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Obcisorians

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Kay-Larr

Sphaera Tea Company Owner
Images:

[image]https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/b3/0d/f5/b30df5a2feec056a9822d0abd09d26c5.jpg[/image]

Credit: Jerad Marantz https://www.artstation.com/artist/jsmarantz



Name: Obcisorians

Designation: Sentient

Homeworld: Kamino. Though thousands of years ago they all moved to the moon of Yavin XIII

Language: Obcisor, Basic

Average height of adults: 2.1-2.2 meters (Same for both sexes)

Skin color: Various shades of grey, growing paler as he/she ages

Hair color: Males are bald, females have long, thick strands of black hair that is braided or tied back.

Breathes: Type 1

Strengths:

+Highly Intelligent: Technologically advanced, Obcisorians have learned to adapt, modify and create what they need to survive in the harsh environment on desert moon of Yavin XIII, including but not limited to; genetic modification, various technologies to collect moisture and keep their underground caves in relatively high humidity.

+Stealth: Their wiry frames and and grey skin helps them to hide in dense fog, as well as in darkness. Even their armour and clothing are dark to match. Different colours do not exist in their spectrum. They can remain standing perfectly still for hours, fooling their unsuspecting prey or enemies until it is too late.

+Sensitive Skin: As a blind creature might use echo location, the high pressure and density of the atmosphere that they have created within their network of caves and ships work really well for their sensitive skin. They detect movement through the wakes of air currents, almost in the way that a Force User can detect what's in their environment through ripples in the Force. They can also detect fluctuations in temperature.

+Multi-task: Some members of the Obcisorian race in the past have genetically modified their family lines into having additional limbs to increase their productivity levels in the labs, as well as make more savage soldiers.

Weaknesses:

+/-Self Molecule-Structure Manipulation: Some Obcisorians soldiers have been genetically modified to manipulate their molecular structure when in lower pressure environments such as the Life Zone on Bespin, enabling them to spread the spaces in between their molecules, which allows them to change from a solid form to a patch of fog and back again, much like the native Neo-Bespinians. Due to the extreme level of energy needed to produce such a transformation, Obscisorians are only able to perform it three times in their lifetime, as each transformation increases their body's age by twenty standard years. Typically those Obcisorians with that rare ability only use it once they are already past their prime and on a suicide mission. When in the fog form, they cannot go through walls or structures. While in fog form they are vulnerable to strong gusts if wind, so this ability is more commonly used indoors. (Source for similar ability: http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Neo-Bespinian )

-Forced Hibernation: Living in a high pressure environment within the caves causes them to use a lot of energy. For three months of any given year, their bodies need to hibernate, followed by a feeding frenzy in order to replenish what was used.

-Sensitive to Cold: Obcisorians cannot survive in cold climates. It freezes their blood and shuts down their organs. To maintain their body temperature in cold climates, they wear insulated body suits. So far they have not yet created enough insulation to allow them to survive in freezing temperatures. They feel no need to do so.

-Superiority Complex: Obcisorians view themselves as being far superior than any other race. Each family seeks to rise above the others through scientific achievements and through the protection of their labs from intruders.

-Competitive: Life is but a competition. Obcisorians will kill anyone that they believe will get in their way of rising in their ranks, including members of their own family. It has led to feuds amongst them that have lasted for centuries.

-Vulnerable to Sudden Changes in Air Pressure: Just as our own bodies need time to adjust to the difference in air/water pressures, so to do the Obcisorians. Their bodysuits help them with that by releasing, maintaining or increasing pressure within at a moderate rate. As such, if an opponent penetrated the suit, or if it didn't work properly, and the Obcisorian's body had not had the proper time to adjust, their organs would rupture and they would die.

Distinctions: Tall, grey, thin with elongated limbs and necks, much like their distant cousins from Kamino. However Obcisorians are more warlike and aggressive in everything that they do. Some have additional limbs. Each hand consists of five clawed digits, three up top and two below, giving them superior gripping and climbing ability. Females are distinguished by their long black hair, while the males are bald. Their clothing is fashioned by the skins of their prey and their enemies while their armour is constructed by the minerals found within their cave network.

Average Lifespan: Capable of living past 100 standard years. However, the average lifespan is 60 standard years, with soldiers usually dying before they reach the age of 30.

Races: Each family line (consisting of thousands), has their own distinct genetic modification to tell them apart, including but not limited to additional limbs, horns and molecular manipulation. There is no cross breeding between families.

Estimated Population: Less than one million. With no desire to spread entirely across the Galaxy as of yet, Obcisorians currently can only be found within their cave network of Yavin XIII. However one family line has decided to explore the Outer Rim for resources. Their internal wars and feuds maintain their population control.

Diet: Gerbs and Sliths, any source of meat that finds it's way to their caves. When food supplies were low or when a war was won, it is highly common for them to devour their enemies in celebratory feasts. They do not eat plant life.

Communication: Speech, body language.

Culture: Much like Mandalorians and other warlike species, Obcisorians have developed a military and pack-like structure. There is an Alpha Male and Alpha Female, with other ranks leading up to them within their social ladder. Even the scientists among them carry a similar culture in their labs. All breeding is incestual, however their families have thousands of members, diversifying their gene pool to a degree. Cross breeding between families is highly rare and forbidden. Each family seeks to out due themselves in technology and war superiority. Every Obcisorian learns how to fight from a young age, both in hand to hand as well as with a variety of blades and sharp projectiles.

Technology level: Highly intelligent. Obcisorian scientists can manipulate their genetic make up, as well as advance their technologies to enable them to survive in most environments. They have their own interstellar transport vessels, but have no desire to spread across the Galaxy as of yet.

General behaviour: One could call them savage due to their violent and cannibalistic nature, but they are highly intelligent. Their affinity to war has given them strategic minds and expert fighting abilities. Secrecy of their existence is another aspect that Obcisorians love about themselves. It gives their prey far less of a chance of survival if they don't know what is hunting them.

History: Thousands of years ago, Obcisorians left the aquatic world of Kamino and settled underground of Yavin XIII, due to the desire to finding their own world to conquer and thrive. The high pressure under the surface of Yavin XIII was not unlike the pressure underwater on Kamino. Through genetic modifications both natural and non, they were able to adapt to their new home, and live virtually undetected. Only when they want to be seen are they ever discovered, however most of the time they are in armoured bodysuits, giving their already horrific bodies an even more monster-ish appearance. Tales of their rare appearances have been known to induce nightmares in children.

Notable Player-Characters: None as of yet, but there is some interest upon approval.

Intent: Planning on introducing these guys in this thread: http://starwarsrp.net/topic/87391-in-the-bowels-of-bespin/page-1as the big bad guys preventing mining on the surface of Bespin. For the moment I will be NPCing them, but I have some players interested in creating characters of this species if approved.

This is my first time creating such a species. So any suggestions for improvement would be great :)
 
[member="Lady Kay"]

So, after reading this over and doing some research, I have several things that need addressed in this sub. They are as follows:

  • Lady Kay said:
    Homeworld: Komino. Though thousands of years ago they all moved to Bespin (On the surface, as opposed to above the clouds)
    I think you mean Kamino here, and this includes the biggest problem I have with the submission, but I'll address that further down.

  • Lady Kay said:
    Breathes: Oxygen (Type 1) with some genetically modified to breathe Tibanna gas (Not sure what type that would be...3 or 4?)
    The gases at the center of a gas giant are typically metals that have been turned into gases from the extreme pressure and heat and hydrogen. To breathe this would require Type III or IV right off the bat.
  • I'm going to address my major point here now, as it involves just about everything else related to the submission. While there is a metallic core at the center of Bespin, there is no possible way life could survive down there. You are equating the pressures one would feel at the bottom of the ocean to the center of a gas giant planet. To give you some numbers, the pressure at the bottom of the Mariana Trench in real life is about 1,086 bars (15,750 psi). The pressure at the center of Jupiter, which is only a few thousands kilometers wider in diameter than Bespin, is at least 30,000,000 bars (435,113,213 psi). This is not mentioning the temperatures at play down there. For example, the surface of the Sun is about 6000 Kelvin (surface temperature of the Sun, the center is somewhere around 15,000,000 Kelvin) while the center of Jupiter is about 36,000 Kelvin. There is no way any life can even attempt to reach the center of a gas giant, let alone live there, especially a species that evolved on a terrestial world. No matter how much genetic tampering they do to each other, they would not survive. So, before I go any further in this review, I want you to consider those first and foremost.
  • My suggestion would be to rework this species to be on some other planet or live on one of the moons of Bespin, but if your heart is set on these guys being at the center of the planet, a lot of work would need to be done for them.
 

Kay-Larr

Sphaera Tea Company Owner
[member="Taeli Raaf"]

Okay, thanks. I saw on wookiepedia that there is swampland at the surface, so I assumed that other life could be there too. Unless the swamps are floating?

As I said, this is my first, so I figured there would be a lot wrong with it even though I tried covering all the basics. My brain turned to mush....lol

I'll look for somewhere else for them to be and get back to you on it :)
 
[member="Lady Kay"]

The "surface" of Bespin is actually an artificial swamp colony made by the Ugnaughts that is located a kilometer beneath Cloud City, just so you know :) let me know where you decide to put these guys and we will continue from there
 

Kay-Larr

Sphaera Tea Company Owner
[member="Taeli Raaf"]

Oooo...gotcha ;) Would it be possible to put these guys a bit further down? Or would it be better to just find a different planet? Both would work. It's just that one requires more hunting...lol
 

Kay-Larr

Sphaera Tea Company Owner
[member="Taeli Raaf"]

How about Yavin XIII ? http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Yavin_13 Though it's a moon and not a planet. I can see these guys living underground and given that the only affiliation to that moon is to the Vong, it could mean that there was not a lot of visitors, so they could hide pretty easily.
 
[member="Lady Kay"]

Alright so a few other things that pop out at me:

  • Lady Kay said:
    +Stealth: Their wiry frames and and grey skin helps them to hide in dense fog, as well as in darkness. Even their armour and clothing are dark to match. Different colours do not exist in their spectrum. They can remain standing perfectly still for hours, fooling their unsuspecting prey or enemies until it is too late.
    Not going to be a lot of fog on a desert moon. Might want to change how their stealth works in this case.

  • Lady Kay said:
    +/-Self Molecule-Structure Manipulation: Some Obcisorians soldiers have been genetically modified to manipulate their molecular structure when in lower pressure environments such as the Life Zone on Bespin, enabling them to spread the spaces in between their molecules, which allows them to change from a solid form to a patch of fog and back again, much like the native Neo-Bespinians. Due to the extreme level of energy needed to produce such a transformation, Obscisorians are only able to perform it three times in their lifetime, as each transformation increases their body's age by twenty standard years. Typically those Obcisorians with that rare ability only use it once they are already past their prime and on a suicide mission. When in the fog form, they cannot go through walls or structures. While in fog form they are vulnerable to strong gusts if wind, so this ability is more commonly used indoors. (Source for similar ability: http://starwars.wiki...i/Neo-Bespinian)
    As much as you place this in the weaknesses, this would really be a strength and I am very wary of allowing it, even at only three times. Can you explain to me why you want this ability for this species and what role it might play in a RP scenario?

  • Lady Kay said:
    Their bodysuits help them with that by releasing, maintaining or increasing pressure within at a moderate rate. As such, if an opponent penetrated the suit, or if it didn't work properly, and the Obcisorian's body had not had the proper time to adjust, their organs would rupture and they would die
    Are these the same bodysuits they wear to combat the cold? If so, this seems rather odd. Also, you have one of their strengths be they have sensitive skin that can detect movement of air currents and such, but how would they be able to sue this ability if they are constantly wearing suits?
  • I would like to see a little bit more added to culture and general behavior please
  • And finally history. So I need a mention of how they dealt with the Yuuzhan Vong invading the moon during the Yuuzhan Vong War if they've been there for thousands of years. And I also need some general expansion of their history in general, including mentions of how they dealt with the Gulag Virus and the Netherworld event.
 

Kay-Larr

Sphaera Tea Company Owner
Wow that's a bunch to go through. At work at the moment, so it'll take some time. I don't think that I was around for the Netherworld or Gulag Virus events, so I can't say what may or may not have happened. First that I've even heard of a Gulag Virus. The only event that I was around for was the Mirrorverse one. Is there a cliff notes version of these events?

[member="Taeli Raaf"]
 

Kay-Larr

Sphaera Tea Company Owner
[member="Taeli Raaf"]

I'm just going to nix this. It's just giving me too much of a headache to rewrite it all. Took me hours just to get that far. Some people are awesome at making subs for a variety of things and lots of characters too, while I can only focus on the one. I just don't have the right kind of mind set for what's required.

Thanks anyways, though.
 
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