Private Hard Choices

[Illian Dragos]

It was often said "for a man to have anything, he must be willing to sacrifice"1. But how much would people go to achieve their goals? Would they be willing to give everything, their own individuality, their own soul? Would they be willing to give up their families, and all they loved for a singular pursuit? For Illian, he was fine with sacrifice, but like most people, he had limits. Except when his family was concerned.

After being introduced to the Pomojema, Illian had spent hours upon hours training, and scouring through its famous library studying the texts of various authors, many he couldn't remember. While considering the information he found to be a great insight into the mysteries of the force, at the same time, he had grown dissatisfied. A lingering possibility had constantly been in his mind.

That possibility was the resurrection of his family,

Ever since Ashin Cardé Varanin had informed him about the possibility to resurrect he had gone back and from his notes on the Naboo archives and compared them with what the Pomojeman library had to offer. Having grown frustrated that none of the texts had provided him with the answers he needed, the Epicanthix Warrior had remembered the conversation between Jacen Nimdok and the former Empress. Allegedly, she had lived before and resurrected herself. While he knew, or at least it appeared to be possible, he wasn't so sure. Yet, he also knew that, for whatever reason, Ashin had been quite magnanimous to Illian.

While most people were asleep, the future Knight silently attempted to sneak his way into the master's quarters, forgetting his presence could be sensed. Holding the locket of his sister, he hoped it wasn't a bad time, ringing the door in the process.







1. SWTOR quote: Emperor Valkorian

 

[Ashin Cardé Varanin]

As luck would have it, Illian Dragos did not catch Ashin at a bad time. Quite the contrary. For the first time in a while she was relaxed and content. Spencer Varanin was sound asleep. Ashin answered the door in a black-and-silver nightrobe, bearing a cup of alien tea.

"Illian," she said with a little surprise. She glanced back at Spencer's slumbering form and slipped out of the room, closing the door behind her. "What can I do for you?"

​

 

[Illian Dragos]

"I have a few questions..." Looking around, he uncharacteristically became nervous.

"Could we take it somewhere more private. I don't think the environment would be best appropriate for what I want to ask". Well, that was the kindest way he could put it. As he finished speaking, he could feel the temperature increase. Or maybe it was him. Why did his face all of a sudden became more moist? Was he sweating? Illian flickered his shirt try and reduce the temperature, but it didn't work.

Removing a folded piece of paper, as he unscrambled it, the length of the paper was similar in length to a standard room on the floating academy. An idea he'd come up with to deceive people that he had many questions. Some people had to protect their privacy with what they had.

Ashin Cardé Varanin

 

[Ashin Cardé Varanin]

Ashin's lips quirked in something like a smile.

"You're not alone," she said, locking the door behind her. Mug in hand, she headed down the corridor. "Half the people on this ship have come knocking at my door, or gone to another senior instructor, with all kinds of private questions about the Force and the nature of life or duty or loyalty or vengeance or whatever weighs on them."

The ship had several qabbrats - traditional Sith meditation chambers, roughly spherical rooms. Ashin led Illian to one and descended shallow steps to the raised meditation pedestal at the bottom of the sphere. She knelt down, leaving room for him to kneel across from her and lay out his paper.

"What weighs on you? I recall you showing interest when I mentioned returning from death. Is that it?"

​

 

[Illian Dragos]

He followed her toward the meditation chamber. Looking at it's design, he could feel the dark side coming from it, even more so than from the other students. For a moment, he stepped back before he followed her once more. Reminding himself of his mission, he made sure not to resist its temptetations, as he did some time ago.

Illian also knelt as well, before proceeding to speak.

"Yes. That's it." As he brushed his shoulder before clearing his throat, he continued. "I want to know everything about it. You told that prof that you had come from the dead. How exactly did you accomplish that?"

Ashin Cardé Varanin

 

[Ashin Cardé Varanin]

"A secret," she said. "Perhaps the most carefully-guarded secret in Sith history. Many of the greatest Sith Lords have worn out their lives searching for immortality; many have failed. I was lucky enough to learn it, oh, maybe a decade before you were born. I've used it a few times since. It's a power that only a senior Sith Lord can use, and there are any number of ways it can go wrong.

"It takes great commitment, Illian. Dedication, for years upon years. Otherwise you'll misfire and bind your soul to a...mug of tea or something, and then dissipate into the Cosmic Force in short order, annihilate your identity.

"That's if you want to outlast death yourself. If you're trying to bring someone back in some way...that's a very different conversation."

​

 

[Illian Dragos]

His eyes, opened, a cool expression appearing on his face.

"Interesting." he said, as he stroked his beared. "So it was all true? It wasn't bullshet." For him, there was a rush of excitement, a smile appearing as he nearly stood up to jump in the air.

"It's actually real... huh." Perhaps it was foolish for him to trust a Sith, but then again, perhaps Illian was desperate. Days of thinking about resurrecting his dead family had opened what would otherwise have been a cautious man to new possibilities.

"Forgive my ignorance, what's the Cosmic Force. And yes, I'm trying to bring someone back. Well, a group of people."

 

[Ashin Cardé Varanin]

"I don't lie as a general rule," Ashin said. "The truth has always given me plenty to work with when I need to persuade. It's all true. I've died several times. I recently spent, oh, five years dead - and I only came back to resurrect my wife, which recently succeeded. The rules and norms of life are radically different once you learn to regain it.

"You've heard of the Netherworld of the Force, I assume? You'd have been, oh, a young boy when Akala threw a good portion of the galaxy's lives into the Netherworld, and many people got out again - you might have known some. To my knowledge, the Netherworld and all its strange places are...the filter on the grate. They catch some, not all, of those who die. Everyone dissipates into the Cosmic Force eventually, becomes part of the Force, part of the energies of life all across the galaxy. Palpatine and the Skywalkers are all part of the Force you use every day and the grass under your feet. What that means is that, reasonably often, no matter what, those you've lost can't be regained. But sometimes they can. Sometimes they left an echo, a shade, or their actual soul still lingers in the Netherworld in some form. There's any number of possibilities. Just be sure your expectations are realistic.

"Who did you lose, and more importantly, how long ago?"

​

 

[Illian Dragos]

He knew the question was coming, but when she asked the question, he felt like he was knocked out. As his hands were on his knees, he clenched his fist, trying desperately to maintain the previous cool expression he had worked so hard to cultivate. While he did this, he closed his eyes, remembering various memories he had with his family: his birthday on the cool streets of Nar Shadaah, the time his father had bought him a drink, and most importantly, when he had discovered their deaths.

Feeling conflicted, for a few moments, he debated the question of telling her. When he had met Darth Petrichor and Vytal, he had tried so hard to contain his feelings and never reveal the past. Then again, perhaps revealing it would make her more sympathetic to his cause. For once in his life, he wasn't the one that was making his own decision. He was now a caged bird, searching for food to eat, and he'd have to concede an inch of his life he didn't want to in order to fly.

"My parents and my little sister. They died a little over a year ago."

Illian then remembered some of the friends that had died during the Netherworld crisis. He was one of the few people he knew that had never lost a family member.

"Yeah, I lost some other people. They were good guys."

 

[Ashin Cardé Varanin]

Illian Dragos

Ashin was silent for a while.

"I make it my business to ensure that everyone who studies here is committed. You're committed to learning, that much is clear, but I'm not certain you're committed to the dark side. I don't particularly care about that, you understand - it doesn't offend me. My wife is what you might call a neutral Force-user too, much like you. But committing to the dark side is vital for the...violence against the natural order of things...that we're talking about. Resurrection is exclusive to the highest levels of Sith teaching. So you have some hard choices to make.

"I'll caution you that outright bringing them back to life isn't likely. But if you learn what can be learned as you grow in your power and commitment, you may be able to resurrect them in some sense. Pulling what's left of their spirits out of the Netherworld, perhaps, to share your body or be anchored to a talisman. There's a man I used to know who moved to the Netherworld and built a small fortress there, a home he shared with the faded shades of his family once he'd gathered and secured them. There are possibilities."

​

 

[Illian Dragos]

"So I guess I'll have to become another person."

Illian spent a few moments considering his force journey thus far. He had began his time as someone who had attempted to follow the neutral path because ohe didn't believe the dark, or light side existed: for his entire time studying the force, he had always viewed the force as one But as he considered his journey thus far, he remembered the time he had learned how to absorb things: the young squire had felt something, a dark presence call him when he had put on that amulet. It was different from his time in Dagobah, or Naboo. Remembering what Petrichor told him, for the first time, he truly wondered if he was wrong.

What worried him though was if he accepted the contemporary view, if he would lose who he was. He knew that when he first touched the force, it was as if the sky was completely dark, with no calm presence near him. Was this truly the source of power he would have to channel in order to accomplish what he needed? He also wondered if he was truly considering changing his opinion, or it was a force conversion brought about by pursuing a noble goal.

The young squire also wondered to himself if it was worth a goal worth pursuing. As far as he knew, Ashin was the only successful individual who'd done what he wanted: and she herself had told him it was nearly impossible. Was it worth it spending so much of his life pursuing something like this? Remembering the sacrifices his parents had done for him, all he knew was the had to try. Even if it meant losing who he was, he owed it to at least give it his all.

"I'll do whatever I need. Anything and everything, just tell me what I need to do."

Ashin Cardé Varanin