Private No Shoulder to Cry On

[Linnesa Malnorn]

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CONSULTATION​

Location: Silver Rest Jedi Temple, Consultation Office​

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She never considered herself a skilled consular by any means, but Linquista had determined that perhaps by understanding the flaws within others, she could adapt her training to target these flaws and improve upon the padawan in question. Unfortunately, this only seemed to cause issues and doubts to swell within the last several students she had applied this with. So clearly, she needed stronger students, or show them how to overcome these flaws within their character. Either way, she was here now, and there was work to be done. She sat in her chair, finger tips tapping against the desk, as her eyes looked to her list of patients for today. Unfortunately, it seemed that students had stopped making appointments with her, but there was still one candidate for her in store today.

She pulled up the details of the man in question, her pupils following the words as they appeared on screen, and once she was finished she reclined back, intrigued by this one in particular. He claimed to be a soldier from the bygone Clone War era, and a functional one at that. Yet he sought jedi aid for his ailments, how perplexing. Perhaps he was still in a transitioning process. Either way, she would see him, and get to the heart of his problem. Pressing a button on her desk, the light outside her door would flash, indicating she was ready to see the patient.

The Togruta put her fingertips together, resting her elbows on the desk, ready to greet the man as he entered. He would find no smiling face to greet him, merely the stone cold expression of the stoic jedi master. Hopefully he would stay for the full duration.

"Sergeant Omen, how can I help you today?"

His time started, now.

Sergeant Omen

 

[Wirewolf88]

 

[Sergeant Omen]

Omen entered the room, not expecting anything else but the master's impassive face. She did not know him nor did she probably care for him. He probably was exaggerating of course but a Jedi's unchanging face usually meant those were the same Jedi that didn't care for their troops one bit. He pushed it out of his mind for the moment. This woman had offered to help and so he would try to let her mend him on the inside with her experience.

"I won't waste your time Master, I know you are very busy fighting the Bryn of course with that announcement that has had you Jedi into a narrow-minded effort to prepare for and stop the demagolka at the expense of your bodies."

He took a deep breath as he prepared to spill out his epan. This is the first time he had talked about this with anyone on this issue and hopefully, the Jedi Master would give him the help needed to make the bad dreams go away.

"I've... I've been having dreams... nightmare visions really about terrible events that are to happen to me. I got my first real vision when I was an EOD trooper of the 41st Elite Corps at the 3rd Sector Army's headquarters on Chandrila, my first posting. I dreamed that a hundred people that I recognized from around the base, were on a platform above some sort of substance... I think acid... And that there was a rope beside me. If I pulled the rope, the platform would disappear and those same people would fall screaming into the acid. No mattered what I did, some kind of force guided me to pull the rope... and hear their screams of terror for every night for a month..."

He paused solemnly, those same screams coming back to him now, those same terrible screams that had to keep his eyes bloodshot and weary just to try to prevent him from seeing the same scene that night. He then recollected himself and started again.

"No medication would help and everyone just laughed it off or yelled at me if my screaming during the night annoyed them enough... My bunkmates eventually just ducked taped my mouth shut so they wouldn't hear my cries. "Nothing personal," they said "We just want don't want to get a case of your clone madness". Of course, no doc would help me either saying that "You are just making up excuses, here are some sleeping pills if you really need them. Now go back to your post Clone." No Jedi were around to help me either and they likely would have done the same thing... Eventually, the main headquarters building had a bomb threat. Some Separatist leaning nerf herder had thought it was a bright idea to stuff det packs into one of the headquarters holo tables and booby-trapped the panel the explosives were under. He or she must have had a lot of time too since they put more det packs on the building's supports that were connected electronically to the holotable bomb. I was called in to defuse the main holotable bomb and as soon as I tried to pop open the table's main access port, the whole building went up in one big firey blast, collapsing the whole building and killing nearly everyone inside as well as causing raining debris that would wound and kill more base personal outside... I... I think the total casualty count was in the hundreds but I try not to remember it..."

He took a drink of water from his canteen as he thought about how hard it was not to remember, that he had caused the deaths of innocents, regular civilian contractors that worked on the base every day plus all of his brothers. But in the end, all his mind could fade back to was how all the deaths were his fault. He could only push the harmful thoughts out of his mind again and continue on.

"The building fell around me and entombed me in that central war room. The ceiling collapsed on me and a piece of metal had speared through my left eye, leaving me with the fake one I have." He gestured loosely to the bright green unnatural replacement that was in his left socket before moving on. "When rescue teams found me barely alive in the rubble, they had to cut off my arms and legs to free me from the jari'eyc building. That accident that I had been foretelling to anyone that would listen was how I got my name "Omen"."

That was the worst day of my life. I lost my arms and legs and at the time, any hope of surviving and well... being useful for the only thing I was built for... war. At least I got a second chance when many of my brothers didn't.

"I was shipped on life support to Kamino where the gihaal declared me not capable of doing my duty for their grand army and were prepared to euthanize me and no offense to you of course master but the Jedi only stood back and nodded their approval, I guess seeing no other way of making me useful and giving my life back to the living force. I hold a grudge against them for that, for letting a race of cloners who made experiments for them to lead in their broken campaigns... I'm getting off-topic, aren't I... Well, the Cuy'val Dar of Mandolarian trainers swooped down to help me in time, convincing the kaminii to give me new prosthetics and train me as an ARC trooper as part of the cross-training program that turned normal troopers into special forces".

He was thankful to the Mandalorian trainers for saving his life of course but he didn't why they did it for just him when injured clones were being thrown out as useless junk every day. Maybe some special potential? He would never know...

"I went onto perform solo missions for the GAR in several campaigns as an ARC, eventually reaching Sergeant. I was proud of myself and all that I had done for the GAR but then... during the final months of the war, the visions returned. This time I was locked in an invisible cage and forced to look at the galaxy as it shrank further and further away from my reach. I was baffled by it at the time but now, I understand..."

He muttered under his breath before composing himself again. "Stupid aru'ela reptiles..."

"Now, I've been getting visions about the demagolka known as the bryn'adul and how they are going to swallow up the whole galaxy we live in and make us all slaves or worse, just killing us and everything we hold dear. Based on the Grand Master's announcements the last couple of days, it would seem like my visions are pointing to something awfully close..."

He shifted uncomfortably on the couch, trying not to hear the cries of trillions if not more of the galaxies' inhabitance getting wiped out by one big bite. It would be uncomfortable for anyone to try to comprehend and Omen could only blink away tears as he remembered all those poor refugees that he had seen on Sneeve with no food, water, or any of the basic resources they needed to survive, all from one maniacal race that wanted to turn this galaxy to ash. With another deep breath, he tried to finish up what he had come here to discuss.

"I don't know why I came here... I just want the visions and nightmares to stop... I want to sleep at night without having to worry about screaming at the top of my lungs whenever I wake up. That's all I want... Master, can you help me?"

 

[Linnesa Malnorn]

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TO GIVE ONTO OTHERS​

Linquista wasn't one known for her patience, but she did listen to the clones tale, and intensely at that. It wasn't every day she got to hear about a war that happened so long ago in the past. His tale however, brought to mind several things in the mind of the master. She tapped her fingers, listening, comprehending several ailments and dismissing them as the man's story brought the condition into focus. He had some manner of visions he was receiving, visions that bothered him greatly it seemed. This, Omen, had suffered plenty; losing limbs was not a pleasant experience in the slightest. She took no insult at the mention of jedi being blamed for what nearly happened to him; after all, it was so detached from what they were now, why bother? Regardless, this soldier had a diagnosis that had long been ignored, something that caused a fowl up within his very being.​

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She contemplated if it was a level of PTSD, or something more. The visions were the key to it, clearly, and with these visions it could mean several things. The clone was working with powers outside of his control, though, how could a clone contain the powers of the force within themselves? Her stoic expression dropped, as an expression of interest now took it's place. She showed no empathy for the man's tears, nor the pleas. There was no emotion, only peace after all. Empathy was not something one should express, rather acknowledge and continue on. Least, that was how she managed it. Nodding quietly in silence, Linquista finally spoke, rising as she moved from her chair, she walked to stand beside the trooper.​

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Crossing her arms, she gazed down at him, as if seeking something, though she said not what it could possibly be. "I can only help you help yourself, but to do that, you must quiet your mind. When you are ready, we will begin." She spoke firmly, her hands coming to a rest above the soldiers head. She suspected that if she could force the clone into a trace, she would have the answer, though he needed to keep his head on tight if he was to not end up in a coma. Closing her eyes, Linquista reached out with the force, and spoke to the mind of Omen. "Find your center, withdraw deep within yourself, and surrender yourself to the current you find within. Follow my voice, and nothing else." ​

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Standing by as an aid, Linquista would assist the clone in drifting into that current, and trying to find the peace within himself.​

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Either two things would happen now, neither of which she had any control over. Either, he would sink and not wake for several hours, or he would swim, and in time learn to move that current within him to his own will.​

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Sergeant Omen​

 

[Sergeant Omen]

The Clone nodded to the Jedi Master’s request and prepared his body for what would be a life-changing experience.

"I'm ready Master Jedi."

If this would stop him from screaming a night then he would do anything including doing battle with a Rancor to see his nightmares end. Omen curled his legs up around each other like in that Alderaanian Yoga holorecording that he had once seen in his time off and slowly turned off his mind, forgetting all the things he had been through over the past couple of weeks, and focused on finding that all precious center that the Master had been speaking about. After some controlled breathing exercises, the Trooper slowly surrendered himself to the currents that ran within him, floating wherever those same currents would take him.

As the clone floated down the river of his inner current, he started to open up his mind to new possibilities. That maybe he had been sent to the new galaxy to help those that needed him and being sent here was a good thing instead of a curse. He thought about all the people he had helped on Sneeve and all the people he could help if he just believed in his ability to do so. Maybe the cage in his vision was one he had put himself in was one of his own mind's making. That in believing that leaving the galaxy he knew was a terrible thing, he was forcing himself to think of his journey here as a curse instead of what possibly could be a blessing. That if he would just let go and believed in himself and the things he could do, he could gain access to something the ARC never in a million years would have thought possible, the ability to reach into the living force itself.

 

[Linnesa Malnorn]

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AWAKEN​

She had done this several times before, hence how she knew when it would result in failure. It was a strange process, awakening the force into someone. It was like trying to redirect a waterfall into a small canteen. It was tricky, and required expert control and discipline within the force. Both of which she had. She was a master after all. She could direct the flow of the stream, and was rewarded by the presence of the soldier emerging within. Again, she became curious, how a warrior with his background could develop force powers. It seemed very unlikely, and paired with his cybernetics...well, his journey would be marred with struggles. Assuming he wished to pull upon it.​

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But for now, they had a journey to accomplish, and she would direct the flow of which he would travel. He need only stay strong.​

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Now, Omen, surrender to the current. Allow it to take you, consume you, become one with you. You are the current, and the current is you. This is the flow of the force, the tie that binds us together. ​

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This was the first step towards walking the path, acknowledging the lack of self, the ties that kept the force within itself. Everything was connected. The force guided it all, though not even the strongest among the order could see it at work. This would be his path to healing, to accept that the force had allowed him to survive, allowed him to continue on, allowed him to awaken out of his time; though the goal for such a thing was not and could not be known by him or anyone else. Even the nightmares, merely a path to lead him onto the force. Everything was connected. Though they had no idea of such things.​

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She could only hope he would accept her words, though she would not be surprised if he rejected such things. It wasn't easy to accept this logic, in fact, it took some young-lings several attempts before they would succumb. How a trooper, one who had never known the force before, would react she could only speculate.​

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Sergeant Omen​

 

[Sergeant Omen]

Now, Omen, surrender to the current. Allow it to take you, consume you, become one with you. You are the current, and the current is you. This is the flow of the force, the tie that binds us together.

With those words, Omen let the current propel him on the path to understanding. He recognized that it was the force that was in all living beings that allowed him to adapt to his new environment, that empowered him to take on new challenges that were being thrust in his direction, that helped him survive after having a building collapse on him and having metal durasteel rods pierce through his arms and legs and not straight through his chest, killing him instantly. That he was a vessel on the everliving force that resided in his body and soul. He only could let the force lead him on his path in this new universe and only the force could control his destiny. There was no current moment or future, there was only what the force willed for the clone to accomplish.

"I think I feel it Master Jedi. It feels like... I'm bonded to something that goes on for infinity... This... is something that I have never felt before..."

 

[Linnesa Malnorn]

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TESTAMENT​

To her surprise, he took to the course, rather swiftly. Perhaps he needed only twist his method of thinking to become inline with the will of the force, perhaps he had always been ready to make the leap, and needed only the nudge to do so. It wasn't her place to say, nor enforce. She was a servant of the force after all, it was not her place to question. Regardless, the connection was there, and that she could not deny.​

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This is the force as it is meant to be, as it should be, and as it is. Remember this feeling in times of sadness, anger, grief, and learn to bring it into yourself. This is the first step of many, and you have many more ahead of you.​

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She would release her hold of him now, bringing him out of the trace, though the sensation he felt would linger, a reminder of what he had managed today. Linquista moved back to her desk, hands placed together, gazing at the clone as she continued to study him. "Now, Omen, how do you feel?" She wasn't expecting him to be healed, but if he at least felt something, anything, that was a measure of progress. She had given him a tool to mend his own illness, now it would be placed on him.​

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Sergeant Omen​

 

[Sergeant Omen]

This is the force as it is meant to be, as it should be, and as it is. Remember this feeling in times of sadness, anger, grief, and learn to bring it into yourself. This is the first step of many, and you have many more ahead of you.

He had never thought about his place in the universe before, mostly because he didn't know how long he was going to live in it. The larger picture wasn't a thing for him, he always just thought that was stuff for the mongrel officers to care about. He wasn't a citizen on the Grand Republic and ultimately didn't care what happened on high. The Clone Wars and the GAR had given him a purpose and that was all he really wanted now, something that he could bite into and deal with on his own terms, something that made him think he belonged. Now the living force was letting him get a glimpse of what his purpose could be if he became its servant and that deal was something Omen would quickly agree upon.

Now, Omen, how do you feel?"

With one last deep breath, Omen opened his eyes and spoke with a small smile resting onto of his weary face.

Like... Like I'm a part of something bigger now... Like something bigger than me showed me a glimpse of the potential I have... I heard of Jedi having a connection to a higher power but never knew it would feel so... present and so... larger than life...

The Clone chuckled as he thought of an expression that might qualify.

It's like having a connection to an animal or pet, isn't it? Once you get a pet, it becomes your whole world. You feed it and help it grow and in return, it helps you when your down and sad to pick yourself back up again. The two of you coexist with each other, just like a connection to a force helps both the person and the living force thrive.

 

[Linnesa Malnorn]

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TO BE YOUNG​

He didn't quite grasp the power he was being bestowed, and that would have to be okay. It was hard to truly respect something when it had only been given to you with no context. Linquista nodded slowly, taking in what the trooper was saying. It would be difficult to explain this to a young mind. "In a way you are correct, but this is more than a pet. This is the life force of all things. You hold your finger to the pulse of the heart beat of the galaxy. But yes, the life you once knew it over, now you are in tune with the force. Yet, without training and discipline, you merely have a connection, no strength. Much like working a muscle, so too must you exercise your discipline over the mind. And with the nature of your cybernetics, thus journey will be difficult." Indeed, the Togruta doubted that this one would find a master, let alone be able to learn successfully. Unless she offered to take him on. Still, he was no jedi, lacked the training of several years, and would more than likely reject her teachings. A difficult choice indeed. "So, Omen, what will you do now?"​

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She inquired, unsure as to what the clone thought he might do with his newly found abilities. Truthfully, without training, she doubted he could accomplish very much. Even with training, his lack of organic parts gave him less of the force to call upon, and yet, as a soldier the dark side would not be that far from him. On a battlefield it was easy to give into hate, fear, anger. Even the most hardened soldier was not safe. How would a lone clone fare in such an ordeal? Not well she imagined. Not without guidance.​

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Sergeant Omen​

 

[Sergeant Omen]

"So, Omen, what will you do now?"

Omen thought over his options in his head as he listened to the master. He was a chance at an opportunity to learn what he was capable of in the force, to exercise the muscle he had within but it would take time, time that he maybe didn't have. It would take years to fully master the abilities that he contained within himself to the fullest extent and with a clone lifespan cut in half like it was... After a moment he made a decision.

"I heard a Jedi Master talk at a memorial for those who had died during the latest Bryn attacks. He talked about one of the fallen, a Lieutenant Jack Lundberg who had written to his family one last time before his death saying that being among the Silver Jedi was worth the sacrifice of his life. He sold it dearly to protect a speeder full of innocents. I believe mine is no better served to let the living and cosmic force use me as their tool to defeat those that mean to wipe the galaxy out and with it, the force. I know that I'm only here for a short time with my... circumstances. If I can improve someone else's life with my newfound abilities, then I will walk down the path to understanding myself and my use to the force as a whole no matter how hard the climb is.

He took a look at the Jedi milling about outside the office as he spoke with certainty.

"The Jedi Master also said, "Next time you look at a soldier's face, see if you can find that glint of pride.". That is also true when I look at the Jedi, from the younglings to the Grand Master, I see the same glint in their eye when they talk about how much pride they have in their order that they are a part of. If possible, I would like to have that same pride when someone asks me why I'm still here and not off in the galaxy somewhere else."

The clone trooper rubbed the back of his head after his mouthful, slightly amazed at how easily that statement slid out of his mouth before continuing.

"Long story short, I would be interested in exploring what I can or can't do with my abilities, as far as the force will let me travel its currents."