Oiling the cogs

[Kairon Rees]

Kairon almost missed the bar as he slammed the shot glass down. He watched it roll across the worn wood surface for a moment. It came to rest over the edge tethering on the edge of balance. He idly wondered if it was going to fall off and smash.
Jarrick's hand snapped out and placed it back in the middle of the bar on its base. That same hand came up to wave the bartender in their direction. It went from a beckoning gesture, to pointing at the bar before them, to giving a thumbs up.

“Right then,” the veteran said as he took up the next glass of beer. “Talking time. You've been talking in grunts all week.”

“We talked to that guy about smash ball,” Kairon drawled.

“Talking about what's bothering you,” Jarrick affirmed.

“Bah. Can't believe I'm going to be…”

“Oh come off it. We've been playing along but let's stop pretending that's the root issue here.”

Kairon simply sighed. He knew they knew why he was upset, but he didn't do well at expressing himself at the best of times. He didn't see why he needed to talk about this.

“Well I'll start then. To our surprise you managed to spend six months living with Mal and she didn't kick you out. In fact you two kind of seemed happy. Now you haven't seen her for two weeks and you're feeling like kriff. So…?”

“So?”

“So what are you going to do about it?”

“I don't know,” Kairon admitted. He picked up his glass and then put it down again. “I was happy on the Warden. It was good, we were good. I should go see her,” he said quietly.

“Of course you should you dopy fether. Her mother died. You. Have. A. Ship. So then what are you going to do?”

“I…”

“Well, are you going to be happy flying around the Galaxy separately seeing each other a night every few weeks?” Jarrick asked.

“No.”

“So are you giving her up?”

“No, no I'm not going to do that,” Kairon said, gaining confidence with each word. “I want to go back and be with her,” he said, nodding to himself.

“I'll take the Quin,” Jarrick said.

Kairon rounded on him suspiciously, he seemed to be sobering up at hyper speed. “You'll take the Quin?”

“Yeah, you love her too. You don't want to give her to anyone. Don't look at me like that, I've been thinking about it is all. Just took you time to catch up.”

“You mean you'll buy her?” Kairon asked with one eyebrow raised.

“And how much did you pay for her?” Jarrick asked. Suddenly he could see Kairon finding familiar territory.

“What if I own the ship and you rent her?” Kairon countered.

“What if I buy her with a portion of my business?” Jarrick responded. The drinks were sat on the bar untouched now, the pair turned to face each other.

Kairon screwed up his face for a moment. “I need to do this sober. And we need to get to Balmorra. Tell Sciati the job is off. What about Mai and Asmus?”

“Oh you're begging Mal to take them with you. I'm hiring a crew of proper professionals, not misfits,” Jarrick said with a broad grin, turning back towards his ale.

“I'm not going to miss you,” Kairon said with a smile over the top of his pint. “We're still drinking till I can't stand right?”

“That's the plan and I'm sticking to it,” Jarrick said. A moment later and an empty shot glass slammed down onto the bar.

 

[Kairon Rees]

[member="Malia Afredane"]

Kairon put his head round the corner of the opening to the cockpit. “Have we got a stable connection to a beacon?” he asked.

Asmus kept his head on the console and casually waved towards his Uncle. The boy still made jokes at Kairon’s expense when he felt he could get away with it, but since his time on the Warden he had been far more disciplined when it came to the daily routine.

“Yeah we’ve got a good link,” he replied.

“Cheers,” Kairon responded and headed for his bunk. He walked with the datapad in his hands and loaded up his video comm application. Even though their last few conversations were terse and thinking back to her voice breaking as she spoke of her mother’s death made his knuckles go white he was almost smiling. It had been weeks since he’d seen her in person and right now their ship was on course for Balmorra.

When he was settled into his bunk, with his door shut, he made the call.

“Hi Mal,” he said, with just a hint of a smile. It was a tentative greeting, but their last chat had been so very brief.

 

[Malia Afredane]

There was a weight that always seemed to lift whenever she spoke to Kairon but ever since she had been on Balmorra, things had been strained, as if Mal wasn't quite sure who or what she was if she was now. She was exploring it, figuring it out and feeling as if she had lost her anchor.

Her holoprojector brought him to focus in front of her and there was a faint smile on her face. She looked tired and worn out and older than the last time they had seen each other. But losing a parent does that to you.

"Hey Kai. How's the Quin holding up? Everything back to normal on your end?"

She needed something to be normal, it sure as hell wasn't her life right now.

[member="Kairon Rees"]

 

[Kairon Rees]

[member="Malia Afredane"]

"Hey you," he added unnecessarily in a quiet, affectionate tone. "Yeah we're all alright. Boy's doing good with his astrogation exams. Keeps trying to get me to check his work just to prove a point. Should have sent it over to you to catch the little bugger out. He knows I didn't go to school! He's kept his head down though, he responded well to you as Captain," he said, returning to a conversational pitch. It felt good to talk again, it felt better to know he was going to see her again soon.

"We've done a few good runs recently, nice big margin for once. But of a cold war going on so patrols have been a bit easier to run.

"So I, erm, called because I'd like to head over to see you. We're going to be past Balmorra soon - very soon - and Jarrick's can take the ship on for a run from there. Would you like that?"

 

[Malia Afredane]

Yes and no. She had wanted to bring Kairon here eventually, meet the gang, meet mum, see where she had grown up among the smugglers and flyboys but there was nothing left of the place she used to know. Damage lined streets, buildings and lives shattered. She wanted to show him where she came from but she wasn't sure it existed anymore. On the other hand, she needed him. She needed his silent embrace, the way he just held her. The way he would grumble about the crappy shows she would watch but he would be just as wrapped up in them. Rusty being there was a start. It made her feel like she could get through this. Maybe her rock was right about this. She needed to let herself be vulnerable. And well, after the run in with the TU, Kairon had seen her at just about her worst.

It had been quite a few months now that they had been seeing each other. She loved him, she was certain of it. She needed him there, she wanted him there and yet she had the hardest time admitting to him, let alone herself.

She teared up, nodding her head at him as she answered quietly.

"Yes, I would. I miss you." She fought back for a moment of composure. "Everything is so damn hard right now. I could use a hand."

[member="Kairon Rees"]

 

[Jacen Voidstalker]

.

 

[Kairon Rees]

[member="Malia Afredane"]

Kairon bit his lower lip for a fraction of a second. He broke his gaze away from hers for a moment, looking to the floor and nodding to himself. “I’m sorry,” he said as he looked back up. “I should have come right away.” There was a pause as several emotions swirled through his head, scattering the rest of the words he’d started to form. He decided to stick with the mundane instead.

“But we won’t be long now we’re just a few hours from turning off the Corellian Run so…” he said, turning to look at a chrono. “Oh. Small hours of the morning, your time. What time shall I head to you? Get there for breakfast?” As pleased as she might be to see him, no one liked being yanked out of bed at two in the morning.

 

[Malia Afredane]

"Don't beat yourself up. If you had, I probably would have made you leave."

She chuckled, trying to convince herself that it was a joke, but knowing that there was a pearl of truth beneath it was uncomfortable. She might have said some terrible things and pushed him away but she had just about hit the bottom now. She needed to let herself off the hook to mourn Izzy in the way she needed to.

"I'll be up. I'll meet you at the spaceport, just call me when you hit orbit."

________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Grief sits on your shoulders and rides around, darkening every moment until you get to the point where you start to see normalcy through the haze of change. She looked like Mal, but her shoulders slumped. She was freshly showered and dressed in clean clothes, the scent of mint toothpaste and laundry detergent on the breeze barely covering the whiff of alcohol on her breath. Rusty had been forcing water in her for a few hours and now she was almost the recognizable captain of Gracie and the Warden.

She smiled when he came down the ramp of the Quin, and she stepped forward with uncertainty, unsure of how to act or how to be, and still worried he would see her in a completely chaotic emotional state and run for the hills. Force knows she would have if she had seen her. Rusty's pep talk was helping her though. One step at a time. One foot in front of the other.

"Hey,Kai."

Her arms found him just as easily as they always had and surrounded by the feeling of safety and comfort, she broke down again and cried into his shoulder.

[member="Kairon Rees"]

 

[Kairon Rees]

[member="Malia Afredane"]

His duffle bag fell to the ground with a dull thud. His arms wrapped all the way around her, pulling her in. One hand gently ran from the top of her head down the back of her neck, conveying his affection in a way he would struggle to with words. He buried his face in her hair. Regardless of anything she'd drunk, washed in or worn, he drew in a scent that was intrinsically her. The emotions it evoked churned up with all the others that grew with every wracking sob of her body against him.

Kairon hadn't even realised he'd been holding his breath until he felt a wave of dizziness. He let out a long sigh before squeezing her tightly against him and kissed the top of her head. Loosening his hold, he felt a flash of anger at himself for not coming sooner. He'd seen some of the devastation as they'd come in low over the city to the port. Gouges through the streets as if something had drawn great claws across its surface.

“Found you,” he whispered under his breath. Kairon had known where she'd been all along, but that wasn't the point. There were so many things he wanted to say, but they'd scattered to the wind. He simply held her until she decided she wanted to let go.

 

[Malia Afredane]

It was several minutes before she had collected herself enough to pull back from him, tissues produced from her pocket covered her nose and mouth, and she looked up at him with a water logged gaze. She looked terrible. Maybe not torture by the TU bad, but broken underneath the tears. She had been treading water, pretending that she was getting over the immense change that Izzy's death had made in her life when in truth, she had merely turned her back on it and ignored that it existed.

She let him wrap an arm around her, and with his duffle in hand, she walked him through the rubble, down streets where she had been a kid, through a square where she had been happy at one point, a graduate with a beaming mother. She walked him past the Lazy Riveter, the sign torn off the building and leaning against the facade, a hollow look in her eyes as she told him that Izzy had bought the place when Mal was a baby and promised to never change the name.

The apartment Izzy had lived in was a couple blocks away, although in an area that had been spared the worst. There was power and water and when Mal had opened the door, it was a functional and very cozy space. The far wall was covered in framed pictures, diplomas and awards belonging to Mal. She leaned on the corner of the wall, her arms folded across her chest, her eyes locked on a center photo of Mal and her mother, embracing behind a bar, all smiles and joy.

"She told me all the time how proud she was of me."

Mal pulled her eyes away from the pictures for a moment to look over at him.

"She hated Rusty at first. Said he kept me from settling down. But he saved her ass from the fire a couple times and next thing I knew, she told me she loved that bucket of circuits." She chuckled. "She would have liked you. She said she hadn't seen me smile so much in years and when was I going to bring you by."

[member="Kairon Rees"]

 

[Kairon Rees]

[member="Malia Afredane"]
Kairon's chest heaved as he sucked in more air than he needed. “Of course she was proud of you. I wish I could have met her,” he said quietly. He'd always wanted to meet Izzy. There were so few constants in Mal's life. From what he'd heard he had no interest in meeting her father unless it was to watch Mal knock him cold again. What he did do, was make a mental note to tell Mal just how great so was more often. He'd seen so many times how self deprecating she could be, if her mother had held her in such high esteem and she was still so hard on herself…

She looked draw out. As if she'd been stretched to the point of almost becoming transparent. “I'll be staying a good while,” he added. He didn't say ‘as long as you need’ as that would have given her opportunity to decide that might be soon.

Kairon walked along the wall, looking at all the decorations. He paused at the pictures of Mal and her mother together. He saw a familiar shape out of the window. “There she goes,” he said under his breath, turning to face Mal once more.

Fetch, but he really should have just come straight away. He wracked his brain, trying to decide if he had been a coward. He'd run away from responsibility before. He'd stolen a ship and made tracks just to avoid facing up to the gulf that had opened between himself and his family. Zeltros had highlighted the stark difference between them when she had turned and ran towards the fight. She was better than him and he knew it. But no, he finally decided. He hadn't been running, that was just his guilty conscious playing tricks on him. He'd just been confused and trying to get his crew back on track. Kairon had been lost without her.

“It's early, do you want to get back to sleep or shall I make you some breakfast?” he asked.

This couldn't be good for her, staying here all alone. The ghostly visage of everything she had once seen in a different, happy, light staring down at her all the time. Perhaps he could take her out of town for a bit. Or perhaps he should just see what she wanted to do, even if that was curl up for another few days.

 

[Malia Afredane]

"Sleep would be best, I think. I'm not used to sleeping alone yet."

There was a half smile on her face but it was true. She had gotten used to having him right next to her, the warmth of his skin on hers, even the scratch of his beard as he kissed her good morning. She needed something that did not remind her of the loss here on Balmorra. She needed a taste of life on the Warden again. The duffle was left on the floor and they retired to her room, the door to her mother's room shut as though Mal wasn't ready to face down that ghost just yet.

A few hours of sleep did her a world of good and she woke up to the scent of caf brewing in the kitchen and an empty bed. Kairon was cooking something and for once, she felt a grumble in her stomach for food. She realized rather dimly that she had not eaten much in the last couple weeks, and now maybe this was the sign of a corner turned at least for the moment.

She plodded out of the bedroom in pajamas, her hair a mess, but the color in her face looking a little better. She poured herself some caf and reached up to plant a kiss on his cheek as he stood in front of the stove.

"Morning."

[member="Kairon Rees"]

 

[Kairon Rees]

[member="Malia Afredane"]

"Good morning," he said, leaning towards her for the kiss, but keeping his eyes on the hot oil. "Sorry I got up quickly. I'll need to get used to local time."

He hadn't even slept that much, maybe half of the last few hours at most. For a time he had simply watched her sleep, seen her scrunch up her face in unhappy little expressions. After a time of simply running his hand through her hair and pulling her tight to him some of that tension seemed to have melted away and he'd finally dozed beside her for a while.

Fried tomatoes, sausages and eggs were plated up and Kairon poured himself a second cup of caf. "I'll have to try and stay up til the evening," he said with a sigh. "Did you have any plans today?" he asked as he sat down opposite her. Before eating he reached across and gave her hand a quick squeeze.

 

[Malia Afredane]

"I don't know. I kinda want to get away from here for a bit. I'm tired of seeing war and smelling death everywhere."

She pushed the tomatoes on her fork with a piece of toast, and mopped the rest of the yolks with the other piece. She caught herself staring at him, worry etched so deeply on his face that she forgot the immense weight of loneliness for a moment. She remembered it quickly enough. She had him for now, she would let him go again soon, but for the foreseeable few days, she had Kai and Rusty and some part of her knew she would eventually be alright.

She wasn't sure how hungry she would be until she realized she cleaned her plate and still felt hungry. Maybe it had been too long that she hadn't been taking care of herself. She grabbed another sausage and sat back in the chair, one foot propped up on it. She held her caf in one hand, the sausage balancing on her fork as she idly pondered things that she and Rusty had discussed. She had been foolish and let her demons and the whiskey talk to her for far too long. No more.

"I've been shutting myself away for 2 weeks, trying to pretend I'm fine and that I can handle this, but I can't. But I don't know how to ask for help. Too stubborn or too stupid. Maybe a little of both. What I'm trying to say is I'm glad you're here. I miss you."

[member="Kairon Rees"]

 

[Kairon Rees]

Kairon put down his mug as she spoke, looking off to one side thoughtfully for a moment. “We could see if we could take a racing skiff down Gorinth Canyon, blow some cobwebs off,” he suggested. It was the best he could think of. He didn’t know Balmorra well and it was a long way from a tourist world. She’d scoffed her food at a frenetic pace and he wondered whether she’d been eating properly.

He walked around the table to come behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist and placing his chin on her shoulder. “Oh Mal. I’ve missed you too, awful bad. I’m in no place to tell anyone off for being stubborn. But I’m here now, I’m not going anywhere.” As the fork came up he playfully pretended to snap at it. Through all the heartache of seeing Mal like this and knowing that he should have been here for her, some hollow gap he’d felt deep in his gut seemed to grow smaller.

[member="Malia Afredane"]

 

[Malia Afredane]

"Gorinth saw heavy fighting and casualties. You don't want to go there right now. I don't either for that matter."

She polished off the sausage and kissed his cheek quickly before she grabbed her dishes and headed to the kitchen. It felt good to hear him tell her he missed her as much as she had been missing him. She didn't want to think about losing him again so quickly but she felt compelled to ask.

"The Warden blew a line, so she's in dock for another day or two. When do you have to get back to the Quin?"

She reached for the caf, pouring herself a fresh cup before she looked over with a curious look.

[member="Kairon Rees"]

 

[Kairon Rees]

[member="Malia Afredane"]
“I'm sorry, I hadn't realised that,” he said, with an apologetic twist if his lips. As she left he leant across the back of the chair she'd been occupying and watched her walk away. Though everything was difficult here, he allowed himself a small contented sigh. He was back with her.

“When? Oh,” he said, brow furrowing. He hadn't expected to have to talk this through so soon. He'd thought through a few different ways the conversation might go, as he always did before there was something important to discuss.

“I don't,” looking up to meet her gaze and shaking his head. "I'd like to come back and fly with you again."

 

[Malia Afredane]

"Well, what about the Quin? And Asmus and Mai and Jarrick?"

She looked concerned, her brows furrowing as she reached out to set the caf on the counter. She wasn't going to lie, the idea that he would be with her again set her heart beating faster, but she knew exactly how much he loved the Quin, how much he had missed the command while she was drydocked and how he secretly enjoyed the times he was in charge on the bridge when she was off duty, even if he never would have said anything to her.

The Quin was his freedom from his family's expectations. It was his home.

She crossed back over to him, taking his face in her hands, the scruff of his beard on her palms making her smile.

"You don't have to do this for me, you know."

[member="Kairon Rees"]

 

[Kairon Rees]

[member="Malia Afredane"]

"I know," he said, mirroring her smile. His hands slipped around her waist to find the small of her back. A genuine smile graced her features and her hazel eyes seemed to come alight. Kairon lost himself in them for a time, losing his words.

He cocked his head to one side and pursed his lips "You might have to take the cat and the boy on," he apologised. "The current train of thought is that Jarrick gets the Quin but I own most of his business. 'Less you want a third ship in the Empire," he said. Then he pulled her slightly closer, his face just a few inches from hers.

"This is for us. I do love the Quin. I love you more."

 

[Malia Afredane]

Tears threatened to run down her cheeks again but she managed to keep them in check as she inhaled sharply at his confession.

"I love you too."

She closed the gap between them, her lips finding his while her arms snaked around his neck to draw him closer to her. She could never have imagined a year ago that this was the direction her life would take her in nor that a simple drink in a cantina on Nar Shaddaa would lead her to falling in love with a fellow captain. The odds were just too great. At least they had always seemed that way to her.

When she had pulled away from him again, to catch her breath and look up into his blue eyes, there was a quirky grin tugging one side of her mouth.

"I suppose I'll take Mai and Asmus. You know, since it's a package deal. And what's this empire talk? I've got enough trouble keeping two ships running."

[member="Kairon Rees"]