Not For the Faint of Heart

[Celeste Rigel]

​

Silver Rest
Shortly after H'rrath​

​

Things were rather somber back at Silver Rest in the days following their visit to H'rrath. What was supposed to be a quiet temple tour had turned into an all-out battle. Though the Jedi were skilled, they had not escaped casualties – much to Celeste Rigel's dismay. And, they had needed to bring some of their own home to rest... for the last time. These things happened, she tried to tell herself. But, it wasn't quite enough.

With dusk falling, and the last great pyres put to ash, Celeste hung her head low. It was never easy to say goodbye, this she knew well. And, as she turned to make her way back into the temple, she spotted a lone silhouette. Was that...

“Auteme?”

She said the name quietly, unsure if the young woman had heard. Seeing her, Celeste had a deep pang of guilt. The padawan had accompanied her to the temple, to read and to learn. But, the lessons she'd found were all too real, too dangerous. It had troubled her, having to leave the young woman to fend for herself back at the temple. She should have been there, she should have done more to protect her and shield her from the horrors of battle. Mother bears were ferocious when it came to their young, and the “Den Mother” of Silver rest was no different. The Jedi Healer had an affinity for all the learners that called Kashyyyk home. But, when she laid eyes on Auteme... she could help but feel that she'd failed in her duty.

“How are you holding up?” Celeste asked gently, approaching.

[member="Auteme Denko-Durren"]

 

[Auteme]

How was she holding up? Auteme didn't know where to start.

When she'd come to the Jedi she'd heard all the stories. Robed heroes of light, traveling the galaxy to help those in need and protect the weak. She admired them, and for time in her naive view she thought most others in the galaxy did as well. They were good guys, right? Didn't everyone see them that way?

Apparently not. H'ratth had been terrifying. While she'd managed to survive and handle herself, that day had taken a toll on the Jedi. She didn't know the ones they'd burned today, she didn't know the ones they'd taken. What she did know was that there were so many things wrong -- it was wrong for someone like her to be caught in a battle; wrong that she'd thought that the Mandalorians were different; wrong for such things to even take place in this galaxy.

There was supposed to be good somewhere. Now Auteme could only think about the bad.

"Hi," she muttered softly to the approaching master. It wasn't Celeste's fault that Auteme had been there; no one could have known of the coming attack. It didn't make her feel any better, though. "I'm fine. I got out fine." She chose to take the question literally -- part of her was surprised she'd emerged uninjured from the raid. Auteme just didn't want to have to face it, even though she knew she needed to. Maybe the healer could help.

[member="Celeste Rigel"]

 

[Celeste Rigel]

Celeste, ever the mother figure, watched Auteme as she spoke. Yes, the young woman had escaped unscathed, on the surface. But, the healer had seen this many times in her patients. Though their outward appearance spoke very little as to how they were truly feeling, the force told her of the girl's troubles. Moving to Auteme's side, Celeste let her own presence begin to radiate calmly – and expanding to brush against the padawan.

“It was quite... a harrowing experience,” Celeste said gently. “I am still working through it myself.”

It was true. One did not simply become accustomed to situations like this. Celeste did not wish to pry, nor did she wish to make the padawan uncomfortable by pointing out the fact that she seemed uneasy. Instead, she offered Auteme a small, encouraging smile. As night fell around them, the darkened skies of Kashyyyk did look quite lovely. But, Celeste thought that it might be a good time to seek shelter within the Rest. Slowly, she extended a hand a let it fall onto Auteme's shoulder.

“Would you like to join me for a cup of tea?”

Tea, in her opinion, was quite a soothing, comforting brew -- there was nothing better on a night like this.

[member="Auteme Denko-Durren"]

 

[Auteme]

Oddly enough, the knowledge that Celeste was equally shaken by the recent events comforted Auteme. She wasn't alone in feeling how wrong it had been. The teenager felt a little better with the master's presence; it might've been her radiating calm or the subsiding feeling of loneliness. Still she sat curled up on the steps of the temple, wondering how Celeste managed to carry on with it all.

It felt so futile in the end. Auteme was only one small padawan in this vast galaxy; she could only do so much, and it was clear to her that it wasn't enough. Being with the Silver Jedi had made her feel like she was contributing to something greater than herself, something for the galaxy, but H'ratth had shattered her galaxyview. There were people opposed to their good work. That hurt. "How do you... cope, with it?" She asked weakly. Surely the healer had seen much worse than Auteme, and she appeared to be doing much better than Auteme.

For now she'd wait for an answer -- tea would help, a bit. The teenager gave a small nod and slowly stood up. "Some tea would be nice."

[member="Celeste Rigel"]

 

[Celeste Rigel]

How did she cope with it? That was a good question, one that made Celeste fall into thoughtful silence for a good moment or two. She herself dealt with her own personal losses during her time with the Order. The loss of her husband was still quite a tender spot in her heart, but she was healing. There had been many days where she had bravely soldiered on, and other days, when she'd handled the grief far less gracefully. She drew a breath and exhaled, “Time,” She said with a small nod. “Time and trust in the Force.”

It may have sounded a bit cliche, but it was true. With a small nod towards the cafeteria, Celeste began to walk with Auteme. “It is important to acknowledge the feelings in your heart,” She continued. “Meditation certainly helps. Eventually, you will be able to let go and move on. But, it's a process that shouldn't be rushed.”

As they entered the cafeteria, it was quiet. This time of night there were few to contend with for tables. Stopping by the counter, Celeste ordered two cups of Silver Sage Tea and a small slice of cheesecake for herself. “Order anything you'd like – on me,” Celeste said with a smile. The healer took hold of a tray, with her dessert and the tea. “I'll meet you over there,” She said, nodding towards a table by the window.

[member="Auteme Denko-Durren"]

 

[Auteme]

Celeste was probably right. It hadn't been that long. She just needed to wait it out, take her time, think. Auteme had to realize she wasn't the only one going through it all. But if this was only the beginning of her experience with the Silver Jedi, only the beginning of her experiences with grief and loss, was it worth it? Should she stop?

All this caused the teenager began to wonder about her parents. She'd only been four, all the way back then. Too young to remember anything other than a warm feeling of their embraces. She suddenly felt that she hadn't mourned properly -- after all, she knew them about as well as she knew the Jedi who'd fallen at H'ratth. A feeling, part of a face, and the gut punch of loss and regret.

She thought about her mentor, too, wondering if he was alright. Wondering if he had been hiding a past of death and destruction like the one that had been brought to H'ratth and now permeated Auteme's thoughts. Wondering if she'd be able to find someone like him to help her through all this. Master Rigel was doing a good job thus far. "Yeah," she muttered, mentally noting the healer's advice. Auteme was never any good at meditating. Maybe the trauma would help.

Part of her wished the cafeteria hadn't been so quiet. People chatting as if nothing happened might've eased her into it a little, but the silence left only her thoughts. Right now, she didn't much like her thoughts. At least she had someone to talk to. She spent a few moments looking at the menu, trying to figure out what she might want, but she wasn't hungry. The teenager waited for a minute at the counter in silence, allowing Celeste to go sit, before heading over to the table by the window. She sat down, silent, giving a quiet nod of thanks to the server who came by and gave them their tea and cheesecake. She wasn't sure what to say anymore. It felt meaningless.

[member="Celeste Rigel"]

 

[Celeste Rigel]

Celeste sat quietly for a moment, gently holding the warm mug up to her nose. The scented steam of the tea was calming, and the tea itself like a cup of tranquil clarity. She took a small sip before returning the cup to the saucer that waited on the tabletop. Though she might have looked completely casual, she was observing Auteme quite closely. The look in the young woman's eyes was quite familiar. It was almost hollow – the look of innocence lost, the look of purpose lost.

Though the light was a beacon for them, there were times when its brightness waned, when darkness threatened to close in. The life of a Jedi was never easy. But, these trials were the ultimate test.

“Try the tea,” Celeste urged softly, pushing the cup towards the padawan. “It really is quite good.”

Indeed the Silver Sage tea had been blended especially for them. Small talk aside, Celeste genuinely wanted to help the young woman seated across the table.

“During difficult times like this,” Celeste started, “I always find myself focusing on my work. Helping others can prove to be very therapeutic, actually.” Even in this somber mood, Celeste had a good feeling about Auteme. “If you're up for it, you're always welcome to come to the Halls of Healing, for your own good – and others.” She smiled. “We'd certainly welcome another trainee.”

[member="Auteme Denko-Durren"]

 

[Auteme]

Auteme certainly didn't like the feeling of not knowing what to do. Normally she could drown herself in books and knowledge, push herself to at least try doing something, try learning. But even her beloved knowledge couldn't deal with war, death, grief. There was no text that could tell her how to heal those scars. Nothing she could find in any book that could help her. It needed to come from within...

Or maybe from the Jedi Master sitting across from the teenager.

She did as she was told, taking the cup of tea in both hands and sipping it tentatively. She really enjoyed tea. It tasted wonderful. Warm, comforting... and she was reminded of when her mentor, that old Mandalorian, had made her his special brew. Auteme couldn't remember the herbs, and she couldn't quite remember the taste, either, but she remembered the feeling. The whole Mandalorian deal was complicated for her.

"Yeah. I... it'd be nice. I'll be sure to drop by the Halls of Healing sometime." She spoke in a simple, level tone -- she was having trouble carrying this conversation. Her mind was elsewhere.

[member="Celeste Rigel"]