Feedback Guess it's time

[Teyla Sal-Soren]

I haven't done one of these before, but having written on Chaos for a little bit and in the endless quest of trying to improve my writing skills, I thought maybe I should give this thing a shot. So, if you have written with me, or read what I have wrote, I would greatly appreciate if you could give me some feedback on how I'm doing.

Specifically:

• Is the logic of my character clear or do you struggle to understand their motives?
• Do my transitions flow, or is the text chunky and difficult to read?
• Is there too much purple prose in my writing, or not enough?
• Do you see a clear picture of the environment? Or do the characters seem like disembodied talking heads? (I admit that this is an area where I feel like I struggle a lot)

Any and all feedback would be much appreciated.

 

[Caltin Vanagor]

cracks knuckles

• While I can understand the logic of your character, I think that it is important to struggle to understand as well. The reason why I bring this up is that quite often I would put the big guy in threads that would have one purpose and set up something for him that may be completely irrelevant if the reader only sees that thread. However, a thread, two threads, three threads down the road more and more similar setups build to something (much like many of the pain in the neck series on Netflix that I am hooked on, lol) So yeah, I like the way your character goes on both ends. You have a strong feel for her and it's obvious in your writing, even if I do scratch my head from time to time.
• The transitions are good overall, in truth, this goes back to my previous observation, so no real worries.
• See, that is your style. There's nothing wrong with that. (A little too much for my tastes, but if you ever read my Bio sheet you'll see "If you are looking for ways to learn about the inner meaning of a grapefruit, Caltin is not the master for you." Quite simply, he is of the mantra "If I ask you for the time, don't tell me how to make the watch." If it's a part of the character, then it works. Purple Prose is Teyla, always has been.
• Here is where I sometimes have to read things twice. shrugs

Overall, I do like what I read of yours and always have. For what it may be worth.

 

[Judah Lesan]

This would not feel right on any other account than the character I was writing when we met...

Teyla is interesting, and has always been. She has certainly morphed a lot over the past nine years. I would have to say that the Chaos version is my favorite so far, and the one I have had the most chance to see in action.

I like how complex she is. You do well with making her a multilayered character. Also as far as descriptions and environment... you have always done a better job than I do with all of that.

Overall you are a very balanced writer, and I have always enjoyed reading what crazy antics your characters find themselves in!