Jedi-assassin

["Kha'ro]

Name: Jedi-slayer unit
Intent: To make all jedi, no matter their strength, have to keep on their toes. (Not killing, just making them be careful.)
Affiliation: One sith. Not directly, just for money.
Availability: Rare.
Type: infantry.
Strength: 50-75
Description: An organisation working for the sith. They mainly kill the jedi but when possible they bring them alive for extra credits. They usually have sith leaders, be it a knight or a lord, for big groups. The units are cloned and therefore have a very weak will, allowing jedi to mind trick them easily. They attempt to destroy their enemies using numbers and not pure strength. They often use vibroblades, vibroaxes or any kind of blaster. They are very money-hungry.

Strengths/Weaknesses: +Good armor
+Fast
+They have strength or sight implants (Depending on their weapon).
+/-They are often clones, meaning there are a lot of them but they are weak minded.
-Often underestimate their enemy.
-Often overestimate their own strength.
-Will kill anyone for money, it could be a man who is the only one keeping them alive.
-Often not careful, will charge in without thought.
-Easily fooled.

Links: RP: http://starwarsrp.net/topic/59663-assassins/ Weapons: Vibroblade http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Vibroblade. Vibroax http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Vibro-ax Blaster pistol http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/DL-44_heavy_blaster_pistol

 

[Boethiah]

under review.

 

[Boethiah]

Intent: To make all jedi, no matter their strength, have to keep on their toes

Alright. This isn't something that concerns me too greatly as a concept but just remember, NPC units are more for fluff and battles rather than killing PCs. That's not to say you can't use NPC to fight PCs but abuse potential is there.

I'm elaborating so you understand why I'm going to scrutinize this submission.

Availability: Common infantry

Alright, first-things-first; common availability generally means they're a commonly found unit -- upwards of two divisions in size, possibly more. If these are elites and I'm assuming they are then you're going need to bring them down to rare at the most.

Strength: 50-150

I'd like you to bring this down to 50-75.

I'd also like you to add 3-4 more sentences to your description. Describe their strengths and weaknesses as well, and please use the links field to also link any weapons, armour, and equipment they use.

I have two questions I'd like you to answer:

1. Are you a member of The One Sith or are you making a unit to oppose you in future stories? If the latter case is true I'd like you to ask for permission from an OS Faction Leader or jut describe them as being independent Sith.
   
2. The thread you linked honestly doesn't describe them all too much, most of your fighting is with an NPC Sith Lord rather than the unit who I can only assume are the mentioned thugs that you managed to kill in one post. Did I miss anything?

 

["Kha'ro]

okay, sorry, didnt see the flaws.

1 answer: No, I will talk to them. Didn't know i had to, sorry, im quite new. Although what I meant was just for money, not directly OS

2 answer: In the rp i fought them when in the cantina, in their ship and when ther boarded me.

About the intent: I didn't necessarily mean kill, just means they will have to be cautious.

Frequency: Yeah, okay, rare.

 

[Boethiah]

[member="Robinkhaliq"]

Let me know when you've fulfilled all my requested edits.

 

["Kha'ro]

[member="Anja Aj'Rou"]

I believe I have fixed it.

 

[Boethiah]

-Often underestimate their enemy. -Often overestimate their own strength.

These weaknesses are practically the same and not substantial. You may keep them but I'd like you to add another more substantial weakness.

I'd also like you to link any equipment they might use(weapons, armour, etc) in the links area of the template.

 

["Kha'ro]

[member="Anja Aj'Rou"]

Done.

 

[Boethiah]

[member="Robinkhaliq"]

The last two links seem to be broken, could you fix those?

 

["Kha'ro]

[member="Anja Aj'Rou"]

I think the links are fixed.

 

[Boethiah]

http://starwars.wiki.../Blaster_pistol

This is too vague, blaster pistols range in various levels of technology and firepower. I'd like you to link it with an actual blaster model rather than the article on the weapon in its broadest sense.

 

["Kha'ro]

Done

[member="Anja Aj'Rou"]

 

[Boethiah]

Often underestimate their enemy. -Often overestimate their own strength. -Will kill anyone for money, it could be a man who is the only one keeping them alive.

Alright, as with what I said a few replies back these aren't substantial weaknesses. To elaborate, a weakness would be something that can be exploited by those writing against the NPC not just by the person writing them. For example, a light infantry unit might have the bonus of mobility but their weakness would be it at the cost of equipment and heavy weapons/armour.

 

["Kha'ro]

[member="Anja Aj'Rou"]

Added 2 weaknesses and a strength.

 

[Boethiah]

[member="Robinkhaliq"]

Alright I notice you listed your edits along side the original text, could you please remove the original text and only leave in the edits?

 

["Kha'ro]

[member="Anja Aj'Rou"]

Done

 

[Boethiah]

[member="Robinkhaliq"]

You seem to have removed the "Type" portion from the template.

 

["Kha'ro]

[member="Anja Aj'Rou"]

Added it in.

 

[Boethiah]

[member="Robinkhaliq"]

I'm going to be very honest with you. I've been trying to work with this submission as best as I can to see if we couldn't get something that fits. However; I feel there are are still too many issues and so you understand what I mean I'll go through each of them.

First, based on your thread mentioning these guys you were easily able to defeat them, yet they're somehow trained Jedi killers. I feel like this is boosting your character's power far too much in all consideration and creates an unrealistic notion that force-user assassins are able to be quickly disposed of by a Jedi Padawan. Units are less about opposition for yourself but for that of others, not that it's not allowed but we're pretty strict about using NPCs to increase your character's perceived powers.

Cloning and implants makes them seem somewhat like super soldiers, which again brings me to the notion that if you're going to just end up defeating these NPC that it's going to create an unrealistic growth for your character's perceived powers.

Lastly, I don't believe too much effort has been put into this submission. You've worked through this step-by-step with only the minimum amount of effort requested, and for small things that's fine but for Jedi-killing infantry it's not because that makes them quite the elite unit if their sole purpose is hunting and killing Jedi for money.

To summarize: It is in my judgement that these NPC are too overpowered, their intentions are not in the spirit of roleplay but rater opposition for your character to climb over, and that not enough effort was put into the concept all together. I mean this with all due respect, I understand that you've worked with me here and I've honestly been trying to work with this as best as I can but I do not feel comfortable approving this submission and I don't believe there's anything to add to make it more acceptable. I'm going to have to deny this submission.

If you do not agree with my judgement you may take this to second chance.

Denied.

[member="Valiens Nantaris"]

 

[Valiens Nantaris]

[member="Robinkhaliq"]
[member="Anja Aj'Rou"]

I must agree with the Codex Judge here.

This submission is denied.

If you wish to second chance this then you are welcome to do so.