On conversations

[Maple Harte]

As you have probably realized, I put a lot of effort into my interactions, and my favorite dialogues are any where Laertia and Maple talk to The Amalgam

After The Amalgam psychologically wrecked both by revealing she was their former Master all along (My own take on the whole "I am your Father" moment in ESB), their dialogue is emotionally wrought at all times with her.

What I am curious about is how does one dialogue compare to the other? Is one more/less emotionally charged, and what do you notice about The Amalgam's approach to both in each conversation, and what do you notice in their reactions


Maple's conversation

Laertia's conversation


Feedback for anyone with the time would be greatly appreciated

 

[Jacen Nimdok]

Maple Harte

So, for Maple: I noticed the Amalgam seemed to speak in a slightly less leering tone with her compared to Laertia. It almost gave me the impression that the two had more respect for each other, although she also ignored physical boundaries far more than with Laertia, what with the petting progressing to a chokehold. With that, and her words ("You won't refuse. I won't let you.") it became apparent that this "respect" had more to do with the Amalgam's belief that she still held power over Maple. Which may or may not be true, I'm not as familiar with this character as I am with Syd and Laertia and don't know the exact nature of their relationship beyond her having been the favorite student. Maybe because Maple did fall to the Dark Side at one point, whereas Laertia has not been down that road quite yet?

With Laertia: The Amalgam seemed like she was aiming to disgust and taunt her as much as possible. With both of them, she played mind games, and there was that element of mockery in each one, but this conversation definitely came across as more emotional and visceral. They were a bit more frank with each other regarding their true feelings and intentions, but it also seemed that they didn't know each other as well. The Amalgam was maybe aware that she had less power over Laertia and was hampered by that, which may be why she went with the in-your-face approach from the outset, kind of like she was resorting to shock value to get a response out of her, however limited that might be.

In general: These were both very well written overall, I usually enjoy your dialogue and I actually remembered reading the Laertia conversation back when I was writing in that thread with Starlin, so it definitely stood out among your writing. My one criticism might be that in serious/dramatic moments of this caliber, the pop culture references do become distracting, although with Maple you can kind of excuse it since she's schizophrenic. I know the references are a big part of your writing style, so eh, do what you feel is right, I just found it personally took me out of the moment a little.