Private No More

[Alina Tremiru]

Everything went to hell. She shouldn't of been surprised. That's what war was. The battles Alina survived, they were never without their own wounds. Physical or not. And it wasn't like Quinn Varanin hadn't fought in a war before. They both knew how terrible it was to be Sith in this day and age. And yet, knowing she got hurt had set Alina off in a way she'd never experienced before. Pure, primal rage. For that first moment, she didn't know if Quinn was alive. Sorrow and rage were the only things she felt. When she realized the other was alive, it shifted more to rage. Not just at those who harmed her.

But at herself. Alina's cowardice is what brought the Echani back into the Sith. Back into the darkness. Why was it she couldn't stand up for herself? Viers faced down that same darkness but chose to fight against it. She was weaker than Alina, they both knew that. And yet, the Jedi was far stronger than Alina could ever be. She glared at the stars as they streaked into lines. As the blue of hyperspace surrounded her ship. Her grip on the controls tightened too much, twisting the metal. Her gaze softened as she looked down at her hand. All this strength, and she couldn't bring herself to leave.

Alina took a breath before she stood up and walked back out to the main room. She wasn't alone.

".. Quinn, are you alright?"

 

[Quinn Varanin]

//: Alina Tremiru //:

As much as she should have remained bedridden, the Echani Princess refused to lay there. If she had stayed, she would fall asleep, and then the nightmares would return. Instead, seeing the faces she had seen, the memories she had been forced to relive were burned into her mind. How easily the Sith had been able to invade her mind only proved how weak she indeed was.

Quinn wrapped her uninjured arm around herself; she drew in the limb and healing arm against her as well. The cold of space helped her mind focus somewhere else besides the terrible pain she was feeling. She hurt physically and mentally, to see the face of someone she cared for have so much hate for her crushed her soul.

“...Quinn, are you alright?” Alina’s voice would come through the room, startling Quinn. Pulling into herself, she nodded and remembered that what she saw wasn’t the truth. Relaxing slightly, Quinn looked towards Alina with a gentle smile. She didn’t respond right away, she could tell Alina felt guilty about what had happened, and all she could say was no, everything hurt.

Shifting where she sat, she nodded for Alina to join her. Finding her words, she tried to hide how much pain she was in, “I’m okay, more importantly, how are you?” Quinn, for once, wanted the attention off of her; she could tell something was bothering the vampiress. “What’s wrong?” ​

 

[Alina Tremiru]

Quinn Varanin had always been good at hiding her feelings. Under the mask of arrogance and coldness, at least as long as Alina had known her. But seeing her like this, hurt. Damaged. From the Vampiress's choice to stay in the Sith, hit her. She either didn't bother to hide the guilt or simply couldn't. No, she just couldn't. Not with the princess trying to ask if she was alright.

"No."

Part of her wanted to lie. But, no. Not to Quinn. She sat down as she was motioned to. At least the wound in Quinn's shoulder was healing. Just another thing she caused. She should of known the Ren was skulking around, should have protected her. Instead, she dragged Quinn into the dark and into the fight. Into war.

Her gaze stayed low. She couldn't actually look in Quinn's direction, just staring at the floor. "If I left, gave up all of this, would you come with me? I'd have.. Nothing. No title, no powerbase. No place to go. .. I can't stay. I can't see you get hurt like this again." It's what she should have done right away. Even without Quinn she should of left the Sith. She hated being a Sith. How many people did she watch get hurt? Die? She wanted to fight the system, but she wasn't strong enough.

She never would be as a Sith.

Everything blurred. Alina blinked. Oh. Tears. Rather than look as miserable as she was feeling, she just looked surprised. When was the last time she cried? When she lost her arms. Right, that was the last time. The stress of everything just came crashing down. "I have nothing I can offer you, except for me."

 

[Quinn Varanin]

//: Alina Tremiru //:

Quinn felt her body stiffen as she watched Alina break down. For as long as she had known the girl, a moment of weakness was never there. Quinn was always attracted to the strength she showed, but seeing her falling to pieces. The princess couldn’t help herself feel for the woman. Keeping quiet, she watched and listened; everything was what both of their families desired. Power, money, and title were the things that marked their lives comfortable.

“Alina,” She started, choking back her own emotions, knowing that it was her turn to be strong. Quinn scooted closer and leaned forward. How dare something make the strong vampiress cast her gaze down, but Quinn understood. Reaching forward, a hand cupped Alina’s face. “Alina.” Forcing Alina to stare at her, “None of that matters to me; I’m the second daughter of a Queen, the one not chosen to lead. Titles, money, and power - they can’t replace you.”

Gently, the princess ran her thumb along the cool cheek of her lover. She smiled, “My love - you’re all that I’ve ever wanted - you’re more than enough for me. Don’t ever forget that.” Both of Quinn’s hands cupped Alina’s cheeks as she rested their foreheads together, “I care about you, I’ll follow you to the end of the galaxy, wherever you go.” Leaning into Alina, their lips touched, despite how terrible the fight had gone - it didn’t matter. They had lived, and she wanted her love to be all that the Sith Lord felt.​

 

[Alina Tremiru]

Part of her hated herself for this display of weakness. The part that had been hammered into her since she was a child, since she was born into the life of a Sith. Weakness was death. She was making herself vulnerable. Adding chain after chain. Every part of her that was Sith revolted at this moment, screaming for her to harden herself and strike out. Rid herself of this chain before it could be used against her again.

So she did strike out. Crushed that part of her mind. Refused the darkness that had such a hold of her soul. If being a Sith meant an endless, violent struggle while hardening herself to concept like love then she'd forsake it. She survived once without power over the Force. Her gaze lifted to meet Quinn Varanin 's once again, the corrupted yellow faded to a more dull gold. Still glowing, but the hate she once accepted as power was gone. Every word from the princess's lips made it possible.

She didn't need to be the monster she'd tried so hard to become.

The pain she felt, physical and otherwise, faded. The burns under her armor from the lightning that had erupted from her lover during the battle had marred her body badly. And despite her near immortality, burns simply weren't something she could heal quickly or efficiently. Later, they'd probably be far worse. Right now? Alina pulled off the gloves she'd worn since she'd lost her arms. It was rare enough for her to touch anything directly after they had been remade, but all she wanted was to feel the warmth from Quinn's skin.

The kiss was brief as the Vampiress similarly held the Echani's cheeks in her cool palms. A sheepish smile spread on her lips as she pulled back, pure and vulnerable.

"I love you."