Private One Small Step

[Voli Cholrass]

Voli had read about lucid and vivid dreaming especially when she began to do fortune telling in high school. While it could be a logical explanation, if there’s one thing Voli learned is that the force is anything but logical. “But I’m fully conscious Dreidi,” Voli said looking around the entrance and heading towards the stairs. “This isnt like the other dreams I have, I don’t have that hazy feeling when I’m dreaming.”

She looked around gulping as she heard a movie playing from the theater room. “We go through the theater room,” Voli said pointing at the door. “Usually a movie is playing in my dreams. It’s one of those grisly, gory horror films I adore. People die in horrible fashion, the types of Holomovies that get banned from theaters and are reduced to cult classics.”

Voli opened the door a familiar chill running down her spine. “I can feel the presence,” she said. “We’re halfway there.”

Dreidi Xeraic

 

[Dreidi Xeraic]

Location: Coruscant, Jedi Temple
Attire: Jedi Outfit
Companion: Grisial
Equipment: Lightsaber, Nightsister bow
Tag: Voli Cholrass

"I didn't say it was exactly the same. Just was giving an example of how this was similar." Dreidi mentioned, she followed Voli as she described the style of film that she enjoyed. Dreidi wasn't really into that type of film herself, it felt forced and unnatural to be adding grisly death for the shock factor. Especially when she had confronted truly evil beings and seen traumatic, grisly deaths in reality. There was nothing shocking, it was sad, soul crushing. Emotions missing from the cult classic horror flicks that Voli was describing.

However, she didn't debate Voli on this, the younger woman had her tastes and she was allowed to have them. Just as much as Dreidi was allowed to not enjoy those films. "If we are only half way there. Then we must push forward faster. Longer we are here, the more difficult things will become." Dreidi mentioned as she did not wish for the fear to build more within Voli, the longer it took to get there, the more the fear could ramp up and overwhelm Voli.

Something that Dreidi needed to avoid in order to confront whatever it was that was haunting Voli.

 

[Voli Cholrass]

"A world within worlds," Voli muttered while she entered the theater feeling dread with every step she took. She used to see the theater as her second home but why did Voli feel like the theater will be her tomb?

Hearing Dreidi encourage her to move faster, Voli began pick up her feet thought it felt like they were made out of hardened clay. The movie screen began to flicker and Voli's eyes rose up in fear as she saw her younger self on the movie screen. Voli was around six years old sitting in the corner of her room her knees to her chest and her faced puffy with tears.

"I killed her....." Voli whispered as her parents came into her room. "Now Voli," her Mom said. "What you did to Bana was just an accident."

"It wasn't an accident," Voli blustered. "I hurt Bana with my mind! I was angry because she wouldn't stop picking on me for being different!"

"You didn't use any psychic powers honey." Voli's Dad said. "You just punched in the face, everyone saw it even your teachers."

"I pushed her!" Voli cried. "And she hit the wall! I-I killed her with my thoughts Dad!"

"You did no such thing," Voli's Dad said. "You just have an active imagination have you've taking those pills that your therapist given you?"

Voli hugged herself tighter. "They make me feel funny," Voli said. "Like I don't feel myself after I take them."

"They're just trying to help you honey," the Mom said trying to approach Voli. "Trying to make you normal."

"YOU DON'T KNOW ME!" Voli yelled at her parents. "I DID IT I PUSHED HER! I USED THE FORCE!"

Voli's heart began to beat faster as she watched the movie theater. "I don't want to do this!" Voli cried out to Dreidi beginning to hyperventilate. "I can't do this! OUT I WANT OUT!" Dreidi dropped to her knees, placing her hands to her head, eyes welling up with tears. This was what being Jedi was like? Just reliving one's fear over and over again? She wanted to make sense of her powers not to relieve her personal hell.

Dreidi Xeraic

 

[Dreidi Xeraic]

Location: Coruscant, Jedi Temple
Attire: Jedi Outfit
Companion: Grisial
Equipment: Lightsaber, Nightsister bow
Tag: Voli Cholrass

As they entered the theatre room, Dreidi looked around the place and noticed the projection of a memory from Voli. One where she had demonstrated Force capabilities and accidentally harmed another child. It was something that was not uncommon with young Force Users, there were several Jedi who had done things like this. Though it seemed that this was something that was particularly rough for Voli since she had a very strong reaction to the memory. Falling to her knees and demanded to leave the dream state.

Dreidi lowered herself and looked at Voli, "I understand that you wish to leave and that memories like these are always going to be tough. Harming another person, unintentionally, it can be scary and it can feel like your powers are out of your control." Dreidi commented, while some liked to harm others and use their Force skills in dangerous manners, Dreidi did not think Voli wanted to cause harm like this. Otherwise she would not have come to the Jedi.

"I can take us out of this, but you came to the temple to conquer this. I want to help you do that and give you the strength to become a Jedi, ending this now won't stop you becoming one but you will still be haunted by all this until you confront it." Dreidi spoke in a soft tone, not patronising Voli but offering comfort, coming from a place of having baggage and having to deal with the nightmares that baggage brings.

 

[Voli Cholrass]

"NO, I DIDN'T COME TO THE JEDI JUST TO RELIVE THIS!" Voli looked at her younger self: Isolated, confused, afraid. For years, she thought embracing the darkness could bring her closer to an understanding. Yet the moment Voli saw herself on the screen, she realized that she was just trying to make herself feel better.

"I just want to control the Force! That's it!" Voli continued to babble her heart racing frantically to the point where it was becoming hard to breathe. "Not this.... Let me out! LET ME OUT!"

Voli was on her knees tears freely falling from her cheeks. Did Dredi truly understand her? Or was she just like her parents?

"You poor girl," A voice whispered in Voli's mind. "She doesn't understand what you're going through, I do."

Voli gulped looking around. "Hello?" She asked. "Who are you?"

"You know who I am," The voice replied. "We will talk very soon."

A pregnant pause as Voli remained on her knees. "Just let me out Dreidi," She said. "Please."

Dreidi Xeraic

 

[Dreidi Xeraic]

Location: Coruscant, Jedi Temple
Attire: Jedi Outfit
Companion: Grisial
Equipment: Lightsaber, Nightsister bow
Tag: Voli Cholrass

"Do not yell at me Voli, I am not forcing this upon you. I am just informing you the important of confronting these issues now." Dreidi stated in a calm tone, she did not raise her voice and she did not attempt to be intimidating. She was just patient and calm in the face of the screaming of the young teenager.

Breathing in deeply, "the Jedi do not seek control over the Force. It is not something that bends to our will, we seek balance in ourselves, to have acceptance of what we have done wrong and learning from those mistakes. You will be here to learn how to connect to the Force and how to use the powers it provides responsibly, but you are not being told how to control it Voli." It was the folly of the Sith that they believed themselves in control, they were never in control of the Force, usually surrendering to emotions and acting recklessly due to it.

Looking around with Voli when she heard the young girl call out to someone that was not present in the room, at least was not presenting them currently. "I said I would take you away from here if you wanted to but what I said about needing to confront them, to find balance around this, that does not go away Voli. No shouting, screaming and hating me will change that fact." Dreidi was firm, but she was sympathetic to the feelings that Voli held, it was scary to not be in control of yourself and to cause accidents with the Force due to that.

"If you truly wish to leave I will start the ritual to leave now." Dreidi began the necessary ritual while Voli had a few moments to decide if that was what she wanted. "And whoever is here to haunt you, they lurk in shadows and hide themselves, they are cowardly for these actions and only intend to harm you. No one who is good and kind hides in this manner." Dreidi informed Voli, to enforce the mindset that whatever was happening was not something a person who wanted to help would do.

 

[Voli Cholrass]

Voli was flooded with fear and dejection, what was Dreidi Xeraic trying to suggest? That she face whatever was gnawing at her? Voli thought that the Jedi were going to get rid of the conflict within her. To see her parents just act as if she were crazy again bought back memories that Voli fought hard to bury. "I did NOT want this!" Voli yelled. "I came to the Jedi understand my abilities! Not to relive this!"

"Voli sweetie," Voli's Mom's voice echoed throughout the theater. Voli turned to see the scene on the movie screen change. Voli was 15 and was in her room hugging her knees. "Oh no....." tears freely fell from Voli's eyes but she did not wipe them.

"I remember this....." Voli whispered to Dredi. "Damn it I remember this......"

"I did it again Mom," the 15-year-old Voli whispered to her Mom. "I'm so sorry! When I pushed the table and hit your hand, I didn't know what came over me! I was so angry!"

"Voli....." Her mother cooed. "We were only teasing your choice of hair the silvery strands made you look like an old woman."

"I like my hair....." Voli said. "It fits who I am."

"I know you do." Her Mom replied with the same fake empathy chit she always did. "But to lash out like that was out of line! You could've broken my hand when your bought cart of wine to me. You need to control yourself! Especially when it seems that you've been working out!"

"What the frack?!" Voli yelled. "I used the Force because I lost control! Don't you see that?!"

"I see a young woman who is having delusions and grandeur." Voli's Mom said. "You're starting to scare me!"

The current Voli screamed as loud as she could, the ground began to shake underneath her and Dredi's feet. The theater seats began to dislodge from their hinges and began floating around.

"GET ME OUT!" Voli shouted. "I can't do this! I'm sorry Dreidi!"

However, in the midst of Voli Force fueled rage, a creature emerged from the shadows limping towards Voli.

Dreidi Xeraic

 

[Dreidi Xeraic]

Location: Coruscant, Jedi Temple
Attire: Jedi Outfit
Companion: Grisial
Equipment: Lightsaber, Nightsister bow
Tag: Voli Cholrass

"You came and said you were having weird visions and dreams, to prevent them controlling you, you must confront them and show that you are not letting your fear, your suffering control your actions." Dreidi stated in a calm tone, she was not letting Voli screaming at her rile her up. The young girl was trying hide from events that happened in her life.

As the scenario played out, Dreidi did not know what to think, to have a person dismiss experiences and call you a liar was never something that Dreidi could think was good. However, these were memories from Voli's perspective, on what Voli believed happened and this could be a very bias interpretation. Dreidi was not sure how best to handle this, she was not a therapist, nor did she had the experiences to sympathise or empathise about the situation that Voli found herself in.

The Force Scream erupted from Voli, the scream disoriented Dreidi and she had to block out the noise and growled. Voli was leaping into Dark Side powers that could be lethal without thought or even attempting to control herself. There was a difference to suffering outbursts in the Force and actively using powers to throw tantrums like this. Noticing that there was something in the shadows that were attempting to crawl out into the light, Dreidi shook her head and waved her hand.

She was returning them to the waking world. Dreidi would not force Voli to remain and did not believe that she would benefit from staying here any longer. "You are struggling with a lot Voli. But most concerning is how easily you choose to rely on the Dark Side and use powers to cause harm, that scream was a decision." Her tone was firm and she was not impressed with the way Voli had been behaving within her own mind.

"If you seek to train as a Jedi, that can be provided but you are going to be confronted with a tough training regime, confronting your darkness and abandoning it. The past is a painful place and it can be easy to find yourself lingering on mistakes, pain and suffering that one has dealt with in their life. However, shackling yourself to the pain, to the suffering, you will find yourself hurting others, wanting to inflict pain onto others." Dreidi explained as she crossed her arms over her chest. "So, you must take time to seriously consider if you can do that. If you truly wish to become a Jedi, you must abandon the temptations of the Dark Side. You must be determined to control your emotions and dedicate yourself to helping others."