It's Your Fault that I Don't Sleep Anymore {Circe}

[courageisthekey]

Electricity came to life, shooting out at the giant. Ven fell with a thud. She hadn't been prepared for the hit. But this time she wouldn't die. This time around Vanessa would do what had to be done. Lunging forward her hands wrapped around Varanin's throat, surprising them both. Slowly the grip tightened... and slowly the lightning faded. All of their surroundings disappeared until it was just the two of them. As the life left Ashin's eyes she smiled, softly whispering "It wasn't your fault. It was hers..."​

Then the world ceased to exist.​

------------------------------------------------------------------------​

​

A sudden realization awoke me. Sweat slid down my brow, making it clear my dreams had not been pleasant. Taking a deep breath I attempted to slow my heart rate down... and failed, miserably at that. It wasn't healthy. My body wasn't done healing from the cancer yet. Keeping my physical activity to a minimum when I could was best. When that wasn't possible I was supposed to focus on relaxing. It's hard to relax when your heart is going faster than light (an obvious exaggeration). Even harder considering recent events. Which included the death of my only friend (Ven'Rain Sekairo), the near death of my almost-lover and caretaker (Circe Savan), and receiving the news that everything I thought I knew was a lie. Add what I learned in the dream...​

I wasn't a happy camper.​

​

Throwing the blanket off me I stood up and stretched, looking around the small room as I did. Signing up as Savan's apprentice had its advantages. For one, my own personal living quarters (not padded, like the last one). Nothing to fancy, but still far better than the last place I called 'home'. Though what I realized during that dream... I had to go. Letting out the longest sigh in Morganian history I threw some clothes on (having been nude until this moment) and headed out the door. It was very, very important that I speak with Circe about this matter. Quiet rage filled me, though it wasn't a noticeable thing. My eyebrows hardly ever furrowed, I didn't understand the meaning of a scowl, and storming into rooms seemed like a silly concept. Basically the opposite of the late merc. Compared to her, I was simply an angry kitten.​

​

The layout of the complex was still partially unknown to me. But I knew where Circe slept. That was enough for now. I hadn't checked my watch until now.... It was very early in the morning. Early enough that it would still be dark outside, and that I would likely be the only person awake. Feth. I didn't plan on turning back, despite the time. My 'owner' was in for one hell of a rude awakening. Attempting to remain as calm as possible I tiptoed through the building, reaching my destination fairly quickly. Morganians are fast, agile, and flexible. Walking without making much sound came naturally to us. Only my companion would be waking up any time soon.​

​

Raising one pale fist I knocked on the door. Once, twice, three times.
"Miss Savan?"​

@[member="Circe Savan"]​

 

[Onrai]

Circe was awoken in the middle of the night by a knock. A soft knock, but still a knock well after she had her apprentices go to sleep. Standing up, naked as usual, she stepped soundlessly to the door and opened it. Standing there, looking at her, was a wonderful young woman, someone Circe cared about immensely. "Vanessa... What are you doing up so late?"

This was... out of the ordinary. Very out of the ordinary.

@[member="Vanessa Nacht Seele"]

 

[courageisthekey]

Unsurprisingly, the door was opened rather quickly. But it took a moment to get past the fact she was naked (much like I had been a minute ago) and realize she had posed a question. Pausing, I thought. Why was I up at this hour? Why hadn't I simply rolled over and waited until morning? Good questions... Better answers. It simply couldn't wait. "You could have stopped it Circe. Things weren't meant to end that way. Yet they did. She didn't have to die." Everyone was stilling feeling the affects of Ven's death. Her funeral had only been a few weeks ago. Miss Savan would know who I was talking about. My head tipped to the side before I quietly pushed past her, entering her chambers in search of somewhere to sit. This might end up being a lengthy discussion. Though I didn't weigh much, it was enough to tire sore legs after awhile.​

​

Returning my gaze to my teacher I awaited a response. Or perhaps it would be better to further explain myself? "You used her, Circe. Used her loyalty, aggression, and protective nature to your advantage. Had you not... had you done a better job of keeping her calm... if you had reassured her you were fine, that you were strong enough to pull through your injuries..." My voice cracked. I let my words hang in the air as I turned away. I couldn't look at her. If things had been different... I'd still have a best friend.​

@[member="Circe Savan"]​

 

[Onrai]

"Vanessa..." She paused. "I literally had no arms or legs. I couldn't have stopped it. I had just undergone enormous amounts of surgery to remove the growths from my flesh. I couldn't save her. If I could have, I would have, but I simply couldn't." She frowned , a tear coming to her eye. "I loved her. I cared about her. And for the entire time I knew her, I worked hard to make sure that her mental state was glued together tighter than the seal of a spacesuit."

She paused. "Besides... The guard was already dead before I could say any of those things."

@[member="Vanessa Nacht Seele"]

 

[courageisthekey]

"You misunderstand me, Savan. It was not a 'at the moment' thing. Not even close. This event was brewing from the moment you met her. Face it. You never bothered to show her that you were strong, that you could survive things that many others could not. Because of that, she felt like you needed that protection," I started, voice low. Several times it cracked again. It was painfully obvious that I wanted to cry. But I wouldn't. Not until what needed to be said was said. "Did you ever try to force her personalities together? Ever try to prevent her from being constantly violent? As far as I know, you didn't. You don't understand what your actions can cause, Circe. Every movement sends out waves, an endless domino affect unseen by most eyes. When you chose to use her as a pawn- no, a knight- you sentenced her to a life of misery."​

​

I snapped around at this point. For once my eyes narrowed to lonely slits, betraying the amount of rage I held inside. "She died for you! Not just that once, but countless times! She changed over and over, just to try and make you happy! Wasn't her plain old self enough? You could have reassured her! You could have let her know that just spending time with her was enough! Instead you let her building rage go unchecked, let her slowly break down inside until she was nothing but a tool. A tool for your use, and only your use. Savan... You toyed with her life as if she was nothing but an experiment. Maybe you loved her, maybe you didn't. But if you did... Your way of showing it was pathetic."​

​

In an instant my fist was headed straight for her chest. Soon it was followed by a round house kick aimed at her head. Perhaps this was an over reaction. But Ven'Rain had been a close friend. And the way she had been treated pissed me off. So Circe could do whatever she wanted in the next few minutes. If neither of us were bruised and bloodied by the end of this, I'd be upset.​

@[member="Circe Savan"]​

 

[Onrai]

"That was the only way for me to keep her from leaving me at the time. She had bought into the lies of the Omega a protectorate leaders, and if I had never reunited with her, giving her a reason to be with me once again, then we would have never seen each other again. As for forcing her personalities together - I couldn't. If I did, then more than likely, Ven would go comatose. Or perhaps even insane. You don't know about personality union enough to know of the consequences if even a tiny little mistake is made."

"I did love her. She was one of the only people to ever experience my love the way it was truly meant to be expressed. All I wanted was for her to be okay and with me. She was absolutely spectacular, and I have been thinking about ways to revive her, so she can still experience that marriage she and I were to have. I will not let her rest in shame."

When she attacked... Circe didn't expect it. She grabbed Vanessa's fist with one hand and her leg with the other.

"No."

@[member="Vanessa Nacht Seele"]

 

[courageisthekey]

I felt like her answers were total BS. Maybe it was just because I was still feeling the echoes of Ven's loss. Or maybe I was simply a pissy little kitten. Perhaps both. Whatever made me so angry, it wasn't going to let Circe get away with this. Snarling I pulled away from her, going back into a neutral stance. "Of course. Of course you want to bring her back. You can't let her go, can you? After everything she ever went through, do you really think that she would want to come back? Can you not be selfish for once? I'd expect more consideration out of you. She would be happy to simply stay bound to you. Coming back to the physical realm... Have you even considered what she would have to go through again? Insanity would plague her again, would it not? There are plenty of people who want her dead. She is wanted on several planets. It wouldn't be long before hunters started coming after her again." Bringing Ven back was an awful idea.​

​

Some people are better off dead. No matter how much those still alive miss them. "I want her back to. But the difference between you and I is that I understand that she's better off this way. Don't for a second think that you are innocent. There are so many things you should have done differently. You need to think these things through. If you continue doing what you've done in the past... then you will destroy everything you love. And I refuse to be a victim of your ignorance." There was the truth. Not only was I upset at how she had treated Ven, I was worried about how Circe would affect me in the future... Rage fueled by worry sent another round of blows flying her way. Right hook, left knee, right elbow, left uppercut.​

@[member="Circe Savan"]​

 

[Onrai]

"No, it wouldn't. If what happened meant that I would need to give each of the three personalities in her mind a new body in order to stop them from conflicting with one another, I would do so. People don't want her dead, Vanessa - you can't want to destroy that which already no longer exists. Why do you think OP doesn't go after me anymore? Because I already experienced my death sentence. I've been 'renewed,' for better lack of term. And with no offense to you, as I know how close you were to her as well, how would you know what her spirit feels?"

She sighed. "There are things I should've done differently, yes." She paused, letting Vanessa attack as she first blocked her hook, kicked at her knee, brought her arm up to block the elbow, and finally brought both hands up to force the uppercut to end up back in Vanessa's face. "but I can't change the past. If I could, I'd have changed it to where I never even became the person I am today. I'd rather grow up as a Falleen princess who never found out she could use the Force."

"Now again. Stop."

@[member="Vanessa Nacht Seele"]

 

[courageisthekey]

"If she became alive once more, they would come. Not everyone is forgiving. Haven't you noticed that there are still many coming after you? Try as you might, they will chase you until they die- or you do. Ven may have been nice to you and me, but she killed hundreds of people. Every one having a family, friends, lovers. Some had connections to powerful people. Do you really think that she could come back and all would be forgiven? If so, you are more of a fool than I once thought." I was getting tired of this. Circe was about as stubborn as someone could get. A trait I unfortunately shared with her. Even with my- oh feth. My heart rate had reached a pace double that of what it should be. Morganians have two hearts, unlike most other species. With both pounding against my chest... It was surprising I wasn't having any chest pain.​

​

But I kept fighting. With each hit (blocked or not) I increased my speed, intending to use my heritage to my advantage. This was getting dangerous. My body felt the strain, urging me to stop and go back to sleep. "Why won't you fight back?!? C'mon Circe! HIT ME! SHOW ME THAT I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO'S ANGRY ABOUT VEN DYING! Make me stop! Force me to shut up. Here's another one of your problems: You're to afraid to hurt those who you care about. To afraid to damage your precious pawns even if it's in their better interest. Prove to me I'm wrong. DO IT!" I was yelling at this point, voice bouncing around the room.​

​

Honestly I had no idea I could be that loud. It was incredibly shocking. But I was paying more attention to my movements then my speech. I tried to call on the force, attempting to go even faster and harder. To some I would look like a mere blur. Unless Circe had good endurance, she would probably need to stop this soon. I was in no mood to stop until my body gave out.​

@[member="Circe Savan"]​

 

[Onrai]

Circe did have good endurance. And excellent hand-eye coordination as well. But right now, she was reaching a point where even she was having difficulty keeping up with Vanessa's quick movements. Thus, there was only one thing to do - Force Push the Morganian into the wall. Hard. "ENOUGH! I'm getting fething sick of us fighting over Ven's death! She was a wonderful woman, and do you think that I've EVER truly been able to forgive Ashin for what she did? Now you stop this right now, or so help me I will personally impale you into the wall as decorative ornamentation!!!"

Then Circe would beat on her, if she tried to attack again.

@[member="Vanessa Nacht Seele"]

 

[courageisthekey]

Finally. No one in the history of the universe had ever been as happy as I was to be slammed into a wall. There was a slight 'crunch', and I knew I had been injured. Luckily nothing to bad. But it was enough to make a bit of blood trickle out of my mouth. "Thank you. I needed that. But I meant what I said. Be careful how much you interfere in people's lives. I'd rather not end up as insane as Ven was before she died." Big change in such little time. It's amazing what one little force push can do to a person. Picking myself up I wiped the blood off my cheek. The action was semi-pointless, as a little more flowed out a moment later. "Now, uh... Think we could get me checked out? I don't think my hearts are supposed to be beating this fast..." That was when I realized that I felt like I was going to pass out.​

Feth. Again.​

@[member="Circe Savan"]​

 

[Onrai]

"Yeah, that isn't happening. Don't worry about that." She smiled, giving a soft chuckle. As Vanessa fell unconscious, Circe took her to the nearby medical ward, in preparation for her to be healed and checked out.

When she was, Circe would come in, a smile on her face as she took the young woman's hand. "Well, Vanessa, I hope I didn't hurt you too badly. That would be very unfortunate."

@[member="Vanessa Nacht Seele"]

 

[courageisthekey]

Falling unconscious had never felt so good. When I woke up I head a slight headache, but my hearts had slowed their furious beating. Scans had revealed nothing to serious. Some signs of cancer still remained. But for the most part I was healthy. "I'm fine. Just a tad bit tired... And I'm tougher than I look, so don't worry 'bout 'lil old me." I had no doubt that Circe had figured that out. My speed was surprising to most. If only I could hit harder as well. It was something I'd need to work on. "Now that I'm all checked out... we should really go back to bed. Mind if I... er... sleep in the same room as you?" I asked, blushing slightly. All I wanted was to cuddle. Nothing more... sensual.​

@[member="Circe Savan"]​

 

[Onrai]

"Sure." Circe smiled, tossing Vanessa a bathrobe. "Of course I worry about you. I worry about all my students and my friends. And my family too. To me, every apprentice is like a son or daughter, every friend like a sibling. Which is why death and betrayal affect me a lot more than they would anyone else. And speaking of such, I'm going to need your help on something."

She paused. "The CIS and Fel Imperium have destroyed Subach's factories in their territories, as well as those on Charros IV. I therefore need to find new locations for prefabricated factories made out of Subach cargo containers. Can you assist me with that?"

@[member="Vanessa Nacht Seele"]

 

[courageisthekey]

Quickly I put the robe on, having been a little cold. What came next surprised me. Why had the CIS and FI done that? It frustrated me. "Lemme guess, they were pissed at you so they took it out on your company? Fracking asshats. Let's pound 'em! Er, after we find new locations for factories, of course. Maybe we can go to the home planet of the Morganians. They usually don't mind making new connections, and if you like wine, it's the best place to go to." It was true. Us space-elves were the best when it came to crafting alcoholic drinks. Especially the stronger sort.​

@[member="Circe Savan"]​

 

[Onrai]

"They were frustrated because I sold weapons to the Sith Empire, despite it no longer existing. I don't see them going after Czerka, who's sold to the Republic and Empire at the same time before. It's a stupid vendetta that carries on a pointless conflict on the coattails of my last manhunt. And likely there'll be ANOTHER manhunt occurring soon, though I hope that's not the case."

"Anyways... Yes, let's see if we can't open a new factory on Morgania. I'm sure the CIS won't be foolish enough to attack there."

@[member="Vanessa Nacht Seele"]

 

[courageisthekey]

She had a point. The CIS could decide to attack Morgania... If they did... Our defenses aren't the best, but when it comes to ground combat, we're a bunch of stealthy bastards. Plus, there are plenty of mercs who would fight to keep their favorite drinking hole safe. "Sounds good. But seriously, let's get some sleep. We can figure this out, and do more training, when we wake up. Remind me to never get pissy before the sun rises again." I'm such an angry little kitten. Hopefully one day I'd be like a fierce Nexu! For now, still a fluffball.​

Yay.​

@[member="Circe Savan"]​

 

[Onrai]

"I can agree with that. Now let's cuddle up and go to bed, my cute little kitten." She smiled, running a hand through Vanessa's hair and over her back like petting a cat. "Gods, you're so fluffy. SNUGGLES!" And with a girlish squee, she picked the woman up and took her to the bedroom, where they snuggled all night long with fuzzy blankets.

"So soft, so fuzzy..."

@[member="Vanessa Nacht Seele"]

 

[courageisthekey]

Circe could be pretty adorable when she tried. And strong. Then again, I didn't weigh much... wasn't really that hard to pick me up... On another note, the night was spent with lots of cuddling and sound sleep. Now that I had let my emotions out, nightmares had stopped plaguing me. No more dreams about killing Ashin (which I'd never be able to do anyway). Just peaceful sleep for once. Of course, eventually I woke up. Things were quiet, and the lights were still off, but I could tell some time had passed. Now it was an acceptable time to be up and active. Rolling over I smiled at little miss sleepy head (Circe) before opening my mouth to speak.​

"Eyo, morning time. We've got a lot to do today."​

@[member="Circe Savan"]​

 

[Onrai]

"I suppose so. Get your jacket. We have to get to Morgania and speak with planetary officials about opening a factory there." She didn't have much else to say as she moved to get dressed in her nice black dress, her skin shifting to a more normal tan coloration.

"Ready, baby?"

@[member="Vanessa Nacht Seele"]