Bad Kitty

V O S S
The City of Voss-Ka
There was a disturbance in the Force.
Have you felt it?
Millions of voices, crying out in terror, at the announcement that [member="Varus Shatterstar"] would be arriving on the next transport. And, as per the norm, the Silver Jedi had sent their greatest Jedi Guardian to serve as the front line of what was certain to be the end of the world.
...all right, so Zak had detention.
Yes. Again.
What part of child abuse and obvious species-ist discrimination on the part of the teachers were you people not getting? Six hundred posts later and the boy's still got detention? I would hope that someone in the Youngling Protective Services division was paying close attention to this!
...just not too close. The Antarian Rangers still hadn't figured out who'd put the cherry detonator down the refresher in the Master's Grotto, where Zak most certainly wasn't supposed to be. But, that was days ago. No need to go digging through the past, right?
Plus, the flowers in the grotto never looked better! That burst water pipe really helped with the irrigation. And how was he supposed to know it'd go into one of the main water supplies and shut down all the showers in the girl's dorms? It had only been for one day. Girls didn't need to shower all the time anyway. Besides, with all that junk they put on themselves, they usually just smelled like a fruit bowl regardless...
Anyway, as punishment Zak was once again dispatched to meet and greet a new Jedi to Voss. The Nautolan was doing this so often, the Voss at the Tourism Welcome Center thought he was on the payroll. Adjusting the utility belt he wore over the aquatic tunic, the child reached a hand back to adjust where the slingshot was holstered at the small of his back.
Should he have had a lightsaber?
For Varus Shatterstar? He ought to have a STAR DESTROYER!
...besides, the insurance adjusters had convinced the Silver Council they could cut their premiums in half if they didn't let Zak carry a lightsaber in public.
But, that was all right. He was a Jedi. He knew how to handle Varus Shatterstar. A slingshot. Fist full of bottle caps for ammunition. Some bubble gum. A cherry detonator. And a juice box tucked into one pouch, in case he got thirsty later.
It was Sith Lightning Citrus flavored!
Standing his ground on the star port, the Nautolan Jedi stood his ground and awaited the coming storm. This would be a day that would live in infamy...
Welcome to the Varus Shatterstar invasion of Voss. This invasion will last until such time as [member="Varus Shatterstar"] drives each of us to fall to the Dark Side and join the Sith, at which point the SSC will revert to a minor faction that will simply be known as the Shatterstar Ultimatum.
Objectives
1. [ PvP ] Prevent [member="Varus Shatterstar"] from hitting on [member="Valae Kitra"], [member="Anna Song"], or any of our other eligible bachelorettes. Bonus points for this objective may be awarded if Varus Shatterstar takes a measured hit from [member="Basaba Willamina"]'s Stick of +5 Clubbing.
2. [ PvE ] Prevent [member="Varus Shatterstar"] from hitting on that NPC chick from that thread from 6 months ago. You, know, the cute red-skinned Voss girl that winked at [member="Gorto Lutt"] one time in a thread no one really recalls. ...okay so that's not a lot to go on. Recurring character does not equal plot armor!
3. [ Fleeters ] Immediately blockade the planet to prevent [member="Varus Shatterstar"] from spreading to other worlds of the Coalition.
4. [ Antarian Rangers ] Do we even still have these? Paging [member="Willa Isard"]...
5. [ BYOO ] Flee the city. Defect to the One Sith. Save yourselves!