Private Higher Love

[Ishana Pavanos]

Ishana looked at the Air Marshal rank in her hand. It was a hard decision, stay? Go? Somewhere in between? Admittedly the Empire wasn't in dire need of her services at least not at the moment. Having come back to life the way she did, still made her head spin. All Ishana could really remember was the flash of light that had been the gravity well and her engine having a not so night date. Her wife, for all her beauty and wonder, took her out on a lovely trip where they got reacquainted but Ishana still didn't know how to get back into the saddle. The Balmorran needed space, time to herself if she were honest and so as she approached her private hangar she drew in a deep breath and exhaled. By now, her wife would be waking up and wondering just where she was. ​

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A note would simply say, 'gone to the Outer Rim.' ​

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Codes were still the same, but Ishana needed this and as she entered the hangar in Kaas City she flipped the lights on and laid eyes on the painted First Order TIE Fighter. The 181st. "Those were the good days," she said beneath her breath and headed in shoulders square and hair pulled back into a messy bun. She shifted the flight jacket while moving loose strands of hair out of the collar. The First Order emblem had been ripped off and replaced with her last name on the right shoulder and the left shoulder indicated her current rank. Normally Ishana would've talked about this with Kaalia, but Kaalia would've just tried to talk her out of it. ​

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Ishana felt smothered like she was being choked and what she didn't want was a blowout. Instead, the pilot began to run preliminary checks on her ship. She waited though, she knew that Kaalia would want to see her and so she sat with the canopy open and a datapad in one hand as she ran the diagnostics. ​

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Kaalia Pavanos ​

 

[Kaalia Pavanos]

Kaalia had been woken up by a thought in the back of her mind, a feeling fuelled by the tattoo that strengthened her connection to Ishana. When she opened her eyes her wife wasn't there, instead a note awaited her. A bout of confusion set in and the redhead went to sit up straight, reaching her hand towards the note as the other rubbed the sleep out of her eyes.

Gone to the Outer Rim.

The note created more questions than it answered. After deciding to figure out what was going on Kaalia got out of bed herself, quickly tossed on some clothes and headed outside. Over the years she had learned that the first place one should look to find Ishana was her hangar, and so that's where she went. The note only helped to strengthen that suspicion. With some luck Ishana would still be there.

Not much later, Ishana would be able to hear the door open and moments later, Kaalia would appear in the doorway. "Where you headin'," the redhead asked with a slightly dramaticized accent. She would drop it immediately after, though, and as she stepped into the hangar her voice became much more serious. She wasn't used to this from Ishana anymore and it worried her a little. "Is everything okay?"

Ishana Pavanos ​

 

[Ishana Pavanos]

Ishana could feel Kaalia approach from the bond they shared through the Force. Still, Kaalia, as predicted, had arrived at the hangar and it wasn't long before a dramatized accent caught her ears. Then Kaalia got a little more serious as she approached Ishana. The Balmorran looked up from the datapad, her eyes landed on the Kro Varian with ease. "No." She answered plainly and looked back at the numbers before climbing out of the canopy.​

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"I am officially, retired from service," she stated, "or that's what's on paper anyway."​

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"Unofficially, I'm unfit for duty."​

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"So..." Ishana's voice dragged, "between that and all the fuzzy memories, I... I need to do a little soul searching."​

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Kaalia Pavanos ​

 

[Kaalia Pavanos]

Ishana wasn't one to easily open up. It had slowly come over the years. though, and Kaalia knew that when she did it was something that truly got to her. In moments such as this, she was there to listen. It was always the least she could do. And so, when the answer sounded 'no', she let her wife speak, and what the brunette said caused Kaalia to solemnly nod, though judge she did not.

"It's at the very least good to hear you're thinking of yourself," the Kro Varian responded. "The corps will be down a damn good pilot, but that's their problem." Ishana had found that service wasn't for her any longer and did what she felt was the right thing to do. Kaalia closed the distance between the two and embraced her, leaning her head on Ishana's shoulder.

"Take the time you need, miala," she said, holding her wife tight. More than anything, Kaalia wanted her to be happy and if this was her way of finding that happiness, then she didn't believe she had any right to deny that from her. "I'll stay home to look after our iminhan for as long as I need to." Their iminhan, little ones, had to be taken care of, after all.

Kaalia then let go, taking a small step back. She smiled ever so slightly. "Do make sure to send me a message from time to time, okay? I don't want to miss you too much, now."

Ishana Pavanos ​

 

[Ishana Pavanos]

If there was something that Ishana could appreciate about her wife, it was her ability to listen. It was an ability that many in the Galaxy seemed to lack, and so when she spoke, she spoke with understanding. Ishana smirked, she always did enjoy that little ego boost. Tablet still in hand, Ishana looked around to find a place to set it down. A small rollaway workbench seemed to be within reach, and just at the right time. Her wife closed the distance between them and leaned her head against Ishana's shoulder. ​

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Ishana put an arm around Kaalia on instinct, as she led the pair away from the starfighter and toward the lone office. It sat in the back of the hangar and overlooked the starfighters parked there. Hand in hand, Ishana listened to her wife who reassured her that taking off on a solo trip to soul search was perfectly fine. Most might complain that they would be left alone with the kids, but in honesty, Kaalia would not be alone with them. Ishana's family would no doubt step up as they had in the past. ​

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In the office, Ishana's gaze softened it was an understanding in the Pavanos family, something of a Balmorran tradition that ensured children were well taken care of. Inside the office, Ishana took a seat at the edge of the cot. The cot had a dull gray bantha-wool blanket and a worn-in pillow. Ishana pulled Kaalia toward her, and spoke with a softer tone. "I just want you to know, how much I love you. How much I love what we've built, together," the Balmorran brushed loose strands of hair out of her wife's face.​

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"You mean everything to me, so yeah, I'll message you every day," her emotions threatened to emerge but Ishana pushed them down and exhaled. The idea of just leaving hadn't been an easy one to come to, and in the end, Ishana knew that she had someone to come back to. Someone to come home to, a family, smiling faces who loved without judgment. "I love you, habibti."​

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Kaalia Pavanos ​

 

[Kaalia Pavanos]

In Kaalia's ideal world, there never even had been a need for Ishana to go on a soul searching trip, and she would have settled for a trip together and been happy with that. She did however understand that in reality, what her wife needed was time for herself. Time to look inward and find her way again and yet, deep down, the redhead wished she wouldn't leave. It was a selfish wish and she wouldn't let it affect her words and actions, though it was there nonetheless. But Ishana was one of the very few people she would put above herself, no matter what.

And so, as the two sat there and Kaalia gazed into Ishana's chestnut eyes, she accepted Ishana's wish beyond the verbal acceptance she had already given. The Balmorran's promise that she would message her daily made that acceptance a little easier, too.

"I love you too, miala," Kaalia responded. "I've said this a million times already, but I don't know where I would be without you." The temptation could no longer be ignored, and the redhead leaned in for a kiss.

"Remember that one. So you know what's waiting for you when you come back."

Ishana had given the woman a reason to keep Kaalia alive. Darth Avacyn was the part of her that held true power, but that power slowly eroded her humanity. But as long as Kaalia had a reason to exist, the 'true' her would remain. Avacyn protected Kaalia, but it was a fragile balance. Love kept that balance from collapsing.

Ishana was her reason to love.

Ishana Pavanos ​