Private Incremental

[Cerys Dyn]

When she was a child, Cerys had been known for her manners. Her sister was the one to spit out the melon seeds. Cerys was more likely to find a napkin and dispose of them discreetly, and in bulk.

Propriety was of the utmost value in life. Cerys was starting to see that he rigid conformity to her morals did not always bring about the greatest intended end. Changing who she was though did not come easily, and finding a happy medium between rigidity and flexibility...well, it might just break her.

"Are you going to buy something or just stare at that dress all day, my dear?"

The shopkeepers voice pulled Cerys' thoughts away from the unintended introspection. The lack of self-control was immediately embarrassing. Her cheeks flushed and she looked timidly at the shopkeeper. "I...ah..."

"Rather a revealing outfit for a Jedi such as yourself, is it not?" Said the otherwise kindly older woman.

The fabric fell from Cerys' grasp immediately. Her hands fell to her side. What sort of Jedi did she look like? The kind that couldn't relax? The kind that couldn't wear something that showed a little bit of her...no...she was definitely not that sort of Jedi.

"For someone else," she said, hating that her instinct was to lie. Why was she so embarrassed by the curiosity. If necessary, she would drop Zaiya Ceti as the intended owner of the garment.

"You have been thinking about that 'someone else' for almost 10 minutes," said the shopkeeper with a wry smile, "you have a girlfriend?"

"What!? NO!" Cerys exclaimed before backing away and turning herself towards the door.

"Alright miss, I meant no offence," said the woman with her hands up defensively. She looked amused and it annoyed Cerys to no end. The shopkeeper was still saying something as Cerys left the store. Theed had other stores where Cerys was not currently making a fool of herself. Perhaps there would be something more in keeping with her current persona that she could buy.

 

[Zaiya Ceti]

Outfit: x x x x x | Equipment: x x x x x x | Weapons: x x x | Companion: Domxite
Interacting with: Cerys Dyn

Zaiya wove through the bustling marketplace with Domxite perched on her shoulder. Her savings pouch was light, but she'd counted twice, she had just enough credits to pick up a few essentials. Finding clothes that fit had become a challenge; her recent growth spurt left most of her tunics and training pants laughably short.

Domxite chirped excitedly, their optical sensor locked onto a viewscreen outside a boutique. They had spotted a dress -- sleek, flowing, and exactly the Lovalla Padawan's style -- flashing across the display. Zaiya's bioluminescence flared in delight with golden ripples when she caught sight of it. Oh that was super, super pretty!

But as she made her way towards the entrance, her glow dimmed.

Voices. A conversation near the counter. Zaiya's sharp eyes flicked toward the source -- wait, was that Cerys? Sure enough it was, the Togruta standing stiffly while the shopkeeper frowned disapprovingly at a garment in her hands.

"Rather a revealing outfit for a Jedi such as yourself, is it not?"

Zaiya's colors flared, shifting from puzzled citrine to sharp, irritated lavender. But it wasn’t long before Zaiya saw Cerys step out of the store, causing Zaiya to instinctively follow suit.

“Oh Cerys! Wait up!” Called out hoping to catch her before she disappeared again as she had back at the Deeja Peak marketplace so long ago.

 

[Cerys Dyn]

She was busy muttering to herself about the need to focus when she heard a familiar voice. Her expression was all at once frustration and friendliness, but she tried hard to hide the frustration when she turned about. She waved towards the origin of the voice and was unsurprised to find it attached to Zaiya.

"OH...hi there, Zaiya," Cerys said. Her stance became formal, feet a shoulder width apart and hands clasped behind her back.

She pursed her lips for a moment. Her mind ran through several scenarios, many of which ended with her running away. However, the words of her master kept her feet planted firmly to the spot.

Open your heart to people, Cerys.

It was ridiculous advice. But she had tried everything else.

"You look...lovely...today," she said. The words felt as awkward coming out of her mouth as her body looked while they were delivered. It was what people said to friends. If Zaiya was a friend. It was so hard to know.

And what was the proper way to greet a friend?

Cerys stuck her hand out in greeting. She felt immediately foolish and tucked her hand behind her back once again.

Zaiya Ceti​

 

[Zaiya Ceti]

Outfit: x x x x x | Equipment: x x x x x x | Weapons: x x x | Companion: Domxite
Interacting with: Cerys Dyn

Zaiya's bioluminescence flickered with warm gold at the compliment, though it was quickly chased by an amused teal then empathic bronze as she watched Cerys fumble through the interaction.

The Lovalla knew how it felt to feel awkward like that.

"Thanks, Cerys," she said, grinning. "You look very pretty today too! Well I think you always look pretty " she added with a genuine compliment, her skin giving off a soft shimmering glow, taking Cerys offered hand - - and making sure she didn't radiate her emotional resonance with her mental blocks.

She didn't want Cerys to feel even more bothered.

So the Lovalla reached forward, gently taking Cerys' briefly abandoned hand and giving it a light shake before releasing it.

"Oh did you want to try on that dress? You totally should I think it would look lovely on you! "she added, her bioluminescence shimmering a playful pink.

 

[Cerys Dyn]

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Cerys glanced down at herself. She did not look pretty. And if for some mistaken reason she did, it was not on purpose and she would have to make some adjustments in the future.

She fought for control of her expression as she shook Zaire's hand. There was no way she wanted the colour-changer to know that she disagreed so vehemently. After all, Zaiya probably didn't mean it. It was just what people said to be nice. An acceptable lie.

Cerys withdrew her hand pulled it behind her back again. It was completely unexpected that Zaiya would bring up the garment she had just been perusing. The Togruta's eyes grew wide. She resisted the urge to put a finger to Zaire's mouth in order to shush her.

"You saw me?" She all but blurted, before pulling herself together a little more, "I do not see any need to try it on. I have no need of it. Just another thing to store, and never use."

Zaiya Ceti ​

 

[Zaiya Ceti]

Outfit: x x x x x | Equipment: x x x x x x | Weapons: x x x | Companion: Domxite
Interacting with: Cerys Dyn

Zaiya blinked, her bioluminescent spots flickering with a brief pulse of puzzled grey before settling into a softer, contemplative hue. She tilted her head, studying Cerys, not just her words, but the tension in her shoulders, the way she clasped her hands behind her back like she was holding something fragile.

"Yeah, I saw you," Zaiya admitted, her voice light but curious. "You looked at it like it was something more than just... another thing to store."

She crossed her arms, shifting her weight, the colors along her forearms swirling in slow, thoughtful waves.

"I mean, you don't have to try it on, sure. But maybe wanting to isn't such a bad thing?"

She wasn't trying to push, not really. But she knew what it was like to shove something aside before she could let herself want it before it could matter.

 

[Cerys Dyn]

She sure was being pushy. She probably knew it too. Cerys stiffened, and her chin lifted a little higher in response. Her aloofness gained a touch more aloofness.

"I most certainly do not have to try it," she said with a sharp clipped tone, "of this you are most correct."

Despite her best efforts, Zaiya had made Cerys question her own intentions. The Togruta's eyes flicked back in the general direction of the store from which they had both apparently just come.

"What were you looking for in there?" Cerys said in an attempt to divert attention. She was awfully close to buckling and trying the garment. She had to remain strong and not given in to frivolities.

"Looking for something to impress your boyfriend?" She said. The curl in her lip was intentional, and probably overdone. It gave the impression that she was trying to tease or mock Zaiya, when that was not the intent at all.

| TAG: Zaiya Ceti |

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[Zaiya Ceti]

Outfit: x x x x x | Equipment: x x x x x x | Weapons: x x x | Companion: Domxite
Interacting with: Cerys Dyn

Zaiya's glow flickered uncertainly as she caught the way Cerys tensed, her posture closing off like a drawbridge being pulled up. She didn't even need the Force to sense the shift that Cerys was retreating, pulling into herself. The realization hit the Lovalla like a misstep off a ledge, and suddenly, all of her confidence wobbled. She hadn't meant to push.

The Padawan's bioluminescence dulled to a muted sheen of embarrassment.

Oh no! Am I making things worse?

"I mean...yeah, just if you want to," she backpedaled, words tumbling over each other as she rocked anxiously on her heels. Her mottled spots dimmed further, her usual vibrancy wilting under the weight of her own awkwardness.

"I just thought -- well, that lady was being kinda mean, and I didn't want you to feel like it was bad to want something just because it's pretty," she rushed to explain, her voice pitching higher. "There's no rule saying Jedi can't wear things like that. Lots of people wear lots of things. I mean -- look at me!" she added, the dozen bangles and bracelets she had on each arm jingled.

It was true. Lovalla were naturally drawn to bright colors, shimmering fabrics, and anything that caught the light. And since Zaiya wasn't as vibrantly patterned as most of her kind, she always made it a point to be as colorful and shiny as she could.

But instead of easing the tension, her rambling just gave Cerys an opening to hit her with a pointed question.

"Looking for something to impress your boyfriend?"

Zaiya's skin instantly flushed in a cascade of soft pinks and flickering gold, her glow sputtering like a misfiring speeder engine.

"Oh! Uh --no! I mean -- " She flailed for words, her hands gesturing wildly. "Domxite saw a dress they thought I'd like, and they were totally right, and when I saw it, I got excited because -- well, I'm a Lovalla, and I love bright colors and shiny things and -- "

Her babbling hit a pause, her blush deepening as she realized how much of a spectacle she was making of herself.

"And besides," she huffed, crossing her arms, "just because Aris and I decided to date doesn't mean everything I wear is to impress him."

A pause. Then, quieter, with a tiny, guilty flicker of pink...

"I mean, yeah, I wanna look even more extra pretty and colorful, but I already wanted that for myself before I realized I like-liked him, so -- "

She stopped, realizing she was just digging herself deeper.

"…Okay, I'm gonna shut up now."

 

[Cerys Dyn]

Her words had had an affect. One that Cerys was unsure if she was happy about. Zaiya's expressed reasons for asking if Cerys wanted to try the clothes on seemed reasonable, if she was one to be reasoned with on this subject. So what if there was no rule that said you should not wear things like that. And so what if Zaiya did. "Someone should make a rule then," Cerys said.

A look of condescension etched itself into Cerys' features. Zaiya was flustered by her 'boyfriend' comment. It was sad really. Just bringing up the attachment had left her flustered and unable to cope with the conversation. For Cerys, this only served to reenforce her already intrenched beliefs. No matter how many good Jedi relationships she encountered, there was always more evidence to show that she was right. Her master had been right.

"You know Zaiya. One of these days. One of you is going to fall to the dark side," she said smugly, "I can see it coming now. Just look at how flustered you are by the mere mention of your attachment. If I were you, I would be careful."

Her arms were now folded over her chest, hip leaning to the right and an eyebrow popped upward.

"Truly caring about people is staying unattached from them. So you don't send them down a path that will lead to more evil," she added.

"Thanks for your concern about the rude shopkeeper. But I don't have anyone to impress," she said. With that the Togruta turned, lekku swirling with the pace of her turn. "Not like you anyway..."

| TAG: Zaiya Ceti |

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[Zaiya Ceti]

Outfit: x x x x x | Equipment: x x x x x x | Weapons: x x x | Companion: Domxite
Interacting with: Cerys Dyn

Zaiya stood frozen as Cerys turned, the dull pewter of her skin bleeding out what little warmth remained as Cerys' words struck, sharp and unyielding.

One of you is going to fall to the dark side

Her mottled spots flickered a pale silver before dimming completely akin to e the last embers of a dying flame. She tried to breathe past the knot forming in her chest, but it stuck, thick and suffocating. Cerys spoke as if it were fact. As if she had already decided Zaiya -- or worse, Aris -- was doomed.

And the worst part?

Some small, fragile part of Zaiya wondered if she was right.

Her people were meant to be bound to one another, woven together like the strands of a tapestry, inseparable. Her parents had been a part of her, tied to her with a love that had been as natural as breathing. Until they were gone. Until that connection had been ripped away, leaving behind nothing but silence where warmth had once been.

She had spent so long without it. So long aching for something she thought she'd never have again. Then Aris had been there, and Iris and Domxite had been there, and suddenly, she wasn't alone anymore. Suddenly, she felt something again. And now....now Cerys wanted to make her question it.

"It's not so simple," she said, her voice quiet, fragile. It barely felt like her own. But when she lifted her gaze, there was something raw there, something desperate and aching beneath the dull sheen of her skin.

Her bioluminescence flickered weakly, caught between a soft, dying gold and the telltale signs of her creeping uncertainty, her doubts twisting like vines around her chest, tightening, suffocating.

No.... wait... Iris and Cora had spoken to her about this before. Heard her fears. Helped her see that it wasn't so black and white. Others were already living testimonies that just because one had attachments didn't mean they would automatically go dark.

"You talk like attachment is just...just some inevitable path to the dark side," she forced out, her throat tightening. "Like the second we care too much, we're lost." She swallowed hard, trying to keep the thickness in her voice from spilling over.

"But I don't have the luxury of pretending bonds don't matter."

The words trembled. And so did she.

"My kind need bonds," she whispered. "It's how we exist." It was also how they died -- wasting away when parted for too long from a long-bonded mate.

Domxite let out a soft, warbling beep, rolling closer, the droid's presence a quiet, steady reassurance. But Zaiya barely registered it, too caught in the spiral of emotions twisting inside her, clawing at the edges of something she wasn't ready to name.

Her fingers twisted together, her shoulders curling inward.

"I don't know what's going to happen," she admitted. "I don't know what the Force has planned for me, or for Aris, or for any of us. But caring about someone...that's not what turns people dark."

"It's the desperation to fix things, no matter the cost, because of selfish desires," Zaiya murmured, her fingers twisting together. "That's the real danger. That's what makes people reckless… what makes them break." She exhaled, biting her lower lip, thinking about the sacrifice her parents made in giving up their lives to save hers. The end result was tragedy, yes, but Zaiya didn't consider that to be falling to the Darkside. "...But having attachments isn't always selfish. It can be whole, full of hope, of perseverance... warmth. Home."

Zaiya swallowed hard then and gave another sigh.

"Sorry... I'm babbling," she mumbled, dipping her head. "I'll get out of your way. Have a good day, Cerys… and, umm..wearing something pretty doesn't have to be for anyone else. Sometimes, it's just for you."

 

[Cerys Dyn]

Cerys was about two steps away when she heard Zaiya barely whisper a protest. The Togurta turned back, face showing a level of disdain that surprised even her. Whatever Zaiya had to say would not sway her, but the Lovalla probably did not deserve to be mocked so.

Still, the knots in her shoulders stayed. Her stance was as one prepared for battle. Ready to take whatever flawed outlook the simpleminded colour-changing Jedi would give out.

"My kind need bonds," she whispered. "It's how we exist."

Cerys frowned in response. She clearly did not know a lot about Zaiya's people, but surely it was not that extreme. Though the follow up information did seem to indicate the seriousness of Zaiya's situation. She was certainly to be pitied. It was almost a cruel joke to have her require such a connection when it was so dangerous as a Jedi.

The Togruta's stance noticeably softened. Pity was needed here. Harshness should be discarded. Perhaps Cerys could help Zaiya overcome her need for these bonds. It would seem the best thing to pursue. She opened her mouth to off the help, but it seemed Zaiya was not done.

"I don't know what's going to happen," she admitted. "I don't know what the Force has planned for me, or for Aris, or for any of us. But caring about someone...that's not what turns people dark."

I know what is going to happen, Cerys mused, you are going to be just like all the others. Adding to the endless cycle of war and pain, because you cannot let go.

Cerys rubbed her face. The pity now extended to Zaiya's naivety. Of course caring about people didn't turn people dark. Jedi were supposed to care about others. It was not care, but attachment. It was those unnecessary words. Three words that created a fissure in one's soul that the Dark Side could exploit.

"Oh Zaiya..."

"It's the desperation to fix things, no matter the cost, because of selfish desires," Zaiya murmured, her fingers twisting together. "That's the real danger. That's what makes people reckless… what makes them break." She exhaled, biting her lower lip, thinking about the sacrifice her parents made in giving up their lives to save hers. The end result was tragedy, yes, but Zaiya didn't consider that to be falling to the Darkside. "...But having attachments isn't always selfish. It can be whole, full of hope, of perseverance... warmth. Home."

Pity again, this time for how timid and withdrawn Zaiya had become. Perhaps it was Cerys' fault, but she should be more resilient. Like Cerys. She didn't need anyone.

Even as Zaiya spoke about home, a single memory flashed to mind, darkened by a cloud of grief. Sitting around a table many years ago with her sister, her adopted family, and a warm meal. All before Eira was taken. Before she was gone. She saw Mira's set empty, and the sorrow that had fallen over the home.

"Home," Cerys mumbled, eyes downcast for a brief moment. The moment faded, and her heart sealed itself again. Dwelling on this loss was the path to emotions that she need not succour.

"And it can also be the opposite," Cerys said coldly, "and with power like ours...the risk...is immense."

She blinked. A brief memory of her master dead, and cast aside by the Sith that killed her. Cerys' chest ached for her fallen teacher. Her hero. Her friend.

Zaiya was wrong. They were all wrong. Attachment was death.

It was best to end whatever Zaiya had thought they had. For their mutual benefit. If Zaiya wouldn't protect herself, Cerys would do it for her.

"Sorry... I'm babbling," she mumbled, dipping her head. "I'll get out of your way. Have a good day, Cerys… and, umm..wearing something pretty doesn't have to be for anyone else. Sometimes, it's just for you."

"You can keep your advice to yourself in future, Zaiya Ceti," she said, with an unexpected pit in her throat, "it was never needed, nor welcome."

Cerys spun on her heels again and marched away from the overly-friendly Jedi. Cerys had done the best thing. She had done what all good Jedi should do. Sometimes when you did the right thing, you had to live with the feeling afterwards. But what a most unpleasant feeling it was.

THE END

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