Private It's Not Griping, It's Tactical (Braze Kai'el)

[Tilon Quill]

CORUSCANT
STREET FOOD SECTOR DOWN FROM JEDI TEMPLE

Like directly down by a couple hundred meters, catering to generations of Jedi trainees unsatisfied with the lawful good mess hall (uncomplimentary). Being peripheral at best to the New Jedi Order, Tilon had only been down here occasionally for fried bedjies and similar delights. His stomach was snarling at him from hours of training with his Selkath friend, but he held off on everything but a drink bulb.

Blending in was, for him, a lost cause, so he dressed as he did when not in the uniform of some expedition or other: color. Color with non-precious-metal accent pieces. High visibility. It wouldn't be hard for Braze to make the rendezvous.

 

[Braze]

TAGS: Tilon Quill

Braze had cleaned up and dressed in something more... reminiscent of what he used to wear before his knighting. It still leaned heavily into black, but not the stark monochrome of his usual attire. This one was a much more modest outfit than those that he was well acustome dto. His recent scars had made him very self conscious in his present choices choosing to hide them away. This outfit paired deep blacks with soft whites, just a touch more refined than his typical look, without crossing into anything too formal.

Before departing, he carefully applied one of the perfumes he'd been developing. Just enough to linger. The scent was still fresh on his skin with a subtle blend that opened with bright notes of mixed berries, apple, and tangerine, softened by a heart of green florals and lily, and grounded in a smooth base of sweet vanilla.

The pale half-Echani spotted Tilon easily, his vibrant attier in contrast to Braze's own more muted aesthetic.

He made his way over and offered a slight bow of his head, as he raised a fit to an open hand. It was admittedly harder to appear disarming without the ability to offer something as simple as a smile.

"Thank you for joining me," Braze said quietly. "Your choice in attire is… stunning and bold...It suits you well."

 

[Tilon Quill]

"Thank you for joining me," Braze said quietly. "Your choice in attire is… stunning and bold...It suits you well."

"Trust me," said Tilon with a grin, "in the Nagai bazaars I'm downright plain."

He'd had the feeling Braze would be a bit of a clotheshorse himself and found himself correct.

"Plus," he said, taking in Braze's oufit, "like you, I figure I'll always stand out visually among Jedi, so why not make it on my terms, in a way I'm comfortable with? I tried traditional robes my first few years as a Jedi Knight, but ultimately, there's only so much burlap a man can wear. But don't get me started on Jedi masculinity."

He glanced around at the food kiosks with interest.

"Any recommendations? Have you been down here before?

 

[Braze]

TAGS: Tilon Quill

"Jedi... masculinity? what's that's entail exactly?" Braze asked curiously. " I have only been here a handful of times. " Braze offered lightly. " Food and clothing are both necessities... some of the few things I was permitted to use my inheritance to indulge in from time to time... The temple isn't fond of young-lings running off on their own... They have good fried Chyntuck root here... " Braze trailed. " If you're interested in something a little fancier I have a VIP membership card for a few locations owned by ATC. " He said and took out a solid-light business card chit, flourishing it in one hand displaying dexterous showmanship of its luminescent glow.

"I'm sure I can find something suited to my.... condition no matter where you decide to go. "

 

[Tilon Quill]

"Come all the way to Coruscant and not try something local on my last night here? Fried Chyntuck root it is."

For this food cart there was a bit of a line, bit of a fuss, and Tilon queued up behind a couple of twitchy excited Nautolans.

"So the way I see it," he said, looping back around, "there are ways different kinds of Jedi culture have risks for a lot of men. I don't know that I've ever met a man who's been healthier because he's repressed his emotions behind layers of denial or built his whole identity and personality around violence. I'm betting you've met as many Jedi like that as I have."

The line brought them to the truck. Tilon slapped a couple of extragalactic coins on the counter for his Chyntuck root. The Chagrian cook accepted them without issue. Coruscant got all sorts.

Braze

 

[Braze]

TAGS: Tilon Quill

Braze tucked the card back where it came from, slipping it out of sight with practiced ease.

"Not recently. Can't say that I have... If anything, I think everyone's a little too emotional these days—severe lack of self-discipline. They just act at a moments notciue without any for thought. "

He ordered something decidedly more liquid in state, a blended fruit drink that arrived pink and frothy, an odd contrast to his somber mood.

"I think the generation before mine feared the consequences of total emotional detachment so much that they went too far the other way. Now, no one encourages even basic restraint. Everyone leans into their feelings like it's some kind of sacred rite."

He stirred the drink thoughtfully.

"There are a lot of empaths too. When one person's upset, it's like every other empath has to be upset -with- them. Collective spirals."

His voice from the vocoder modulated to be softened, almost distant.

"I used to struggle with that. With emotions—other people's, especially. I could feel them all around me, rippling through the Force like echoes in a canyon. When I was younger, it overwhelmed me. I'd worry about everything, and everyone..."

He exhaled slowly.

" Jasper Kai'el once told me emotions are okay—but you've got to know how to act. You've got to understand yourself, and what's acceptable... and what isn't."

His gaze flicked upward. A faint smirk tugged at the corner of his mouth... at least that's what he would do if he still had a mouth.

"I've met a few Jedi who seem a bit too eager to draw a saber. I'm not a saint myself—but I've also crossed paths with more than a few... off-color characters. And they always seem surprised when I talk to them like they're people first... what about you? What have you noticed about other risks, ups and downs, and such about different kinds of Jedi cultures? "

​

 

[Tilon Quill]

The fried Chynuck root was definitely fried and definitely root, but might or might not have been part of an actual Chynuck at some point. Tilon ate slowly, a little piece of root at a time on the little Chagrian-style skewer.

"This is fascinating," he said. "Disturbing but fascinating. I've had a totally different experience with the Jedi, more like you're ascribing to earlier generations. Maybe Jedi cultural trends ripple out from the Core Worlds with a delay. But then again I'm older than you and most of the Jedi I've spent time around are older than me, so that generation shift you're talking...or maybe it's a New Jedi Order thing. I don't mean anything against your order as it currently is, I don't know as much about it as I'd thought, but the 'too eager to draw a saber, not enough emotional control' thing is dredging up some memories for me.

"Quick sketch of me. I was raised in the Sith academy on Ziost. When I was twelve, the New Jedi Order started killing us. A Jedi Master went rogue, used this trick of his to fake a Dark Side presence, and worked with a Sith to stage an evac; they saved twenty-five of us from the Jedi. I stuck with him and he stuck with me even when an NJO Jedi tried to kill him for it. He taught me and eventually he adopted me. He left the Jedi over all this and wasn't too pleased when I became a Jedi Knight. We're good now - anyways, sketch over. When you started talking about eagerness to fight and poor emotional discipline, it kicked me back years and years. How's your drink?"

Braze

 

[Braze]

TAGS: Tilon Quill

Braze listened carefully, idly stirring his drink with the straw as he tried to picture what that might be like. He'd heard of deceiving and making a dark side presence before...something he himself had managed a few times now with the help of a gift... but he had never hunted someone down and killed them with it.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring up bad memories." he offered quietly through the vocoder.

Drawing a heavy breath, Braze reached up and carefully removed the black cloth covering his prosthetic. Beneath it, his face resembled a half-mask of metal, large mechanical teeth exposed. The prosthetic shifted, opening slightly as he leaned forward, awkwardly maneuvering the straw to his 'mouth.' It took effort, even suction had to be applied with help of the force...

He swallowed after a moment, pausing to let the sensation settle.

"Refreshingly cool." he added through the vocoder in reply.

Truth be told, he couldn't truly taste anything anymore. But he could still smell... and the fruit in the drink carried a sweet aroma that let him imagine the flavor and almost 'taste' it in a way.... and he could still feel temperatures, cold against what nerves remained.

"There was a group of radicals recently... They wanted to hunt Jedi. Made a whole declaration about it... about some of them being bad and needing to be purged..."

He paused, expression unreadable behind the metal.
"But I haven't seen them since. I think maybe...Bernard was one of them."

​

 

[Tilon Quill]

"Jedi-hunting declaration?" Tilon grimaced around a skewered chunk of root and let that reaction speak for him. "I'm pretty free with my criticism of Jedi-ness, but it's always in a 'loyal opposition' kind of way. Purges - well, I'm a purge survivor, you can guess how I feel about that kind of attitude. Maybe I should be brushing up on my Soresu a little harder in case I look particularly purgeable."

He didn't comment on Braze's prosthetic or injuries, but he didn't shy away from it either or feel uncomfortable; he'd travelled with many cyborgs and many war-wounded, his father included.

"What were they trying to go after? Or rather, what'd they see as bad enough about Jedi to go so far when there's so, so many other...better priorities to pick from?"

Braze

 

[Braze]

TAGS: Tilon Quill

" There was a notice

nailed to the entrance of the Jedi Order's Coruscant Temple

That detailed what the 'Lightsworn' sent, I believe," Braze guessed. "I think it upset a few people... Haven't heard much about them in a while, so maybe it was just a handful of self-righteous zealots." He shrugged lightly. "Something about a list of names, calling people heretics, liars, thieves, murderers, and traitors or some such." Braze shook his head. "At the time, my master, Jasper Kai'el , and I were in a transitional period, taking some space away from the New Jedi Order to act more independently for a bit and be wayseekers... people will always think different things and people get upset when things aren't how they want them to be. Even if those feelings go unspoken... Regardless of banner or sect I think I understand my position and what I can can't do, and what I should and shouldn't do. "

 

[Tilon Quill]

"Oh, I did hear about this, come to think of it. Lot of calling out fallen Jedi but also reformed Darksiders - I remember they took a swing at one of the Nobles. I see what you mean. I"m not one for paralyzing purism. Fanatics give me hives." He rubbed theatrically at his arms.

"Why'd you come in from the cold, from being wayseekers? What made the Order life appeal? I've been thinking lately about belonging, whether it'd be worthwhile to join the NJO or the Shirayans or some other outfit. What clicked for you?"

Braze

 

[Braze]

TAGS: Tilon Quill

"Nothing ever really clicked for me. I grew up mostly here in the temple... but I dislike how things get done and feel powerless to change anything that really matters. Most of the time, it feels like my opinions and voice don't count or matter. I find myself growing disenchanted with it all ... the ideas, the prospects... more often than I'd like.

But then I remind myself... now that I'm a Knight, I can more or less do what I want. Maybe not on some grand, sweeping scale, but I can still teach others, help people , no matter the banner or sect.

Even so, I don't feel like I truly belong here, and I've lived in this place practically my whole life. Maybe that's on me. I'm not exactly great at keeping friendships alive... or at being all that fun or interesting to be around... I'm not very good at lying to people I like and I'm terrible at understanding how to communicate appropriately... I liked the idea of being way seekers... Jasper Kai'el is presently missing however... "
Braze sure could yap. "You seem nice... I think people would like you and want you around. You're charismatic and kind and you know how to be approachable. Those are all admirable traits that would do well to help you fit in. "

​

 

[Tilon Quill]

This was a good spot, a bench between food stalls, with a view of the foot traffic, everyone coming through to eat. People from a dozen different levels of this stratified world.

"I mean, to what end, though? Being a Jedi, being part of the Jedi, isn't an end in itself any more than figuring out how to appeal to the Jedi around you on a personal level, I guess. I try to be a Jedi because it helps me have the life I want, not just because I like tacking 'Jedi Knight' onto my name. I try to appeal because I like making connections and hearing what people have to say, not just because appealing to people feels good. I guess what I'm saying is, being liked isn't enough, being a Jedi isn't enough. I'm only interested in being part of something that has a purpose, that offers me good goals.

"When you're thinking about whether your voice matters, what kind of work are we talking about here? What kind of goals would work for you now that you've-" He gestured at Braze 's outfit with the little skewer. "-defeated your whole order in a contest of sheer flair? Unless they've got some really sharp jumpsuits these days."

 

[Braze]

TAGS: Tilon Quill

Braze remembered taking Aris Noble and Zaiya Ceti out to find clothes. He had also done something similar on other occasions, offering advice or encouragement on style choices for Valery Noble , Casaana , Loomi , and Azurine Varek at different times.

There had even been that convention where he gifted designer-styled espionage tools, pieces he himself utilized, crafted so fashionably that Xoff Chantin had thought they were worth stealing.

Suffice to say, Braze had a deep appreciation for artistic aesthetics and overall appearance.

"I don't really know..." Braze admitted, his tone soft. "I don't think I can function as a normal person either. I don't really know how to adjust to a more... civilian style of life. But I'm flattered you think that — thank you."
He paused, then added, "I believe there are some new jumpsuits, though I can't promise how sharp they might look. I think there are some recent New Jedi Order Jumpsuits and New Jedi Order Robes available... I might've seen Ko Vuto wearing them.... Right now I'm trying to find Jasper Kai'el . He's been missing for a while... after that I think I will try and take some time... to piece myself back together and try to heal... Maybe just work with Ko Vuto on fostering better relations and upkeep between many temples and enclaves. "

​

 

[Tilon Quill]

"Yes," said Tilon, his mood cooling and saddening as quickly as the previously tasty roots, "I heard about Master Kai'el's abduction at Ord Providence. Easily one of the worst Ords. I don't know him, but friends speak well of him. I hope you get good success, in that and afterward."

He balled up the last of his roots in their grease-soaked package and sent the whole thing arcing into a garbage receptacle nearby.

"I'd offer to help, but I'm already locked in to fly out. When I'm back, though, however long that takes - let's catch up, and if there's some way I can help by then, let me know."

Braze

 

[Braze]

TAGS: Tilon Quill

​

"That would be nice. You can show me what you typically get up to when you return. " Braze offered simply in reply. " Thank you for agreeing to spend a little time with me. It was enjoyable to talk to some one with a new perspective. "

 

[Tilon Quill]

"I'd like that."

There'd been a bit of a spark there earlier, if Tilon was any judge of such things, but it felt like it had died somewhere along the way, snuffed out by... politics and worries and war wounds and maybe an inability to snap out of the all-consuming nature of being a Jedi. It wasn't the first time Tilon had wasted or mishandled an opportunity for connection among the Jedi — all kinds of connections, really. He wasn't sure what to do with that in the long term. All he knew was that his mood was off and this might have gone differently.

"I've got to run," he said. "Shipping out. Maybe next time around I'll have better stories and a little more life to me." He got off the bench and gave Braze a grin that he largely meant. "Stay safe out there."

 

[Braze]

TAGS: Tilon Quill

Braze rose smoothly, straightening his clothes with a deliberate touch before offering a bow that was more artful than formal as it was accompanied by a flourish. His somber jade green eyes shifted upwards beneath the veil of snow white bags, as he held the bow looking up to meet Tilon's gaze directly seeking eye contact.

"May the Force be with you," he said, then, with a playful tilt of the head and a wink, he added, "And be careful out there yourself. I'd hate to miss the chance to see that pretty grin again."

​