No Backward Glances

[Lief]

Yes, the lack of arguing, and the simple happiness and relief of being beside one another, was most definitely welcome. She felt her eyes prick with the sting of tears, though she would be loathed to let him see them now, and smiled to the tender gesture that was a little boop to the nose.

"Thank you" she said, to the offer of blueprints. She did not know the first thing about constructing a saber, but once she had a list of necessary parts she could begin contemplating the best ones to utilize. Each saber was different, meaning she could fit it to her needs. Whatever they were.

With his next suggestion came laughter, and when his head settled against her thigh she hid a slight wince at the tenderness of her body and instead lay her hand within his hair. Gently playing with strands. While she missed the touch of his hand in hers, having to forsake it for the time being, she found it soothing for herself. No doubt it would feel the same for him, or so she hoped.

"Why didn't we dance on Rhen Var?" she mumbled, eyes once against closed and head set back against the pillows. "I saw you there, though... You didn't see me. We should have danced." It wouldn't be the same now, with her cybernetic hand which would come in time, the scarred face and body, she would never wear a dress again if she could help it.

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

Connor noted her wince, and he winced too at being carless, settling his head beside her on the bed and resting his arms on the side, looking up at the read-outs, her fingers through his hair a glorious comfort that forced his eyes to close soon enough.

"Mhm," he mumbled.

Rhen Var – she was there?

"You were on Rhen Var? At the dance?"

Rakcing his brains, all he remembered was Joza dressed to the nines and a Youngling dressed like a despicable First Order Stormtrooper. To be fair, he spent most of that night alone and didn’t do much mingling or dancing at all.

"Why didn’t you come to me? I bet you looked wonderful. Kyra Sol dressed to impress. Now THAT is a sight I would have paid for."

He grinned at the image, glad she couldn’t see.

"And when you’re up on your feet and better, we will have that dance. Anytime, anywhere you want. I promise. Ok?"

[member="Kyra Sol"]

 

[Lief]

The loss of his head against her thigh made her for a moment feel empty, though knowing he had settled just beside helped to quickly quench that sensation. Her fingers trailed along the edge of his hair, delicately teasing around his ear. Would she be able to feel such detail under cybernetic fingertips? The softness of his skin, the slight scars, the fibers of his hair?

She did her best to commit it all to memory. Tracing along his cheek, across his jawline, feeling the scratch of an unkempt beard. Up along his brow, touch so tender that it barely felt real at all.

"You seemed busy" she whispered, "I did not want to disturb your talks with the others."

Truth be told that had been the first real time she had felt jealousy toward another woman. The pink skinned lady he had spent most of the evening talking to was the cause of her envy. She wished Connor had looked at her that way. Now he never would.

"You wouldn't want to dance with me now. I felt so different that night, not quite myself but in a positive way..." Now look at her.

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

Connor looked up, near half-asleep from her gentle touch.

"Hey. We will have that dance when you’re up on your feet, and war-wounds or not, that doesn’t make you different. Look at my eye. Does that change me? Does it repulse you? I know it doesn’t, and so any cybernetic limbs you have won’t repulse me. Or anyone. It means you’re a survivor."

Fully awake, he sat up to look at her.

"You’ve got to turn this into a positive, and not feel your life is over or irreversible. Nothing is. This is the start of a new chapter for you – stronger, more resilient. Wiser. Besides, you’re arm will be stronger than ever. Nobody’s going to try pick a fight with you in a hurry."

Connor smiled and patted her hand gently.

"And I wasn’t busy. You should have come to me. Next time, just come to me. Don’t assume I’m ever too busy for you."

[member="Kyra Sol"]

 

[Lief]

Her hand fell from where it had settled, caressing the curves of his face, when he sat upright on the chair. She let it settle by her side on the bed, fidgeting with the linens she was trapped within while he spoke.

"I know... I know nothing's changed, and yet at the same time I can't help but feel like it has all the same." Not the most coherent of sentences she had ever uttered, that was for sure. A small frown worked its way on her expression. She did not want to ruin the peace which had enveloped them both with her misery. She was alive, and in one piece... Sort of. What more could she ask for?

"I don't mean to be negative. It's just... It's a lot to take in. I've only been away for a short while, and I've felt so many different emotions toward it." Would it ever get easier? To look down and find... Nothing in place of her arm? To look in the mirror and find so stark a reminder of what Ignus had done? And would a cybernetic really fill the void? Time would tell.

She reached for his hand once again, she found comfort in his presence but more so from being able to touch him. It grounded her in a way that the hospital bed could not, allowed her to realize that she remained among the living.

"I have missed you, Connor, even though you have been right here, or a commclick away. When did we fall so out of touch with everything? All our bickering... And for what?" Her heart ached, more so than any pain she otherwise felt, and she turned her sights away. She lay beside the only man she'd ever loved, the only person even, with just a bed rail between them, her hand tightly in his. And yet deep down she realized that she would never be any closer to him than she was now.

The stars were not so kind to those with the name Sol.

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

There was a sadness to her, and Connor knew partly what is was about.

Her love for him.

Connor swallowed and held her hand tight, trying not to show his own sadness. Truth be told, Connor loved Kyra Sol more than he wanted to admit. He was scared to admit, and he knew if he did, he would lose her forever eventually. Like those before her who tried to get close, they fell. Fell to the Sith, to the Dark Side, to self-loathing.

To risk having that happen to Kyra, when she had just survived an encounter heightened only by the fact she KNEW of Connor, then he wasn't going to risk anything more.

It broke his heart. But...maybe if he found himself, if he found the real Connor inside all this doubt, maybe...?

"Then we will make sure we never fall out of touch again. I'm here for you. I promise you. Whether I'm across the galaxy or one day leading my own Jedi temple," he chuckled, "I'll always have time for you."

He had to lower his head to compose himself, and his fingers tightened for second in hers.

"You're never going to be alone in this galaxy as long I am living in it."

[member="Kyra Sol"]