Private Heal Thyself

[Judah Lesan]

Wearing: xxx
Tag: Solenne Abraxas

Long nights and early mornings had been the regular routine for the Jedi Shadow for far too long. He was used to working alone, but his frustrations were high as he was getting nowhere in his recent assignment. Baros Sal-Soren should have been the man Judah was looking for, but the New Way had grown larger than the man’s ego, and too far beyond his control. Even in his death the New Way thrived. It had not died with him, and unfortunately that meant Judah’s work was not over.

“You need to take care of yourself Jediboy…”

The voice of his late wife filled his mind as the memory replayed.

“I know… and I do.”

Her Corellian glare would kill him for lying if it could, though Katara was likely to just do it with her own hands rather than with a look. Still, he had gotten the point. Even in death she still spoke to him. He should have gone to see a healer sooner, but Judah was still as stubborn as ever. If it was not bad enough to keep him off his feet, he could try and heal himself.

It had gotten beyond his control.

He was not a healer, nor was he skilled enough to manage something when he was in a weakened state. Judah had barely managed to make his way to the medical wing of the temple on Coruscant. Whatever illness Judah had picked up, it was not going away, and his fever was running high. It could have been that he had been pushing it too far, or it could have had something to do with his investigation into the New Way. Judah was not the one to rule anything out. The Jedi Master just knew one thing.

He was not doing well at all.

The intake droid took his temperature. It only confirmed what he already knew, Judah had a high fever. Cold sweats were an obvious sigh, as was the pale complexion Judah boasted. The natural color of his cheeks were flushed out, and he could barely stand. Judah was also dehydrated, and when he passed out and hit the cold floor he felt pretty good.

His eyes fluttered open a few seconds later.

“I think I’m sick,” he managed to say before his eyes closed again.

“You’re stubborn as ever, Lesan.”

Judah smirked as he looked at the face of his red haired Corellian.

“Am I dead yet? Are you here to get me?

“Not yet, Jedi. You still have bad guys to catch, hmm.”

“Yeah… I know.”

“Then wake up and get to it. We’ll be together again soon enough.”

This time when Judah woke there was a healer in the room. She looked familiar, but Judah was too out of it to place her. They had met at the ball which had been hosted on Naboo. It was the night the entire investigation for Judah began. The late nights, the greasy food, the stressful investigations, and all the close calls all went back to that night.

Judah reached for a glass of water near the bed.

“Water, please?”

 

[Solenne Abraxas]

​

Location: Coruscant Jedi Temple [Infirmary]
Tag: Judah Lesan

It was late.

Judah Lesan was not the first Jedi who had been brought to medical for treatment that afternoon. She saw to a variety of injuries from scrapes and bruises to broken bones and lacerations acquired during training. The Padawan Learners in the temple on Coruscant were not nearly as careful as she remembered being. Headstrong, eager, and without an ounce of self-preservation. They were all in such a hurry to be the next Skywalker or Noble that they forgot a primary lesson.

Patience. ​

She did what she could to provide wisdom and insight in such a tumultuous time but this generation had suffered more than any other. They knew, only war. Peace was a dream that seemed to vanish daily with the first rays of the rising sun. The small moments, small miracles, were fewer. Their outlooks—Darker. Far more mature, grizzled, than they ought to be. Solenne truly worried for their youth.

When a Jedi Shadow had been delivered to her unconscious, feverish, and clammy she could only shake her head. It wasn't hard to see where the Padawans got their stubborn devil-may-care attitudes from. The auburn-haired woman ensured that Master Lesan was given adequate intravenous fluids and took to tending the goose egg on his head while he slept. She drew blood, tested for disease, and sequenced as protocol demanded…But in the end?

He had a garden variety bug that negligence toward his well-being had exponentially worsened.

Solenne remained at his side, novel in hand, with the fluorescent lights turned off. Gentle lamp light provided the peace and quiet her patients needed to rest and recover. When she felt Master Lesan begin to stir, a swift movement found a paper-bound book face down on the table beside her while she instinctively moved forward. "Not yet, Master Lesan."

"You had extremely low levels of water and oxygen in your bloodstream. This means that we need to take it slow while the fluids and electrolytes do their work. I've administered a pain reliever, a decongestant, and a few other things to manage your fever and help you breathe easier."

There was no cure for a cold. She could treat his myriad of symptoms and keep him comfortable but he would simply have to let it run its course. Rather than ignore his request she stood up, washed her hands, and returned a moment later with a bowl of small ice chips. "Just rest…This will help."

The soft-spoken woman used a cool rubber-coated spoon to offer him the ice a little bit at a time. It meant that he wouldn't really need to sit up, nor, would he choke or hyper-hydrate from drinking too quickly. Solenne knew that he had to be feeling terrible and wouldn't chastise him for his poor decision-making until he was well enough to receive and remember it. His fever would make him groggy, confused, and very likely a cranky man. "You don't have to go back to sleep if you don't want to…"

"But you will be staying in the infirmary until I'm satisfied you don't have a concussion."

Solenne could have used the Force to ease the duration of his cold but Master Lesan was stable enough to pull through without her intervention. There were others that weren't so lucky and in the event of an emergency, she had to use her gifts sparingly. She reached out, warmly, and reached for his face to brush her hand over his eyes—Insinuating he should close them.

Even if he wouldn't sleep, he needed all the rest he could get.

 

[Judah Lesan]

Wearing: xxx
Tag: Solenne Abraxas

Rest? Did the healer not understand the word was not in Judah’s vocabulary? Try as she may, the Jedi was long set in his ways, and not even her pretty face would get him to change the fact he was always on the go. He smiled as he pretended to not find a problem with what she had said, but only because he was thinking through the best way to actually protest. Fortunately for her, he needed the ice chips, so as she fed them Judah sat still.

Solenne encouraged the master Jedi to close his eyes, and the Corellian laid back and did, just for a moment, and only because she told him he did not have to sleep.

“I suppose I can delay my protest for now,” he smirked.

She would not be familiar with it, but Judah was well known for the playful expressions his face could make. He was constantly flirting or being friendly when he could. It was simply a better way to live life. The shadow had experienced his fair share of loss, and he had grieved as hard as many, if not more so. If the healer had scanned his body she knew what was flesh and what machine.

His right forearm had been lost when he was young, one his first encounters with a Sith. Judah had escaped with his life, but his arm had been the price he paid for lacking the skill with a lightsaber to fend off his foe. The four fingers on his left hand were a different story. They were evidence of his commitment to being a Jedi. A Van-Derveld had betrayed him, and another, his wife, had taken each finger in an attempt to turn him. Had it not been for the lightsaber he kept hidden his prosthetic arm, Judah was not certain he would have survived.

Sacrifice was all he knew. He had given life and limb to the Jedi, what was the rest of what he had?

“Enough of the ice chips and I’ll just heal the concussion myself.”

Judah was a terrible patient.

“I appreciate it love, I do, but the New Way is much larger than anyone first imagined, and they have become something that not even Baros Sal-Soren was able to control. I’ve been chasing every lead I have come across since the bombing when we were on Hapes.”

Did she remember, or would she be impressed that he did?

Still, Judah kept his eyes closed. Maybe he was being cranky for the sake of it, though it was more likely the illness. He did not want to seem rude, but he already knew how that was going. So he sighed.

“I’m not getting anywhere, and it is frustrating.”

His tone was softer, more like he was expressing his trouble to Katara. Of course, Katara was still dead, and it was only Master Abraxas in the room, but even a shadow who worked alone needed someone to confide in. In this instance it was the healer at his bedside.

Judah wiped his hand across his mouth, letting his fingers stop just where his lips and cheek met. He was thinking. What did he want to say next, or would it be better if just stopped talking?

Another sigh.

“They’re good. Really good.”

 

[Solenne Abraxas]

​

Location: Coruscant Jedi Temple [Infirmary]
Tag: Judah Lesan

Solenne understood.

Better than most…She understood. The auburn-haired woman had lived through Coruscant being sacked by the Sith on more than one occasion. She knew what it meant to fight an enemy so elusive that they slipped through the fingers like quicksand. Sol also knew the value that rest and self-care could provide in the face of adversity. It offered a fresh mind and a clear perspective on the issue at hand. He wouldn't be the first difficult patient she had known, certainly, he wouldn't be the last.

Jedi excelled at taking care of others. Rarely, themselves.

"I've learned how to keep stubborn warriors in medical, Master Lesan. It isn't my first rodeo."

She could feel his unsettledness like a vibration in the air. It was anxious and uneasy. Everything a Jedi shouldn't be when chasing after a terrorist group like the New Way. Solenne had endured her own dealings with them. Nothing, like the tragedy on Naboo or Coruscant but it was enough for her to accept a violent intent. It wasn't about "curing" force users. It wasn't about providing a level playing field for all in the galaxy. It was about power. Force Sensitives innately had some form of it. Flat scan humans, regardless, the flow of the Force through all living things did not.

This bothered the New Way. So much so—That they would kill for it.

"A mother asks her child if he would like to wash up before his meal or afterward…", Solenne started off softly while gently feeding her patient ice chips. Careful, not to go too quickly. It would at least soothe his sore throat and provide a little relief for a burning esophagus. "He makes a choice, believing, that he has one…When in truth—The end is the same. Now or later he'll still be getting in the bath."

"In this scenario, you, are the youngling. You will stay where you are until I deem you fit for the field."

There was nothing in her tone that gave anything but kindness. It was not a threat she levied in the slightest but a surety that she could indeed keep her patient sedated if need be. Solenne had been given the moniker of "Bastion" during the old days, old wars, because nothing passed through her telekinetic walls. Solenne was a shield in every sense of the word. Unbreakable. She chuckled softly when he claimed he would simply heal his own injury. "I appreciate your dedication to your work…But I am not your "love" nor am I someone that can be so easily hoodwinked by kismet charm."

"If you're concussed and you try to mend yourself while you're under the weather you could do more harm than good. Skilled though you are…You are not a healer. If you were capable of healing yourself fully you wouldn't have ended up on the floor in the first place."

Solenne fell silent while Judah seemed to relent for the moment. She didn't have much hope that he would remain compliant for long, but she didn't begrudge his goal. Of course, he wanted to stop the New Way. They all did. She continued to offer him an ice chip every soften but once he began to elaborate…She merely listened. Sometimes, it was the best thing anyone could offer.

When the bowl was empty, she set it down on the table and leaned back in the low chair. Lengths of soft blue fabric shifted as she pushed up her sleeves a tad to let her hands rest in her lap. There was a pregnant pause. Not awkward, nor uncomfortable, but it was there all the same whilst she considered his perspective. It was hard for her to see in the dim light but she didn't need to. She could hear his concerns well enough to imagine what his expression would show. "They are.", she agreed, nodding her head, with a heavy heart as she was forced to acknowledge a group being good at terrorism. It felt wrong regardless how true.

"But…That's why you need to be at your best. You need to live to serve and protect…It won't help anyone if you're dead.", her soft murmur rose with a dose of demure concern. He was so determined, so willing, to compromise his own existence that she couldn't help but wonder if he was pushing the bill for some other reason. There was a final finish line that would come for them all…Was he subconsciously pushing toward it on purpose?

Solenne frowned, though it smoothed, when she reached to take his hand. She held it in her own to provide a measure of warmth and security. Her core emanated peace with the gentlest light that most would ever know. She was an empath, capable, of taking his pain. His worries. At least for a little while. "We follow the Force. We have faith in the weave and flow Master Lesan…We bend to it or we become lost among the stars. Just, specks of light in a distant sky."

"The New Way will be brought to heel, sooner, or later. You'll need your strength when the time comes. Let me help you now so that you can save us when that moment arrives. It is not weakness, to ask for help."

"It is wisdom the in face of ruin. Hope in the face of despair. Inspiration, when all else fails."

 

[Judah Lesan]

Wearing: xxx
Tag: Solenne Abraxas

Judah laughed. It hurt. Even though he knew the healer was serious, Judah could not help but think Katara would have said something similar, along with an associated threat. It took her a while, and a seemingly unrelated parable, but she eventually got to it. If her hair were anymore red Judah might have to do a double take.

The grin did not leave his face for some time. Despite the pain he felt, the memory of happy moments filled his mind. It was a two edged sword, however. Every happy memory came with a little bit of pain as they reminded him Katara was no longer alive. Yes, he understood death differently as a Jedi, but that did not keep him from missing her. Loss had made him realize the wisdom of avoiding relational connection, attachment, yet he would not have traded the lack of it for the memories and the life they had built.

Judah had much to be thankful for.

He had much to live for.

It was what Solenne had advised. Her words were a balm to his frustration, though he could not say he was not disappointed to find out she did not have any intention of letting him leave until she was good and ready to. The Hapan would discharge her duty faithfully, and Judah would be better for it, even if he did not want to admit it.

Her hand was smooth, not like his. Judah had spent his entire life working, training, or fighting. His hand was rough with scars and callouses from his labors, at least the hand which was still flesh. It must have been an odd sensation feeling the parts of his hand that were real with the parts that were not. It was not something Judah thought about until the moment. He gave the concussion the credit for it.

He could feel the peace coming from her. It made him want to pull his hand away, but he did not. Instead his eyes pleaded with her.

“Don’t.”

It was a simple request, one he did not think twice about. Maybe other patients had asked her not to help in that way, maybe they had not. Judah had his reasons, but he did not want her to relieve his pain, not that particular pain.

“This pain is mine to bear. You must let me.”

He spoke again in a soft tone. Whatever humor and playfulness Judah often hid behind had left for the moment. The shadow was series, more the self he did not let others see.

“I am not unwise to the fact that my pain would make me want things that a more rational mind would avoid. I will admit there have been times when I wanted to quit, to give up and be reunited with my wife. But she is dead, and I am not. She would want me to push through, be happy, complete the mission in front of me, and finish my life’s work. You can take the frustration, but if you take the pain, even for a moment, you will take the truth it reminds me of.”

Judah paused. He knew he was being open, more open than he was with those he did not know. The Jedi had never shared his mind in this particular way, and not with these particular sentiments. Solenne was an empath and perhaps that made her safe, but this was not the same Judah that was giving her problems moments before. It was not the same Judah the other Jedi knew. Perhaps for the first time in a long time, Judah took off the mask he wore. She had ordered rest, had she not?

“Let me keep it… please?”

 

[Solenne Abraxas]

​

Location: Coruscant Jedi Temple [Infirmary]
Tag: Judah Lesan

Solenne hesitated.

Were the light not to dim he might note the faraway look in hazel orbs. The color shifted. From a soft brown to the lightest of sky blue and back down to earthen green. She connected with the Force in a way that was hard to describe, so often, she didn't try. It was as if people were made of clouds of color. Swirling masses that could be cheerful like the sun or angry red storms of rage or pain. In this instance, she watched him, through his sickness, through his words. She could feel more than he could ever say.

That was where she found truth in his request.

"If you wish it, Master Lesan. I believe that every Jedi was called to the Force for a reason. I hear and feel your frustration, pain, worry, determination, and every fleeting emotion you and anyone near enough might be capable of emitting. I can turn the volume of it down…but never mute it. Your burdens are heavy…I cannot help but endure them."

She paused to breathe, but her hand merely remained steadfast around his. What was metal and what was flesh didn't much matter. It was all part of him. "But…Your pain…It will remain your own."

It felt counter-intuitive not to soothe the aching wrongs that had been done to such a well-learned heart. So many scars. She adjusted slightly, focused on his issues with the New Way, and gleaned the root of his frustrations. She softened the emotion. Softened, his worries. They were not removed from him but Solenne provided a cushion for him to fall on while a cold ravaged his senses. A safe haven. Warm, secure, and full of harmony.

Somewhere he might be able to recuperate body and soul.

His mind was a weary place.

How long had it been since he had last slept soundly without expectations of being called from one emergency to the next? The Shadows were quite skilled at compartmentalizing, however. Shifting through the puzzle pieces he left her to find took no small measure of concentration even while he allowed her passage. She lifted the demoralizing feeling of being left with dead ends and replaced it with an invigorating focus. The sadness, at knowing others had died because while the Alliance tried their all…The New Way was still killing. Innocents.

Guilty of nothing other than the galactic circumstances of their birth.

Solenne buried the innate emotional reaction that came with knowledge, behind his building blocks, where he could draw from it when needed—But not be hampered by it.

She offered strength. Her own—To supplement what he had lost. Not a push, not a breaking, but a selfless gift. When she breathed next it caught in her throat. Her eyes stung, but, when her jaw set tight for a moment, she buried what she took. Swallowed it so that it couldn't harm either of them.

"There…That should feel a little better. A little clearer.", the auburn-haired beauty murmured with all the gentleness of a dove. Her eyes closed and she smiled softly for her patient while finding some quiet place in the dark to look at. Her eyes didn't adjust to dim lighting because of growing up in the Cluster…But she had never needed her eyes to see. "I don't mean add to your troubles…I've just seen too many of us…"

"Too many of us race from one battle to the next. Only, never to return."

 

[Judah Lesan]

Wearing: xxx
Tag: Solenne Abraxas

Nothing was sudden. Solenne did not instantly lift his burdens. It was a gradual process. While it felt sudden, the peace had come to him gradually. He no longer felt the frustration of a mission which seemed to have no end in sight. Instead he was rested, truly rested. Judah could not recall the last time he felt as though he could drift off to sleep and not worry about a thing. The galaxy was full of concerns and stressors. There was always something that needed the attention of the Jedi it seemed. For this moment, Judah finally did not care, even though he knew it would come to an end.

He nodded.

“Yes. Thank you.”

It was sincere. Judah rarely was anything but. Even though he hid behind a mask the shadow had always been true to himself in some way. Compliments were never given unless he truly meant them. There were many in the galaxy which would offer empty platitudes. Judah was not among them. He simply squeezed the woman’s hand gently until it was time to let go.

Her words were processed differently because of it. She was correct that many among their number had rushed off to their deaths, but that was the way of war. Every departure meant not all would return. It was an unavoidable truth that weighed on many. Judah supposed he had become numb to it all. He had accepted death for what it was, even if the pain of losing his wife was something he chose to live with daily.

The Corellian offered Solenne a smile.

“That is two parts war and one part foolishness,” he said. “For a time the Alliance rushed from one conflict to the next because she had to defend her borders. Now it seems that we do so because war is all she seems to know.”

It was a critique, one which Judah was unsure of how welcome it would be. Judah had always spoken his mind, even when it had gotten him into trouble. It was one among several reasons Judah had never been appointed to a Jedi council of any kind. He was a leader, but not the kind which favored the politics of committees and formality. Judah led by action, speech, and directive. Talk was cheap when decisions needed to be made.

“I imagine you carry your own burdens, not too unlike mine. You have carried the weight of mine, let me shoulder something for you?”

 

[Solenne Abraxas]

​

Location: Coruscant Jedi Temple [Infirmary]
Tag: Judah Lesan

The soft-spoken Hapani remained in what seemed to be a state of gentle repose while adjusting emotions that didn't quite belong to her. A quiet smile flickered across her expression, solemn, but filled with unending kindness. "Anytime...", came her slow response, almost breathless, but the Jedi Master was gathering herself swiftly. It wouldn't do to let her patients see that her abilities had a cutting effect. She was present to mend their wounds. Assuage their guilt.

Not cause more.

Solenne finally opened her eyes to peer into the dark. Trying not to see flashes of what she had taken. It was an effort in patience, both with herself, and the Force not to react to it. Not to let such doubled frustrations boil up and over. Deceptively young features found a tranquil place while Master Lesan elaborated on her words. He was quite wise—When he wasn't being an exceedingly stubborn and potentially delirious goat. "The irony isn't lost on me that we're meant to keep the peace…"

"But our children can assemble a blaster faster than a prayer."

This was why she specifically took time to show Aiden Porte the small wonders in the universe. Something so simple as breaking bread, or, ensuring that he knew there was a world of possibility in the palm of his hand. She tutored him on subjects that would both benefit him and keep him well-rounded. She prepared him for the Dark Side without letting an obsession fervently develop. Too many Jedi were far too militant of mind and heart, far too desensitized, and it was…Painfully obvious.

Things would need to change swiftly in this so-called "era of peace" or there would be severe consequences. She could feel it in her bones and was quite certain she wasn't the only one.

At the mention of her own burdens the Master Jedi would find himself rewarded with a delicate laugh. It was soft and layered with good-natured intent. Sweet, like honey from the hive. Grateful that he thought to offer with a fever that was almost high enough to cook breakfast with. Her smile was…bright in the dark. Sunrise. He would feel the warmth, even if, he couldn't see it. "One day…"

"Perhaps I will bend your ear toward my dilemmas…But not tonight. You need only to rest."

Solenne had a lot her plate. There was something going on with her Padawan and a nefarious force that kept shielding itself from her slight. She'd defended him from it in the Hapes Cluster. Kept it from seeping into his mind like a poison. The slender woman had even created a vessel where he might keep part of her spirit close. To wield in his defense, in her absence, when the dark became to deep.

Her heart was not at rest.

It had belonged to a man that had…All but abandoned her in thought, and deed, but she could not bring herself to do the same. He claimed not to want her. Avoided her to the point of taking missions as far from the Core as he could get.

Yet she could feel him. She could discern truth from lie—No matter how the lie hurt.

It left her in a state of cruel wanting. But, that was the way of it. Jedi had survived for eons without bending themselves for a partner and she supposed they would last eons more. She had long buried her affections, where they might stay safe and grow evergreen. Hidden. But lately…It was harder to remember. Hard not to feel…

Solenne stood up and reached to check the intravenous drip that led to Master Lesan. Running a line on him had been interesting when half of him seemed to be made of metal. He needed a new bag strung. Her cool hand dropped down to touch his forehead, checking his cheeks, before unhooking the empty. "You'll need a few more of these. Give me just a moment…", she paused, so that she could retrieve the supplies she needed, and dutifully began the steady drip.

"You know…When you're feeling this badly, next time, just call me. If you don't have time for a checkup I can just come to you."

 

[Judah Lesan]

Wearing: xxx
Tag: Solenne Abraxas

Keeping the peace was not always a non-violent activity. Judah knew there were times when combat and war was needed to bring nihilistic nations to their knees. It just seemed that method was all the Jedi knew anymore. Long had passed the days when diplomacy was seen as strong. The Jedi of this era were just as bloodthirsty as some of the evil they claimed to hunt and destroy. The brewing mandalorian conflict was an example of that sentiment. They were being sucked into a war that diplomacy could avoid, but there was too much hubris from the council. They were making a mockery of themselves and what it meant to be a Jedi.

It was why Judah preferred to work alone.

Yes, he had crossed the line himself at times. Judah was a shadow, and he had touched the dark side because of it. That did not mean he invited its temptations to take up permanent residence. He did not seek conflict at every turn. The New Way was the kind of evil that required it. Terrorism came down to simple math, kill more of them than they kill of you. For Judah it was simpler. Cut off the head of the monster and watch it die.

He was just wrong about who the head of the monster was. The master Jedi was nowhere closer to knowing either, and that was what had caused him to push himself ragged.

“You said it yourself, if I am not going to sleep I should at least lie here. You might as well take advantage of a sympathetic and listening ear… hmm?”

He could sense there was something. Even in his weakened state Judah knew. Solenne was not the only one in the room with the skill to understand and feel the ebb and flow of emotions. Judah had always though it was what made him a great shadow. While he did not focus his skill on helping others feel the relief of what weighed them down, Judah did know the importance of simply listening. He had already shed his mask for the woman sitting at his bedside. There was no reason to raise it once more and become the crass and unfeeling Jedi once again.

She was silent a minute, before finding a reason to do something. He was grateful for her care, and she was more attentive than she needed to be. Another bag of fluids soon began the same process of rehydrating him as the previous. Slow and steady, though she was correct that he did not need to rush it, even if patience was not always Judah’s best quality.

“So you make house calls,” Judah said with a smirk.

His comment was more playful than his pet name had been earlier. It was a testament that the care he was receiving was beginning to work. Judah would always be playful, that part was not something he simply invented to cover his scars. The master had simply learned to excel in leaning into it. This time, it was more genuine than it had been in a long time. Even if their exchange was just a friendly one, Judah felt he could be himself with the woman.

That was rare.

“I am rarely on Coruscant, Solenne. The New Way investigation has seen me here more frequently, yes, but if you wish to make good on that invitation, you’ll have to accompany me on a mission sometime.”

Judah smiled. His offer was as honest as hers had been.

“I think you would enjoy it.”

 

[Solenne Abraxas]

​

Location: Coruscant Jedi Temple [Infirmary]
Tag: Judah Lesan

Solenne chuckled again at his insistence that she unburden herself, perhaps, to even the score. He struck her as someone who didn't necessarily like to be indebted to someone else. "It's nothing so severe Master Lesan…You needn't worry.", she reassured, turning, to mark something off on his chart while looking at a few monitoring devices he'd been hooked up to. The holo-screens that popped up were thankfully bright enough that she could read them easily.

The Hapani had a pair of glasses that could help her if needed, but she didn't like wearing them. Seeing through the Force was a wonderful skill but it could only do so much. Sol could navigate with it easily from one space to another, or, utilize it in combat—But reading patient charts in the evening without any real light source? That proved…Difficult.

Her blue robes settled after her when she took a seat once more, leaving a soft scent in her wake that was reminiscent to mixture a mixture of citrus, sandalwood, vanilla. She knew that her most stubborn patient wouldn't want things to be out of balance so with careful thought…She did relent. "My Padawan has been away with his family for quite some time. He is not a hapless youngling and he isn't alone…But I worry for his well-being. There are…Strange happenings."

Padawans weren't simply children. They were young adults, who, needed to learn about the universe for themselves. As much as Solenne wanted to prepare him, she also knew that codding wasn't required. Aiden Porte was a capable young man who would one day leave her side and continue his own journey. Perhaps, take a student of his own. It was a day that she both looked forward to and felt a great deal of sorrow for. When he was no longer her Padawan?

She wouldn't be able to protect him.

"It's hard to describe. But…Before we left Hapes something evil tried to…"

The young woman paused, briefly, trying to find the words. She remembered it clearly. The sky darkened and she could feel a miasma forming that had nothing to do with a storm. It was a malevolent entity seeking her student. Why? She had no idea. Aiden was a kindly soul who had hardly hurt a fly in his lifeline—Let alone snag the attention of a Sith Lord. "Attack us. Him, specifically."

"I sent it away…But it isn't gone."

Solenne had left him with something to keep him safe while he was away, but still, she endured a certain flavor of anxiety in his absence that she wasn't fond of.

Hazel eyes snapped toward the Jedi Master when he mentioned her making house calls in a particular tone. "Judah.", she warned warmly, chuckling, while using his name for perhaps the first time that evening. He was too much. He had been the same way during the Charity Gala on Hapes and he was still the same way now. She had a feeling that there was more to it…But it was definitely a trend. "When needed...Yes. I do indeed make house calls."

She nodded her head slowly and leaned forward a little with large, round eyes, playing faux innocent.

"You mean you don't stay on Coruscant all the time? There are other planets that need us? You don't say…"

Her tone would tell him that she was teasing, pulling his leg, as she had done to her. But she nodded her head regardless. Every mission could use a good medic, especially, those Judah frequented.

He couldn't afford to lose any more limbs.

"I might take you up on that. Fair warning, my Padawan and I are a joint package."

 

[Judah Lesan]

Wearing: xxx
Tag: Solenne Abraxas

The desire to protect a student was strong. Judah knew it all too well. He also knew the pain of having failed them. Even as he thought about his own dealings with the young ones he had trained, Judah could not do so without the sting of losing one of his own nephew’s to the dark side. It was a failure Judah would never forgive himself of.

He nodded.

“The young Porte boy. My nephew Justice, his wife is a good friend of his sister.”

Judah did not know them well, but he knew enough to know they were a good family. It only served to further the point that their young had been raised to know nothing other than war. It saddened Judah, and it also emboldened him. His generation had to stop it. It would be their gift to the generations which followed. They could usher in a wave of peace, not whatever it was they had now, but a real and lasting peace. A peace which did not have the threat of war still overshadowing it.

“I have not been back to Hapes since the gala. I am sorry to hear that something sinister is chasing your student. I will help if I can. It sounds like something a Shadow should look into anyhow.”

And just like that Judah was offering to add another thing to his already full plate. He was always pushing himself, stretching beyond what was healthy for him to do. His family had paid the price of his unwavering commitment to the Jedi. It had only been recent that JJ was even talking with him again. Thanks to JJ’s master, and Judah’s good friend, the two had reconciled. It had been too late for Judah to reconcile with his wife.

She was dead.

He smirked. It seemed Solenne managed a sense of humor after all. Judah liked it. In this instance the banter was healing and soothing. The Jedi needed to be his old Corellian self after all.

“Why yes, and some of the most exotic places you will ever see too. There are much better sites than a clinical medical wing to explore out there.”

Judah had picked up on her sarcasm, and he returned it with his own.

“I would not have it any other way. It would be good for your padawan to get some time in the field regardless. I am going to hold you to it.”

His head pressed against the pillow. Judah’s breathing began to change. He was relaxed, much more so than he had been when he first woke up. It felt good to let his guard down, and it felt good to rest. He would never admit it, especially to Solenne, but this was the precise thing he needed.

He let the quiet pass between them for a moment. Judah almost fell asleep, but tried not to in case he was concussed.

“It is a shame the news of the attack ended the gala early. I think I would have very much liked to have danced.”

 

[Solenne Abraxas]

​

Location: Coruscant Jedi Temple [Infirmary]
Tag: Judah Lesan

Everything Solenne diligently taught Aiden Porte , no matter how small, was with his best interests at heart. Whether it was cooking, cleaning, fighting, or even self-care… It was always her way of trying to prepare him for the inevitability that one day she wouldn't be able to protect him. One day he would strike out on his own. One day—Solenne might meet some gruesome end that couldn't be avoided. The future was as vast as it was unpredictable and she needed to make sure that he would be able to navigate such murky waters without her.

The Force would be his compass, while she, would fade into the background of his story…As it should be. A star in the night to light his way. To fill him with hope.

But a ghost all the same.

"He has a good head on his shoulders but for his age…He is still quite innocent of some things."

That was putting it mildly. He understood the juxtaposition between light and dark and the dangers that inherently lay within both ideal—But he wasn't worldly. He looked at things with such hope and goodness that it was a marvel. That was why she was so worried about the presence that had attacked them on Hapes. She'd been able to repel it with a halo of light, spun into a consecrated ring, but that wasn't a long-term solution. Just a band aid. "Perhaps the shadows will lose interest in him…"

"—But even if they do…I don't doubt that they will return. I need to ensure that he can protect himself when that day comes."

Solenne offered Judah a kindly appreciative smile at his offer to assist. When he was better, of course. "It takes a village to raise our little ones. I would be thankful for your assistance should you have the time."

It made her feel better than someone else would be monitoring the situation. Solenne had notified the Jedi Council through their usual report structure but she had a feeling that it might have been dismissed as a fluke. As noted…Aiden Porte had hardly hurt a fly. It made no sense that he would have attracted any sort of malevolent force. He would be a powerful forcer for the Light one day but in the moment, he was still finding his path. Perhaps, that was it.

A desire to corrupt the incorruptible in an effort to destroy the next generation.

Solenne would not have that.

Solenne had quite the sense of humor, actually. It just tended to fall to the wayside when one of her patients was being a stubborn goat. What was it with all the people she associated most frequently with being more stubborn than any mule? She was starting to recognize a pattern. She chuckled when he mentioned there being better locals than a medical ward. "Really?"

"I don't know I'm rather comfortable. The light is low, the food is edible, and the company is…"

She brought her hand in the air in the dim lighting and moved it back and forth.

"…So so. A little dry."

A smile there, obviously, teasing him in the dimness. Her expression remained pleasant at the mention of taking her Padawan with her. She liked the idea of getting him a little more field experience but also wanted to bring him a more mature perspective. Perhaps, Master Lesan could aid with that as well. Aiden seemed to idolize her every move…She needed him to know that she was just as prone to making mistakes as anyone else. She just did her best to learn from them.

Her patient fell silent for a little while and Solenne let the quietness pervade the peace of the infirmary. She could feel that he was teetering and wouldn't do anything to rouse him. He needed rest whether he admitted it or not. "It would have been nice…But try not to long for things that have passed."

Missed moments.

"Instead…Keep your eyes closed. Relax. We can meet in that place between sleep and awake to continue stories that haven't happened. We'll have the best adventures, Master Lesan."

Solenne referred to that quiet place where one could still remember the sensation and feeling of dreaming. He refused to sleep on his own but perhaps he could get to at least that point if he lessened his hold on reality. For the moment…All he had was his imagination. He could go mountain climbing, explore new galaxies, and find some measure of peace—Even if it was only in his head.

The azure-clad Jedi reached out for his hand again and held it gently. A passive comfort while she began to hum a soft melody from Hapes. It was full of melancholy, but beautiful, with the intent of letting him finally get the rest he needed. She was there. Even if he wasn't afraid of anything…

It could be comforting to have a friend in the dark.

 

[Judah Lesan]

Wearing: xxx
Tag: Solenne Abraxas

Judah was happy to hear that Solenne thought her padawan had a good head on his shoulders. There few he would say that about, and that extended to some of the Knight and Masters of the order as well. Common sense was not common enough with most of the recent decisions and deliberations, that is if what Judah was hearing about them were true. He could not help but recall his words to a fractured and divided light side when called the New Jedi Order out on their hypocrisy for supporting the New Imperial Order while vilifying the Silver Jedi Order for supporting the Sith and Confederacy in a bid to wipe out the Brynadul threat.

No one had stopped to consider that the Silver Order would not have had to make such agreements had their brethren of the light linked arms with them in the first place. Instead they had been so possessive of the Core they had lost sight of what really mattered.

There were days it seemed the Jedi continued to make that mistake. They were more focused on things which did not matter. It had been why the New Way had succeeded in distracting them, in bombing them.

"I will do what I can. It has been some time since I have assisted in mentoring our young. My methods and missions are not always suitable for such a task, but shadows… are my expertise."

Judah felt a little vulnerable admitting that. He should not have. It was well known that a Jedi Shadow often walked dangerously close to the edge where light and dark met. For some reason he did not want Solenne to see his dark side, or touch his demons. Judah certainly had them. He still carried the guilt and shame of being absent from his family for so long. The memory of why he had the scar on his cheek, or the spirit of a dark lord which had possessed him, still haunted him at times.

What made Judah the most nervous was the last student he had ever agreed to instruct, his nephew, Jaron. The young and impressionable man had lost his when Corellia had been destroyed, and Judah had not caught the warning signs. Jaron had been training to be a shadow, and as family, Judah had been determined to see it through. He had failed his padawan.

Judah had failed his family.

"Dry," Judah laughed, pretending to be offended. "I should tell more jokes then."

He smirked then laid his head into the pillow a little more.

"That is sometimes harder to do than it is to say. There are some things which have passed that I so desperately wish had not."

The master shadow was clearly not speaking about their dance, but Judah also remained vague. Perhaps she would hear the trappings of attachment, even love, in his voice. His past was one that did not come without longing or regret, and often both were hard to distinguish. Judah had not been there when Katara passed, and he still missed her everyday.

He listened, for once. Judah's eyes closed and he let his imagination carry him to a place which was much more relaxing than trying to remain awake. It was not that Judah was fighting sleep, he was simply refusing to quit pushing. The Jedi, the work, the job, was all he really had anymore. Being a shadow had become his purpose. He no longer knew how to simply relax and enjoy life for what it was. Self-care was something that Judah had abandoned a long time ago. Being forced into it now, it was something he would pick back up with ease. There were just some bad habits that needed to change first.

"Maybe I'll show the gold beaches of Corellia, how they were before the planet was broken…" he said in a tired, half asleep voice. "I think you would have loved the way the sand shimmered and how crisp the ocean was."

He squeezed her hand when she took his.

"It was always Red's favorite place to go. So many memories."

With his eyes fully closed, Judah opened his mind. If Solenne wanted to go on a little adventure, the shadow was more than amenable to play tour guide.