No Backward Glances

[Lief]

It wasn't until this moment that she realized what was happening. Not truly. It was Connor... Why was she allowing Connor to see her this way? Oh he was going to be so very mad with her when he realized what had happened.

"I'm... I'm fine" she murmured, trying to muster up enough strength to push herself away from his embrace, from his comforting touch and the warmth which flooded between them. He was trying to help, to heal, she knew... It was stupid of her to push away, and yet she could not bear the thought of him regretting this later. She had lost something which belonged to him, she had failed to protect herself.

She was weak. So stupidly weak. Would he retract his offer? Would he remove her from the Order he had spent so very long convincing her to join?

There was little room for movement though, his hand was against her head holding her in place, and despite her best efforts there was no way she was pushing him aside. Chaos, when had she gotten so bloody weak?

He spoke then, despite it all, and she could hear the restraint in his voice. He was angry... Truly angry. He may have been able to fool others with his nonchalant charades, but not her. Never her.

"I don't know" she said, her mind abuzz as she tried to piece together the puzzle that was Mirial. Ignus. She knew that much... But it would be meaningless to Connor, wouldn't it? "Ignus" she said anyway, "I think..."

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

IGNUS

The green-skinned Sith from the meeting between their orders. He did this. This was because of Connor - he had targeted her. He pushed his tongue up against his teeth, chewing over the loathing and face of the Sith he pictured after talking down to him regarding the Korriban affair. Korriban. The whole planet should have been blown away. No rogue commander was worth this. This was personal. This was worth more than 10,000 faceless lives lost.

She was uncomfortable. He didn't have time to waste her while she needed medical attention he couldn't provide here. He pulled his com from his side belt and activated an open signal to the Voss Temple.

"This is Connor Harrison - urgent. Have medical teams on stand-by at once for my ship. I have a critically injured female of the Order - Kyra Sol. Facial wound and left arm separation." He turned to her and placed his hand under her neck and lifted. "Come on, we're getting you home."

Carrying her to the passage way of her ship, not one he was too familiar with internally, he found a comfy bay for her and laid her down.

"I'm taking us to Voss and they'll fix you. And, Ignus. Green skinned, facial marks. Sith. That's him. What happend? Why did he attack you and where?"

[member="Kyra Sol"]

 

[Lief]

Her eyes drifted closed and she ceased her resistance when he began to speak into his comms. Settling her head back to his chest and breathed in slowly and gave in to the incoming darkness.

It didn't matter what he was saying, it didn't matter what plans he was making, all that she cared about was that he was there, that he hadn't pushed her away at the mere sight of her, or at the name of the Sith whom she had lost to.

Suddenly though she felt... Weightless. It wasn't until she felt her body turned into his that she realized she'd been lifted from the ground. The steady rocking of her body in his arms soothed away her pain, and almost as a babe might she felt herself drifting into a sleep filled state.

Not completely lost to her dreams, but enough that every word he spoke sounded hazy. Something something Voss... Something something Sith... Then questions followed, and she merely murmured in response. In her head she was giving him details, but all that came out was incoherent nonsense.

By this point she had felt a pressure at her back and knew that she was once again lying down. No doubt in a damn medical bed, oh Kai was certain the droids were loving that. She reached out aimlessly in search of him, before turning her face against the pillow.

"Tired..." she muttered, "So tired."

Answers could wait, right now she wanted to rest.

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

"Get this ship to Voss at once - her life depends on it. Check the log records - the route is direct and pre-planned."

Connor shouted down to the droids in her ship; with a girl this savvy with existing around technology, he hoped they could navigate the ship themselves on a pre-programmed route she would have taken before. Looking back to Kyra, she was slipping into a sleep. Her breathing was calmer and her temperature was steady. This was a good sign.

He winced slightly at the fact she gave him nothing more, but what could he do.

As her body went heavy, he placed his hand on her right temple and looked through his hand; through all matter and looked at nothing but the Force that opened her mind to his touch. The thoughts and nightmarish sounds and sights swirling in her head - distorted, scary, violent.

The face of Ingus and a blue blade - his blade - and the swings of a crimon saber. It was ungraceful, unknowlegable and uneducated. Kyra had been taken by surprise and defended herself without any knowledge what she was doing.

Connor opened his eyes as he heard the blade slice through her brow and the sizzle of burnt flesh melded with her scream that echoed in his mind. It made him remove his hand gently, keeping one on hers at the bunk. He just stared at the wall - nothing in particular, because he was only physically looking at it.

Mentally he was thinking what he would do to Ignus when he found him and how much pain he could inflict on the coward. First Haytham, now Ignus. It seemed the Sith had a horrible trait of beating up women for pleasure. Something he'd have to put right.

[member="Kyra Sol"]

 

[Lief]

The droids were quick to respond; they knew the ship like the back of their hand, and were more than adept at running it in Kyra's absence.

The ship jolted for just a moment before it rose up and shot through the atmosphere without another wasted second. By this point she was completely out cold, but when the medical droid hooked her back up to the IVs her vitals were finally leveling out.

"Thank you for bringing her back to bed, Master Harrison" the hovering droid chirped, "Mistress is a stubborn patient."

Thankfully Sark was not terribly far from Voss, so the journey was little more than a swift jump through hyperspace. One which stretched on in silence with just the quiet whirring of the machines and their breathing to break it up.

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

For the flight to Voss, Connor sat by her side the whole time with the engines and sound of her heart rate beeping on the read-out erected by the med droid. His responses to them were silent, and they knew when to leave.

Her severed arm was wrapped tight by her side, and there was gauze now applied across the top half of her face down the left to protect and heal the burn. She was as still as anything as she slept. His hand rested on hers atop the bed.

"Remember much of Denon? Probably not but you still owe me for that vial you smashed."

He smiled, and hung his head. Smile turning to a scowl.

"You called me a Forcie the whole time. Even after I told you my name and I accidentally nearly killed you. And little did I know fast forward 10 years we’d be here. My one good thing, my rock to normality, smashed."

The engines were humming gently as his thumb stroked the back of her hand.

"I will find who did this to you, I swear to the Force I will Kyra. I will not let them get away with this, that Ignus. When I find him I’ll make him suffer."

Standing up, he leant in to kiss her cheek, and held it there longer than normal.

"I will always be here, my sweet Kyra."

[member="Kyra Sol"]

 

[Lief]

Somewhere deep inside the void which had become her consciousness, Kyra stirred. While her body remained immobile, and her breathing steady, the monitor made note of a sudden and unexpected blip in her heart rate; it was as though his very words gave her strength of being, its pace increasing just a fraction - enough to warrant a low pitched beep from the machinery which was keeping her alive.

Within the rigid prison of her mind she awoke. She found almost immediately that her limbs would not respond like she willed them to. No arm lifted, no leg shifted off the side of the bunk... Likewise her eyes did not open. She knew that much, and yet despite all this she could see as clear as the warm days of Jakku. As though a dense smog had lifted from her close lidded vision.

He was there, sat upright and over her in quiet vigil. Just how long he had been watching, worrying, she did not know, but he looked terrible. Exhausted, almost withered. She longed then and there to reach for him, but the steely walls held her in place granting her sight alone from sleeping eyes.

And then she realized, as she focused more on the grooves of his expression and the pull of his lips, why it was she had mentally awoken. Words finally drifted through the shell, enveloping her in the story of their existence together. Denon. That word ricocheted through her mind even when he had moved onto the next. It was as though she was existing in a time warp, his words elongated, drifting back and forth like a stuck record... One she would gladly listen to for a millennium if time permitted it.

A whole swathe of emotion tumbled from him, unconcealed and unabridged, and with it her sympathy arose. A feeling of contentment lifted from within her, reaching out to swaddle around him, to comfort him and keep him warm. Whether he chose to acknowledge her gift or not, the sole thing to break free from the confines of her mind, she could not tell... But with it there came a whole ocean of feelings previously suppressed. The love, the adoration, she had locked away since they first left Jakku.

So long ago, now...

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

Anyone else would look up suddenly, or jump being taken unaware, or search for someone in the room at the presence Connor felt, but he didn’t need to. The presence was right next to him in Kyra Sol.

Resting his brow on her right temple, Connor smiled and let her connect with him in a strong entwining of their auras. She fed from his comfort, and he fed from hers. Beyond their physical bodies, their bond spiritually was stronger than ever and they both knew what the other had meant and how they had played a part in their lives.

Connor didn’t rush to pull away, he just stayed there, eyes closed, becoming moist with tears.

She truly held him in high regard, and her love was strong. A love he didn’t deserve and a love he feared. How he wanted to hold her hand, to escape with her and kiss her and lift her up, spin her around and remind her how important she was to him. But it was beyond that now. To let someone as special as Kyra in meant he was threatening her entire existence – look what had happened with her simply being attached as his Padawan learner.

With that, his eyes opened sharply.

Pulling away, a streak of blood ran down her cheek. Reaching up, he felt the leakage from his deranged tear duct under the scar. Wiping away the horrid reminder of his encounter with Matsu, the tear of blood streaked his face and hand. Carefully licking his thumb, he gently wiped away his mark on her cheek, and then dabbed his own eyes.

Letting out an exhale, he tried not to see the image in his head of her in pain and fear, being goaded and mutilated by a Sith holding the very saber he gave Kyra. Cut apart by Connor’s weapon.

"You are so important beyond words Kyra Sol. You have no idea how much I hold you back."

It was like being punched in the stomach, and he felt sick.

[member="Kyra Sol"]

 

[Lief]

Agony and grief ran rampant, even with the comforting tendrils of light surrounding them both. What she would have given to arise in that moment, to reach out to him with physical being and silence his worries. Perhaps moreso apparent than this was his guilt, however, a corrupting sensation that would eat away at him if left unseen to. In this weird state of mind she could see more than just the material state of things, it was as though his mind had been picked apart and lain bare before them, thoughts and emotions floating through the aether... Almost tangible.

But what could she do? In this infernal state of damnation she was stuck, unable to comfort, unable to correct his misery. The lines and tubes keeping her alive began to feel like succubi, draining her strength instead of granting it. Walls she did not know even existed were closing in, and her vision began to fade. No more, she could not reside inside this prison...

The ruckus which sounded from the blaring monitors was the first signal as Kyra's good arm moved to rip away the IV. Far from the serenity of her mind, now her head ached as though a siren had been set off within it, causing her teeth to clench. Her body felt strange, as though submerged, her head heavy as she lifted it in a sudden motion. Sitting upright on the bunk.

Where once there had been silence, now there was chaos. Machines and droids both shouted their displeasure, but the junker did not care. Too long she had lain, too long she had sat back in indifference. When her eyes finally opened the light was so harsh that she could not see clearly at all. Her head felt pierced and split, yet when the medical droid tried to order her to lie back down she did more than simply ignore. One hand lifted in its direction, and without warning the damn thing dropped from its place midair. A slight stench of burning rose into the room as its circuits fried, and then nothing.

Even the monitors seemed to silence.

Finally her head turned, unfocused gaze fixated upon the man at her side. Nothing was spoken, she simply stared and allowed the silence to linger.

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

As Kyra stirred, he felt the tremor in the room, and it wasn’t just the ships engines. Placing his hand on her head, he looked at her body, starting to fight the medicine and the care, reacting in shock at the whole thing. Doing what he could to keep her calm wasn’t enough, and she took seconds to lash out from her sleep.

The next moment, as her droid came closer, it crumpled on itself, popped and sparked and collapsed in a heap.

Connor looked to the droid, and then to her, her bright eyes looking at him, the left slightly droopy with the treatment. He sat down, the smell of burnt metal filling the air.

"You’ll have to find a new droid now, you silly thing," he smiled, placing a hand on hers once more.

"You’re safe now, and try to stay calm and relax. How are you feeling? Do you remember anything about what happened?"

[member="Kyra Sol"]

 

[Lief]

She seemed completely indifferent to the fact that she had destroyed one of the droids in her care. Her nostrils twitched a touch, becoming acutely aware of the stench which still lingered, before finally realizing that Connor was staring at her.

Something about what he said made confusion writhe upon her expression. A new droid?

"You forget me" she rasped, her lips and throat both somewhat dry making speech rather painful to carry out. Droids she could fix, but people? People were another matter all together.

Looking down, she finally took note of what had happened; while she wasn't in the most alert of states, she was moreso now than she had been prior to his arrival. Her arm was gone, and not just any but her left... The one she relied upon the most. How would this affect her work? By now she had also come to the realization that her left eye was worse for wear. Still blurred and painful to keep open for prolonged periods of time.

She closed it, finding her perception a little off but... Grateful to be able to see at all. To be able to move or breathe. He could so easily have killed her.

"I... I was such a fool" she finally said, as she looked away from Connor and to the room at large, one of the crew bunks. It felt good to be out of the medbay. "I was frustrated, he was so presumptuous about who I am... What I am... And then he took it." She grimaced at that, her good hand tightening into a fist. "He took your lightsaber, and I couldn't just let him have it."

Flashes in her mind, the collision of red and blue, had her wincing. "So I took his."

Her gaze once again fell to the spot where her left hand ought to have been. "It's here, somewhere, his saber... I forget where..." She had dropped it no doubt upon seeing Connor, but the time since then and now was such a blur that she had no hopes of recollecting it any time soon.

"The arm I can fix, but... My face... Tell me honestly, will I be able to see again properly?"

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

She had been easy to subdue in her state.

The last thing she would remember was his face on the ship. The next moment she would be opening her eyes again in a dimly lit room to the sound of a heart monitor, vials attached to her, a gauze over half her face and her severed arm wrapped tight.

The medical bay on Voss, in the Silver Jedi temple, would be her home for the coming week or so.

Connor was sat by here, letting the droid now bring her to when he was there. As her eyes opened, he stood and placed a hand on hers.

"You’re on Voss,” he said quickly so she didn’t panic. "You’re in the temple and you’re getting the best treatment. Your arm will be fixed with a cybernetic limb suitable for your size and strength, and your eye sight will return in time. There has been damage to the nerves around your eye and it will be sore for some time, and there was permanent damage that will not be repaired. And your scar, running from the eyebrow to the scalp, will fade.”

He smiled, because you had to at times like this.

"Apart from that, you’re looking as right as rain. But you get to join the war-wound club with me now. And they are wounds to embrace; to feel proud of. Because it means you survived, and you are a fighter, and you suffer for your passion.”

A gentle squeeze on her hand.

"Everything will be alright now, Kyra Sol.”

[member="Kyra Sol"]

 

[Lief]

No response from her friend, instead darkness pricked in the edge of her vision until once again she was engulfed by it. Subtle beeps in the distance, a muffled voice she couldn't comprehend, and then nothing.

Not even a void. Not even darkness. Simply nothing.

How long she had been out of it for was anyone's guess. When she finally became aware of her surroundings again the chill which had set over her on the 'Bucket was gone. Instead she felt neither warm, nor cold. Just right. She was acutely aware of something covering her body up to her neck, no doubt a blanket of some sort, and an odd sensation where her left arm ought to have been.

Almost as though it was there. Only it wasn't.

That was a sickening thought.

Next came the sounds. Steady beeping, general hubbub in the distance. The soft voices of bedside staff.

Ugh, I'm in a medical bay again... Aren't I?

Her eyes fluttered, soaking in every bit of light until they ached painfully. A sword just between her eyes, it made her want to throw up. Thankfully she didn't.

Still she fought on through these sensations, until her eyes were fully open and she could take in her surroundings. She was lay propped up in bed, a droid was just leaving the vicinity, and at her side...

Connor.

Relief was all she felt, with the knowledge that he hadn't abandoned her. He was still here, looking slightly more rested than last she'd seen him. With a smile on his face. That had to mean good news, right? Maybe they'd let her go.

Surprisingly, even before his soothing words, Kyra did not panic. She assessed the situation with a pragmatic mind, that was only slightly hindered by the intense migraine, and gave a slightly sore nod.

Eye sight will return. Scarring and tenderness will remain. As for the arm...

"No. No arm."

Probably an odd thing for someone who relied on their hands for work to say, but almost as instantly she set about explaining herself.

"That's something I need to work through for myself. Please. Not that I don't... Appreciate it..."

Her words were said sloppily, as though a mist still hung heavy over her mind. But they were clear enough, also.

She tightened her good hand in his, closed her eyes, and exhaled one long drawn out breath.

"You didn't leave" she finally said, softly as a morning breeze, her eyes welling with tears behind closed lids, "You didn't abandon me..."

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

His face bore only a warm smile, and a proud look in his eyes as the girl battled through the medication to stay with him and be optimistic.

"I'm never going to leave you, silly. You're my oldest friend. We are in this together."

He brought her hand to his lips and gently kissed her fingers.

"You are going to be fine. More than fine. You'll be taken care of, rested and fixed up, and all in your own time. We have all the time in the world."

Connor glanced to her read-outs, and they were good. More than good. She was stable and comfortable, and now just needed to get her strength, and overcome the physical pain and mental trauma such an attack would leave. His hand never left hers.

"We will not speak of what happened again. That's in the past. All that matters is we get you fixed up. And when you're back out on your feet, I'll be here waiting as always."

[member="Kyra Sol"]

 

[Lief]

[Quit breaking my heart you traitor </3]

His words only sought to soothe her all the more, and she found that she could remain there in bed if she had to. Rest wasn't something she readily had access to, if truth be told, she was always working on one thing or another dead into the night. It had only been made worse by the fact that her workshop was now on her ship.

And Chaos knew what a timesink the void of space could be.

She rubbed her right eye into her shoulder, before blinking and looking back over to him. He was right, she could see a little better today than last she had been awake. That was a relief.

"Well, I appreciate it" she said, flexing her thumb against his lips absentmindedly. "It isn't time I need, it's patience to stay put. I don't think I've ever spent this much time laying down."

Another small sigh, before she did her best to sit upright a little more. Her head still felt groggy, her muscles stiff, but for the first time in a surprisingly long time she actually felt... Serene? Calm. No longer at war within her own mind.

As though a page had turned over in her life.

"He was doing it to get at you" she said, out of nowhere, although he had already just that moment taken talking about it off the table. "That doesn't scare me, it doesn't make me want to leave your side or you to leave mine. I'm not afraid of that man."

She tugged his hand closer and gave it a little squeeze for good measure.

"But I realize now, Con'... That holding back, it's doing nobody any good. If I had opened myself to your teachings, and those of your people, truly opened myself up, then maybe I could've gotten out of there without injury. Instead..."

Instead she was mutilated. She took it on the chin pretty damn well though, all things considered. Or maybe that was the meds talking.

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

He shook his head as the talked, a smile creeping over his face. There was nothing she could do, and nothing he would let her do.

"Kyra...Kai...listen. Ignus is a coward. He hides behind deception and manipulation as all Sith do. I will find him one day. He is not your worry. He is mine, and he made himself my target the second he targeted you."

Another gentle kiss on the hand.

"I know you're not afraid of him. You proved that when you stood defiant against him. I'm so proud of you, and as for your injuries? That's nothing. I know many people stronger and more able with cybernetic limbs, and you can't even tell they have them. Synthetic flesh will make you near indistinguishable to the naked eye. And you'll have one mean grip."

Connor smiled again with a little shake of his hand on hers. Another glance at her statistics; all good still. Regardless what he said, he would still worry about her now, tomorrow and ten years down the line.

He looked at her for a moment.

"Don't you leave me, ok? Ever."

Reaching up to gently stroke her forehead, he attempted to lull her into a gentle sleep. There was little she could do until rested and fit for surgery. She was so peaceful and strong, even in her darkest times.

[member="Kyra Sol"]

 

[Lief]

"It shouldn't be your cross to bear, Connor... I don't want you to fall into his hands. He's using me to get to you, and I'll be damned if I sit here and let it happen. I know you think it's your duty to protect me, and I suppose that in a way it must be, but that doesn't mean you should sacrifice all. Promise me, Connor... Promise me that you'll let this slide. One day we can face him, together. But to rush into it right now... You'd be giving him what he wants."

The delicate touch of his lips to her bruised fingers was a welcome reprieve, and she exhaled a soft breath and closed her eyes, trying to cling onto the sensation for as long as possible.

"I'm sorry I lost your lightsaber... I know it may seem trivial now, but the very thought of him taking it... With all it stands for..."

She grimaced, before opening her eyes and staring right into his.

"I'll get it back. Somehow, I will."

He told her he was proud of her, and her insides swelled in response. The pit of worry and doubt was replaced, and in its place lay tranquility. He wasn't angry, he wasn't going to cast her aside.

"I'm not worried about how I look, Connor. So long as you can look me in the eye, screw the rest of them."

She smiled, leaning into his touch when his free hand brushed against her forehead.

"And I'm not going anywhere. I don't think they'd let me even if I wanted to, which I don't."

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

Could he promise her he wouldn’t go after the coward Ignus? No. For he would go after him, and deep down she knew it. But he could simply promise everything else she needed to hear.

"I promise," he whispered into her hand, as she talked.

The lightsaber was an object. Her safety was paramount, and she was here. That was a fine price to pay for letting a bit of metal and crystal go. He rested his head in his free hand and looked at her, making sure to look her in the eyes as she spoke and gave her strength out to him.

"I’m looking you in the eye right now, aren’t I? Nothing bad will come of this. And you didn’t lose my saber, remember. You lost yours. I gave it to you. That was yours. We will get it back one day. Or make you a better one – one of your OWN hand, that one day you can impress me with."

He smiled.

"Actually that’s a good bit of homework whilse you recover. Draw up, plan and draft up a lightsaber hilt. For someone like you, it’ll be easy to make as you pretty much can make anything you put your mind to. So no worries there. Let him have his blade. It means nothing to me."

Of course, the thought of running him through with his own was far more exciting.

[member="Kyra Sol"]

 

[Lief]

Deep down she knew that he was lying to her. That he was sweet talking her with promises he could not keep. But couldn't she just lie in blissful ignorance for a while? Was it wrong of her to ignore the truth for a time? Simply relax and enjoy present company?

Not once did she seek to pull her hand back from his. As though in doing so he might vanish like a mirage, an oasis that was far too good to be true. How did she know that all of this was not simply playing out within her head? That she was still asleep, or worse dead.

Had they ever gone this long, this pair of ruffians, without arguing? Without finding cause to bicker?

Kyra exhaled, and leaned her head back against the soft pillows.

"You aren't upset that it is gone?" Then again, it wasn't really a particularly Jedi feeling was it? Possessions were something most were taught to remain disassociated with. Only the likes of she, who had never known such restrictions, held objects in high esteem.

At the mention of an assignment though, she did not know whether to laugh or cry. A curious expression marred her face, before finally she snickered. "Oh sure, I'll just whip up a blueprint." In the same instance she lifted what remained of her left arm, the one she used to draw and write and tinker. A rather cynical laugh, before she shook her head.

"I'll work on something, Force knows I need a mental reprieve. And nothing works quite so well as tinkering."

Her right hand wasn't completely useless. With time, effort, patience, she would make this work. And she had more time than she knew what to do with.

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

Narrowing his eyes, he tapped her on the nose gently.

"Hey, you. Miss Sarcastic." Then, the smile to defuse it. "I can get you a blueprint here to study and plan, just to keep your brain active. And no, I'm not upset it's gone. It served me well, and it was passed to you. Whatever you did, or he did, with it, saved your life and you're here now, alive, not dead. So for that, I don't miss it. I have you."

A gentle shake of the hand.

"When you get out of here, we'll go back to the moon. What do you say. See if we can find more of your...water birds."

He had trouble finishing the sentence before laughing, and lolling his head down into her thigh.

It was good to have her back. It was indeed a relief for him, more than he probably knew.

[member="Kyra Sol"]