No Regrets Here

[Angelo Cavataio]

Great now Angelo would have to ask every Jedi he might face their name. He was not going to hurt or kill a friend of Scherezade. That would go against his promise of protecting her, if he hurt her than he was not protecting her. Although, if Josh fails like the Jedi before, then all bets were off, and someone would be hunted down. He thought he should meet this friend once to get one point across; hurting Scherezade in any way meant Angelo would be doing the same or a little worse to Josh. It would be how he handle anyone regarding Celestine, and he no problem doing the same regarding Scherezade.

“That’s good you made a friend… part of overcoming your trauma is to let yourself move forward, it can be slow, but you are still moving forward. That also means letting yourself be vulnerable at times with strangers and family…” Angelo paused for a moment. Then he broke the moment with, “I’m proud of you, Scherezade”

[member="Scherezade deWinter"]

 

[Scherezade deWinter]

Actually, if Angelo had just asked Scherezade what Josh looked like, she would have shown him, an he'd never have to ask a Jedi for their name. But Angelo didn't ask, so Scherezade didn't say.

But his next words did surprise her. Sure, it was good she'd made a friend... She'd actually made two, the other one being a Mandalorian, but maybe now wasn't the right time to mention that and set Angelo's anger off again.

But he was also wrong. Her friendship with Josh hadn't lessened the pain of what happened with Gerwald and Katrine. Not at all. Even now, about two months removed from that horrible night, she still hurt as she had that night, she still ached as though it had been minutes since she'd been broken. It was not lessening. The pain was going to remain as it was for forever, to always remind her that she was not allowed to trust, that those she trusted betrayed her, and that she was not allowed to love, because she could never really be loved.

And then Angelo said he was proud of her.

Scherezade looked at her uncle. She looked like crap. Still with bags under the eyes, still that look of someone who hadn't slept in a forever, still that sickly skin tone. And he was proud of her.

"You're just saying that because you're my uncle and you haven't tried to kill me yet," came the sarcastic retort.


[member="Angelo Cavataio"]

 

[Angelo Cavataio]

The response was not to his liking. Angelo’s happy go lucky look shifted his serious face. It was like he shifted over to the times with his crew and they were planning their missions out. Even his tone was commanding and sharp. “Let’s review things…” His hands were together and resting on the table. He looked at his niece like he did his crew. It was little cold but all serious. “You were almost killed by a jedi, but you have one as friend… you looked pass one person’s transactions against you to allow yourself to make friend in an order that breed that waste of space jedi you faced off with.” Angelo was not going to say Kamon’s name. The hate he had for that one was deep since he had to take care of his sister and niece because the jedi abandon them.

“The darkness…” He continued on, moving to the next series of notes. “You fought against it and survived. Sometimes that is all we need to do, but that thing in my book was clearing set out to break you and take over. You might think you are broken now. There is still a deeper level it could have gone. Though, that’s just me making a stab in the dark on what it was trying to do. Still, you made out and pushed it back. You have unorthodox ways of fighting, but I had to resort to unorthodox methods in jobs before. It is clear, it doesn’t have a hold on you like it did at first.”

Angelo was more dumping everything onto Scherezade. She had improved and as little as it was. It was still an improvement over where she was. “Then we come to family, you are looking and found some. You helped push a stubborn hot head to go and be with his piece of our family. Also you are stuck with me for now on, but I bet you had to go out of your comfort zone to make it all happen. That alone is a big step forward.”

“Lastly, you are still among the living. There are some that would end their lives if they went through everything you did. This shows your strength is there and even though life punched harder than normal, you are still getting up.” Angelo paused, he was done with examples, but still had a little wrap up to say. Even his tone changed from the serious mission planning one to a more fatherly, caring tone. “These apart of worth being proud of.” He moved to sit next to Scherezade. A hug was decided to be given to Scherezade, and a kiss on the side of her head too. “Just a few reasons why I’m proud of you, Scherezade. You have done good.” This was true and why he was smiling at her now.

[member="Scherezade deWinter"]

 

[Scherezade deWinter]

Scherezade sat quietly as she listened to her uncle. Every piece of her wanted to rebel against what he said, tell him how wrong he was. The only thing she could scoff to her successes was in bringing him and Asteria back together after seven centuries. The rest... Sure, she'd survived. But did she really? The Darkness still chased her.

"Josh is my friend mostly because of his persistence," she finally sighed as she leaned into Angelo, letting him hug and kiss her temple, "it was either let him become one, or kill him for being annoying. And he's a battlemaster, I'm nowhere near to being good enough as a Warrior to even pose a challenge to him if it comes down to that."

It was... An excuse. Their friendship had developed over the sharing of pain. And while Josh was going above and beyond, Scherezade knew that she was not giving him as much as he was giving her. She was a crappy friend to him, somehow both caring about him and loving him (a a friend), yet at the same time, terrified of trusting him and constantly pushing him away, making him walk on eggshells. It was mindboggling why he stuck around at all.

"The Darkness..." she closed her eyes, "what is the survival worth it, Uncle Angelo? It's still chasing me. I can't sleep. Before the second time, I could, though badly, and I was just afraid of the dark, but after the second time... It's all so much worse. I'm not pushing it back. I don't know how. I'm just... Running from it. And I'm terrified of what happens when my body and mind break down and I can't run anymore. I go day to day being drunk, trying not to think, not to feel, and not even that is really working."

Scherezade opened her eyes, and took another swig from her bottle. "And as for you and aunt Asteria..." she whispered, "I'm genuinely glad it worked. But it also made me understand that I'm never going to have anything close to resembling that. Not everyone can be loved like that."



[member="Angelo Cavataio"]

 

[Angelo Cavataio]

Angelo sighed. It could be the first time he had done it in his life. Listening to Scherezade made him a bit sad, he knew she was capable of so much. Great things were at her fingertips and not so great too. He saw that in her, and as proud as he is of her small steps forward. He could not ignore one big thing. She was holding herself back. "You are lying to yourself. You, dear, live off the pain. Look at your body and you'll see the physical history of that pain you lived off of. Now that you aren't getting pain through physical means, you are hurting yourself. It is time to stop. You know can have find friends, a love, family, and even the darkness isn't chasing you because you are doing its job for it. But really, I talk about how you are sabotaging yourself until I am blue in the face."

Angelo had been shown memories, and he shared his. There was a closeness and trust. It might be why he was treating her more like his daughter than anything else. She was close to his daughter’s age, and he was working on being a father to his daughter again. It let him stay in father mode more, and she just got the mode too. Other reasons could be used for the explanation, but he saw and understood that family did not have to be from blood. He could choice who was in his family.

“That said…” He hugged her more as he added to what he had said before. “I will always be proud of you because I can see your accomplishments…. you will always have my support and protection, Scherezade.” Angelo was genuine about his word. He felt strong in wanting to save her before something foolish happen.

[member="Scherezade deWinter"]

 

[Scherezade deWinter]

"No, Uncle Angelo," Scherezade sighed, taking another swig from her bottle, "these scars are on my body are from before I knew about bacta and because of what my fighting style was back then. Best pin cushion in the 'verse. I didn't switch from this to what I am now."

Perhaps chronologically, it looked like that. But it wasn't. She wasn't trying to hurt herself, never had at any point. She was trying to make the pain stop, and was failing at it, miserably.

"And Darkness is always pulling, always trying to get in," she added. It was why she wasn't sleeping. She wanted to sleep so badly, but she was so terrified of it. She knew, that if she dreamed, she would be trapped again.

Angelo hugged her more and repeated that he was proud of her, that she would always have his support and protection.

"My parents should have been here to offer that too," Scherezade whispered.


[member="Angelo Cavataio"]

 

[Angelo Cavataio]

Scherezade made everything challenging, but it was not bad. The challenge came from Angelo out of practice and not having a lot experience on the parent path. So he shot from the hip, “Have you thought that if they are still alive that might be off trying to protect you from a greater threat while they know you are safe with other family members? Parents are odd creatures, dear… some hover over and never give space while others stand away and watch. Those that stand back are watching to ensure nothing truly big bad coming at their children. Those are one also that have complete faith in their children because they believe their children are strong. As they have faith in you, you have to have faith they are there to catch you when it is really the right time.” Angelo warmly spoke to Scherezade. A mischievous grin formed as he added, “Plus your parents know you are safe because I’m around… the best one in the family.” In everything, humor can ease the pain of many things… so he thought and tried to do a lot. There was a lot pain and rage so turning to lighting moods was his way to hide it in a way.

“So what do you think your parents want for you? And what does the darkness want?” Two questions that would be easy to super loaded. If he was shooting from the hip, it would end with questions to help him find what to say next. It was attempts to try to find an out of the box way of help his niece.

[member="Scherezade deWinter"]

 

[Scherezade deWinter]

No. Truth be told, she hadn’t thought that her parents might be warding off a bigger threat. But what bigger threat was there than the Darkness? What tools did she possibly have to be able to deal with it? She was fading away, a little bit more with every day, and she didn’t have anyone to rely on that could help her with it. Sure, she’d made a couple of friends recently, and she had Uncle Angelo, but the Darkness was still there, was still looming over her.

“If that’s the case,” she answered, “they’re wrong to put their faith in me. I don’t live up to any of my blood lines. I’m not anywhere near to as powerful as they were since childhood. I’m just nothing.”

Scherezade sighed and leaned her head back against the wall, taking another gulp from her bottle.

“They would have wanted me to be happy, I guess,” she shrugged, “I’m hoping. I never really knew them. All I have is some of my grandmother’s memories inside my head and I don’t even know how complete or how true they want. And the Darkness wants me. All of me. My life, my soul, my… Every fiber of my existence.”

And maybe that was why… No, she didn’t want to think about it. Not now.

[member="Angelo Cavataio"]