the Chimaera unwelcome in a system it had, however briefly, called home. The same went for this whole ring of former Confederation territory, sectors' worth. The same went for Lwhekk and the rest of Ssi-Ruuvi space, the star cluster where the Chimaera had been operating for the past several months.

The rest of the galaxy could do as it would. The Sith could happily pick away at the Republic, the Republic could happily fund proxy wars, the Tionese and the Silver Jedi and the Levantines could talk each other's ears off, the Fringe and the Protectorate could play 'I'm not touching you' with their fingers half an inch from each other's noses, the Mandalorians could get drunk and forget they used to be worth something-

Ashin Cardé Varanin had monsters to kill. And for once the Chimaera couldn't go with her.

There'd been a time when the tribute and spoil of the early Fringe could keep autonomous fleets running, but this was a different age. Ego alone couldn't fuel the Chimaera or pay its forty thousand crew. She'd tried that route during the Vagrant Fleet days, and the old girl had become, well, lonely. Empty. Purposeless. A collectible, a trinket, a shadow of what it had once been.

Shore leave on Dasid Anya. Screw around with the insects and the lampreys, run the mazes, enjoy the comforts of civilization, because boys and girls, there's always a war on. And I'm leaving it all to you.

***​

​

Her dress uniform lay on the bed she and Spencer had shared for years, when they weren't on Annaj or in the Peregrine. In the Confederation, Grand Admirals wore black. Campaign tabs and heavy medals decorated the chest. Shameful memories, some of them; others were among her proudest moments; still others, and some of the most impressive, had been just a matter of punching a time card or being in the wrong place at the right time. But shameful or glorious or accidental or unexceptional, all of them meant one thing: the time she'd given to the people of the Unknown Regions. Time she couldn't get back, not even for a worthy cause. Ibaris was a teenager now -- when had that happened? Spencer clung to the honesty of youth as best she could, but age would catch up with her too. And Ashin...well, between more careers and flirtations with the Dark Side than any woman should claim, between cancers and stints as the Dark Lord of the Sith, between schemes of empire and bursts of idealistic patriotism, between fleet battles and blade-to-blade engagements with death an eyeblink away...Ashin Cardé Varanin felt old with not much to show for it.

Not for the first time, but maybe for the last, she was retiring. And maybe somewhere along the line she would learn how to have a life. How to care about something other than combat and domination and politics. How to be interested in things; how to be interesting. Ambition, in the end, had led her higher than nearly anyone could go, and she hadn't especially cared for the view.

The door hissed open behind her as she straightened the uniform jacket on the bed.

"Come to talk me out of it? Or did the Lord Protector get under your skin?"

[member="Spencer Jacobs"]

 

[Allyson Locke]

Spencer wasn’t her bright and bubbly self as she arrived to their bedroom. She had a lovely ride back home from the Lord Protector’s office where she continued to mimic him in his manly voice. “I was just following orders blah blah Spencer I was following orders.” Her visit didn’t give her what she wanted, but it did give her some sort of peace of mind when she actually thought about it. She found the man that argued with Ashin, he was the last one and now that memory was hopefully finished from playing out in her dreams.

The door hissed open and she was met with Ashin’s voice. Despite the fact that she was still worked up, a smile crossed her face as she entered the room and shrugged off the cloak she wore. Hanging it up, she proceeded to remove the utility belt and tunic - clothing she rarely wore anymore. “When does a Protector from the Protectorate ever NOT get under my skin. They’re always so high and mighty and -” She stopped once more going into her “manly” mocking voice of [member="Sarge Potteiger"]. “Following orders, just following orders” Reaching into the small closet she pulled out a loose t-shirt and pulled it on, as always she was barefooted. “I can see why Sarge can be frustrating, but I can also see why you two have your moments of getting along - if that’s what you two want to call it.”

Spencer made her way towards Ashin and wrapped her arms loosely around the older woman’s waist. Her head pressed against Ashin’s strong back while she took in a deep breath. “As for talking you out of it, I don’t think I could or I would even try. What I will say is though I think you’ll miss it. Which is why I don’t see us ever being too far from the Confederation. It is time to let the new generation take charge and for you old folk to relax and advise when needed.” Spencer avoided calling herself old, because in her mind she might be a few years older, but she has great genes and doesn’t look a day older than 22. Releasing Ashin from her hold, she let herself fall onto the edge of their bed, legs crossed and casually leaning back she gave Ashin a playful smile. “I want to see the galaxy again, like we used too. Run away with me.” A hand reached out and playfully caressed the older woman’s fingertips. “We could find paradise.”


[member="Ashin Varanin"]

 

[Ashin Varanin]

[member="Spencer Jacobs"]

After years of marriage, she barely looked when Spencer stripped down to change -- she noticed the pose afterward, though, and took it for half intimacy, half a joke, the way they always ran. She made a smile happen as Spencer's fingertips brushed hers and the lingo got overblown. And that was all on purpose, long-shared amusement and part of Spencer's deliberate charm. "I know I'll miss it," she said. "And they may call me back again, and I may say yes again -- I've got a long way to go before I say no to a serious request from the Fringe. And if they don't..." She shrugged and lay down between Spencer and the dress uniform, lacing her fingers under her breasts. "If I get exactly what I'm asking for, a life without all of this, well...I suppose I'm just going to have to learn to live with that in the process of learning to live. You know how long it's been since I read anything other than briefing memos and Sith research materials? Force, I used to read a book a day when I was young. Then I had to get educated, and I stopped reading. Riddle me that one." She scratched at her ribs absently, through the regulation undershirt.

"And the worst part is, I don't even know what I'm going to do with my time. I'm thinking of writing a book. 'If I Did It: Confessions of the Conqueror of Ten Thousand Worlds' or something autobiographical. Or maybe that's the wrong tack. Maybe I need to stop thinking about me. Fiction -- I could do fiction. I'd need the right editor, but..." She shrugged. "It might be a better way to work through some of my demons than climbing through caves on Dagobah, waking up the Dagoyan Masters again, or making another visit to the Five. Not like I have much love for reading or writing these days; maybe it's just the instinct to create. I'd like to create something real, I don't know what -- and then not have to spend my life maintaining it."

 

[Allyson Locke]

“You’ve always been a protector. There are other ways to do things, you don’t always have to fly a huge ship or carry a large sword.” Spencer laid back and on her side as she played with loose strands of her wife’s hair. Unlike Ashin, she was never the type to make changes on the grand scale. She enjoyed working with small villages, taking out small jobs to track down a two bit thug and bring him to justice. Small work, small changes that amounted to something bigger. “We could go to different parts of the unknown region, reach out to diffrent people - learn their ways and help guide them back to the Fringe.” She stopped playing with the woman’s hair and laid beside her an arm tucked under her head supporting it.

“Ashin, you were put in this galaxy to change it. You’ve changed it several times as a conqueror, as a leader and a mother to a nation. Its time for you to rest, to be able to sleep in from time to time. A vacation.” Chuckling softly, “If you don’t to read I can read the books to you. Ibaris loved my voices when I used to read to her.” Remembering their daughter and the fact that she was now a teenager hit Spencer. Groaning slightly she sat up and sighed, “We’re getting old. Even if I keep fighting it - we’re getting old.”

A hand found its way to Spencer’s face as she sighed once more. Shaking her head, she could remember the first time she met Ashin like it was yesterday. “Its been what, since I was seventeen? Um 18, 19” Spencer counted on her fingers as she mused over how long they had been together. “27, 28. Oh boy 11 years? Seems longer but that’s not a bad thing.” Another playful grin over her shoulder as she looked at Ashin. “Deep down in your heart, what do you want. Really think about it Ashin. You don’t have to answer right away, but I’ll share mine to maybe help you not be so shy about yours.” Shaking her head, Spencer hid her face for a moment. “I’ve always wanted to open a school. To bring kids and teenagers together to learn, to bring back the way learning the Force used to be. Finding balance and learning history, just everything.” Patting Ashin’s leg, Spencer adjusted herself and sat next to her wife.

“I know writing a book isn’t what you really want deep down, now if you were going to sit here and rewrite the entire map and make all the trade routes then I’d believe you a bit more. Though - I’d love to read about all the juicy information you’ve collected over the years.” Once again, that mature 28 year old woman regressed to her daughter’s age.


[member="Ashin Varanin"]

 

[Ashin Varanin]

[member="Spencer Jacobs"]

"A school. I could see you doing that." She stayed on her back, fingers laced over her ribs, looking at the ceiling. Military decorations jingled beside her when she shifted. "I...well, I'm not sure I'd be happy doing this any more than I would trying to write, but I've been thinking about it on and off for a long time -- tell me what you think.

"The galaxy's bigger now than it used to be. More power players, factions and people I don't know anything about. More worlds connected better. I want to know what's out there, I want to...Force, Spence, I think I want to teach whoever I want without worrying about if it'll affect the politics of the Fringe. Apart from a couple of years in the Sith Empire, I've spent my whole life fighting for this little chunk of space in the Unknown Regions -- I want to be part of the galaxy. Meet new faces, find new causes and new interests, explore a little. It's hardly heroic, but I suppose there are monsters to kill out there too."

 

[Allyson Locke]

Pondering quietly, Spencer thought about Ashin’s want. It was something so simple and easy to do, it would mean cutting off ties with others and Spencer knew she was ready to let go. There was so much more out there that they had not explored and so many people to teach. “You were always happy with the Vagrants.” Spencer spoke quietly as she glanced back down at Ashin. The woman’s age showed, but with the many faces she had - each and every one belonged to her. Biting her lower lip, she mused over the idea.

“Wandering teachers, we used to wander after the Sith Empire collapsed and now I feel the Fringe is threatening to be reborn.” She thought back to the conversation she had with Jared on a park bench in the middle of no where. The woman had seen it in dreams and knew it would eventually come to fruition. “The galaxy is changing and I want to see more of it. I want to learn more about it, meet new people as well.” Reaching over, Spencer patted Ashin’s leg. “I think its a wonderful idea as long as you take me with you. I’m tired of being alone.”


[member="Ashin Varanin"]

 

[Ashin Varanin]

[member="Spencer Jacobs"]

That got a wince, whether or not Spencer had intended it to serve as a reminder of how often Ashin had been gone -- commanding fleets in the middle of nowhere, or running around Korriban with a sniper rifle, or tracking down the Planet of the Five. Things she'd done on her own, sometimes to spare her wife from boredom, but often to keep her out of the nastier aspects of Ashin's life. The irony, of course, was that she'd created distance by trying to avoid distance.

"Of course I'll take you with me, as often as you'll have me. I've put together a little ship, a modified Corellian freighter, something a lot less unique and more unobtrusive than the Peregrine. Call me crazy, but I'd like to be able to give the Peregrine to Ibby in five or ten years, and the galaxy's a lot more dangerous than it was when we ran it."

 

[Allyson Locke]

Spencer didn’t need to see Ashin wince, she could feel the shift in the woman’s emotions. Despite being on constant guard, she was more intune with Ashin’s emotions than she was with her own. Tactfulness wasn’t something that was a strong quality with Spencer and she knew that her remark was a sore subject with them. Ashin was constantly protecting her, it how it always had been ever since the starliner. Shoulders tensing for a moment, she thought about her words a bit more this time around.

“That’s all I’ve ever wanted since I met you Ashin.” A small coy smile spread across her face, reminisce of her youth when Ashin would compliment her on being a quick study. Tilting her head back, her eyes closed after looking at the ceiling. The thought of Ibaris being older was still so foreign to her. The girl had aged in a blink of an eye, Spencer realized again that she was older as well - so far from the confused teenager she was when she left the Order. “She’s going to need the ship sooner than we can figure. I’d want it upgraded, better defenses and possibly some offense. I want to be able to give her all the tools she’ll need to survive. Something more than what my parents gave me.”

Pausing, Spencer took a moment to take a deep breath. Upon exhaling she shrugged, “You think we can make a difference in this galaxy, make it better and safer for the next generation? I’ve always wanted to make a difference.”


[member="Ashin Varanin"]

 

[Ashin Varanin]

[member="Spencer Jacobs"]

Ashin nodded along absently. "All of that and more for the Peregrine," she said, "if we can swing it. It's already packed to the gills with miniaturized everything. I'd hate to have electrical faults take out multiple systems at once. Sometimes doing more, no matter how much quality's involved, just makes more problems. Especially when it's all focused in one little area -- like a small ship, or the Fringe. I've meddled enough here, and had my fingers burned for it. I don't even know if my meddling is capable of making productive change, frankly, but I do know it needs to be elsewhere to have any chance at all. That, I know for sure.

"I think," she added slowly, rolling over to face Spencer, "I'll never be able to get away from the urge to meddle. I don't feel like I change, or can change -- I'll always want to mess with things, I'll always want something like redemption, I'll always want power more, or at least independence and the ability to make change -- probably because the essentials of me haven't changed, no matter how much I've tried. So my bet is, you'll see a lot of hubris and a lot of meddling and a lot of feuds from me before this is over. More, now that I don't have to worry about my actions drawing down repercussions on the Fringe."