Kriegspiel

[Connor Harrison]

The slap stung more than the burn on his fingers; his head snapped slightly right as her hand connected with his cheek. He embraced the pain, and knew he deserved it. Blowing out through gritted teeth, Connor looked back and flexed his hands – part of him wanted to hit her back, but that never led to anywhere good. The old Connor may have hit a woman, but not now. Unless she were a Sith – they were not women; they were monsters.

But now Taeli, nothing but a woman bathing in the Light, comforted his stinging cheek and gave him gentle words, and then a kiss. Connor didn’t close his eyes as he didn’t know what to do, but it swelled the Force in him, and he knew what to do. Taeli held his face so it didn’t move, and Connor looked into her violet eyes, losing himself in the hope she had for him.

For a second, he tried to see himself in her eyes, but instead didn’t want to look at the face he knew too well, he focused on Taeli and his right arm came up and out. He let the Force energy flow through him and like the rivers around them, he didn’t stop or fight it, but channelled it from his fingers to a point in the distance.

Connor didn’t feel pain, and didn’t think, he just looked at Taeli and thought about all the things he had to leave behind before they killed him – he was confused, scared but…at peace.

He moved his head forward slightly, eyes dropping to her lips, and –

”Eeeeh, ow!”

The energy stung his hand, and it lost momentum as he lost concentration, but as he turned to pull back his hand, he noted there was green energy crackling in the air. A slight breathless laugh left his mouth as he looked, and a smile cracked like a child seeing something wonderful before him.

”Hey..look, I did it – that was nothing but peace!”

[member="Taeli Rae"]

 

[Taeli Raaf]

[member="Connor Harrison"]

"See, guess it just took the right kind of motivation," Taeli said, smiling at his success . . . and at something else she had noticed. He had been starting to lean towards her ever so slightly, and she had caught his eyes darting to her lips. She wouldn't say anything yet about that, but she would log it away as a note of personal happiness that it had appeared he was leaning into kiss her.

"You aren't without hope, Connor," she said, running her down his cheek to press against his chest. "You just have to believe in yourself. I know you've experienced so much pain in your life, and very recently too, but the night is darkest just before the dawn. This just proved to me something, but I'll let you riddle out what that was."

Smiling a bit, she gestured he should try it again and focus on what had made it work this last time. Part of her was thinking it might have been something else that motivated his use of the calm and peace of light over the anger and pain of the dark, but she shushed that side for now. She wanted to see if he could do it without her holding his face and looking into her eyes.

 

[Connor Harrison]

Coming straight back down to focus on what he was tapping into, the Silver Jedi nodded to Taeli and tried to find that belief in himself again, something he hadn’t had for a long time.

”I’ll try again.”

Stepping back, her hand drawing down his chest as he turned away, he smiled at her and faced away to the rivers again. Once more he rubbed his fingers together, a nervous kink of his that now wouldn’t go un-noticed. Now, the palms rubbed together. If this technique was to be used well, one could not stand with an arm stretched out and wait. It had to come fast, quick and fluid.

With eyes open, he went back to where he was before – believe in yourself…believe in your greatness to do greater things…

The Force came together, flowing through his muscles and calling on his internal strength, ready to erupt. Keeping his breathing steady, he thought about Taeli watching him, and the hope she was fuelling him with – he thought about saving her, making her happy, saving others, leading others, finding himself –

His hand shot out gracefully and the green spark of energy shot from his fingers with more control and grace. Connor brought up his other hand, palm up, and amplified the energy with the other fingers; a dancing arc of green energy from his hands.

The light reflected in his eyes, and for a moment, he felt like he could save the galaxy and be a flame that could never be extinguished. He smiled, and let the Force calm in him, naturally stopping as his hands ceased as a conductor, and he shook them in excitement. Like a child again, seeing something great. He grinned and turned to Taeli.

”Now how was THAT!”

[member="Taeli Rae"]

 

[Taeli Raaf]

[member="Connor Harrison"]

"Now that is the mark of a great Jedi," Taeli said, smiling brightly as she could feel his excitement. She had been analyzing him while he called on the power, checking to feel his motivations. She had felt nothing but good things there, she might not what they were exactly, but he had been focusing on the lighter side of things at least.

"So what were you thinking about?" she asked, her curiosity too strong to resist asking the question. Part of her just wanted to run back over and kiss him for doing so well with producing Electric Judgment, but that wouldn't be proper to do. Yes, she had kissed him just a moment ago, but that had been to just bolster his resolve and distract him ever so slightly from the pain. Okay, that was her rationalizing it away as having something beyond her feelings for him and the fact her lips were still tingling. Fine, she could admit it was both.

 

[Connor Harrison]

He heard her praise, and he looked out to the planet and nodded at her words. Small steps Connor, small steps. The next statement was expected and Connor turned back to Taeli after a few moments silence and thought.

”What was I thinking about?”

Using his hands, he started to draw a picture for her memory, moving his body and arms with each notion of what was going on his mind.

”Fantasy. I thought about a fantasy that I was a leader of Jedi - not the Silver Jedi, but others. Others who felt different, and lost, but had potential. I led them upwards and into the light of the sun, sabers cutting through the dark with vigour. Total control and it was like we, we were gods or something like the ancient myths.”

He then moved forward, standing beside her, moving Taeli's arms with his and looking away out to the planet again.

”I was protecting you - protecting everyone, I was doing it. I was trusted, I was admired and I was brave. Not for power, not for fame, but for simply being a protector, a guardian and a warrior of the Force.”

Connor then turned to her.

”I thought about letting go of things that were probably holding me back. The embarrassing thoughts and feelings that were stupid. Well, not stupid to me, but probably something I should have accepted long ago.”

There, his tone changed, and he went a little quieter, regaining his stance away from being playful to more serious. Full eyes dropped to the grassy floor under their feet, losing himself in thoughts.

”Maybe I have to let her go. I never deserved her, and she needs someone far stronger, far more understanding of her life than I. I've loved her from afar, admired her and wanted to be with her so much...but it's killing me, and it's not fair to us both. Maybe I need to accept I'll never...”

His breath went, and the swell of tears brimmed in his eyes, distracting him enough to blink and swallow the emotion away that was there again, the psychological equivalent of looking away.

”Agh...never mind. Lots to do still, right? More to learn about myself I think.”

The hurt was still heavy in his heart and he just wanted to curl up right there, and Taeli wasn't stupid enough or blind not to see it.

[member="Taeli Rae"]

 

[Taeli Raaf]

[member="Connor Harrison"]

As he spoke about what he had imagined as he produced the light version of lightning, she could picture it in her head. It didn't take much of a stretch for her to imagine it, mainly because she saw the hero and leader he didn't see in himself. Was he a normal Jedi? No, and he probably never would be a staunch traditionalist like her sister, but it made him his own person. If only he would believe in himself completely, restore the confidence in himself his past experiences had stolen from him, he could rise to what he had imagined. She would help him, no matter what though.

Then he started to talk about the thing with Corvus and she could feel him in pain again.

"Oh Connor," she whispered, coming up and wrapping her arms around him in a comforting gesture. "Never think you never deserved my sister, as much as it pains me to say it. You loved her, and still have feelings for her, I know . . ."

Her voice trailed off a moment before continuing.

"My sister has been sheltered from how all that stuff works, and thus she views it through the lens of a Jedi. A staunch traditionalist Jedi, one who I'm trying to slowly loosen up and actually be human even when she's a Jedi. I'm not saying you should wait for her or not, that's . . . your decision of course . . . but it might take a very long time and even then, she might go with someone who is more traditional still . . ."

"I'm sorry, I'm probably not helping," she sighed, looking up at him. "We all are constantly learning something new about ourselves, that's the whole thing about change and aging. We constantly learn more about ourselves. I'm here though Connor, I'll always be here to help you."

 

[Connor Harrison]

Absently, Connor placed his arms around Taeli for comfort and just started into the distance. Never had he been lost by the surroundings of a planet such as this. Her words were very true, and very harsh but real. Quite difficult to hear, but this was something he may have needed to hear from someone out of the equation. He was upset, and sadly her words made him feel more of a failure to the Jedi like Corvus, but then again he couldn't change himself and was the Connor he had been years before Corvus came along.

She just gave him the respect, admiration and understanding no-one else did. Until now.

”Thank you, Taeli. You're right. It's not her fault, it's no-ones fault. Well, I've been stupid and irrational. I do love her, but...” he shook his head and turned away, a loud frustrated sigh coming from him as he wrapped his hands behind his head and closed his eyes.

”Like you said - she is the perfect Jedi and would never find solace with someone broken like me. All I can do is...prove to her that her faith in me was right, if anything to give her faith in the Force.”

Opening his eyes, he once again looked into the water.

”Thank you, Taeli. I mean it. For everything you're doing to help me through...whatever I'm going through. Thank you. I will never forget what you're doing.”

His head turned slightly.

”I mean it.”


[member="Taeli Rae"]

 

[Taeli Raaf]

[member="Connor Harrison"]

"Our faith you mean," she whispered, looking into those brown eyes again. Force above, she couldn't stop doing that could she? No, she couldn't. She felt bad about having to be slightly harsh in her appraisal of her sister, but it was the truth as it currently stood. Her sister, if she had to figure where she stood in terms of her idol, was somewhere in mid transition between the Obi-Wan at the start of the Clone Wars and the one who had been more relaxed but wiser during the end of the Clone Wars.

"You've got people who want to see you excel Connor, and I just happen to be offering that unconditionally," she continued. "But what you're going through is something many people go through, although maybe not to a degree a Force Sensitive goes through."

She added a small smile before continuing.

"I'm not here for thanks Connor, I just simply believe in you and want to help you in any way I can. I would hope you wouldn't forget the help though, I like to think I helped you through the roughest patch of your personal crisis. It certainly helps not having that magic drowning out your natural good self. I'm rambling a little aren't I?"

 

[Connor Harrison]

Kneeling down as Taeli spoke, Connor reached to the blue waters and let them wash over his hands, splashing up his wrists and cooling the tingling sensation in his fingers.

”You know you’ve helped me more than I can ever imagine, in fact that’s probably it – I can’t believe anything is different as I’ve lived that way for so long, I’ve never stopped to look at myself, to slow down and pull my thoughts together.”

He swapped hands in the water.

”It’s like I’ve just gone from one extreme scenario to another and built more and more barriers and problems and walls and hurdles before me to a point I don’t know what to do anymore except just barge through them, and in turn probably hurting people and making enemies. Not that I care, I don’t really NEED friends. Those who accept me for who I am are valuable to me, and I’ll do my best never to betray their faith.”

Connor wiped his hands on his thighs and stood back up, stretching out and walked back to Taeli, looking as radiant and peaceful as ever.

”I’ve still not actually come to terms with a few things about you, going to me point of just barging though things. I mean, take our history – from pretty much out to kill each other and hurt each other, to now you helping me and using your power for good. In the space of what feels like forever – add to that…well, I think you have great admiration for me, and I can’t work out why. I’ve never stopped to go with things, or think and evaluate – there’s always walls in my way I sidestep rather than knockdown and now, I’m doing it, sorry.”

A smile ended another little rant.

[member="Taeli Rae"]

 

[Taeli Raaf]

[member="Connor Harrison"]

"You know, sometimes it pays to actually take a break from things and go some place quiet for a vacation," Taeli said, a smile still on her lips as he finished his rant. "I've gone on a few now, and it really helps oneself find what they are looking for, or just a quiet moment to not think about anything beyond having fun or peace. I've traveled to Naboo and a few resort worlds when things get too stressful because I recognize I couldn't keep working myself to the bone."

Looking out over the lakes for a moment, she felt a cool breeze rise up and rush past them.

"I think my change to the light might have been inevitable once I learned Corvus was my sister," she said, her gaze returning to Connor. "But me aside, ever since our first encounter on Nar Shaddaa, you intrigued me. Once upon a time, I had a plan to turn you to the dark side, to join the Sith. We can see how well that plan survived. I've admired you for your stance and your views since then, and my turning to the light just meant I wanted to see you actually excel on your current path. That is not to say I don't think you couldn't excel at whatever path you chose, but I hoped to help you find your way back to the light once I . . . ascended? found the light? Not sure what a good phrase is there."

A teasing smile formed on her lips now.

"So if we need to knock down some walls, shall I grab you a sledgehammer if it will mean you actually take a few days to yourself and relax?" she asked, her eyes dancing brightly.

 

[Connor Harrison]

Folding his arms, Connor rocked gently on his heels, boots digging into the grass a little. He smiled gently, understanding how Taeli herself had been a journey one could only imagine. At least he hadn’t fully experienced some of the horror this former Sith Lady must have, and yet here she was; bright eyed, smiling and eager to make herself better. No regrets and no looking back.

”I think I need some time off, from what I don’t know. Maybe myself? Maybe time off from Connor Harrison the Jedi Rogue who is always looking forwards, backwards, trying to answer everything and understanding anything.”

He blew a small raspberry.

”Only person I guarantee will know I’ve gone – my Padawan, well former Padawan, Syala. She was on Panatha with me, if you remember. She’s only young, but she’s a good kid. She’ll be ok.”

With a sigh, acting as an end of the sentence and to stop himself worrying about the only person he actually did worry for, he tapped his fingers on his chest.

”I’ll have a few days away from it all then. See if that helps. I’ve got my ship and the bits in yours, but that’s all I need. And I have some great company too. I’m not going to get in your way or anything am I?”

The smile that formed was natural, and it felt good to almost not think about not trying to be someone else for a change.

[member="Taeli Rae"]

 

[Taeli Raaf]

[member="Connor Harrison"]

"I remember her, the quiet one who was much more cautious and reserved in her actions than your Twi'lek friend," Taeli said with a small laugh. "She has the makings of a great Jedi, I could tell then. My apprentice you met there is dead now though, killed at the hands of her Sith Lord husband. Yet another thing that was a wake-up call for me. Anywho..."

She trailed off as she looked out towards where he had landed his E-Wing.

"Trust me, you most certainly will not get in my way," she said, her smile returning in full force as she looked back at him. "If you don't mind traveling around the Outer Rim for a bit, might see some strange and wondrous things out there. I also apologize in advance if you see me go tearing off to some ruin or something like that. As my sister can confirm, I get just a tad bit excited when I see some place that has a history."

She was glad he wanted to actually just relax, get away from everything for a few days, and of course that he considered her great company. It did wonders for one's mental and emotional health, to not have to worry about anything beyond how one spends their day. Her vacations generally meant reading near a beach or other body of water, but she did do other things too.

"You know, my ship actually has room to fit your E-Wing in it," she said, grinning a bit. "I designed it to have room for a small fighter craft to be loaded into cargo bay and not effect how many supplies were in it. Sorta similar to the old SoroSuub models."

 

[Connor Harrison]

Connor didn’t care for anyone as a Sith who was killed, especially at the hands of their own. It just served them right, but she meant something to Taeli, and for that he was sorry. He offered a small, sympathetic and somehow understanding smile, and followed her gaze to his ship as she confirmed the invitation to stay around.

”Oh, please, that’s fine. I don’t want to get in your way. I just think, rather than going somewhere to challenge myself and others, I first need to find myself, if that makes sense? A few people have confirmed that to me now from all walks of life – Jedi, Dark Jedi, ex-Sith Ladies – so I probably should try it.”

He indicated to her ship, as strong and imposing as it could be for a lady more akin to peace now than war. Connor started back.

”Open up and I’ll bring her in, I’d appreciate that. Thank you, Taeli.”

The smile was there again as he started off, hopping over the stones and walkway to reach his E-wing and would bring it in carefully when Taeli opened the cargo hold.

[member="Taeli Rae"]

 

[Taeli Raaf]

[member="Connor Harrison"]

As he went to get his E-Wing, Taeli went back into her ship and put the ship into hover mode so the E-Wing could slip inside the open cargo hold. Landing the vessel again, she smiled to herself as she got back out of the cockpit. She would be quite happy to have Connor along, well more than happy, but she wasn't going to shove that in his face every day. Although . . . her mind flashed back to how his eyes had flickered to her lips. Something was slowly starting to change there.

"So since I showed you how to channel Electric Judgment properly down your arm, I believe you owe me something," Taeli grinned as she approached Connor again. Okay, she might be pushing it a little, but a deal was a deal.

 

[Connor Harrison]

Sliding down the E-wing onto the deck of the cargo hold, Connor realises just how big the ship was. It was literally a world away from a world. The engine cooled as he wiped the hints of dry oil from his hands – sliding down a fighter’s wing was never the most dignified way to leave a ship.

”A deal? What – oh…right, yes.”

This was unfamiliar ground, and he wanted to let his ego take over to cover his nerves and awkwardness, but then again he wasn’t out to impress anyone. He stretched his arms out a little and tilted his head a little – another little tick Taeli must have connected with his nerves, as with the anxiety of rubbing his fingers together.

”Is there anything I can help you with, or show you anything you’re curious about?”

Maybe he was hoping she’d forget the date deal and he could stumble around a little with something else.

[member="Taeli Rae"]

 

[Taeli Raaf]

[member="Connor Harrison"]

"As much as you have struck my proverbial weak spot by offering to show me something, that wasn't the deal," she said, her smile completely innocent as she saw how nervous he was. Oh, he definitely looked cute like that, at least to her anyways. Strange how this Jedi Master could get flustered at just taking someone on a date. Still, maybe he could show her some things later on. She wouldn't be opposed to it, and she could at least explain some of the stuff she had learned about the dark side, but not teach the techniques of course.

"All I'm going to require for this date is you take me to dinner and we just talk about ourselves," she said, coming up to stand directly in front of Connor, their faces just an inch apart. "Sound fair enough?"

 

[Connor Harrison]

As he held his hands behind his back, trying to stop fidgeting, Connor felt his heart beat faster in his chest – the feeling where you hear it thumping against the ribs. This hadn’t been a feeling he’d experienced before. There was something very different radiating from Taeli that no-one else had radiated before…or maybe it was him radiating a feeling he had never felt reciprocated before.

Nodding and disguising a swallow as a moment of contemplation, her face close to his, Connor licked his lips quickly.

”Of course. Anywhere you like.”

A small chuckle came from his lips.

”Ok, stop it.”

[member="Taeli Rae"]

 

[Taeli Raaf]

[member="Connor Harrison"]

"Stop what?" she asked, a soft innocent smile on her lips still. She could tell he was having a reaction to her proximity, a feeling he was incredibly nervous with her being so close. "I'm not doing anything, Connor. So, I believe it is only proper that the man takes the lead and we go into the nearby town to find a place for dinner."

She would remain just as close as she was now, her heart pounding in her chest. Connor wasn't the only one having a reaction to standing so close to the other. Her eyes flickered to his lips and back up to his brown eyes, the smile never leaving her face as she waited to see if he would take the lead or not. Consider it a way to boost his confidence.

 

[Connor Harrison]

Connor saw her look to his lips, and her eyes called him when she met his again. Behind his back, fists clenched and everything had thought he knew seemingly stopped in his mind. It was just the former Sith Lady and the broken Jedi.

"When I take the lead, people always...get...hurt..."

He leant in to Taeli, and inches from her face he closed his eyes and met her lips with his. A kiss that was nothing but a gentle meeting of the lips, but lingered longer than a few seconds. She smelt intoxicating and her lips were soft and moist, and Connor felt good.

Pulling back, the Jedi wiped his jaw and bit his lip.

"I'm sorry, it...that was just a build up of everything, forgive me."

[member="Taeli Rae"]

 

[Taeli Raaf]

[member="Connor Harrison"]

"When I take the lead, people always...get...hurt..."

He started to lean in and Taeli froze in anticipation just for a moment, but her eyes closed as he kissed her. He had started it and inside she was absolutely ecstatic, her inner child bouncing off the proverbial walls as she felt his lips against hers. Something was changing between them, to what she wasn't sure, but she would be curious to pursue what might happen further.

As he pulled away, her hand came up to touch her tingling lips gently, her eyes still partly closed.

"I'm sorry, it...that was just a build up of everything, forgive me."

"Don't apologize," she whispered. "You never have to apologize to me."

Leaning back up, she kissed him on the lips again, but before she could press it further, a blaring beep sounded from the cockpit.

"Oh what now?" she groaned, parting from him and not being too happy about it. She was convinced that if they had stayed like that, well . . . she just had a feeling. Bringing up a display, her inner happiness/annoyance immediately disappeared as she saw what was setting off the alert. A quarantine beacon had been deactivated in the Odacer-Faustin system . . . that was not good at all. Blinking rapidly, she brought the full report up and saw that something had caused it to shut down . . . and that something could be . . .

"Kark it all," she mumbled to herself, closing down the alert and going back over to Connor in the main room. "Connor, I need to make a call to my chief engineer about something here, but I need to ask you for a favor. I need you to contact someone in the Silver Jedi to head to the Odacer-Faustin system. Something has come up there, give me a sec."

Lowering the ramp, she pulled out her comlink to call Jaxson. She had hoped to take Connor somewhere nice, like Naboo or Chandrila, for a vacation and get to know him better and vice versa, but that would need to wait until this situation was dealt with.

"Jaxson, come in," she said into her comlink.