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Maelstroms

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Name: Maelstrom
Designation: Non-sentient
Homeworld: Cordialis

Language: None
Average height of adults: 75 meters
Skin color: Generally a mix of dark brown, black, and red
Hair color: None
Breathes: Basic atmosphere used by most life, due to living in the mountains the older Maelstroms can breathe in an area with slightly less atmosphere

Strengths: Massive

Very Strong

Weaknesses: Slow at all times (A human could potentially outrun the beast, if they start before the creature sees them)

Cannot Swim

Easily harmed by blasters

Fire damages scales, allowing other weaker weapons to break through them

Fire is thus a natural deterrent


Distinctions: They are massive creature. They are about 75 meters tall, a little more than 500 meters from snout to tail, and 50 meters from side to side. Their bodies are covered in hardened scales that make most weapons not from the galactic stage, the eyes and mouth are considered the weakest points in its armor. They weigh about 10 million kilograms when fully grown.
Their feet are covered in especially thick hide, and monstrous claws, to allow it them to dig into the mountains that they call home and the flesh of enemies. Their underbelly is also covered in scales, except these are of a heavier sort than those on top. Their heads have two eyes and a pair of nostrils, two small ear holes, and a massive mouth. The mouth is capable of crushing a rancor with relative ease. Their body temperature is considerably lower than most other animals.


Average Lifespan: 500 years
Races: The species has not grown enough to have had specific differences.
Estimated Population: There are approximately 500 Maelstroms, they are only found on Cordialis and only on the continent of the Nissimus and Kaipo.


Diet: It can eat just about anything, but its body gains no significant nutrients from plantlife
Communication: Usually a series of growls and roars


Culture: These animals are creatures that live by themselves. After they are born, they are born live from the mother but are actually in an egg during incubation, the creatures are left to fend for themselves in the hostile wastes of the north mountains. The Maelstroms have not been known to leave the mountains ranges, instead staying in those lands and preying off the hardy animals and people that are foolish enough to live in that area.

A Maelstrom must quickly get food, otherwise they will die in the harsh climate after only a day. Generally about a quarter of all Maelstroms will die during the first month, which is the most important time where they learn most of the lessons they will need for later in life. After they have gotten their first meal, normally the size of a man in meat, the Maelstrom is capable of surviving for a week without food. This is mostly due to their slow metabolism and their efficient digestive tracts. Because they live in a region with fewer food sources their body has become adept at removing almost all of the nutrients from what it eats. During this time they must constantly be on the move and always trying to find shelter. At this age they are not capable of surviving the winter that most are born into for longer than ten hours.

Those that survive a month almost instantly have a much higher chance of survival. This is also the time when if one or more meet they will stay together as a group for a while. They are also known for shedding scales, which grow back over a few days. At this point they are pack hunters, however those that are alone will continue to hunt effectively. This will only last for a single local year. At this point the Maelstroms will begin to leave one another.

By this time the Maelstroms are quite large, they have almost reached full maturity. These are generally the ones that will be seen by most people, as they are the ones that will move the farthest south, and are the most likely therefore to come across towns and other living places. They are transients at this point, moving from one place to another for food, this is also the time in their life where they require the most food. This is because they are growing and their scales are hardening.

When they are about a hundred standard years old they are technically fully matured. They have reached the largest that they are likely ever going to be, however if they have a good source of food for many years they can grow to be even larger. They are likely to live another four hundred years if they are not disturbed or debilitated. They begin to become less aggressive towards other Maelstroms of similar size, in fact seeing one another is rare at this point. However, the Maelstroms are even more likely to attack small creatures at this time, they are almost always on the hunt for sustenance. At this time they also find a mountain in which to nest and spend its restful periods.

As these creatures get older they tend to move even slower than before, at the same time their metabolism becomes much slower. They can often live off of ten men for a year before starvation kills the beast, obviously they would want to eat more than this in that time. Also the older they get the more territorial they become, they will fight other Maelstroms that try to nest in their mountains. Maelstroms passing through however are not bothered, because the Maelstroms are older they are generally more calculative of risk versus reward and will not take on something of their own size, slightly smaller, or bigger, unless they are attempting to nest in their territory.

After the events of the disturbances within the Force, Maelstroms have become increasingly hostile towards Force users. When the Force is used, any Maelstroms near the area begin to become enraged and move towards the user. Some cases have been noted where the Maelstrom is angered simply by a particularly powerful Force user simply being nearby. The only safe place apparently is the continent on which the Gratia live, if only because the Maelstroms cannot cross the ocean.


Technology level: None


General behavior: Maelstroms tend to be solitary creatures, living by themselves for almost their entire life. They are normally peaceful creatures, aside from those times that they are feeding or building a nest. When they are driven to fight they are more than capable of holding their own. Maelstroms are easily angered and will defend their ground against almost anything, even larger Maelstroms. They are also aggravated by the use of the Force, they are drawn by a Force user and will attack.


History: The Maelstroms were first found by the Rakata, the second most well developed native lifeform on the planet, the first being the Gratia. The Rakata truly feared these creatures as even their advanced weapons had difficulty bringing down the beasts, they were simply so massive. It was the most deadly creature on the planet that the Rakata had the misfortune of crossing paths with.

The first meeting was with a search party that was exploring the north regions for any other sentient life that could have been on planet. They at first mistook the dragon slowly moving down the slopes of a mountain as a landslide. As the creature grew closer they feared that the mount had itself come alive. It was when the cold air began to pick up, the Maelstrom’s movement pushing the cold air down, freezing the land around them that they finally figured that this was an animal. Only one escaped, and only because he began running as soon as it was seen for what it was.

That Rakata reported of nightmarish creatures that lived in the mountains in the North. He spoke of a beast that breathed a Northerly wind into life and moved with the earthquakes. He spun a tale of fear and darkness, soon the creature became the mountain and the breath became the wind itself. It would have been amusing had not so many believed it.

This caused a large number of their warriors to be sent into the mountains. Most would not return, but those that did came back with descriptions of creatures of truly legendary proportions. The Rakata began exterminating the Maelstroms wherever they were found. What they didn’t realize was that one of the animals they were not worried about was in fact young Maelstroms. They never knew that they had allowed the species to survive as they left long before the newer generation every reached maturity.

After the Rakata, the next species to learn of these magnificent beasts was the Kaipo, whose first village was built in the lair of a long dead Maelstrom. They found these creatures as they hunted, often the only thing they did was hide, hey had no way of fighting these creatures at first. As time went on however it became a tradition to kill a Maelstom in order to prove leadership. But even then, it was an incredibly rare feat and few ever accomplished it.

Stories from the Kaipo of the Maelstrom made their way to the Nissimus. These stories were almost as amazing as the ones the Rakata created at first. From there, the Nissimus began to make their own legends of these amazing beasts, not actually seeing one for many years. Maelstroms became a folk tale to them. The creatures were said to live in mountains, hording anything they collected from the cities that they destroyed. There were some tails told of some of the animals breathing fire, of course they were nothing but tails.

By the time the first Nissimus actually perceived a Maelstrom, the creature in the mind of the Nissimus was only a few meters long and more dangerous to small critters. This first sighting by the Nissimus was truly awe-inspiring. He kept the memory of the fearsome monster in his mind as he described it to the Nissimus scientists. This caused a controversy that led to a large number of Nissimus taking vacations to the North to try and see for themselves what this beast was like.

After a number of years passed, the Nissimus finally sent a trained crew to study the Maelstroms. It was a half-(local)-yearlong study before they returned with enough information to give the scientists an idea of what the animals were. They became a well-known animal and a favorite for stories and movies among the Nissimus. Meanwhile the Kaipo had to live with the fear of the creatures on a daily basis.

For the longest of times the Maelstroms disappeared from the history books, for no simpler reason than other events occurring took precedence to the mention of so and so dying to a creature. The Kaipo continued hunting them, or at least attempting to, the beasts constantly proved too much for the primitive weapons of the Kaipo.

The Nissimus had the weapons, but rarely hunted the Maelstroms, spending too much time with internal affairs to be concerned with sport in such an unhospitable place. The Maelstroms grew in number as time went on, the population growing and then shrinking as the environment could no longer sustain them.

The next time they were mentioned was during the Imperial takeover of the planet. The Maelstroms appeared to be a fearsome creature even to the might of the Empire. The offworlders brought weapons that could harm the great beasts, but it still took more than the force had to offer to bring one down. The only time a Maelstrom was killed by the Empire was when a commander took the time to set up traps and use the entirety of his commanding force. Even then he lost more people than was considered worth it. The skull of the creature was brought to the Imperial commander of the planet as a trophy, though they never found a place to put it. The skull ended up being used as a building ornament, hung over the command center for Imperial forces. The rest of the body was left to rot in the Northern region. That did however feed a large number of young Maelstroms and actually cemented the survival of that generation. More than seventy percent of the Maelstroms born over the next ten years survived, a positive boom in population.

When the Rebels arrived they used an old cave along with the Kaipo to hide their presence for some time. It was an old Maelstrom cave, the Rebels ever actually met a Maelstrom and were somewhat relieved for it. After both the Empire and Rebels left the Maelstrom were considered a preserved creature, the species only had about 300 members.

The species continued to increase, becoming an ever increasing danger to the Kaipo. The Kaipo began killing those Maelstroms that nested to close to their cities. The Nissimus did not approve of these actions, however they did not have reason to forbid and the Kaipo were allowed to continue, as long as they promised not to try and exterminate the species.
The next great event to occur that brought the Maelstroms to the forefront of history was after the strange occurrences regarding the Force and the disappearance of part of the population. The Maelstroms seemed to become incensed at the use of the Force. The Kaipo and the Nissimus could not figure this out as neither species could utilize the Force while on planet. The Gratia however were able to sense the massive creatures’ sudden hatred or reaction to the Force. The Maelstroms would become enraged and attack anything near where they sensed the disturbance to be happening. The only saving grace for the Gratia was that the Maelstroms could not swim and because the Gratia lived almost solely on another continent they were safe from the wrath of the Maelstroms.

These creatures eventually grew used to the ‘background noise’ of the Gratia using the Force constantly, however when an offworlder tries to utilize the Force the Maelstroms will react. It has been theorized that some might even leave the mountain ranges and travel a small distance south in order to destroy whatever uses the Force.


Notable Player-Characters: None
Intent: To create a unique species for Cordialis, to help flesh out the planet’s culture and people
 
[member="Ultimatum"]

So I already get the feeling this sub is going to be a doozy, so bear with me here as I outline trouble spots that need addressed:
  • First off, the size of this thing seems to be a little on the large side. At 150 meters tall, 100 meters across, 1 kilometer long, and weighing in at a whopping 95 million kilograms (or 95,000 metric tonnes), this thing is by and far the largest organism on the board or wiki I can find presently. To put the weight into perspective, this thing is four times heavier than the RL Statue of Liberty. This thing would be larger than the space slugs encountered in Episode V. I need this to be really scaled down to a reasonable size and weight.
  • The weaknesses listed are not really weaknesses. Slow might be one, but for a creature at the current dimensions, slow is not a problem. Fighting until it can't is not a weakness for this thing at all, especially as you have that it is essentially immune to weapons not used on a galactic scale (which I take to mean ship based turbolasers and such). I would need significantly more weaknesses for this.
  • How are these creatures born? You say live young at one point, but then also say they come from eggs?
  • How are the newborns able to survive for a week without eating again after their first meal?
  • If they are born into the winter, but can't survive those temperatures for very long, how can they move about and find shelter and food then?
  • Why does pack hunting only last a year then they just decide to break off on their own?
  • How do they gain the ability to expel a frost breath when they don't have it when they are younger?
  • At one point you say they become less aggressive towards others of their kind as they grow older, but then in the next paragraph you say they become far more territorial with age. Which is it?
  • How do they detect Force users and Force use?
  • Remove any and all mentions of flying from these creatures
If I'm going to be perfectly frank here, it looks like a giant but wingless frost dragon that is being made here which is going to be tough to get through without some development as well, if at all as dragons are very very very closely watched. I will address how much dev when the above questions are addressed.
 
Taeli Raaf said:
First off, the size of this thing seems to be a little on the large side. At 150 meters tall, 100 meters across, 1 kilometer long, and weighing in at a whopping 95 million kilograms (or 95,000 metric tonnes), this thing is by and far the largest organism on the board or wiki I can find presently. To put the weight into perspective, this thing is four times heavier than the RL Statue of Liberty. This thing would be larger than the space slugs encountered in Episode V. I need this to be really scaled down to a reasonable size and weight.
If possible I would like to leave the size as close as possible. I am most definitely willing to lower the weight. I wanted to keep the weight realistic to the size of a Maelstrom. Do you have any suggestions on how to change this but to keep it as close as possible to the idea?

Taeli Raaf said:
The weaknesses listed are not really weaknesses. Slow might be one, but for a creature at the current dimensions, slow is not a problem. Fighting until it can't is not a weakness for this thing at all, especially as you have that it is essentially immune to weapons not used on a galactic scale (which I take to mean ship based turbolasers and such). I would need significantly more weaknesses for this.
I have changed the weaknesses a little. By Galactic scale weapons I mean just about anything, blasters, slugthrowers, lightsabers. Those will hurt the creature, though killing it would be more difficult. If only due to the sheer size.

Weaknesses: Slow at all times (A human could potentially outrun the beast, if they start before the creature sees them)

Cannot Swim

Easily harmed by blasters

Fire damages scales, allowing other weaker weapons to break through them

Fire is thus a natural deterrent




Taeli Raaf said:
How are these creatures born? You say live young at one point, but then also say they come from eggs?
I believe that the second sentence in the culture section answers this:

"After they are born, they are born live from the mother but are actually in an egg during incubation, the creatures are left to fend for themselves in the hostile wastes of the north mountains."

The idea is similar to that of some real world sharks.


Taeli Raaf said:
How are the newborns able to survive for a week without eating again after their first meal?
I have added the following in the hopes that it will answer this:

After they have gotten their first meal, normally the size of a man in meat, the Maelstrom is capable of surviving for a week without food. This is mostly due to their slow metabolism and their efficient digestive tracts. Because they live in a region with fewer food sources their body has become adept at removing almost all of the nutrients from what it eats.


Taeli Raaf said:
If they are born into the winter, but can't survive those temperatures for very long, how can they move about and find shelter and food then?
I have added this to hopefully help:

At this age they are not capable of surviving the winter that most are born into for longer than ten hours.


Taeli Raaf said:
Why does pack hunting only last a year then they just decide to break off on their own?
Natural instincts. They leave each other when the landscape can no longer effectively support them as a group.


Taeli Raaf said:
How do they gain the ability to expel a frost breath when they don't have it when they are younger?
I have removed all reference to this I think. If I missed something let me know.


Taeli Raaf said:
At one point you say they become less aggressive towards others of their kind as they grow older, but then in the next paragraph you say they become far more territorial with age. Which is it?
I have added more to the area where they said they were territorial:

"Also the older they get the more territorial they become, they will fight other Maelstroms that try to nest in their mountains. Maelstroms passing through however are not bothered, because the Maelstroms are older they are generally more calculative of risk versus reward and will not take on something of their own size, slightly smaller, or bigger, unless they are attempting to nest in their territory."



Taeli Raaf said:
How do they detect Force users and Force use?
Like all creatures the Maelstrom are connected the Force and they have simply became very sensitive to the ripples that Force usage has on the surroundings. This is because of the rifts and disturbances caused by the Netherworld event.


Taeli Raaf said:
Remove any and all mentions of flying from these creatures
I have tried to do so, as with the frost breath let me know if I missed anything and I will deal with it accordingly.


Taeli Raaf said:
it looks like a giant but wingless frost dragon
I had to do some searching for this, my fantasy reading is pretty much restricted to Lord of the Rings related material and Narnia. I see what you mean, I hope my changes have made it more apparent that this is not so.

--------------------

Thank you for be willing to take the time to work through this with me. I had figured this would be a somewhat problematic one.

[member="Taeli Raaf"]
 
[member="Ultimatum"]

It needs to be significantly scaled down, as it is now I have a creature as tall as a skyscraper, not the mention the current weight would crush every single organ in its body. To put it in Earth perspectives, if a blue whale washes up on land, its body weight slowly crushes it to death because of gravity.

I do appreciate the changes made thus far, but I will have to insist that these things get scaled down to a reasonable size and weight.
 
Alright I scaled down the size by about half and the weight it about a ninth of what it was originally.

"They are about 75 meters tall, a little more than 500 meters from snout to tail, and 50 meters from side to side. Their bodies are covered in hardened scales that make most weapons not from the galactic stage, the eyes and mouth are considered the weakest points in its armor. They weigh about 10 million kilograms when fully grown."

Is that good?

[member="Taeli Raaf"]
 
[member="Ultimatum"]

Apologies for not replying in the last few days, as of right now the only remaining problem I have is still the weight as it is still 10,000 metric tons. So I'm going to give two options here:
  1. Reduce the weight further and do a 20-post dev thread for the species
  2. Keep the weight as is and do a 30-post dev thread that explains how their bodies can deal with so much weight without crushing their internal organs
 
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