Private Haunted By the Memory Of You

[Revna]

Jackson Lesan


She raised an eyebrow at Jackson for a moment and smirked a bit playfully. “Well, since you’re not too concerned about being hunted down, then I won’t feel so bad when I do so.”

Revna listened as the young Jedi touched on the topic that was a concern for both of them, and she tilted her head with a pondering expression on her face. She realized that perhaps in her attempt to be open and upfront that she had come off too…strong? She really didn’t know for certain, however. She’d never experienced this kind of situation before.

Maybe…she should be more careful with what she was saying and confessing to.

Her cheeks flushed red when he mentioned that she was ‘cute’, but she couldn’t deny the fact that the curiosity between the two of them was mutual.

“Damn. I give you a scar and you end up thinking I’m cute?” She chuckled. “Didn’t think I’d hear that coming from a Jedi. But…that aside, I think both of us are curious about the other, and there is nothing …wrong with that. My curiosity is certainly what propelled me to find you.” She paused for a moment, thinking about what she should say next. She unconsciously pulled her legs up and hugged them to her chest, wrapping her arms around them and resting her chin on her knee.

“I…apologize if I’m coming off weird. I’m just trying to make sense of everything myself. You intrigue me; talking to a known Jedi like this, without us trying to rip each other’s throats out, is a forbidden thing. Despite the fact we are enemies, I actually think you are a handsome and nice young man who has a life and a purpose and a future ahead of him. That…is why I didn’t follow through with killing you. I didn’t like the idea of your future being cut short because of me. Very un-Sithlike, I know. I was expecting to eventually find you on the field of battle one day in the future and we could resume our little fight and see who comes out the victor. But clearly…what I expected to happen and what ended up happening are different. Maybe…after we have satisfied our curiosities about the other…we can go our separate ways.”

Revna sighed, though she perked up when Jackson asked her what her training had been like, and her eyes lit up.

“My training? Oh. Well…I personally enjoy my training. It is…challenging, but it is meant to be so. My Mentor needs strong warriors who are capable of carrying out his directives, and as his apprentice my training is a bit more involved and complex than that of my brothers and sisters who serve our Lord. Each day may be slightly different from the next, but every morning I wake up and eat with the others in our…settlement. Then depending on what my schedule looks like for the day, I either do drills or train with the other warriors, keeping myself combat-ready and honed. I do daily meditations to help keep me connected to the Force, and to of course help strengthen that connection. I will help out with any duties around our settlement, be it to welcome newcomers and help get them on their feet, building or other humanitarian projects, aiding in religious duties. And when my Mentor isn’t busy with other matters, then I am practically attached to his side, learning and absorbing everything I can from him. My training under him involves learning and understanding the Force and the Dark side a bit better, and how I can tap into it and use it and the various abilities I can learn through it. He also instructs me on other matters that are important for a Sith apprentice to learn. And if there is something I need to learn that he can’t train me on, then he finds someone who can give me that instruction.”

Revna fell silent for a moment, feeling more and more relaxed as time passed them by. “What about you? What does training look like for you, specifically? What…what do you like about being a Jedi?”

 

[Jackson Lesan]

Wearing: xxx
Tag: Revna

Was she… flirting…

Jackson was certainly not used to girls flirting with him, granted Jakku did not provide much by way of opportunity to be used to the idea of flirting. Fortunately the question of what their training looked like took the focus away from whatever it was they were doing. He did chuckle at her remark about how she gave him the scar… but that had nothing to do with whether he should think she was cute or not.

“Those things are not related…”

He listened to her training regimine, and it was not too different from his. The pressure to perform was not there, not the way she felt. Sith demanded a strength and power which Jedi not. It was a difference in the philosophy. Strength came with practice. Power came from dedication. Both of those came with time.

He nodded.

“It is not that much different. Though on Jakku we determine our own study. The material is what we feel we need, and where we would like to improve. In many ways it is like those choose your own adventure holos…”

Jax paused. He did not think about while he said it, but suddenly he thought the reference might be lost on Revna. Her background had not been his, and being a slave did she even have access to that kind of entertainment? Even as a child he supposed her life had been limited, and what most would have considered a normal childhood had not been hers to have.

He pitied her.

“...well… we decide, but my routine it is not much different. I don’t meditate though, not like sit still. We Lesans don’t sit still well. In order to focus there is a series of katas I perform to help control my breathing and clear my mind. They are meant to mimic the cycle of life which all of us experience. Backgrounds do not matter in that respect. We all are born, we grow, we live, and when it is our time we die. Then the cycle starts over again.”

Jax shrugged as he took a few steps away.

“Do you want to learn them?”

 

[Revna]

Jackson Lesan


She was mildly surprised to hear that her training and the training that Jackson went through as a Jedi was somewhat…similar. Obviously, there were differences…otherwise he’d be a Sith as well. But she did find the fact that the Jedi on Jakku seemed to pick and choose their own studies, mentioning something about pick and choose adventure holos.

Which…she’d never heard of before.

She tilted her head and a curious frown crossed her face. “Adventure holos? Huh…never heard of such a thing…”

She also found it a bit strange that the Jedi were allowed to pick their own training regime. It made sense to her in a way, but she knew based on her own personality she wouldn’t be able to do such a thing. She needed structure, guidance. She would overwhelm herself if she was left to choose what to do on her own accord.

The young Jedi began speaking again, and her brows dipped once more when she heard him say that he didn’t meditate, or didn’t do so in a more normal way. He dropped a name again, and she perked up a bit. Lesan. That sounded like a last name to her.

Revna listened as he explained that he went through a pattern of katas as his form of ‘meditation’, something to help him clear his mind, to mimic the cycle of life and death. It did sound…intriguing. The side of her that was always hungry to learn more things, to understand, perked up a bit more in curiosity.

Then he asked if she wanted to learn them, almost as if he could read the thoughts in her head. She smiled at that, and rose to her feet.

“Sure! Why not? I’m always willing to learn new things. Knowledge is power, after all. Perhaps you'd like to learn something from me too? An exchange of knowledge, perhaps?"

 

[Jackson Lesan]

Wearing: xxx
Tag: Revna

An exchange of knowledge? Jackson was curious, but he was also cautious. No doubt whatever she would hare with him would require that he tap into the dark side to use. While Romi did not teach against it, and while shadows did it all the time, Jax was concerned if he knew where the line was. It took discipline to use the dark side without being overcome by it. This was one are the young Jedi was not tested in.

Still, he found himself nodding.

“Sure.”

It was his turn to teach regardless of his feelings on the matter, and the katas would center his mind and thoughts. Whatever it was she would share with him, Jackson would be the most prepared for it after teaching her the forms.

“Watch the movements then I’ll have you do them with me.”

It was the best way he knew to teach them. Each form did not take long to move through, not if one wanted to just get through the movements. To Jackson it was not about the time as much as it was about precision. It was important to get each movement correct. So he took his time. From the opening stance til the final bow of the cycle, Jackson moved with a calm elegance his personality was not usually known for.

Many of the movements were made with his eyes closed. It was as though he moved with a familiarity that made each form something that was buried in the most intimate places of his soul. They were. For all the chaos around him, and the storms the galaxy wished to unleash within him, this was his place of peace. The hollow belly of the crashed ship was not the only place where Jax retreated to, it was into his katas as well.

Eventually his eyes opened to the girl in front of him. He moved to her side.

“Now we do them together,” he said before beginning the cycle all over again.

 

[Revna]

Jackson Lesan


She was rather surprised by the Jedi’s response to her. She’d been expecting him to turn down her offer or suggestion of swapping knowledge, preferring to stay to his Lightside ways. Not that she was unhappy to hear this; she found the idea of perhaps showing him something that she knew rather…exciting.

Revna observed the young Jedi with focused intent when he told her to watch his movements with the katas he was about to go through. She would learn them with him after he had demonstrated them to her, and she was curious.

“Very well. I shall watch and learn for now.”

And thus she did. She kept her gaze on Jackson, watching everything he did and memorizing it as she would memorize any of her other lessons back home on Formos. She noticed the precision, in the effort of getting each movement of the katas correct. The young Jedi moved with grace and a calm demeanor that made her tilt her head; she found his calmness to be a sharp contrast to the intensity of emotions that Sith went through.

Where the Jedi had elegance, the Sith had brutal efficiency.

And he did them with his eyes closed, a sign to her that he was well versed with these forms, and she found that to be strangely…beautiful.

Eventually, he came to an end of the katas and he opened his eyes to look at her before moving to her side. Now, they would do them together.

There was enough space between them so that they didn’t bump into one another, and as Jackson started the cycle over again, Revna followed his lead, almost perfectly mirroring his movements with some very minor mistakes here and there. She seemed to register them but moved onward with the katas, though in contrast to his calmness, she had intensity to her focus. She did them with her eyes open, as these were unfamiliar to her, but she was aware of the dualistic nature between them both. Calm and Intense. Relaxed and Focused.

Light and Dark.

The young Sith woman found the katas and their movements to be cleansing, in a way. They helped her to focus on something other than the thoughts coiling in her mind. When the routine came to an end, Revna found herself settling back down and exhaling an energized breath. She glanced at the young man beside her, a relaxed half smile gracing her face.

“Thank you…for showing me these. I might just remember them for myself in the future. I enjoyed that they forced me to focus on the task at hand and not everything else around me or in my head for the moment.”

Revna paused and looked over his face briefly, her eyes once more tracing the fresh pink scar that she had left behind, before returning to his eyes to search them. “You agreed to learn something from me in return for me learning something from you. In the time I’ve been a student under my Mentor, I’ve learned a few things, but clearly not everything as I am just a mere Acolyte. But…I will not force anything that I know upon you. So I will simply ask…what is it that you wish to know, or are curious about? Ask, and I will see if I can teach you, whatever it may be.”

 

[Jackson Lesan]

Wearing: xxx
Tag: Revna

It should have felt weird doing the katas with a Sith, but it felt no different than when doing them with a Jedi. Perhaps they were meant to. The forms reminded Jax about the cycle of life, and conflict was part of it. What should have felt awkward in his mind was only natural by nature. Revna represented the opposite of what he believed and the ideologies which he held, and yet here they were sharing a moment that some might even call intimate.

These forms were not something Jax did with just anyone.

“They really are better than meditation,” he chuckled.

Her gratitude was… genuine. Jackson should not have been surprised by that as everything else between them had been thus far, but he was. He was having a more difficult time justifying the fact they were supposed to be enemies. Rather they were just the opposite sides of the same coin, at least that was how he was beginning to see things.

It was a dangerous mindset to have at this stage of his training.

When she asked what he wanted to learn, he shrugged. Jax had never given much thought to the abilities dark side practitioners used. Most of them were designed to hurt and maim in unnatural ways, and the thought of using the dark side to twist someone did not sit well in his stomach. Still, he gave it some thought.

His eyes brightened when it came to him.

“Lightning.”

Jackson grinned.

“I have always wondered if a Jedi could not just deflect it, but actually use it. It could be an advantage in certain circumstances.”

He paused as the smile fell from his face.

“Though I suppose that would mean using the dark side. Judah has been close, used it for certain things I suppose, but maybe it is a line I shouldn’t get so close to yet.”

 

[Revna]

Jackson Lesan


“I don’t mind meditation; helps me connect and strengthen my bond to the Dark, so I can access it better. But having more than one way to focus one’s self is good, I think.”

Revna watched the young Jedi carefully as he shrugged when she inquired what he would like to learn from her. She remained still and quiet as he seemed to contemplate, before his eyes brightened and he mentioned…

Force lightning.

Now that surprised her a bit. She knew what was needed to conjure such an ability, and she felt her eyebrows rise a bit when he grinned and said that he’d wondered if a Jedi could not only deflect it, but use such an ability; that it could have its advantages. A small smile tugged at the corner of her lips as his smile fell from his face and he understood that in order to do so, he would have to tap into the Dark side. He mentioned Judah having used it, having been so close to that line…but Jackson himself wasn’t sure if he should step so close to that himself.

After a few heartbeat’s worth of silence, Revna stepped back from the Jedi and brought up a hand, palm facing upward and her fingers slightly curled…almost as if she was holding an invisible ball in her hand. She had practiced this particular ability a lot, and had become intimately familiar with it. In the beginning, she had to let her emotions run free in order to tap into the power that fueled the ability, but now she could just pull it forth from her.

The darkness within swirled a bit, and she drew on the power and let a fraction of it flow to her hand, as little bluish arcs of humming electricity formed between her fingers. She controlled it, kept it to her hand, as the sparks of light reflected off of any metal that was nearby, and off of her eyes.

“Force lightning? It does have its uses, that is for sure.” She flexed her hand and the little arcs vanished. “Though…clearly I tap into the Dark side to use such a thing. I feel that it makes it more…potent.” She tilted her head as she regarded the young Jedi with her, her lips pursed and her eyes narrowing in thought.

“For me to use Force lightning, I use emotions as the conduit. I feel that, perhaps it might be similar for a Jedi? For example, I can draw upon anger or hatred to fuel the lightning…and if a Jedi wants to do the same, I imagine they draw upon things that they feel…strongly about. Now this is all just a theory, of course, but what if…you used something like judgment, as a conduit? The…desire to perhaps subdue or weaken an enemy, but not outright kill them? It really comes down to the intentions of the heart…at least, that’s what I believe.”

She paused again, then smiled. “Why not give it a try? You’ll never know if you are capable unless you take the risk and step out of your comfort zone.”

 

[Jackson Lesan]

Wearing: xxx
Tag: Revna

Using lightning was an emotional thing. Jackson should have anticipated the answer considering he was talking to a Sith. She used her hatred or anger to fuel it, but what would Jax use? He did not feel hatred or anger in the same way she did, nor did he have the past or history she had to pull from. The only scar on his body was the fresh wound which he had earned from the woman he had taken into the clearing for a private moment.

And why did he want to be alone with her?

Naturally there were some frustrations Jackson felt. There was a rejection he constantly felt as many did not want to train him because of the family he had been connected to, or the fact he came to the Jedi late. Something about his past was unknown to him which even saw Judah give him to the Jakku Encalve. Romi was absent now. She had become the victim of a trial that was unjust.

Jackson felt the anger burn within him. It felt like a righteous anger, and there was no one there to tell him to be wary of it. He pictured the issue at hand. What was it that had him frustrated? Why did it bother him so much? Where was the root cause of it? How deep did it go?

When he found it, Jax explored it further. He dug deep until he realized what he had felt for so long. It was not that he felt rejected. Rejection did not sting this way. It was something a person could bounce back from, whether it was outright or subtle. No was not a painful word, not as painful as it was believed to be. Jackson did not suffer from being rejected…

…Jackson felt abandoned.

His eyes opened wide with the realization and he looked down to the open hand. An arc of lightning danced and curved about his fingers.

It felt…

…good.

His eyes moved from the lighting to Revna and back again several times. It should not have been so easy to conjure, not for a Jedi. Perhaps he was meant to walk the line like a shadow, and maybe he had found his path. The fact a Sith helped him come to it was the most ironic part of the entire situation.

Revna was Sith… but then why did she not feel like an enemy?

"That should not have been so easy."

He paused for the moment.

"I found what could lead me down the path toward the dark side, and I should not be this honest with you… but…"

Jackson looked over to the speeder which had brought them to the ship and the clearing which allowed the sun to light the area they stood. There was a fleeting thought that he needed to take her back to her ship so she could leave. Jax just was not sure he wanted her to leave yet. He had shared the katas with her, and she had showed him the dark side.

Were they learning from each other, or were they connecting in a way they should not.

"Are we doing something wrong here?"

His eyes searched hers hoping she would say yes. It would make it easier to tell her that she needed to go back to her master.

 

[Revna]

Jackson Lesan


Revna watched the young Jedi assess and process her words and her actions; she kept a respectful distance from him after she had encouraged him to at least give it a try. She truthfully didn’t know if he would even be willing to take that oh so risky step outside of his comfort zone and attempt to conjure his own lightning arcs. She was well aware of the fact that her gentle nudge would be seen by others as a temptation for him to tap into the Darkness…and perhaps it was.

Through the invisible energy that surrounded and flowed through them both, Revna could feel emotions within young Jackson stir. Her gaze narrowed ever so slightly as she felt it, but she made no move nor did she speak in the moment. He had to face whatever was causing a rise in these emotions within - just like she had to face her own emotions every single day. She knew they both processed and handled emotions differently, just based on their different viewpoints. But he’d been taught that emotions weren’t all that bad, and if controlled properly, could be used by a Jedi.

But it was a dangerous line to walk - and the Sith acolyte knew that.

Revna watched as he closed his eyes, and the emotions churned further within him - until she felt the spark of anger. She did not speak, nor move to stop him; instead she let him be, to feel that anger, to understand it, to come to terms with it.

To control it.

Whatever it was he was thinking about that had brought up such intense feelings within him, did the trick however. A smile danced over her face as the scent of ozone prickled at the air, and delicate arcs of lighting began to spark in one of his opened hands.

His eyes snapped open as something seemed to click within his mind, his heart - and Revna bore witness to it. Given the seclusion and privacy of their surroundings, she would almost say the moment was…intimate. It was precious, and she was happy to have been there to witness such a thing.

Jackson’s gaze flickered back and forth between his hand, and the Sith woman before him, seemingly stumped that he had managed to conjure the Force technique at all.

“Very good, Jackson.” Revna purred, her voice low and soft and held a touch of…pride and even admiration?

He spoke then, saying that it shouldn’t have been so easy, and all she could do was smile further, a dance of amusement in her eyes. Clearly, he had a natural talent with the ability.

“Force lightning is not an easy ability for one to learn so quickly. The fact you were able to produce more than just simple sparks is impressive. You may have a natural gifting for conjuring this ability…like I do.”

He paused again for a moment, then spoke honestly with her, saying that he had found what would lead him down the path to the Dark side - and Revna had to suppress her desire to try and figure out what it was. This was a very delicate affair, a sensitive moment, that required time and patience. She wasn’t going to force him down this pathway…but now she knew he was aware of it, and he was nearing the crossroads of fate.

She followed his gaze as he looked towards his speeder bike, and she could feel the turmoil within - not anything tremendous or soul breaking, but enough to be noticed and felt.

His next question caught her off guard a bit; he asked if what they were doing was wrong as he searched her gaze, looking for something. Probably for her to say yes so he could escape from this.

The young Acolyte was still for a moment, watching him with piercing eyes, weighing her next words. Her head wanted her to say certain things, but so did her heart. After a few heartbeats, she made her choice, and carefully stepped towards him, closing the space between them - though she stopped a foot or so away.

“That is a complicated answer, Jackson. Depends on what side you fall on in this.”

Revna fell silent for a moment, searching his face, her eyes tracing his scar once more. Memories of their first encounter flashed back to her, and her face softened. They both had so much growing to do, so much maturing to do.

“Others would say this is wrong; I think we both know your fellow Jedi would say this is wrong. Some Sith that I know would say it is wrong - but only because you are a Jedi, and they can’t look past that. Do I believe that we are doing something wrong here? No…I don’t. I believe it is risky. But sometimes the greatest revelations in one’s life come from taking risks, from stepping beyond that comfort zone…beyond what we know of ourselves.”

She paused for a moment, before speaking in her softer voice once more.

“Do you regret any of this? Do you fear what will happen if we continue as we are now? Learning? Exploring?” She smiled again, briefly. “I am not afraid; even as you show me some of your Jedi ways, I have no fear of it. I have no fear of what others will say or think. So I challenge you to have no fear either. Break your chains, Jackson. There is far more that is out there for gifted souls like us to learn…and I would love to show you its mysteries. But I will only do so if you allow me to.”

 

[Jackson Lesan]

Wearing: xxx
Tag: Revna

Right and wrong were supposed to be relative terms to a Jedi. Absolutes were something the dark side dealt in. For a Jedi to talk about the wrong side of something meant they emphatically believed in a right side. He supposed it was ironic then that Revna was correct. There would be Sith, a majority of them, that would say they should not be teaching other things. Jax knew of many Jedi that would frown upon what he was doing in the moment, learning lightning. Though maybe more of them would be upset at his admission to a Sith.

He knew his path to the dark side.

Jackson was already beginning to reconcile and justify it. If he knew what would lead him down the path that meant he could guard against it. All he had to do was tell another Jedi, tell Romi or Judah, what he knew. That would defeat the purpose of being among where he was now, hiding from the prying eyes of anyone wholly connected to the enclave.

Her answer to the question was not completely expected, nor was it the one he had hoped for. She was right. It was complicated, but why did she have to admit it? Jackson would have preferred she tell him it was wrong rather than place the decision back in his hands. It all depended on what side of the issue he fell on. She presented it as though there were only two sides, though Jax was certain there had to be more than one. What he hoped for now was some sort of gray that allowed it to be right, a way to justify his learning.

Did he regret any of this?

Was that the measure of right and wrong, whether there was regret? Revna certainly confused him. She should have wanted him dead, and she certainly should not have wanted to teach him anything. They were by every right, enemies. As the Sith pointed out, he should have hated her for giving him the scar, and yet he did not. Maybe that was why he knew he could be around her and not fall to the dark side. It was possible that this was all just a test.

One that he hoped he could pass.

Still, she needed an answer, so he shook his head no.

“I don’t regret anything, no.”

Was he afraid? That was a different question entirely. Even though she did not ask it, there seemed to be something of it that was implied. Fear led to the dark side, so the natural answer should have been that Jax was not afraid, and yet… he was cautious. Caution was okay, it was not fear. Avoiding unnecessary risk was something beneficial, and yet here he was taking the biggest risk of them all.

He was trusting a Sith.

“I don’t know… It is not like what you have to teach or what I can offer you function well together. There are some things I am not even sure I can teach you because there are techniques that can only be used with the light side of the force, and I know the same is true for things you would show me.”

He did not pull away when she stepped closer into his space, rather, Jackson also began to close the distance between them. She kept looking at his scar. Suddenly he knew something she might want.

“Do you want to touch it?”

 

[Revna]

Jackson Lesan


So he didn’t regret what had happened thus far. That was good, Revna supposed. She nodded with his response, reflective of his answer as he in turn cut the distance between them. They were so close now she could feel the heat radiate from his body, could feel the light touch of his breath as he breathed.

Jedi and Sith - so close…and without the savage intention of killing each other. Oh her Mentor would be beside himself with consternation if he knew she was in this place, this close to one who was supposed to be her hated foe, her enemy to slay.

“There are things we can still learn from one another. But yes - I would agree; I am sure there are things that I would not be able to learn, due to my…alignment to the Dark. And vice versa with you. Some things I know require a deep connection to either side of the Force in order to use the ability. But I won’t pretend to know what those things are; I…know next to nothing about the Jedi and what they learn and know. I’ve barely scratched the surface on what there is to learn as a Sith. But…I feel…joy…at being able to show someone something that I’ve learned. It made me happy to pass that knowledge of Force lightning to you. I suppose I wanted to feel more of that…that pride and joy at seeing someone else learn what I have to offer.”

There was more to it, of course. But she wasn’t going to tell him that. Not…yet.

Revna startled and blinked in surprise when Jackson asked her if she wanted to touch his scar - the scar she gave to him. Her eyes widened slightly with the surprise she felt and she stared at him silently for a few moments. In that brief window of time, he would see a glimpse of who Revna had been before the Darkness within had given her a new identity.

He would glimpse Dara, her innocence, before it had been ripped from her and destroyed - and whether she wanted him to see that dead part of her or not, it had happened.

There was stillness for a few heartbeats, before she seemed to summon her courage and lifted a small, delicate, and pale hand up towards his face. Revna hesitated for a moment, before the back of her hand and her knuckles gently grazed the still healing flesh. She blinked rapidly a couple times as she touched his face, tracing the line of the wound from its beginning to its end…before lowering her hand back to her side. It was an incredibly…intimate moment.

It should have been or felt wrong. Yet the only thing she could feel was…sorrow. It darkened her stormy eyes, and the dark beast within stirred at the intense surge of emotion in her. A golden hue flickered over her eyes briefly before their normal blue-gray hues returned.

“I…said I did not regret giving you that scar. And I still don’t. However…I feel something for it. Sadness, I think.” Revna said softly before she paused for a moment, to take a breath and just exist in the moment. They were neither Sith nor Jedi here…just Revna, and just Jackson. She could be honest with him…right? He’d been honest with her, after all.

“You were a handsome young man before this scar. But…if I can be honest with you, the scar accentuates that rugged handsomeness of yours even further. It is the mark of a warrior. You survived your battle…it is your badge of courage. I am both…sorry that I gave it to you, and glad that I did so. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have had the chance to meet you. And I don’t give a kark what anyone else says or thinks on the matter.”