Private Nobody can bring you peace but yourself

[John Locke]

​

Location: Spritegate Shore - Naboo
Objective: Find peace of mind
Meeting: [member="Gianna Aegis"]

It was unusual, John wasn’t entirely sure when it had happened, but somewhere along the line Naboo had become home. He’d grown up on Corellia, in the slums of Coronet City, and for most of his life the industrious city and planet had always been home, had been where he’d always imagined that he’d end up. Only…it hadn’t really worked out that way.

There was something about Naboo that he couldn’t quite put his finger on, a sense of belonging of contentment that he’d come to associate with the planet. His job, his responsibilities took him all over the galaxy but he’d always found himself coming back to the planet. Whenever the blue-green jewel appeared he’d found himself smiling, settling back in his seat as he watched the planet growing bigger and bigger, that feeling one he couldn’t escape from. One that he didn’t want to. He was home.

For a second the man closed his eye, just taking a deep breath, the salt air carrying the scent of citrus up to him. John spent most of the time in the city, rarely venturing out into the countryside, his job kept him confined to Theed. The office had that effect, there was always something, a new fire or a new problem that would pull him back into it, that kept him running and busy. It’s why he had taken the day off today, to get out of the city, to solve a mystery that had been playing on his mind for a while now. Dark eyes glanced down at the bag resting by his feet, at least that was the hope.

It was the kind of thought that snuck under your skin, like a splinter, one you could never get rid of, that would always be there in the background. It wasn’t any one thing, any single event that had brought him out here, but instead a few of them. Things that just didn’t add up, that didn’t make sense to him. He might have let any one of them go, circumstances that had fled his mind but that many, that didn’t seem possible.

Dark-eyes flicked open, glancing out over the orchard as he reached down to heft the bag onto his shoulder. There was something else…there was a sensation he’d been struggling with like he was missing something. That a part of him was missing, it wasn’t something he could point at, but a sensation like the hairs on the back of his head that he’d been struggling with recently. How could you talk to someone about that without sounding crazy, without leaving them scratching their head and looking at you like you were crazy. But…if there was someone who would understand, someone he could talk to about this it would be a Jedi right?

This was all really an excuse, that feeling it just wouldn’t go away, had hit him pretty hard during a recent party the CIS had thrown. For a moment it had felt like he’d seen a ghost, for a moment he had felt completed and then it was gone, that echo of a moment bouncing around in his head. A fleeting whisper that had haunted him for days. Maybe…just talking to someone would help and Gianna, she was one of those people you could open upto. It was an excuse, he knew that but…there was a voice in his head that pushed him forward into the estate, through the trees. Two mysteries on his mind, the calm of the estate washing over him as he slipped a hand into his pockets, the other reaching for a branch, pushing it out of the way.

He just had to find the Jedi, his friend now, then things would clear up.

 

[Gianna Aegis]

Location: Sprite Gate Shore - Naboo
Objective: Find Peace of Mind
Meeting: [member="John Locke"]

​

Soft green eyes peered listlessly through the transparisteel window. She watched the way the trees swayed in the wind. She watched the way light played down among the orchards, touching them gently, so as to warm away the mornings chill. On a typical day she could be found walking the dirt paths, occasionally barefoot, while collecting lemons. She made a variety of things with them. Snacks, soap, and even cleaning supplies. The rest she left to local farmers and families where they were welcome to come and take their fill. They sold nicely in Theed—Especially, since they were rather rare.

This day found her secluded behind the solid doors of her home. A bird of light, of flame and fire, willingly locked in a gilded cage. Her zest for life had dwindled to a low burning ember that she could only barely manage to keep lit. Meditation kept her sane and on the right path. Constant, grueling, meditation. She would find peace in the negative space. Empty thoughts. Empty of all things, but most importantly, bereft of emotion.

She would find peace there.

Someday.

The pale woman pulled away from the window and moved through the halls of her home. Gianna knew that she needed to eat, sleep, but neither thing held any appeal. She still went through the motions. Still made breakfast, lunch, and dinner but often found it going to waste. The crimson-haired Jedi just didn’t have the heart for it. Her cheekbones had grown more prominent in the time since she’d left Illyria. Her waist was noticeably thinner, while her skin, had become delicate. Almost translucent.

This was not the same woman that the community had come to know. She performed her duties. Gianna visited the sick and aided the poor. She filled them with all the hope and goodness that she could, effectively, leaving none for herself. It left her broken, full of cracks, that no one would ever see. A mask of normalcy had become a necessity. Her smiles didn’t reach her eyes…But she tried. She tried. Tried to forget. To forgive. To move on, as certainly, [member="John Locke"] eventually would.

It felt futile. An impossible task. Full of impregnable guilt—And a poignant sense of failure.

Gianna sighed and picked up a wicked basket and a set of clothes-pins. She had droids that could hang the wash, but, she had two perfectly good hands. It would do her good to get outside. To breathe fresh air and remain productive. There were two lines to hang items and the afternoon soon found her smoothing and pinning fabric across them so it would dry neatly. Hair like fire gleamed in the light while the ivory white and mint green of her robes lent to a sense of nature.

She sighed softly when a familiar pang of guilt-ridden longing caused her heart to skip. It was a painful feeling that left a lump in her throat. Gianna chided herself. She was stronger than this, but, even her senses were deceiving her. She could feel him. The way she could feel the breeze on her skin or the clothes on her body. But, he couldn’t be here. John wouldn’t remember.

Because she had taken his memories.

Gianna kept working and began to hum a soft song while she did so. It had no words. The menial work provided some level of comfort and the tightness in her chest lessened. Eventually, she could breathe, and the day didn’t seem so dark. She could actually hear the birds. Taste the citrus in the air.

The sound of a twig breaking caused her to freeze. Her head turned, quickly, and she green eyes found the shape of a man moving closer through the thicket. From Theed. Her estate was buried among old country travel-lanes and acres of green things. Gianna knew who it was before her mouth could form the words to call the Minister by name. Anxiety and elation blossomed almost simultaneously. Relief. She felt as if she had been beaten senseless on a training gauntlet. Just the sight of him?

Relief.

At least she wasn’t losing her mind. He was here. Really, here. Not just in her mind. Not a figment of her imagination or a ghost in her meditative space. Here.

The red-haired Jedi stepped down from a stool and brushed her hands clean. Her sadness walled itself off. Unease, fear, want, and everything else in-between became buried. John would look at her face and see a picture of serenity and composure. Everything else…Everything else was nothing he needed to see. Nothing he needed to know. He was better off. Better. Able to live free and breath easily, without, the burning shackles of a broken heart.

“Minister…”, she called out quietly, raising a hand, so that he would see her. Referring to him by his title felt so foreign on her tongue. Her hair stirred in the breeze and Gianna reached up to brush it behind her ear whilst painting a welcoming smile on her features. “You’re a long way from Theed…”

She paused. Concern threaded over her features and she stepped forward to meet him halfway. “Is everything all right?”, as always, her focus remained on the well-being of others. He could have no reason to be here unannounced unless something was amiss.

 

[John Locke]

Location: Spritegate Shore - Naboo
Objective: Worry without knowing why
Meeting: [member="Gianna Aegis"]

He could hear her before he could see her, that song a soft wordless sound that echoed through the trees around him. It was the kind of pure emotion driven sound that came from deep within you, the sound a mother made to comfort a child, the sound you made when you weren’t thinking and just wanted to react. For a heartbeat John stood still, just listening to the sound of the woman’s voice breathing in the citrus laden air.

There was something about the situation, the location that touched at that emptiness he’d been feeling. It felt...comfortable, for a moment it felt like the weight had been lifted off his shoulders. The man hadn’t known that it was possible to banish the ever-present spectre of work that hung over him constantly. The pressure of his joint positions, minister and executive were twin pressures that trailed him wherever he went, like a cloak of responsibility that weighed on his shoulders with each breath.

That normally trailed him wherever he went.

For the first time he could remember that didn’t seem to be as important, as oppressive as it had been. It felt like he could breathe, that he could just take a moment to enjoy the beauty around him. The dappled patterns cast on the ground by the sunlight and the trees, the sound of the wind running through the branches. It was comfort and peace all wrapped up into one, a salve to that feeling that had plagued him. John had grown up in a city, had raced through the city streets with his friends and played hide and seek in the shell of old buildings. The city was where he felt most comfortable, but this, this felt like home.

It took a long heartbeat for John to remember himself, to remember why he was here in the first place, to meet the Jedi who lived here. The dark-haired man could see the draw of the place, the reason she’d chosen to reside here, so far from the capital of Theed, from the comforts of city life. There was a serenity here that he didn’t know he’d ever felt since his last trip out here with another Jedi of the Silvers to find out about the Confederacy.

Dark eyes fell to stare at his hand as a wry smile touched his lips, it was funny how things had changed, now he stood near the pinnacle of the Confederacy and had left the Silvers to their fate. The estate though, it felt changeless, as if it had managed to escape the touch of time, of the darkness that seemed to consume the galaxy around them. A beacon of light and calm that he could feel washing over him, a salve to wounds he’d barely known he bore.

A single metallic hand slipped out of his pocket, brushing aside the last of the tree branches as the house and its mistress came into view. The silence of the man’s approach was spoiled at the last by that small twig caught underfoot. “So much for catching you by surprise.” The quip slipped from John’s lips without thought, without any reasoning behind it. The relationship the two of them shared, John didn’t know if it had ever been one for jokes like that, he rarely got that close to people. The words had just seemed so natural, the perfect thing to say. “I’m sorry, I...”

His voice trailed off as he finally caught sire of the petite redhead, the mint-green robes contrasting with her red hair and pale skin would be a sight to make even the most hard-hearted sith stop and take a second look. John wasn’t immune to her charms, the beauty in front of him, but that wasn’t the reason he’d stopped.

The bag he’d been carrying fell unheeded from his fingers as the cyborg took a step forward, dark eyes alight with concern. “Gianna, are you ok?”

The woman standing there greeting him wasn’t the same as the one he remembered. Thinner, drawn, almost as if she was wasting away, leaving a shell a pale reflection of the woman she used to be. John had always remembered seeing a spark of life in her eyes, the aura she surrounded herself in enough to draw in those around her to make them feel better just by being in her presence. The aura remained, but the woman behind it, she wasn’t the same, not anymore.

That sense of peace, of contentment he’d felt moments ago seemed to be fading, replaced by concern but worry, the emotions dancing across his face. Before, as now, John had never been able to hide his emotions from the woman, his feelings an open book.

“What’s wrong? What happened?” The words spilt from his mouth in a rush as he took another step forward, crossing the distance between them. The man’s hand hung half raised, unsure what to do, there was an urge, an instinct so strong that he could barely fight it that welled up in him, a need to reach out and wrap his arms around the woman. To pull her into a hug and protect her from whatever ailed her. Only...he’d never done anything like that before, that wasn’t the relationship they had, passing acquaintances sure, he enjoyed her company but this sort of visceral reaction caught him by surprise.

Indecision warred in his mind for a moment, that moment of worry and concern ringing as clear as a bell as his hand slowly dropped to his side. He didn’t understand why it was so important to him to protect her, to make sure she was alright but...it wasn’t his place. She wouldn’t welcome that, not from him someone she didn’t really know.

A concerned acquaintance, a passing friend. That’s what they were, what they’d always been. Nothing more so why did he feel so lost, so sad right now? That gaping void he felt rearing it’s head, as if the best that slumbered had been awakened, even momentarily. Now though, now he could put a name on it. That feeling that tormented him, that always found him in the quiet of the night, in the middle of the boardroom, that void he didn't feel he could escape.

The beast called loneliness wrapped itself around his soul once more as John slipped his hand into his pocket, concern and worry still shining from his dark eyes. “I...it’s just...you look like you’ve been sick or something. Have you been ok? Theed isn’t that far away, if you were ill I could have come, sent someone to help if you’d needed.”

 

[Gianna Aegis]

Location: Sprite Gate Shore - Naboo
Objective: Find Peace of Mind
Meeting: John Locke

She tried not to look too hard.

Not to look too long either. He appeared exactly as she remembered. His arms were hidden—But that was hardly a surprise. John wouldn’t know that she didn’t mind his cybernetic limbs. She inhaled softly and tried not to let her mind linger in the past. Her footsteps brought her forward with all the grace and ability of a dancer, while large, jade eyes expression adequate concern. It wasn’t every day that a Minister of the Confederacy should show up on her doorstep.

At least—It wasn’t now. With his memories altered he had no reason to seek her out in this way.

His quip caused the edges of her lips to twitch upward. It was bittersweet. She couldn’t deny how the simple sound of his voice made her heart skip. The ginger-haired Knight hadn’t so much as set eyes to him since Vylmira. Even then, it had been a glance, so brief that she doubted he even knew she’d been present. It was hard to pretend. Morally, she felt awful, while essentially lying to his face.

She couldn’t tell him she missed him.

She couldn’t tell him that she couldn’t breathe without him.

She couldn’t tell him the truth.

So, she held tight, with both hands, to the lie that broke her heart.

“You needn’t apologize Minister…”, she trailed off reassuringly, but, a sense of intense panic and anxiety washed over her. It wasn’t her own. Pale green eyes followed the line of his form when he stepped forward and the items he held slipped from his grasp. Her hand moved, catching it, before raising it telekinetically next to him. He asked if she was all right. She frowned, briefly, before glancing down to take stock of herself. Her clothing was a little too loose. Skin paler than usual… “I’m fine. Not to worry, Mr. Locke.”

Fine. She had to be.

Her words seemed to have flown over his head entirely and she had to stop herself from taking a step backward at the rapid approach. Gianna wasn’t afraid of him. Far from it. Being within his orbit once more made it that much harder to keep her distance. Longing emanated from his being. She could feel every thread, every piece of concern, and could only close her eyes when an arrow borne of loneliness pierced her through. So much could be said without words. So very, very much.

“…It’s just been a difficult few months. Not every adventure turns out how we expect it to.”

Gianna offered him a soft smile and her fingers moved in the air. A soft, elegant motion, that drew his belongings between them. They floated neatly of their own accord. “You dropped something.”

The Knight knew that she needed to be strong. Supportive. He didn’t seem to be adjusting as well as she would have hoped. There were billions of companions in the galaxy that would happily be able to return his affections. How had he not found one? Why was he still so determined to be alone? Gianna had drawn him from his dimly lit laboratories and workshops to show him how to be part of the community he lived in. That hadn’t been erased. Why did he seem so burdened and desolate now?

Against her better judgment, she gestured toward the main building as she always did. A light snack and a cup of tea wouldn’t hurt. “You’ve come all this way. Let me offer you something to eat and drink.”, she spoke, relieved, that her voice didn’t crack. She was always happy to welcome others to her home. John would be no different. If only…She could stop remembering. This property was filled with the memories of sunny afternoons spent lazing away in pleasant company.

She couldn’t forget. He couldn’t remember.

Gianna, no matter her fasting, her meditating, felt like she might fall to pieces. She could not. She was a Jedi Knight. Emotion did not rule her. It would not.

For his sake—She couldn’t allow it.

 

[John Locke]

Location: Spritegate Shore - Naboo
Objective: Don't feel so alone
Meeting: Gianna Aegis

The soft slap of the bag against his chest drove off any thoughts John might have had of closing the gap between the two of them any further. A simple leather satchel floating in the space between them, the kind of thing he might normally brush aside without a second thought. Yet today…today it was different. The bag was like a wall between them, impassable, unbreakable, a wall she’d created whether she’d meant to or not

No, it was more than that.

It was a reminder, of professionalism, of the nature of their relationship. John had never been particularly close to the Jedi, never shared the stories of his childhood, or his worries and dreams. It was a professional relationship and little more than that.

So why did the sight of his bag floating there make him feel so sad? As if it was a guillotine cutting away a part of his soul, slicing deep into a wound that was already pained and bleeding. He didn’t know why she surely didn’t mean anything by it other than a reminder of why he was here in the first place but it felt like a door being closed in his face.

“I…ah, that’s good then.”

His shoulders slumped slightly, defeated in a game he didn’t even know he was playing, didn’t know the rules to. There was…something, a voice that he could barely hear, soft words just whispering at the edge of his consciousness. A sensation that he hadn’t noticed before, that need to make sure she was ok, this acquaintance of his. That desire was still there, halted by the wall of professionalism but not gone.

Not quite yet. How could it be? All it took was one look at Gianna to know that everything wasn’t alright. She looked...different. Like a shadow of herself, as if she were wasting away somehow. It was as if she were a mirror for his own feelings, but Jedi had always worn her feelings on her sleeve...or her face and body now.

That she was lying was obvious, there was something more to this, something was wrong but she didn’t want to share. That was her right, the Jedi’s problems were her own to face, to share or not. But....why did this hurt so much? This rejection of his help of even the idea that he could worry about her.

Why did he?

That was the rub, the question that John couldn’t quite put his finger on, couldn’t wrap his mind around. They’d met and talked, but nothing about his relationship with the red-haired woman stood out, nothing about it was different from any of the others he met in his everyday life. So, why did the sight of her standing there gesturing to the house with the warm light of the sun bathing her features with a warm glow affect him like this? Why did the sight of the woman wasting away like this leave him riven?

It wasn’t hard for him to find people who wanted to spend time around him, but...when he’d met them, alone or in the middle of a crowd something felt wrong. He felt alone, as if there was a part of his soul that was missing. As nice, as funny as they were none of them felt right. The man had taken to avoiding the social gatherings as much as he could, alone with that beast that rode his shoulder.

He knew it wasn’t right, to avoid people like that, to lock himself away but...being alone with his thoughts was better than being alone in the middle of a crowd. Losing himself in a world of function and form was infinitely preferable to stepping out into the middle of the crowd and feeling that he was missing something, something so important that its loss tore him apart even if he didn’t know what it was. If he was alone then no-one needed to see the tears that fell from his eye, needed to watch him curl up in his chair, slump against a wall trying to make sense of it.

Perhaps that was why he was here, why he had made the trip out from Theed, coming to the estate himself rather than just sending a messenger. He remembered how calming it was, how relaxed he’d felt out here on a previous visit. Even with the worry and concern that Gianna’s situation had left him in, he could still feel it. The smell of citrus on the air and the sound of the wind and the sea. It was funny, he didn’t feel so alone anymore.

Swallowing John reached out with one hand reached, reaching for the bag that hung in the air between them as she gestured towards the house., Reaching out with a finger to press against it as he shook his head.

“Actually, it’s for you.”

 

[Gianna Aegis]

Location: Sprite Gate Shore - Naboo
Objective: Find Peace of Mind
Meeting: John Locke

​

His sadness rang through her with the clarity of a silver bell. It was sharp. Her eyes closed again while she reminded herself to breathe. To breathe through his pain. To let it settle so that it did not echo and resonate with her own. Even his words were stunted. It reminded her of someone that had endured too many memory alterations without the benefit of a skilled practitioner. Had she harmed him?

A quick moment of searching the peripheries of his mind told her that he was whole. Just startled and confused. Lost in an emotion that he couldn’t identify the source of. For a brief moment, his desires flooded her being and she felt his wish to wrap her in his arms. It was strong. So visceral that she could almost feel the pressure, the weight of his cybernetics, though he had not moved.

She came up for air when he pressed the floating bag in her direction.

“For me?”

The question would sound feeble. Taken aback. Her heart was pounding in her chest so hard that she felt a little light-headed. Her usual grace failed when she moved to take hold of it, but, she caught herself when the unexpected weight of it pulled her down. Gianna straightened up and exhaled softly. She hadn’t looked in the bag, but, she pressed a light smile to her features. “Come on then…”

Gia turned and led the Minister of Science back toward the main house. As always, she moved her hand beneath the flowering tree and the branches raised. The Force obeyed her as if it was an extension of her being. That had not changed. The scent of lemons would meet his nose as soon as he walked into the living area. “I have lemon bars and namana berry pie. Tea?”

She set the bag down on the counter and moved to warm the kettle. She had grown used to making his tea over the last few months. He wound find, when she presented the cup before him, that it was exactly as he liked it. No prompting, no question, simply exact. A small smile would send him toward the wooden table in the main kitchen. It looked well-kept despite the fact that it was used frequently.

“If you’ll be staying for dinner, I was trying a new stew recipe.”

The lemon bars and a slice of pie would settle themselves down on the table before his eyes. She would be the perfect hostess. Perfect. Professional. Hair of crimson glinted in the light that poured through the windows. It would appear as fire, bright, and alive. Despite her thin form and gaunt features, there was still an innate beauty to her features. Nothing would change that. “Are things well with the Confederacy? You seem…Troubled.”

“The Shore is a good place to still your mind.”

Perfect. Hostess.

It was breaking her. Breaking her down, grinding her bones, her heart, and leaving her raw. She couldn’t stand to see him this way. Should she take the advice Voph had given her? Or—should she keep John in the dark? Would he hurt more? Less?

She didn’t know where to begin. Only, she didn’t want him to hurt anymore.

 

[John Locke]

Location: Sprite Gate Shore - Naboo
Objective: Don't lose your mind
Meeting: Gianna Aegis

“I’ve always liked that about this place, it’s just so warm and inviting. Like the world outside stops at the border, it’s wrapped up in its own little cocoon, you can just sink into it and forget about the outside world.”

He could feel it now, that sense of comfort and familiarity that the estate exuded just seeping into his very bones. The Cyborg wasn’t sure if it was some magic of the estate itself or it’s mistress that was responsible for the feeling of wellness and contentment that wrapped around him like a warm cloak. For a moment the sadness, the loneliness that seemed to be his constant companion was pushed back. Not banished, he could still feel the cold claws sunk into his soul but…it was less intense, less overwhelming.

For the first time he could remember, the first time in a very long time, the man could breathe, if only a little.

“Unless you know anyone else called Gianna Aegis.”

Dark eyes flicked down to the bag in the woman’s hands as John offered her a small smile, it was a weak thing, a shadow of the way he had used to smile. Yet, it was still a shadow, in the back of his gaze there was something, a spark of genuine warmth and caring, the embers still alive, lost in a sea of loneliness and confusion.

Still, the red-haired woman, his hostess, was like a beacon in through the fog of that confusion, even as she looked so frail, so unsure as she took the bag and started towards the house. It was there again, that urge to spin her around by her shoulder, to pull her into a hug. The need to make sure she was ok.

It wasn’t something he understood, not something he’d expected when he came out here but the sight of the woman wasting away…it was what he felt like. He didn’t want to see anyone else go through that.

Only…he didn't know how to help, didn’t even know if his help would be accepted, would be appreciated. Hands slipped into his pockets as John followed Gianna back towards her house, It always happened, when he was unsure when he didn’t quite know what to think. The metallic backs of his hands sliding into his pockets, hiding there from the world as he felt himself retreat into his head.

It was the smell of the tea Gianna offered to him that drew the man’s attention back to the present, a small smile touching his lips as he nodded his head at her in thanks. It smelled…it tasted…

“Perfect.”

John couldn’t help himself as he settled down on the table, his eyes closing briefly as he just listened to the Jedi bustle around the kitchen behind him. He could smell spices and citrus, hear the sound of the flame and boiling water. With his eyes closed, he could have been anywhere in the galaxy and still know what it meant. These were the sounds of home.

Sound that touched a primal instinct deep within you, memories of safety, of family. It was much like Gianna’s wordless singing earlier, there was an almost hypnotic soothing quality to it. It was the sort of feeling, of warmth you could just sink into. The opposite of the icy claws that haunted him.

Fingers reached for the plate, liberating a lemon bar that the dark-haired man gently broke in two, offering half the treat to Gianna with a small smile as the remainder of the lemon bar vanished into John’s mouth.

“If your stew’s anywhere as good as your tea is then how could I refuse a home-cooked meal?”

Dark eyes flicked down to the table, to the dark metallic fingers resting around the rim of the teacup. The truth was John couldn’t actually remember the last time he actually had a home-cooked meal.

“I mean, I’m more used to ordering something, or throwing something in to be heated but, I can chop or stir with the best of them.”

That small smile again, his head tilted back to glance at Gianna, at the way the sunlight streaming through the window seemed to bring her to life. The golden rays casting the woman’s hair into living fire, her features alight with inner beauty. As if she were absorbing the sunlight that framed her. There was something, something about the woman that seemed so familiar, so special, so important. For that moment John couldn’t tear his eyes away, the flash of emotion, of confusion dancing across his face.

What was there about this woman, about this place that had brought him out here. Why did she, why did everything here feel so familiar to him? The loneliness had abated, retreated away from the Jedi’s presence but in its place there was something else. John felt he was drowning instead. Confusion and questions just whirling around him, a morass from which he couldn’t escape.

Gianna’s question cut through the maelstrom in John’s mind like a lifeline but…the Confederacy? The question set the man back, taking a few seconds to pull his thoughts together. Did she want to know about the state of the Confederacy? That wasn’t why John was her, wasn’t what he wanted to talk about. Yet, it was a lifeline to sanity, to normality. Like a rope tossed to a drowning man he grasped for it.

“It…ticks along. The galaxy’s not always the nicest place but well I guess you know that better than most. You know how it is, the more things change, the more they stay the same. We’re just watching the galaxy, waiting to see what happens next. We'll protect the Confederacy and it's citizens, no matter what happens.”

We? They, the vicelord and the Viceroyalty. All John wanted to do was sit in his workshop, his offices and work, be left alone to invent and lose himself in that world he could understand. The Jedi had asked if he was troubled. That was the least of it. He didn’t understand what was going on, what was wrong with him. In the dark of the night, when the whispers came calling they asked him if he was losing his mind…and John had no answer for them.

 

[Gianna Aegis]

Location: Sprite Gate Shore - Naboo
Objective: Find Peace of Mind
Meeting: John Locke

​

“That’s the idea.”, a light smile crossed her face before she reached up to brush errant strands of cinnamon-colored hair behind her ear. Gianna had never entertained the idea of planting roots before crossing this particular patch of land on Naboo. When she’d found it, every inch, had been in dire need of repair. It didn’t look like much. But—It wasn’t all about looks. What lay beneath the surface was so much more important. “I wanted a place where fellow Jedi and friends could come tend to their wounds and find peace. There are many temples…But they can be a little restrictive.” ​

​

Tradition. Restrictions. It could be a lot for anyone, to be scrutinized, judged, every moment of every day. Sometimes people just needed a quiet place. Home-cooked meals, a warm bed, a roof, and a sense of safety. Gianna provided that. ​

​

When John quipped about her name the Jedi nodded her head slowly. The items in the bag must have belonged to her, though, she wasn’t certain what it could be. His expression gave her reason to pause and she was drawn back to the discussion Voph had come to have with her. She could feel the sadness and confusion that warred inside him. He tucked it away behind a smile…But he couldn’t hide from her. “What is in it?”, she asked, glancing at the bag, before turning toward the main domicile. ​

​

The way through was easy enough. Beneath the pink flowering tree that so elegantly lifted its branches for them to pass. The scent of citrus and floral elements would weave their way into the home the moment they opened the door. It was homey. Not too fancy, modern, but clearly lived in. Gianna fell into an easy routine when it came to taking care of others. She placed the memories, the sadness, the pain on hold and just focused on making a perfect cup of tea. John seemed to agree. “I’m glad.” ​

​

He seemed to unwind whilst he waited. The shadows that touched his aura seemed to have momentarily lifted whilst his mood improved. When she sat down with a plate for him, she paused, when he broke the lemon bar in two. Offering her half. “I…Thank you.”, Gianna responded, gingerly, taking the sweet. She was careful not to touch his skin. Not at all. ​

​

That would likely be her undoing.​

​

“There are plenty if you want more. I take batches of sweets and poultices down to the village at least once a week. I don’t want the lemons to waste and I’m always overstocked on dried herbs.”​

​

Not everyone on Naboo had the conveniences of the people in the larger cities. They also didn’t seem to utilize the world around them very well. Gianna did her best to make sure they knew how to use the land, the water, and kept a healthy balance. The sweets were mainly for the younglings, though, plenty of adults enjoyed them as well. It was a guilty pleasure to see them smile. ​

​

When he agreed to stay for dinner, she nodded her head while nibbling politely at the lemon bar. As good as it smelled, tasted, she didn’t have the stomach to eat much. Fasting had left her without the capacity to hold much without feeling heavy and a little unsettled. “I’ll set the table for two and conscript a new chef then. I have plenty of vegetables that need peeling.” ​

​

The confusion in him returned. Gia didn’t know what triggered it. She couldn’t follow his emotions any more than she did by accident. The feeling was too familiar. She missed him. The kindhearted quips and warm evenings spent with good conversation. It came back to her every time her mind drifted to places that it should not go. The young Jedi Knight could feel him slipping into himself and instead asked about something factual, logical, so that he could find solid ground again. “The galaxy is what we make of it, though, some could use a lesson in dignity and respect. I used to tell my Padawans…That there are no absolutes. No absolute good, or bad, simple choices. Aim to do better tomorrow than you did today—”​

​

She paused, offering a smile, before taking a bite from the lemon bar that was mostly for show. Gianna normally loved the small treats but this…It didn’t taste right. Like sand. “—And everything will be all right.” ​

​

John gave her the equivalent of the company line. She let it stand. He seemed to be lost in his thoughts, again, but the young woman let him have it. Speaking with a mind plagued with troubles could be difficult for anyone. Let alone a man trapped in a world of cut-throat business and technology. When Gia saw him work, she thought of a young man, toiling and tinkering with his toys. He was so happy to create. To show them to her. ​

​

No one would suspect that some of his designs could probably atomize all life on a planet.​

​

“It’s all right, John. You’re safe here. You could have sent anyone to bring me these things. How many messengers and couriers does Locke and Key Mechanics have on standby?”, she questioned softly, both reassuring, and logical. Her tone wrapped around him completely. Soothing. Comforting. “You chose to come. That means you have a reason to be here, whether you know it or not. Take time.” ​

​

“Breathe. Relax.” ​

​

Words she had spoken to other guests, even to John, time, and time again. This was a haven for all. No matter her personal feelings, the situation, or the circumstances—Nothing would change that. John deserved the sanctuary just as much as anyone. Maybe more. ​

 

[John Locke]

Location: Sprite Gate Shore - Naboo
Objective: Don't lose your mind
Meeting: Gianna Aegis

Safe

It was a single word, such a simple basic one, but the meanings that came with it, the connotations of the word. Well, they were anything but simple.

In truth, John couldn’t remember the last time he had felt safe, not perhaps since Taanab, not since he’d seen the Mandalorian fighters strafing the medical frigates that had been landing on the planet, destroying them in a blind attack as they looked for some way to hurt the invading forces.

Medical frigates.

Safety, security, that was the day that it had vanished, that was the day the universe had become a darker place, a place which could eat you up and chew you out, no matter who or where you were. It was the place when the icy claws of sadness, of the loneliness that was his constant companion, had sunk themselves into his soul. John couldn’t tell you why that day had been so special, why that day more than any other had affected him so much, the man had fought in battles across the galaxy, facing down, pirates and Sith. However, on that day, facing the Mandalorians it felt like light had been pulled away from the galaxy, had ceased to exist.

That was the day he’d started living in this drab twilight, no that wasn’t true. Living wasn’t the best word to describe it, John existed. He ate, he worked, he slept but there was always something missing, like a voice on his shoulder, that image that just danced at the corner of his eye. Always just in focus, always just a little bit out of his vision.

There were moments when that wasn’t true, moments of colour, of emotion that painted his memories. Moments like the party where he had celebrated Voph’s birthday, moments where he felt alive, felt like himself again, but they were rare, all too fleeting.

Moments like this.

John took the last bite of his lemon bar, savouring the tartness of the lemon against his palate as he glanced down at his fingertips, flexing the metallic fingers in the warm sunlight, watching the reflections the light cast on the metal.

“I could have sent someone, anyone, I should have. I left a pile of paperwork and a company that really doesn’t seem to be able to run itself behind when I decided to take the trip out but…it owes me that much doesn’t it? The universe owes me a small break, a little piece of happiness, right? It doesn’t have to be a lot, I know that everyone has to struggle, everyone has to make their way as best they can but still.”

He closed his eyes for a moment, sucking in a small breath, just holding it for a moment. Breathe, relax, calm. The age-old formula for calming down. The feeling of the gentle sun touching his face, like fingers stroking his hair back. The warmth suffusing the body like the sound of laughter, like the sight of a happy smile.

For a moment John could almost see it, could almost put the pieces together. Almost. Then in a heartbeat it was gone, scattering like leaves on the wind, like a house of cards moments before completion. Breath rushed out of the man as his head fell, hands clenching into fists as his teeth ground together. He’d been so close to…what? Something important, something so important but he just couldn’t see it anymore.

Breath. Relax. One breath and then another.

“What happens if I can? You tell your padawans to try to do better, each day to try to be better than the last, even in the smallest of things. Just to take a step forward, to try to make that change but…what if I can’t? I’ve got all this power at my fingertips but I can’t see my way out of the fog. It’s like everywhere I look I can’t see the light, can’t see a better future. All I can see is more of the same, more grey and dark.”

A short laugh escaped from the man’s lips as he shook his head, dark eyes weighed with sadness, with tears unshed and untouched.

“I mean, anyone would look at me and think I’ve got it made, would love to have my life. I get to rub shoulders with the great and the powerful of the galaxy, kings and presidents come to me, ask for my help. I’ve got the ability to save thousands, millions of people with a thought and a signature. So…why would I give it all up, trade it all in for a life out here, to be back home, living in the slums of Corellia. A small shop, a little workshop where I could help people, actually see their faces as I could reach out to affect their lives."

John sighed, reaching up one metallic hand to run it through his dark hair

"Back then, we didn’t have a lot, none of us did, not one family on the block. None of them could imagine my life now but…they were happy. We were happy. We had one another, we had our family and friends, everywhere you looked you could see it. The care between people. But for me, I’ve got the power to reach out and change the stars but, then I come home to a cold apartment, neighbours who don’t know me, don’t care about me.”

That was the crux of it wasn’t it, that lack of connection with anyone else in the galaxy, he had friends, but the ones who he really cared about, who he really trusted. Well those he could count on just one hand. And what did that say about him? About the way that he lived his life. When he looked back on it, would it be enough, would he be happy with what he saw. A life bereft of any connection other than his work, other than the never ending, all consuming work. It wasn’t that he hadn’t tried, he’s gone out, had met people tried to establish those connections recently. Only…no-one seemed to click, there was something off that always drove him back to his lab.

The man took a deep breath, a think mask seeming to settle over his features as he visibly fought to control himself, to pull back the emotion that was pouring off him. That’s now why he’d come here, that’s now what Gianna deserved. She’d already reminded him of the relationship between them, the professional acquaintance.

“I’m sorry, you don’t need me unloading everything on you like this.”

Breathe. Relax. Breathe. A hand came up, gesturing at the bag resting on the table, eyes flicking over to it as he nodded.

“Just a few things I’d found lying around my ship, some clothes that you must have left in the bedroom last time you came on a trip with me. And well…I found this in my lab and it had your name programmed into it.”

It wasn’t unusual for John to work on a private project, something personal that he could work on as a form of relaxation. This though, this was more than just a project, this gave the woman full access to EX, to every database that he had managed to pull together. That was more than just a gift but…he’d made it for her, for some reason, giving her access to the single most important resource that he’d ever constructed.

“I…I think I made it for you.”

He was losing his mind, that was the only explanation for this, for the fact he couldn’t remember why he’d made it, that he couldn’t understand what was happening to him.

“I hope you like it.”

That half-smile, soft and unsure.

“So…someone mentioned there were some vegetables that needed cutting and preparing right? Point me at them boss? That much I can totally handle, the actually cooking…It’s probably not so safe to let me at it but I can fetch things.”

 

[Gianna Aegis]

Location: Sprite Gate Shore - Naboo
Objective: Find Peace of Mind
Meeting: John Locke

​

“The universe doesn’t quite work that way…”, Gianna breathed out softly. Her hands felt cold. Clammy. The longer the Minister spoke the more she could tell that something was amiss. The conversation she had with Voph had burned itself into the back of her mind. She could feel his warnings. The hard words he’d used, proclaiming, that this lack of knowledge was killing his best friend. That she was killing him. Destroying him—By concealing the truth. “There’s no cosmic scale that Lady Fate tips one way or the other to decide who deserves what. Our place is individual, self-made, not scripted and ordained.”

“If you felt the need to be here—Here you are. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

The flame-haired woman watched him take several calming breaths. She raised her tea-cup and took a soft sip of the heated beverage. The silence was not uncomfortable. It was simply there. The young woman exuded a sense of peace, patience, and infinite understanding. There was nothing he could say that would shock her or cause her to think badly of him. Jade eyed flickered over him softly when he explained the veil that shrouded him. “It’s important to care for the future, but the present, is where we need to lay our concerns. If my Padawans fail…”

“It’s all right. I tell them to get up, brush themselves off, and try again. Again, and again. As many times as it takes. The key to pushing through your darkest days is to never give up. The Force…”, she trailed off, pausing, at the sight of his watery eyes. His pain and loneliness were so palpable that she had to put the tea-cup back down. She licked her lips and tried to push through the sunless, joyless, emotions that poured from his very being. “The Force…It will guide you. If you let it.”

Gianna understood what he referred to having a sense of happiness in the past without all of the fineries he had today. She was again reminded of watching him whittle away the hours, burning the midnight oil, when the rest of the world was asleep. He would have been alone. He would have been absorbed in those cold, stark lab spaces, save for the fact that she’d deliberately pulled him away from it. Soft eyes followed the way he ran a metallic hand through his hair and she found herself staring a moment too long. His apology for unburdening himself caused her to snap back to the present.

“You don’t need to apologize. I heal bodies here, but, I also heal the heart and mind. Not every injury is physical.”

Being what she needed to be, being impartially supportive, being what he needed was tearing her apart. His focus turned to the items that he’d returned and she picked up the knapsack. She recognized a spare pair of soft blue robes, a woven dream catcher, scented aromatherapy wax, salves, and a holo-doc that was full of articles and studies on medicinal herbs. Then came a silver bracelet with an amethyst stone. It had floral metal-working and reminded her of nature that she so loved. She remembered seeing faint sketches of this on John’s workbench before Illyria. She hadn’t known what it was then. Not, exactly.

Her throat felt tight.

John thought he made it for her. He couldn’t remember. She held the bracelet with both hands and tried to find a way to stop the rapid-fire beating of her heart. He was speaking, hoping, she enjoyed it. A quick glance to his face stilled her as if she’d been struck. The perfect composure she was known for seemed to disintegrate whilst she stared at the face she knew so well. Her shoulders barely moved as her form stiffened. Perhaps if she didn’t move, didn’t breathe, she wouldn’t break. John changed the subject. It didn’t help, nor, did she really understand his words. Her eyes burned.

She’d simply frozen and her already wan features fell into an expression that was stricken. Gianna saw him, though, she seemed to look through him. As if staring straight into his eyes would be the end of her. Eventually, the tears in her eyes overflowed and rolled down porcelain cheeks against her will. She tried to stop. Tried. She needed to be strong.

Had to be.

Couldn’t. Just…couldn’t.

“…I-I need to tell you something…”

The words were choked from her throat. Her beautiful voice was filled with…Despair. Guilt. It was raw in such a way that the deep well of emotion she drew from had overwhelmed her. “…You may hate me…But I can’t do this anymore. I can’t watch you question yourself like this...But if I tell you it might make some things better. Others will be worse. Others, will hurt you.”

Do no harm. Gianna has always tried to keep to that mantra. What was this—if not harm? She couldn't look at him. Instead, she waited.

Waited for an answer that would inevitably break them both.

 

[John Locke]

Location: Spritegate Shore - Naboo
Objective: Care
Tagging: Gianna Aegis

“The force huh?”

A metallic hand waved in Gianna’s direction, a small smile curling up the corner of John’s lips, it was a brittle little thing. But a genuine smile that was reflected in his eyes, nonetheless. A small gesture to take the sting out of his words as the man leaned one hip against the kitchen worktop, white teeth working at the soft flesh of his lower lip.

“I’ve seen what it can do, I’ve seen that firsthand, the good and the bad. I grew up on stories of the force, my family’s steeped in it, Jedi through and through, stories that we told around the fire in the cold of winter. It was something to hold onto, a point of pride for my parents, my grandparents. We might not have much, but our ancestors beat back the Sith, saved a planet from pirates. They were stories to hold onto, that kept a sense of tradition. It’s only…”

A metallic hand clenched into a fist, knuckles tapping into the hard surface of the worksurface, a dull thud resounding through the room as John glanced down at the artificial hand pressed against the wood. The dark metal caught the warm sunlight streaming through the windows, the light dancing on the surface of the metal, little pinpricks of light flicking back and forth across the surface. The man sucked in a deep breath and then let it out, his hand clenching and unclenching, a cage that bound him to the ground while everyone around him flew on the wings of the force. Slowly the man lifted his hand from the table, holding it up in the air between Gianna and himself.

“It’s not something that I’ve ever experienced, not something I ever will. I hear everyone talk about the force, about this vast thing that connects everyone, that connects us. It’s like being blind in a room full of people who can see, who talk about what they see. You talk about the Force, this thing that I have to take on faith, this energy that can guide me but…it brought me here. You ask me to believe in the force, to let it guide me but...I tried.”

A soft sigh, that hand reaching up to run through his hair again, a familiar frustrated gesture as John squeezed his eyes shut. The man’s voice was low now, cracking, his shoulders slumped as his head fell down, as his eyes flicked open to stare at the table, not willing to meet the Jedi’s eyes.

“When I opened my first factory, did you know, all I wanted was to help people? We had the best wages, the best working conditions. I may not have been a Jedi, but I thought if I could do well, if I could make a difference, make people proud then it’d be a good thing. A good way to spend my life.”

A sad laugh slipped from John’s lips as he raised his hand again to stare at it.

“That didn’t really work out so well for me in the end, but the thing is...I can’t think of anything I’d do differently. Even now, if I could live it again, knowing what would happen, I’d still dive right in. I can’t think of anything in my life I’m ashamed of, that I regret. I’ve always tried to do what’s best, what I think is right. But look where it got me. I can’t think what I’ve one wrong, why but...I just can’t be happy. If the force is going to guide me, then didn’t it guide me here, always with the best intentions, always making the best choices but...”

It had been the road to hell.

The words didn’t need to be said, didn’t need to be acknowledged, the sentiment, the feeling hung in the air between the two of them.

“I can’t see the future the way you do, the force doesn’t grant me visions and glimpses into what might be but...it’s not like I can’t see the future here. It’s darkness, this loneliness. It’s all I can see, and I’m not sure it’s a future I’m happy with, I want to see. I just...don't know how to change it.”

Dark eyes shifted away from staring at his hand to look directly at the red-haired Jedi, blinking back the wetness building in his eyes. It...felt raw. He was used to wearing masks, to hiding himself away in company. No board member, no politician or king wanted to see a crack, see a weakness. No employee wanted to see their employer’s weakness, see the shattering of confidence, the insecurity that hid behind the mask. Only there was something about the woman that made it easy to drop the mask, to be honest. To reveal the true self that few others got to see, that John could trust her to see.

Gianna talked of healing, of the mental and spiritual and maybe that’s what he needed, why he came here in the first place. There had to be something, something broken, some kind of injury or something wrong with him. Why else would he always feel this way? Why else could he stand in the middle of a crowd, in a sea of voices and still feel all alone.

The man’s voice trailed off, watching as the woman reached for the bag, breaking the discussion. It was...welcome, a chance to gather himself, for them both to take a step back. Something normal.

Only...it wasn’t normal.

There was something about it, about the bracelet he’d made for her, the bracelet that he couldn’t remember making but there it was, the amethyst set in it sending a beam of purple light streaming through the kitchen, casting a dancing pattern onto the wall of the room.

Something was different, something was wrong.

The woman’s face seemed to collapse, revealing the calm expression for the mask it was, the veneer over...over a sorrow, a desperation so deep that it seemed to call out to the feeling within him.

John didn’t remember moving, didn’t remember reacting. One moment he was standing by the table and the next he was kneeling in front of Gianna as tears ran down her grief-stricken face, tracing tracks down the porcelain cheeks. The man’s hands came up, gently reaching out to wipe away the tears, his query about her wellbeing dying on his lips as she began to speak.

He could hear the words coming out of her mouth, each making sense individually but together...together he couldn’t follow them. She needed to tell him something...something she’d done?

John wasn’t an empath, the force wasn’t his tool to use, but he didn’t need it. Not now, not to feel the pain, the raw anguish rolling off the woman. The palpable pain that enveloped her seemed to cut through the man, like a shard of glass, like whips flaying at his soul.

This time he didn’t stop, let his arms slip around her shoulders, pulling her into the lightest of hugs as he took a deep breath.

“Whatever it is, whatever happened...it can’t be worse than this, for either of us. I can take it.”

 

[Gianna Aegis]

Location: Sprite Gate Shore - Naboo
Objective: Find Peace of Mind
Meeting: John Locke

​

Her heart was weak. Every brittle smile, every ounce of sadness John exuded, broke her down piece by piece. The words he spoke of his family and the stories they would weave she could feel her throat tighten. Of course, he didn’t remember that he’d already told her all of this before. It stole her breath away. How very, very much she wanted to breathe. Gianna noticed everything he did. Every clench of his fist, every sigh, every time he ran a metallic hand through his hair.

Every physical sign that he was not blissfully complete as she had hoped. Gianna saw sadness. She felt the heart of the matter, the truth, which was that of being lost.

Of being hopeless.

That was what her actions had done to him. The man before her longed for nothing more than purpose, for a simple life, wrapped in happiness. John remembered trying to do his best. Aiming for modest gains whilst providing for others. Something about her removal from the picture seemed to cheapen all that he had accomplished. Was she so integral to that?

“The future can be hard to see as nothing is set in stone. Jedi are mindful of it—But we remain in the present. The Force is our path. Our guide, our way. Just because you can’t see it doesn’t mean it isn’t there.”

Words that her mentors had often spoken. She believed it with the entirety of her heart, but, the tears in his eyes caused her faith to quake. By the time she picked up the rucksack that contained some of her things Gianna was already standing on shaky ground. Something in her chest broke. It felt like the wind had been knocked out of her. She could see him move but it didn’t really register. Pain. Overwhelming, when it mingled with his, and wrapped around her core.

Her eyes focused on his when he reached up to wipe her tears away. Gianna hadn’t even realized she’d been crying at all. Jade eyes softened. Even without his memory, still, he thought of her first. “Oh John…”, she murmured quietly, a breathy whisper, that held the tone of someone who knew him far better than he would recall. It was intimate. Beyond, intimate. Her voice would creep through his being and touch things she hadn’t a right to.

He embraced her.

As if his touch to her shoulders wasn’t enough. The sensation of being this close, of his kiss, of everything they had shared brought to the forefront of her mind was enough to cause her to tremble. Not in fear. It was simply overwhelming. So much emotion, raw and unending, crashed over her like a wave from a storm ridden sea. Fierce.

The bangle he had created clattered to the floor.

Thin arms reached up and wrapped around his back while her face pressed into his shoulder. A light hug became something more, filled with guilt, and sorrow that wracked her through and through. Her arms tightened and he would feel her shake when she breathed. Trying to stay strong. Trying not to weep, openly, when she had no right to. She had done this. She had broken him. “…You don’t know what I’ve done…”

He would never forgive her. She, would never forgive herself.

One last embrace. One chance, to apologize. To let him see it with clear eyes. Gianna pulled back after a long moment and pulled one of her arms free so that she could touch his face. Just as she had before on Illyria. “I didn’t know this would happen. I…I just wanted you to have the chance to find happiness. I’m sorry it turned out this way. I’m…so very, very sorry…”

Green eyes seemed to flare with a soft light of their own. Saddened, tear-stricken, she murmured words he would never catch. It was a soft song, almost, that kindled the Force and let her brush against his unprotected mind. She never intruded. She knocked. Waited, to be let inside. Warmth would flood him. A tenderness that his current self had never known. When the door opened, she carefully followed the same mental pathways she had before.

One by one she released the block on every memory he had. He would see them like an old holo-vid at first until they began to fill in the blanks. Repairing the damage, as if they had never been gone. He would see how they sat and spent comfortable evenings together. Easy conversation. Playing guessing games at important meetings, picking lemons, making dinner. Dancing…

A kiss beneath the full moon on Illyria.

Gianna pulled away before the final memories would settle. No doubt, he wouldn’t want her near him. Her head tilted to the side while her hands came to settle in her lap. Still, tears fell. There was nothing she could do now. He knew…He knew everything.

 

[John Locke]

Location: Sprite Gate Shore - Naboo
Objective: Memory
Meeting: Gianna Aegis

​

There was something about that hug that was almost desperate, the petite woman in his arms clinging to him as if he were a lifebuoy. John could feel Gianna’s arms wrapped around his back, his own embrace responding almost without thought to pull her in closer, arms tightening around her shoulders, cradling her against his chest.

There was something about the way it felt, the warmth of her body, the sensation of just holding her that felt right to John, felt natural. His body was reacting without thinking, shifting to settle her in the embrace as if he’d done this before…but he’d never done this before, so why did it feel so right?

Dark eyes closed as John’s shoulders seemed to sink slightly, his whole body relaxing as the tension he’d seemed to have accumulated over the past few months seemed to drain away. John had always known Gianna had a way of making troubles seem smaller, further away, but this was different. The cyborg could feel a shift in his priorities, the woman having an effect on his mind again, only this time it wasn’t a lessening of his worries. They just seemed so far away because she was more important.

The way her chest rose and fell as she breathed, her body shaking against him, shivering so much he could almost feel the emotions surging through her. He wanted to protect her, even if he couldn’t quite put his finger on why. John had never been the most empathic individual; it just wasn’t how he was built, but there was something about the redhead. There was something about the anguish that was so self-evident in her that struck at him like a physical blow.

She was light and happiness, and something, something about him was doing this to her. John wanted nothing more than to see a smile touch the woman’s lips again, to take all those emotions and smooth them away.

To protect her.

Only, how do you protect someone from something you didn’t understand, how do you protect them from yourself?

Dark eyes tilted down to meet jade ones, arms tightening around her as if by the embrace John could shield Gianna from the emotions fuelling the anguish he could feel wracking her body. It was like a physical blow to the man, like ever tear, every shiver was like a punch to his gut. A physical pain. He could feel the emotions coursing through her, and with every fibre of his being John wanted to stop them, to lift and take them away. She had to be alright, that was more important than anything.

For a moment the man felt the world around them just fall away, receding into the background, the sounds of the birds, the wind rustling through the lemon trees becoming a quiet murmur that he could barely hear, that swirled in the background merging with the sound of the sea. All that John could hear was the beat of his heart in his ears, the sounds of breathing and a quiet voice, tortured by grief and sadness. A voice that slipped through all his defences as if they didn’t exist, that touched something inside him he’d thought lost.

For months now John had felt that he was living some kind of half-life, that there was something he was missing that just didn’t feel right. Something that he couldn’t quite remember, that played on the very edges of his consciousness, just out of reach. He’d never been able to put his finger on it, on the ghost that haunted his every waking moment. Until now.

Until he’d heard her soft voice slipping through his body, an intimate sound weighed with emotion. A sound that touched a part of him that he’d barely remembered, a sound of someone who knew him. It was the sound he’d been missing.

There was no variable that John could hold up, nothing that he could lay his finger on for certain but…it was that voice. That had been the connection he’d been craving, been missing. It had been right in front of him but…there had been nothing to suggest that. The man’s eyes closed for a moment as he flicked back through his memories, always that same professional distance, that relationship just hovering on the edge of a friendship. Yet…here they were, wrapped in a hug, her voice speaking to him as no-one else had.

It made no sense…it didn’t need to make sense. For once in his life, a life ruled by the precision of mathematics and engineering John didn’t care.

It felt right.

The man’s lips parted a question, a happy exclamation on his lips, dying as Gianna started speaking again. Something, something she’d done had her wrapped up in knots. He could see it on the way her body shook against him, the soft sadness in her voice. The way those jade eyes looked at him.

As if this was the last time she’d ever see him as if this was the end.

John unwrapped one of his arms from around Gianna’s shoulders, reaching up to press his palm against the back of her hand. The cool metal resting against her flesh, those dark eyes showing only concern and worry. There was no thought to the motion, just a gesture of comfort as he slipped his fingers between hers, entwining them softly as he felt that faintest touch at the corner of his mind. JJohn had nothing to hid, no reason not to invite her in, what meagre defences he had dropping.

He trusted her.

It was a rare commodity in his line of work, in his life. He might get on with his business rivals, the politicians and researchers who filled his work life, his social life. A drop of trust could, no would be used, exploited and turned against you. John had seen it too often, seen someone turned on by a friend for the meagre sum of credits, for a small slice of power. To trust someone even slightly was to leave yourself vulnerable. To trust someone wholeheartedly, that was suicide.

Yet every fibre of his body was calm, relaxed. There was only that shadow in the back of his mind that lead him here that seemed to shift. He had no reason to trust the Jedi, but he did. Inexplicably but completely.

Letting that warmth wash over him, the sensation not all that different from the feeling of the sun on his skin that day they’d gone picking lemons to take down to the village. The gentle teasing and mocking as he’d tried his hand at making a batch of lemon bars for the first time, the feeling of Gianna’s hands guiding his arms as he worked.

He’d never made lemon bars…he’d played games with her all through a meeting of the Silver Jedi and the Confederacy.

It was like watching another life play out before his eyes, a life so similar to his, a life so different. A life where he smiled and laughed, cracked jokes and…

And

A single track of tears ran down the man’s face as the memories opened up, enfolding him in their embrace, one after the other. Dancing, shared glances, a warm fire and hot cocoa. Hope for the future. A life playing out in his head, it was n’t his life…it was the only life he wanted. A life where he’d been happy.

Love was an impossible thing, it was the variable no scientist or mathematician no matter how brilliant could ever account for.

Against all the odds, all the millions of planets, billions of people in the galaxy he’d found her. He’d lost her…

A final memory…a final kiss. A long kiss goodbye.

“No.”

It was quiet, so quiet. The man’s voice barely audible, on the edge of breaking. Dark eyes flicked open, slowly rising to glance at Gianna. One eye dead, emotionless, the other though, a world of emotion, a lifetimes joy and loss gathered together in one dark pit.

Found her and lost her again.

And on her face anguish to match his own. Pain enough to fuel the galaxy till it’s dying day. Pain enough to glow like a beacon, breaking his heart all over again.

“If I was that bad a kisser, you only needed to say.”

John’s voice was soft, weak, the usual humour the sentiment lost, hidden away beneath the loss…the sadness that seemed to swirl around him.

“Why?”

Dark eyes fell to stare at metallic hands, the hands of a monster clenching into two fists right in front of him. A dream the length of a kiss, a moment that had ended too soon, a moment burned into his brain. Who had he been kidding? What dream world had he inhabited where he’d thought it could be real, his future?

For a moment he’d flown higher than the heavens, for a moment the galaxy had sung around him.

A moment. The length of a kiss.

The difference between heaven and hell.

“Why Gianna?”