Star Wars Roleplay: Chaos

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Hrankin

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OUT OF CHARACTER INFORMATION
Intent: A species for rp purposes
Image Credit:
mikhail-palamarchuk-raksash1.jpg


Jaruck by Mikhail Palamarchuk
Canon: no
Links:


GENERAL INFORMATION
Name: Hrankin
Designation: Sentient
Homeworld: Uvena Prime
Language: Shistavanen, Basic
Average Lifespan: Up to 400 years
Estimated Population: Rare
Description: Four arms, Lupine appearance, Enhanced senses, Increased speed, Increased strength, Healing ability, Prehensile tails


PHYSICAL INFORMATION
Breathes: Type 1
Average height of adults: 1.8 to 2.1 meters
Average length of adults: NA
Skin color: Varies
Hair color: Varies
Distinctions: Hrankin are a race famous for their battle prowess and longevity and infamous for their pride. Members of the race have canine traces, such as elongated ears, muzzle, fangs, cat-like tail, a degree of fur which varies in color and glowing eyes with black sclera. The tail can be moved and controlled like any other appendage and is used primarily for balance. It is frequently used to express emotion. Hrankin have four arms instead of two, which grants them several unique fighting styles, such as Quad Wield and Dual Two-Handed. They can use all four of their arms simultaneously with ease, and move with extraordinary natural grace. It should be noted that female Hrankin have breasts similar to those on female humans, also used to nurse their infants. Female Hrankin have brighter, more colorful fur patterns than male Hrankin.
Races: NA
Strengths:
Healing Gland // Shaped like the human liver but only the size of a golf ball, this organ is within the chest cavity and manufactures a biological cells. These cells serve the same physiological purpose for an Hrankin as the normal human body's platelets, serving to clot the blood lost from wounds, but they act faster, more efficiently and more effectively.

Hyperkeen Senses // Keen animal senses of sight, smell & hearing. They can perceive pheromones and emotions such as fear or lust.

Claws & Fangs // Hrankin possess sharpened nails along with pronounced canines with which to rip and tear through strong substances.

Reinforced Bone // A Hrankin's skeleton is reinforced with naturally occurring carbon fiber.

Enhanced Strength // Their bodies are lean, but their muscles are stronger than most humans, granting them an often surprising degree of strength.

Enhanced Speed // They also have strong digitigrade legs making them naturally and supremely fast and agile runners.

Weaknesses:

Phrik Alergy // All Hrankin had a fatal allergy to phrik.

Sensory Overload // The Hrankin's heightened senses could be taken advantage of.

Aquaphobia // The Hrankin as a whole is terrified of large bodies of water. This could be do to their incapability to swim and sinking like a stone in water.

Weak Minded // The Hrankin are easily manipulated by mind altering Force powers.


CULTURE
Diet: Mesocarnivore
Communication: Verbal
Technology level: Paleolithic
Religion/Beliefs: Hrankin culture centers on the hunting of other dangerous lifeforms, and this practice appears to be the foundation of their very society. Hrankin society operates a class or ranking system, nominally based on an individual's hunting experience and prowess. So to some extent class was based on merit rather than birth.
General behavior: Hrankin are not the talkative type. They are not very trusting at first and their trust is hard to gain and easy to lose. They take a cautious approach to new areas and new people. Hrankin most commonly are seen traveling in packs. They are proud of thier race and heritage. They are an Itelligent but strong race. In combat Hrankin tend to be collective and calm always planning their next move before they make it. If a person gains a Hrankin's trust, that Hrankin, will treat him/her like a brother/sister, but if that persons gives reason for that person to lose thier trust they will look down on them with contempt.


HISTORICAL INFORMATION

The Hrankin were created by a team that calling themselves the Reach to serve as their genetically modified and enhanced soldiers. The Reach take the children from their parents at birth, house them in a dormitory with other children and train them as warriors. They endure harsh physical discipline and deprivation to make them strong. They learn to fight, endure pain and survive through their wits. The older children willingly participated in beating the younger ones to toughen them. At the age of 20 or so, they have to pass a rigorous test to graduate and become either hunters or warriors. If they fail their tests they will become hunters, the young men pass become warriors. If a Force-Sensitive is discovered within their pack the Reach will put them in a special class called the Keetael, these Hrankin are called High-born.

Despite slavery's acceptance in the galaxies, there are still factions who assist in the freeing of slaves, the most famous being Twin Light. While the group existed long before Imperial involvement, they are assisted by outside sources, includes some within the pirate factions when it comes to freeing and smuggling slaves off world. After a few mallinia of slavery this group of rebels fought for the Hrankin.
 
Hey there, I'm going to be the judge who looks over this submission.

First of all can you please spoiler the image or make it significantly smaller than it is

For skin/fur colours please give some examples of typical colours found on this species

As it stands the strength to weakness ratio is way off. From what I gather they seem to be superior in every way to a standard humanoid, including extra organs, bones and claws which are stronger than they ought to be, with the only counter balance being a weakness to a rare resource they're not likely to come into contact with, and senses so enhanced they can become overloaded. This isn't at all balanced, and I'm going to need you to cut back on your strengths and add a couple more weaknesses that will actually come into play in roleplay.

You are completely missing the Culture section, please be sure to add this in, and your History section is not at all adequate. Please provide 1-2 paragraphs at least for their history.

As this stands I'm actually going to recommend that this submission be moved to the pre-Codex due to the need for substantial changes.

[member="Jairus Starvald"] [member="Zeradias Mant"] [member="Allyson Locke"] [member="GeekStar"]
 
[member="GeekStar"]

I gave it a good read, by the looks of it you added all the fields necessary for the template which is good.

But we need to work a bit more before I can stamp this.

Right now these guys got the following:

+++
Healing Factor.
Hyperkeen senses.
Enhanced strength.
Enhanced speed.
Enhanced durability.
Capable of rending heavy materials.

-
Afraid of water.
Allergic to a rare material.
Heightened senses are sensitive.

---
Easily manipulated with mentalism.

I categorised them according to their 'weight' and you may see the heavy discrepancy. This species has way more heavy advantages and strengths, compared to its weaknesses and disadvantages. Hex already asked you once to make it more reasonable, but by the looks of it this needs more work.

Please cut down on your strengths and add to your weaknesses until this is balanced.

Then tag me once you are done.
 
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