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Approved Planet Heklor

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Name: Known to the galaxy as Heklor. Known to the Binadamans as Dunia.

Region: Unknown regions
System: Heklor system
Suns: 1 main sequence yellow star, known to the galaxy as Heklor Prime. Known to the Binadamans as Jua.
Orbital Position: Fourth
Moons: Mwezi
System Features: Four other inhabitable planets, known to the galaxy as
Heklor I (A small planet with a type III atmosphere, and constant volcanic activity),
Heklor II (Not techtnically a planet but rather a very large astroid with no atmosphere that has been caught in Heklor Prime's gavitational pull since the formation of the system.)
, Heklor III (A large planet with very high gravity, three times standard.)
, and heklor V (A massive gas giant). Known to the Binadamans as Zebaki, Samami, Tomoma, and Tek.
Coordinates: West of Rakata prime, north of Asahi
Rotational Period: 38 galactic standard hours
Orbital Period: 386 days

Class: Terrestial giant
Diameter: 46,000 km at equator
Climate: Humid but temperate
Gravity: 1.4 standard
Primary Terrain: Rainforests, humid jungles, small oceans.

Native Species: Mwitu, Nyati, Mgeni (extinct), Hayawni, Tumbili, Vimelea, Chindi.
Immigrated Species: None
Primary Languages: Formerly Lugha, currently none.
Government: None
Population: Formerly millions, currently no sentient life.
Demonym: Heklorian
Major Imports: None
Major Exports: None
Affiliation: None

Major Locations:
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Miji
Miji was the ancient capital of the Mgeni, and now lays in ruins. Although it's ruins are overgrown, many of the great stone buildings are still intact, including massive pyramids, and stairways. Built as the capital of Vita the Strong's empire, it boasts huge bulidings for all purposes, although many are now destroyed. The palace is still mostly intact, with a massive iconic staircase leading up to the small throne room at the top. Modern Mgeni, before their extinction, often searched the huge city for treasures, but none was ever found. It is likely that any treasure, if it does exsist, lays beneath the city, in the extensive catacombs.
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Lake Ziwa
Lake Ziwa is a huge land locked fresh water lake a little more then 2,300 miles across at it's widest point. The lake has several small islands peaking through it's surface, in which Mgeni built great cities on, but otherwise is an unbroken sheet of water that goes on as far as the eye can see in all directions. Ancient Mgeni believed that there was vast cave systems underwater, below the lake, that held massive caves filled with glowing crystals, but modern Mgeni could never find these caves, and most belive it just a myth.
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Jiji
Jiji was the modern capital of Heklor, once home to over a million sentients. Now, it is for teh most part ruined and overgroen, studded with plant life. The city is filled with broken buildings, and items once used by Modern Mgeni. Various household technologies, as well as more advanced ones found in the labratories ont he outskirts of the city, could be commonly found here. .
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Pango​
Pango is the word ancient Mgeni used to describe the seemingly mythical vast cavern system that ran under the entirety of Lake Ziwa. Very little is known about the cave, but it is said that it's crystals glow with a vast power, and called them Kio Mwambas. Translating literally in to basic as "Magic Rock". Their attunement to the light side of the force produced a calming ability to sentients, which ancient Mgeni warriors used to enhance their focus during a battle, if they were lucky enough to obtain one. With great difficulty, a Kioo Mwamba crystal could be used in a lightsaber or similer energy weapon, to produce the same calming effect. No modern being has ever found the caverns, so information about them is lost in time.

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Mlima Mountains
The Mlima mountains are an arid area of Heklor, the only desert on the planet. A break-off race of Mgeni lived there thousands of years ago, and ruined cities still dot the mountain ranges. If one was to break in to the mountains with modern mining equipment, they would find extensive valuable precious metal ores, namely gold and silver, making the mountain ranges a practical treasure trove.
Culture: Ancient Mgeni were a species evolved from the Tumbili species, and therefore had many of it's charateristics- Mammallian features, and a unique minor force sensitivity. The ancient Mgena originally lived in extensive tribes, each led by a war chieftan, who often warred with eachother. The tribes were nomadic, traveling the massive planet, hunting and defending themselves from the planets' many dangers as they go. When tribes ran in to eachother, massive battles were common, in which the tribes typically fought to the last man woman or child. The winning tribe typically absorbed the Nyati herds, food stores, and weapons of the now-dead tribe. Life on Heklor went on like this for many years, with the most sucessful tribes having the most powerful warriors and hunters. The ancient Mgeni used a combination of stone weapons, such as tomohawks and spears, and their innate ability to produce a field of the force (evolved from the Tumbili (sub tbm)), to conqeur each other for thousands of years. Ancient Mgeni worshipped a great many of gods, as well, most of them based around warfare, the jungle, and the creatures that roamed the planet.
Around 4,600 BBY a chieftan, named Vita the Strong, who led one of the largest tribes of the planet began to actually hunt down other tribes, with the goal to kill and absorb all other tribes. For several years Vita and his tribe hunted down and destroyed their fellow Mgeni, until all but the smallest tribes were under Vita's command. From there, Miji was built. After the long construction of the massive capital city of Vita's kingdom, the ways of the face vastly changed. With high stone walls circling the city, the Mgeni no longer had to worry about most of the creatures of the planet, and with most of the tribes united as one, war was at a mininum. Festivals and rituals to please the gods were conducted often, and sports were held in the city's large arena to entertain the populace. One of the most popular 'games' held in Miji was a form of gladiatoral combat, in which two warriors were unarmed and sent in to the arena with a pack of Mwitu. The objective was to be the last living thing in the arena- the winner was required to kill each of the Mwitu, and his oppenant (if they didn't kill eachother), without dying himself. Another brutal game held in the arena of Miji was Tufe, where two teams armed with spears would compete to try and place a wooden ball in a small woven basket. Each team had a seperate basket. Typically, one would be in charge of getting the wooden ball to the enemy's side, while his team mates would kill the others. Murder was greatly encouraged in Tufe.
Although the Mgeni was a vicious and warlike race, they did have a form of art, which they called Damu Sanaa, translating literally in to basic as "Blood art". A Demu Sanaa "artist" would kill an animal, or in some cases another Mgeni, and bleed out his catch in to a series of containers. From there, the artist would often form an elaborate sculpture from the bones, tendons, and strips of muscle of his victim. The shape and size of the sculpture was vastly differnt depending on which god it was made to appease, and Demu Sanaa sculptures were thought to bring good luck in a variety of ways, depending on which god it was made for. This ranges from a good harvest, to good battle, to fertility.

As time went on, the Mgeni culture changed vastly. With nearly all the tribes of the planet united for over a thousand years, by the time human explorers landed on Heklor, the Mgeni were much less warlike, had become a somewhat civilized society. With the coming of human explorers, came advanced technology, which the Mgeni quickly took to. No longer worshipping their ancient religion, modern Mgeni put most of their attention to science, reverse engineering various technologies brought by the explorers, which left the planet soon after, finding it to dangerous for human life to life on due to it's various animals to which humans evolved no defences, unlike the Mgeni. Modern Mgeni built a new capital, Jiji, and soon developed close-range space travel. From their, the Mgeni continued to expand their sciences, even colonizing the planet's moon, until ahumans shipwrecked on Mwezi. And with them, they brought a flu. A flu in which most species of the greater galaxy had built up an immunity to over the past few thousand years, but to which Mgeni had never discovered. Mgeni scientists quickly took to trying to find a treatment for the sickness, but with little modern medical technologies, and no bacta or Kolto, the flu continued to spread on both Heklor and Mwezi. Within five yeras, the Mgeni were driven in to extinction.
Technology: Circa 3,067 BBY technology on Heklor was on par with the general galaxy. With no sentient life on the planet, though, the only remains of technology are ruined and overgrown modern cities scattered across the planet.
History:
8,028 BBY - Earliest recorded history of the Mgeni, Mgeni began to form small tribes.
4,637 BBY- The Mgeni warlord Vita the Strong began his campagin to conqeur the tribes.
4,635 BBY - Vita the Strong proclaimed himself King of Heklor.
4,,626 BBY - Construction of the capital of Vita's kingdom, Mji, began.
4,,616 BBY - Mji was completed
4,606 BBY - The tribes of Heklor rebelled against Vita the Strong's kingdom.
4,600 BBY - Vita the Strong was killed by Waasi the Conqerourm and his kingdom was absorbed by his attacker.
4,530 BBY - Waasi the Conqerour was murdered by his son, Mwana, who took the throne.
4,501 BBY - Cities as large as Mji began to sprout around the planet, under the rule of Mwana.
4,401 BBY - Mwana died of old age, leaving his son to rule.
4,400 BBY - The worldwide kingdom of Heklor lasted for generation after generation.
3,067 BBY - Exlporers landed on Heklor, and Mwezi, and introduced advanced technology to the Mgeni.
3,048 BBY - The new modern capital of Jiji is founded.
3,023 BBY - The Mgeni colonized Mwezi.
2,941 BBY - A flu-llike disease in which the Mgeni had no immunity to was spread to Heklor by humans shipwrecked on Mwezi.
2,940 BBY - The flu kills thousands of Mgeni on both Mwezi and Heklor every week.
2,937 BBY - The Mgeni Race are driven to extinction.
1,946 BBY - More explorers land on Heklor, but decide it is uninhabitable due to it's deadly conditions.
683 ABY - Refugees from the Gulag plague land on Heklor, only to be killed by the deadly disease within weeks.
836 ABY - The Binadamans of Mwezi try to establish a colony on Heklor, but contact is lost with the colony within weeks.



Notable PCs: None
Intent: To provide a planet for the RA to possibly build a base on, to build a fascinating new area for people to build roleplays on, and discover (namely treasure hunters and smugglers :) ),and to build a planet for Mwezi to orbit.


Disclaimer: The picture used for Miji is of Mayan ruins of Tikalm from neatorama.com. Ziwa lake is a picture of the ocean from dvice.com. Jiji I found from an old stash of pictures, no idea where it's from. The caves I found from Deviantart, it was drawn by Lordstormdragon. The mounttains wer also found on deviantart, painted by a man named NetGrafx.
 
[member="Mrrew"]

OK, let's get started.

The first and the biggest problem I noticed: judging by the size you have given to the planet (117 kilometres at equator), it is not quite even a moon, but an asteroid. So would you please change it to something like a planet or delete the field completely. Filling the diameter is not mandatory. So remember, the Earth's equatorial diameter is ~12,800 kilometres. I would suggest making Heklor's diameter something similar if you decide to include the field.

Just to get things right, what is the type of the sun? The typical G-type main sequence star or something else?

About the orbital position: it should be "Fourth" or "Fourth planet".

Hmm, I would like to know something about the other four planets in the system. They are inhabitable, but are there any useful resources on these or are they just useless masses in the system which hold nearly no meaning?

Would you please reduce both the orbital and rotational period only a bit?

Another question just to get things right: gravity slightly above standard would be something between 1x (standard) and 1.1x or did you mean something greater than that?

Judging by its location in the galaxy it should have some kind of sentient life. Is there a reason why people don't know about the planet?

What kind of crystals are in the Pango cave? Are they currently existing in canon, do they have powerful effects?

The culture part doesn't necessarily talk about the current times on a planet, but it is meant to describe the whole culture which the planet has had. Even if there has been sentient life but it is extinct, there has to be culture. On a completely lifeless planet, it would be fine with having no culture, but this time I request for you to add it.

Also, there are quite a lot typos and other errors in this submission, would you please check the whole thing again and try to make as many fixes as possible? :)
 
Edited everything you asked for. Sorry for all the mistakes, I wrote this submission late at night last night :p
The mgeni that once inhabitated this planet had evolved many defences against the deadly monsters of the planet, specifically against the Vimelea- parasitic insects that find their way in to sentient's bodies to get at the soft organs. As most other species had not, they found that they were getting slaughtered left and right, mainly by the Vimelea. When I write the sub for that species (the Vimelea), i'm going to put that they were ecspecially susceptible to the Gulag plague, and therfore were driven in to near-extinction when explorers carrying the plague landed on Heklor. Therfore, the most deadly of the creatures of the planet have been extremely low in numbers for the last few hundred years, and it's safe enough to colonize now. Well... about as safe as Dxun. <_< They just have to realize that :p Also, attention will be drawn to the system again since the Binadamans just developed close-range space flight. (See the end of the planet's history)

I hope that awnsers your question about why there's no sentient life on the planet as of now.

If any more edits need to be made, do tell. :)
[member="Maria Natalja"]
 
[member="Mrrew"]

Before I continue with checking other problems, there is another major problem which has to be fixed. With that diameter, you are making a gas giant. There is no way a planet with such a diameter could still be terrestrial. This planet is currently not suitable for living at all as it's even larger than Jupiter. This brings in another problem - gravity. With such a massive formation, gravity would have to be 3-4 times greater than Earth's, meaning it is not ever capable of supporting any life, even when making a cloud city like there is on Bespin. Even if it had life its population would have been somewhere near trillions. With that being said, there would be no way this planet is not having any extraterestrial life. These are the major conflicts I noticed.

I can see only a few ways to make the planet approvable and only one of them being suitable for you. Please change the planet's diameter to something more Earth-like. But don't worry about this kind of conflict, you are not supposed to know everything about planets, that's why there are Planet Judges. ;)
 
I was hoping to have Mwezi, the moon, about the size of earth. Half as small or somewaht smaller is fine too, but if I make the planet earth-sized, then the moon will have to be much much smaller as well. If I need too, I will shrink both since the gravity thing is indeed an issue... xD If the core of Heklor was made of something that isin't as dense as iron, would it be possible to still be fairly large without the crushing gravity? If not, i'll make the edits. Sorry for delaying the judging, Just trying to see if there's a loophole I can follow! Ty for being patient :D

[member="Maria Natalja"]
 
[member="Mrrew"], I'm judging the planet already. Judging a submission means the whole process of getting the things approved.

I am not sure it would work out. Because even though maybe the gravity could get a bit better it is still huge, the planet is a gas giant because such a planet can't be terrestrial anymore. There would be no life over there. So it's either making the planet smaller or it would be not what you'd expect it to be. It doesn't have to be exactly as small as Earth but 10 times the size of Earth is definitely a gas giant.
 
[member="Mrrew"]

A few last edits, I imagine. As the planet is larger than the Earth, its gravity should be a bit greater, too. 1.4 or 1.5, maybe?

I think the crystals on the planet would need a technology submission. Even if they do basically nothing too powerful, I believe it would be safer to get them approved through the Technology creation section. But the gravity should be fixed at the moment.
 
Fixed the gravity. The crystals aren't all that differnt then Canon's Kasha Crystals, but if you think it's needed i'll go make a tech sub.
[member="Maria Natalja"]
 
All species approved, and links added. [member="Ashin Varanin"]. :D
Now I just need to make the species of Mwezi and this project is complete :cool:

[member="Ashin Varanin"] [member="Maria Natalja"]
 
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