Josh would find his way to stand face to face with @[member="Ashin Varanin"]. He didn't speak. The former Fringe leader seemed inclined to spew her rhetoric and do all the talking for them. It was a shame, really, of the words she gave. He had come under promise of peace. Of civility. In return, she brought hostility, arrogance... While he had wanted to bring acceptance, civility, a bit of friendly advice...
It was funny, actually. That she called herself a Jedi, yet her "Family" that she served dearly was filled to the brim with darksiders like Shinju, who preyed on the weak, killed children for sport... It was sickening really, the people that Ashin associated herself with. But something she forgot the Jedi embodied was forgiveness, the potential to overlook something like her associations... It was something often taken for granted. Yet if they stopped doing so, they would be hated, called "Not True Jedi" and even "Warmongers". It just seemed to be the hip thing no matter what they did.
It was a shame, really, that she decided to act like that before he could say a word. But some people liked to do things in different ways...
There was a little light in the dark though. The recognition of the work even if hopeless, the offer... It made him smile a little bit that there was a small light in her hurricane of insults toward his work and the Order.
"If that's what you want" he said calmly, shaking his head as he looked over at the woman, a small smirk crossing his face.
"That window had a family, you know"
Jokes. Not something you'd expect in this type of situation. But that was how the Grandmaster was. He could look death in the face and laugh, he could have a beer with a dark sider and crack jokes as if they were his best friend. Maybe he was too kind? It was something he knew some Jedi disliked about the Grandmaster. Full of compassion, a lively spirit, a willingness to forgive and talk to anyone if it was warranted. Where was the strictness? The passionate hunt for the dark side? Ah, the Jedi Master was becoming more and more serious by the day, he knew that... His strictness would come in times of business. But he knew his behavior wouldn't change when it was needed. Compassion for all life was a part of who he was. Willing to give anyone a chance if they warranted it... That was him.
"Before you go on anymore about how bad my Order is and how bad of a job I'm doing, how my work is useless and all that chitchat and a bag of chips, sweetheart... I figured I might as well get this out there. I came here because I wanted to tell you something to your face, without other influences, without emotions running high like the plague"
He looked out, as if Spencer would be there somewhere.
"Your wife" he said calmly, yet firmly. "All she wanted was to come home. I had the intention of telling her, before you oh so kindly disrespected my Council, grabbed her and smashed through our window, which is quite an expensive repair by the way since we're not exactly a major governing body that brings in millions of credits... That she was welcome. When I look at Spencer, I see a Jedi Master, Ashin. I see someone who carries the respect and compassion for all life, a respect for others, to be a true Jedi Master. And she will always be welcome to return to the Order if she wishes"
"You..." he began, and sighed. "You're a powerful Force user, sure. You have the makings of a Jedi Master in stature. But... What about the respect for others, the respect for all life? The humility and compassion and loyalty to the light side of the Force that makes a Jedi? When I saw you at the meeting, Ashin... I saw arrogance. Disrespect. Disdain for everyone around you. Contempt. Your exit was a bold exclamation of that"
His words came in like daggers. While remaining civil, he didn't mince a single word. Respect for her and Spencer or not, he had no intention of telling them what they wanted to hear... He was going to speak his mind, and speak his heart.
"Two Fringers, the former Sith Empress and her 2nd... Barged into our Temple and made a public spectacle, claiming to be Jedi Masters. If the situation had been reversed.... If me and say, Phyllis, barged into your headquarters and saying we were Fringe Masters or whatever you call yourselves at the highest level. Offering teaching and enlightenment to your students... Possibly to influence them with Jedi teachings and court them with taints you would rather not have... How would you feel? And what then, if you decided to... Say, humor us. Yknow, get us a meeting with your leadership thinking "Okay, we'll look at these guys. Maybe they're sincere? Maybe they wanna bring something to the table for the Fringe?" and then one of us, say... Phylis, is respectful. She was a Fringer a long time ago, let's say, as a student. She got courted away to the Jedi because she didn't agree with something one of the councillors in the Fringe had wanted her to do. Now she wanted to come home. Okay, great, she wants to come home, sure, right? Oh, but then I step up. You test me, see if I have the chops, to see if I'm sincere, to see if I can represent your organization as a leader and a Master... But one offhand comment by one of your leaders, and I go ballistic. I go on a tirade. I talk a load of poodoo about you guys, I disrespect and talk about how I despise half of you. I start running down your leaders one by one, especially the ones I hate most. And then before you can... I don't know, try and be peaceful with me, try and be civil with me, before you can get another word in, I grab Phylis, I suddenly start flying, and then I crash through your window, costing you thousands of credits because I'm too disrespectful and selfish to listen to a damn word you say, all because I didn't like what one of you said. And then you decide to meet us somewhere, okay, talk civil, be peaceful. No corrupting influences, no council to say something that might set me off. And then before you can say a word, I start running you down. I start talking about how your Order is corrupt, you're full of crap, and any bit of work you do to fix it is hopeless. Oh, but I respect the work you're doing, and I'm offering you a little something. That makes it all better. Certainly. Right"
He sighed. "Put yourself in my shoes, Ashin"
He looked down at himself, then corrected himself. "Boots"
"How would you feel if I'd gone and done that?" he asked, calmly, yet firmly.
"Now, since you never let me get a word in... Let me answer what you've spoken of.
"You regret inviting me here, alright. That's fair. I don't regret coming here because I'm respectful enough to come and speak to you peacefully without losing my poodoo, breaking things and running off like a spoiled little schoolgirl because I didn't like something you said. Sure, was I met with hostility and insults and verbal barrages? Fine. But I'm still here, aren't I? I've already shown you more respect and honesty in five minutes then you've shown me or my council that entire meeting"
He started to pace a bit, but never kept his eyes off the woman who he would refer to more as a Fringer, for to him, she was no Jedi... She hadn't proven that to him, or the Order.
"While some of us lead differently then others, we adhere to every type of Jedi. Do I like the way some of my Council acts? Hell no. But for every member of that Council, there is a score of Jedi that act just like them. Syn? Aggressive? He goes into business for himself a lot. I personally filed for his dismissal when he started to overstep his boundaries. Daella, overserious, no compassion, a merciless dark side hunter. I don't like how they do things, but I respect them, and I know there are Jedi that act just like them. They have a voice, and through Syn and Daella, they have that voice. Each one of us represents an aspect of how other Jedi act and do things. That is leading the Jedi. Sure, you have other opinions, but that's your opinion, and this is mine"
"And yet... You are civilians first, Jedi second... And you spent years doing nothing but making things miserable for those civilians you claim to be. Miserable for the Jedi you claim to be. No matter how you spin it, you were the Emperor of the Sith. You were the leader of an organization committed to nothing but enslaving races, dominating civilizations, and making the world to be what you want it to be. That will never be forgotten, and no matter how you spin it you've been the opposite of a civilian, opposite of a Jedi... Meanwhile, us "warmongers", us Jedi that you disrespect and namecall and insult... The majority of us have dedicated our lives to protecting civilians and the galaxy. We didn't give into our own desires and join the people who sought nothing but glory and control for themselves... We continued our fight, we stayed on this path and never looked back. When you talk down on us, you're insulting the people who have dedicated their lives, no matter what, to protect the civilians like what you falsely claim to be"
"And yeah. I know what has happened to leaders of the past. Will I eventually get ousted, Ashin? Yeah. Most likely someone's going to have enough of the joking, compassionate Jedi that doesn't think one bit for himself, and instead devotes himself entirely to the Order and it's Jedi. I'm not Selena Halcyon. I'm not overserious 24/7, with an iron fist leading the Order to the battlefield to get the Republic to prominence and squash everything in our way. I'm not Je'gan, I don't believe in the death penalty. I'm not overly strict, I'm not hateful of every being that has ever come in contact with the dark side. And if anyone in that Jedi Order should be aggressively hunting every member of the dark side and executing every single one of them mercilessly, it should be me. My whole life has been shaped around what darksiders have done to me. I have every right to hunt down and execute everyone that even associates or looks at the dark side funny. But I don't. And people don't like that. I'm not Darron Wraith. I'm not overtough, I'm not a vaapad master. I don't run this Order like Selena, Je'gan, or Darron. And as much as I hate to say it, I'm not @[member="Ben Watts"] either. I idolize the man. I love him, he was my role model, he to me was the golden equivalent of a real Jedi. He was who I strived to be. I tailored myself around Ben because I wanted to serve this Order the best way possible, and in my eyes that was the way Ben did things. But that's the problem. I'm not Ben Watts. I will never be Ben Watts. And I handle things different then Ben Watts. And people can't accept that. Some people liked how Selena did things. Some liked how Je'gan did things, how Darron did things, how Ben did things... I'm not them. And people are going to disagree with how I operate and how I represent and serve and steer the Jedi Order. And that's okay. I understand that. I try to cater to Jedi of all kinds the best I can. But I'm not a perfect man, Ashin. I'm not the perfect Jedi. If I could be, I would and I would serve this Order for the next thousand years loyally and diligently until my body couldn't handle it anymore. And the thing is, eventually someone's going to get tired of me. Some way, somehow, someones going to push me out of that seat. And I understand that. My time will come, one day... But that day isn't today. And instead of being a negative nancy about my future, I'm going to focus on the present. Instead of depressedly counting the days, I'm going to count every single day that I am the Grandmaster of this Order as a blessing. I am going to bust my ass to bring this Order back to prominence with every little bit of my being because even if things like grim, even if things haven't been the same since the Selena Halcyon Reign, I BELIEVE in this Jedi Order. I BELIEVE in our code, I BELIEVE in the things we do for this galaxy and it's people. There's something I once told Tallia, a good friend of mine..."
"This has been my life since as long as I can remember. It's what I've been trained for and it's what I've lived for. But you don't realize you've made the right choice until you look into the eyes of the people you've helped, the lives you've improved and saved. When you realize you've made a difference, that.... Is the moment that you know that everything was worth it. Every inch of pain and suffering, every wound, every scar... It's all worth it when you see the results of your actions"
"That's the thing, Ashin... No matter what any naysayers will say, no matter how doomed and hopeless you tell me this goal is... I will serve as Grandmaster, serve this Order, not myself... I will bust my hump for the Jedi Order as it's Grandmaster until I can't breathe anymore... Which means one thing"
He looked her dead in the eyes.
"That for my relentless pursuit to bring the Jedi to prominence, to bring them to a golden age again where we are a unified unit, fully dedicated to our jobs, our goals and the true meaning of what it is to be a Jedi... For that to stop, you have to either somehow oust me... Or kill me"
As those last words were said, it was like there was a cold chill in the air... The determined, fierce look the Grandmaster was giving the former Fringe Arbiter told her that he meant every word...
"I don't care if you think we can't do this... If you think we will never be the same again after Selena's reign... I can't promise you I will. I'll be lying if I did, and lying isn't something that Joshua Philip DragonsFlame does. But that's not stopping me from trying. That's not stopping me from pursuing it... I will go until my body can't do it anymore, until I am physically and mentally incapable of leading this Order into it's future... And even then, when I am physically and mentally dried out... You'll have to kill me to make me give up my dream of seeing this Order be fruitful again, to be the protectors of this galaxy, and not have to deal with all this CRAP"
He took a breath then. He'd let out every bit of what he was feeling, every bit of his mind... He'd told her everything. He'd been upfront and honest. Whether she liked it or not, it didn't matter. He was passionate about his work, passionate about what he believed in, and he would give everything for the Jedi... And he had.
He looked down. "Eventually, I'll die... Someone will take my please. The wheel will keep turning. I'm just a spoke on the wheel, Ashin. Just as you were, and likely after this will be a spoke on the wheel for the Fringe. Both entities will continue to exist when we pass on into the Force. People may not even remember our names thousands of years from now. But glory, name, fame... That's not what I'm here for. I'm Grandmaster because that Jedi Council trusted ME to make a difference. And that is exactly what I am dead set on doing"
He brushed the hair from his face as he looked at Ashin again. "Your offer... I've thought about it" he said, allowing himself to take a breath and relax.
"I've... I've considered the idea of learning the knowledge of the Five. It appeals to me, I'll admit. And if you will honor me with that I will gladly take your offer whenever it is you see fit to have me go and take it's trials"
"For now... Back to the topic at hand. Personally, I would like to see you and Spencer back in the Jedi, if you remember the friendly advice I gave to you earlier about your behavior and the way you act around others. Spencer passes that, but you two are a boxed set and I understand that. And after your statement, I see it likely that you probably won't return to the Order. We don't adhere to your standards, after all" he said calmly, smiling sadly.
"If you do change your mind, Ashin... Just remember my words. We are willing to forgive, and accept... That's who we are. It's something that people take for granted. But if we stopped... Well, you would hate us more then you do now" he said calmly, chuckling slightly.
"Is there anything else you would like to speak of, Ashin? I've said my piece, you've said yours... You don't want to rejoin the Jedi, that's fine with me. Are we done here, or do you have something else to speak of, or do you plan to call the Fringe and have me massacred or....?"
The last bit was a joke, obviously. After he'd gotten everything off his chest, he seemed to be back to the docile and friendly Jedi Grandmaster that he had come to this meeting intending to be. But he was in no wish to stay here for longer then he had to be. Trust was obviously low between the two, as much as he hated knowing that.
@[member="Ashin Varanin"]
@[member="Spencer Jacobs"]