Milo Tyranne
Character
Hey folks! I was just looking for some feedback on my character, linked here.
He's the first Miln character on the forums, and I'm really trying to get him right. He's only been in one RP so far, and I feel I'm not quite developing him to his full potential.
I'd like to tweak his backstory and such a bit, and would appreciate any suggestions on what you think would work best. Also, how do you think I should play him?
Secondarily, I have a Miln "space shanty" I was wondering people's opinion on. It's basically edited from an old Duane Elms song, but what do you folks think of how I've adapted it?
He's the first Miln character on the forums, and I'm really trying to get him right. He's only been in one RP so far, and I feel I'm not quite developing him to his full potential.
I'd like to tweak his backstory and such a bit, and would appreciate any suggestions on what you think would work best. Also, how do you think I should play him?
Secondarily, I have a Miln "space shanty" I was wondering people's opinion on. It's basically edited from an old Duane Elms song, but what do you folks think of how I've adapted it?
Dawson's Bissley.
Jamie Dawson was the Captain of the Bissley and her crew,
And she flew and fought the Bissley in the war the whole way through.
Now the Bissley was the tightest ship 'tween here'n Melaniphe,
And the crew of Jamie Dawson was the same.
On patrol in sector 7, keeping watch out toward the sun,
They were jumped by 3 TIE fighters, though they weren't a match for one.
As they came to general quarters and they sent out the alarm,
Dawson's crew were sure they'd finally bought the farm.
Now they say that Jamie Dawson wasn't one to cut and run,
And they say that when she fought she had the fury of a sun.
They say she made her bargain with some power of the Night,
That she sold her soul to win her final fight.
No one living saw the battle, though the fleet was quick to leave,
And when they arrived they found a sight no sane being could believe.
Dead in space were 3 TIE fighters, spinning wreckage all around,
But no sign of Dawson's Bissley could be found.
There are tales of the Explorer, Queen of Ranroon and Barnum's Pride,
There are tales of the Rakata and the Dark Force they abide.
But the tale that chills my spirit, for I swear to you it's true!
Is the tale of Jamie Dawson and her crew.
(Instrumental interlude)
I was Second Mate on Daring Dream, a freighter of the Line,
We were shipping precious metals from a belt-side ast'roid mine.
It was on the second watch of a most uneventful flight,
When the pirate ships appeared out of the night.
Now to me there was no question, for they had us 4-to-1,
And you can't fight bloody pirates when your freighter has no gun.
So we stood by to be boarded by a party yet unseen,
When another ship appeared upon our screen.
First we thought it just a pirate but the vector was all wrong,
Then we thought it might be rescue but the signal wasn't strong.
When she didn't answer hailing we all felt an unknown dread,
For we saw her vanes were hot and glowing red.
Now the courage of that single ship is shown by very few,
More, we never knew a ship could fly the way the stranger flew.
She was outgunned, she was outnumbered, but a cheer came from our lips,
As the stranger set upon the pirate ships.
And the stranger's shells were stronger than all shells I'd seen before,
And the stranger's hull was harder than the heart of any whore.
As the battle rent the vacuum while we watched and shook our heads,
She cut the pirate ships to bloody shreds.
The pirate ships were cut to bloody shreds.
Just as quickly as it started, then the fighting was all done,
The pirate ships were beaten and the stranger's ship had won.
Though we tried to call and thank her, only static could we draw,
Then she came aside, and this is what we saw.
There were 30 holes clear through her, her rotation wheel was gone,
And we knew that when it happened, not one aboard had lived for long.
For the markings all said Bissley, deep inside us each one knew,
'Twas the tomb of Jamie Dawson and her crew.
Now instead of flying off the Bissley then began to fade,
First the vanes and then the bulkheads as we cowered there afraid.
Now there are 9 beings who will swear with me, the last to slip from view,
Were the bones of Jamie Dawson and her crew.
Yes the bones of Jamie Dawson and her crew.
There are tales of the Explorer, Queen of Ranroon and Barnum's Pride,
There are tales of the Rakata, and the Dark Force they abide.
But the tale that chills my spirit, and I swear to you it's true!
Is the tale of Jamie Dawson and her crew.
Yes the tale of Dawson's Bissley and her crew.
Edited from the lyrics of Duane Elms' famous filk song, Dawson's Christian.
Jamie Dawson was the Captain of the Bissley and her crew,
And she flew and fought the Bissley in the war the whole way through.
Now the Bissley was the tightest ship 'tween here'n Melaniphe,
And the crew of Jamie Dawson was the same.
On patrol in sector 7, keeping watch out toward the sun,
They were jumped by 3 TIE fighters, though they weren't a match for one.
As they came to general quarters and they sent out the alarm,
Dawson's crew were sure they'd finally bought the farm.
Now they say that Jamie Dawson wasn't one to cut and run,
And they say that when she fought she had the fury of a sun.
They say she made her bargain with some power of the Night,
That she sold her soul to win her final fight.
No one living saw the battle, though the fleet was quick to leave,
And when they arrived they found a sight no sane being could believe.
Dead in space were 3 TIE fighters, spinning wreckage all around,
But no sign of Dawson's Bissley could be found.
There are tales of the Explorer, Queen of Ranroon and Barnum's Pride,
There are tales of the Rakata and the Dark Force they abide.
But the tale that chills my spirit, for I swear to you it's true!
Is the tale of Jamie Dawson and her crew.
(Instrumental interlude)
I was Second Mate on Daring Dream, a freighter of the Line,
We were shipping precious metals from a belt-side ast'roid mine.
It was on the second watch of a most uneventful flight,
When the pirate ships appeared out of the night.
Now to me there was no question, for they had us 4-to-1,
And you can't fight bloody pirates when your freighter has no gun.
So we stood by to be boarded by a party yet unseen,
When another ship appeared upon our screen.
First we thought it just a pirate but the vector was all wrong,
Then we thought it might be rescue but the signal wasn't strong.
When she didn't answer hailing we all felt an unknown dread,
For we saw her vanes were hot and glowing red.
Now the courage of that single ship is shown by very few,
More, we never knew a ship could fly the way the stranger flew.
She was outgunned, she was outnumbered, but a cheer came from our lips,
As the stranger set upon the pirate ships.
And the stranger's shells were stronger than all shells I'd seen before,
And the stranger's hull was harder than the heart of any whore.
As the battle rent the vacuum while we watched and shook our heads,
She cut the pirate ships to bloody shreds.
The pirate ships were cut to bloody shreds.
Just as quickly as it started, then the fighting was all done,
The pirate ships were beaten and the stranger's ship had won.
Though we tried to call and thank her, only static could we draw,
Then she came aside, and this is what we saw.
There were 30 holes clear through her, her rotation wheel was gone,
And we knew that when it happened, not one aboard had lived for long.
For the markings all said Bissley, deep inside us each one knew,
'Twas the tomb of Jamie Dawson and her crew.
Now instead of flying off the Bissley then began to fade,
First the vanes and then the bulkheads as we cowered there afraid.
Now there are 9 beings who will swear with me, the last to slip from view,
Were the bones of Jamie Dawson and her crew.
Yes the bones of Jamie Dawson and her crew.
There are tales of the Explorer, Queen of Ranroon and Barnum's Pride,
There are tales of the Rakata, and the Dark Force they abide.
But the tale that chills my spirit, and I swear to you it's true!
Is the tale of Jamie Dawson and her crew.
Yes the tale of Dawson's Bissley and her crew.
Edited from the lyrics of Duane Elms' famous filk song, Dawson's Christian.