Private 'Neath A Golden Crown

[Colette]

Adelle Bastiel
Colette nodded at what Adelle was saying.

"I know what you mean." She said, "Back in my clan you were free to be anything and anyone." A deep breath, a sigh. "As long as you knew who your parents were."

She didn't want to talk about them again. Adelle would have to connect the dots herself.

"I was taught how to change, feed, and entertain children. I know how to act as a forward scout for the camp and I can pinpoint a location on a map with a ten kilometer margin." She frowned. "But I was never going to have a child. That was forbidden."

"It's not so much a problem now. So, the funny thing about freedom of choice is you don't know what it means if you never get to taste it. And after that it'll be all you ever wish for."

 

[Adelle Bastiel]

Tags: Colette

"As long as you knew who your parents were."

Adelle ground her teeth but kept quiet. That one additional phrase filled in quite a few of the gaps of information. Combining it with the previous information offered, it painted an ugly picture.

"I can't let go of the hate I feel for the word 'mother' and it bothers me. Same with Fath-br-eeerrr.. "

An orphan, and possibly given up. If not abandoned, then royally screwed over by the galaxy. A wanted child would have had people know who they were, who their parents were. And with that came the privilege of choice.

An orphan though.

"That was forbidden."

Adelle flexed the fingers of her left hand, trying to release some of the tension creeping into her body. She hadn’t known anything about her past for just over a year. Where she came from, how old she was, who her family had been. Krayt had been her only major source of information about her past. She had lived under his thumb and his control, decisions about her future made for her because what other choice was there that deep in Coruscant’s underworld.

"—you don't know what it means if you never get to taste it. And after that it'll be all you ever wish for."

Colette’s voice brought her back to the present right as Phantom pawed softly at her jaw. Adelle’s head tilted slightly as she considered the words.

“Maybe not what it means,” Adelle said quietly. “But you know it’s there. That it exists for others and not you.”

She stopped there. Saying even that much around Na’an and Leigh would have brought on a conversation, and both woman and droid had been stubborn to a fault. Adelle wouldn’t have gotten away with deflecting again.

“So what have you done with your freedom of choice?” Adelle asked instead. “Aside from dance with mysterious strangers at balls and invite them out on hunts.”

 

[Colette]

Adelle Bastiel

A gentle but amused huff blew through Colette's nose. Adelle spoke the truth.

"Well, the dance and the hunt have been two of the big ones." Colette said and grinned. "I also chose to break the programming when I, uh—…"

Her face began to burn, her tan cheeks flushed red as her breath felt warm under a nervous snicker. The memories of that night and the hunger she hadn't known how to satiate at the time. It was embarrassing but precious to her all the same.

Colette cleared her throat.

"What were we—" She cut herself off with a nervous chuckle. "Right."

"There were others. They helped me understand, well, myself. Helped me see the parts I didn't know I could choose, you know? Showed me that things I thought weren't okay, actually were okay."

"I used to struggle with hugs. Closeness was this dangerous, immense disease vector since my culture was built on surviving the plague. And to so much as drink from someone else's canteen," Colette gently unhooked the flask from her belt to show it. "Was seen as a sign of deep trust."

The canteen was well-worn by now, its owner's story visible in the scratches and cosmetic damage. She would have thrown it out if it wasn't because it still held a deep meaning to her. As much as she claimed to be an ascetic, this was one of few possessions she struggled to give up.

"It feels so weird now, but I can't let it go."

 

[Adelle Bastiel]

Tags: Colette

Adelle’s eyebrows shot up when she felt the self-conscious twist in Colette’s emotions as the young woman cut herself off after mentioning ‘breaking the programming.’ She would have to have been deaf and blind to not catch what Colette had been about to mention.

Well. She guessed that confirmed the amount of trust Colette had in her.

The Jedi seemed to remember herself and redirected the conversation to the more socially acceptable parts. Support came from friends, helping to undo the conditioning that had been done, and platonic physical intimacy no longer became taboo. The canteen she held was visibly old—still structurally sound but bearing the scars of the passage of time and many adventures.

"It feels so weird now, but I can't let it go."

“Looks like it’s been through a lot with you,” Adelle said with a shrug. “You said your people were nomadic, right? I don’t imagine you were able to keep much. Just the important stuff.”

Wind rushed through the leaves overhead as they walked, and the distant report of a slugthrower rang in the air. Adelle glanced at Colette’s comlink, waiting for the confirmation.

“It’s part of your history,” she continued. “And it still functions so why throw it away?”

 

[Colette]

Adelle Bastiel

"It's part of your history, and it still functions so why throw it away?"

"Yeaaahhh," Colette whispered under her breath. "That's what I tell myself too."

She looked at the canteen. If she focused on it she could feel smell of home on the winds. The way they charred the meat over the fire. The fading faces of the people from her past. She had changed since then, and so had they.

It was hooked to her belt again.

"I don't think they hit that shot." Colette mused and looked to the trees above.

The leaves crunched below their feet. Base camp was slowly coming into view up ahead.

"Well, we're almost back." She said. "Any idea what you'll do with your cut of meat?"