Private Ghosts

[Judah Dashiell]

SALEUCAMI

​

Fire crackled as he sat outside. Stiff drink in one hand, Judah had just finished typing a message to Danger Arceneau regarding his return to the fold, so to speak. As far has he knew, everyone in the family was out in the Centrality Sector on a space station. He himself had drifted from a nunnery to his cousins ranch on Saleucami for a bit of self-reflect and period of quiet.

The nunnery drove him nuts.

The ranch was more his speed. Quiet days out with nerfs. Fixing things. The ability to roam as needed. Time spent with his vast extended family if he desired to do so. Less direct pressure to answer questions immediately, more time to unravel the knots on his own. Was it helping? Judah thought it was. Although for many it may be a glacial pace he wasn't one to rush progress. Sometimes one had to sort through things on their own timeframe. His just happened to be much slower than others may appreciate.

Word to Danger was he was to return immediately. A small stretch of the truth ; Judah wouldn't leave for at least one more day. Wrap up things with his cousin, try to catch up on news of the business so he wasn't walking in blind. According to Myra, Centrality was one massive project. He didn't want to step two feet on board only to get asked a question, looking lost for answer. A day and a half easily before hitting the hyperlanes.

Taking a sip of his drink, he stared out at the inky black landscape. They were out in the middle of nowhere Saleucami. Rural as it got. Dark, it made for excellent stargazing but it also played tricks on the mind. Especially since his guest house was right next to a nerf field.

Something moved in the corner of his eye, a shadow. Most likely another nerf ambling near the fence this late in the evening.

 

[Azula Tindara]

Her shadow slowly resolved as she approached to lean on the fence.

"Evening," she said.

It wasn't a lot to say. Not when she had literally appeared out of the darkness when Judah had retreated from civilisation.

If she was nervous about the interaction, it wasn't obvious. She glanced up and down the fence, choosing to duck through it. Azula had to be careful to avoid noisily catching her montrals against the wood.

Azula walked up to the fire, holding both palms out towards the flames.

"Someone was worried about you enough that they sent me - of all people - a message. I thought I would check in. This seems nice though," she said, glancing around them.

No matter how things had turned out between them in the end, she could still check in as a friend. Part of her worried that she might have been the cause of whatever had suddenly altered his behaviour.

Judah Dashiell

 

[Judah Dashiell]

Judah jumped a little, startled at the appearance of Azula Tindara out of nowhere. One minute he swore there was a nerf in the field and the next a Togruta was standing in front of him. Not just any plain old Togruta either.

The old salvager looked at his his glass of whisky then picked the bottle of the ground, examining the label in the fire light. Had he drank too much? Was this a special whisky?

A shake of his head. Seemed real enough.

The Togruta always has a knack of tracking him down. A little unsettling if he thought too hard about it.

"Someone sent you a message."

Odd.

"It is nice. Quiet. Peaceful. Out of the way." Judah gestured to the chair next to him. "Take a seat if you so desire. I've only got one glass but I can give it up and swig out of the bottle. Appropriate considering I've apparently hit rock bottom."

A scoff.

"You look good. How have you been?"

 

[Azula Tindara]

"You look good. How have you been?"

"Thank you," she replied quietly. She didn't immediately reciprocate the complement. Azula took a seat on the other side of the fire from Judah and left the bottle alone.

"You sound surprised that someone contacted me. You know I was working with the company for a few months. I actually made a few friends there."

Azula decided to let him try and work out which of his staff might have reached out.

"You actually hit rock bottom or taking a break and got your staff all worried?" Azula asked. She wore a slight smile, mentally preparing herself to continue the conversation no matter the answer.

 

[Judah Dashiell]

Right, the one snag about taking a break. Even though Makai was in charge and by all accounts doing fine, it wouldn't stop the rumor mill from buzzing. He didn't even send a company-wide message when he left. It was just a big nothing and suddenly the much younger Dashiell was making the decisions. In hindsight, he shouldn't have been so hot headed on many fronts. It was too late do anything at this point.

Friends. Interesting concept for a woman who by all accounts, didn't stay in one place long.

"Rock bottom sounds a bit dramatic, does it not? What is the one ring before that?Gravel bottom?" A sip of his whisky, continuing to answer her question. "I am not purposefully taking a break no. Which may have lead to some of the concern that circled back to yourself."

A pause.

"Sorry if its not the exciting story you've all this way to hear."

Azula Tindara

 

[Azula Tindara]

"Wasn't really here to get the gossip really Judah," she said quietly.

"It's... Well..."

Suddenly she didn't have the words. For the first time in years she had tried to settle into a real life. She had spoken honestly and tried to make real connections. It hadn't gone to plan, but she hadn't abandoned the idea.

Azula took a breath. She glanced down at the dancing flames and the back up at Judah.

"I thought I'd come as a friend and make sure you were alright. Or not. If you want someone to listen."

 

[Judah Dashiell]

"I didn't think you were here to get the gossip, just more or less a turn of phrase."

Judah took another drink, having the feeling he was going to need it. Idly he still wondered who contacted Azula Tindara ?Mrs. Datos? Makai? Myra? Zej? It didn't have to necessarily be someone incredibly close to him, could have been anyone who knew he wasn't at work really. Now Saleucami was the trickier part, as was involving Azula, yet as she stated she did make friends within the company.

"I don't know."

Shoulders shrugged sightly, unsure how to answer.

"Nothing has gone according to my vision. Or plan. Or the way I wanted. I suppose some of that is life....however....guess I couldn't take it anymore and just sort of snapped. I wouldn't call it snapped, very dramatic, but others probably would so I'll use the term. So that happened and I left to go to some annoying Jedi nunnery. Then I came here."

A long silence while he sipped his drink. He paused to stare at the swirling liquid in his hand.

"So now I'm staring down faking it for another twenty-five or thirty years. Nothing else I can do about it at this point. Pretty sure I can do it,fake it that is.We're going to find out, I leave in a day or so to head back to my normal life."

 

[Azula Tindara]

"Well, you might day you don't know, but I don't think people who are doing fine usually end up at a... at a nunnery," Azula said. She spoke slowly, trying not to step out of line.

She could normally just play the part and say the right thing. Judah saw through all of that. Even if he didn't, he deserved better from her.

"I've spent so much of my life wearing various masks Judah. And I didn't for a while. Not with you. Didn't have to fake anything either," she added, giving a small can't of her head.

It wasn't exactly the time for jokes, but then what was she supposed to say to keep the conversation from spiralling.

"You're a man of strong convictions and you shouldn't need to hide."

Silence for a moment.

"You've built this empire, your son is an amazing young man. That doesn't mean you can't be upset obviously."

Why did this feel like picking through a minefield? She used to love a gamble.

"So why do you feel your life has gone wrong?"

 

[Judah Dashiell]

"I mean...some people to go a nunnery for spiritual enlightenment. Education too, I suppose."

Going to a nunnery for other reasons? Azula Tindara wasn't wrong. He already knew it wasn't a good position to be in, which is why he had kept much of his movements quiet. At least here on Saleucami it was easy to say he was reconnecting with family and old friends. Perhaps even looking at making investments ; not that he was out here trying to reflect on where everything went wrong.

"You're back to wearing a mask again?...Sorry, right back on track...No, I could tell. I absolutely enjoyed our time together, I genuinely had a great time. At one point I was thinking long-term...but...I just felt square peg, round hole. I don't quite think we fit in either one's world. Maybe I didn't give it enough time..."

Now she was asking the crux of his issue. There was no reason to lie, despite it being more than a little pitiful to admit.

"You know I never wanted Salacia to get big? I expected a sector or region, sure. Never like this. I feel like I traded one thing for another, you know? A happy life at home for a massive salvage empire. Not that I was neglecting anything...things just...shook out that way. I poured everything into Salacia as a result. Of course Makai, but that was a given either way."

Another sip of whisky and another shake of his head.

"So now I'm staring down about twenty-five or thirty years of being alone and it sucks. Everything just kind of hit at once and I just lost it. Which is unusual...I normally have a very long fuse. Damaged a few relationships. Got a lot of repair work to do."

Judah took a deep breath.

"I'll be okay. Just got to come to terms with it, kinda wrap it around my head. Stay a little more occupied."

 

[Azula Tindara]

Azula sat in silence for a few seconds. The flames cracked and filled the quiet air.

She rose slowly, stepping around the fire to sit at his side. She didn't place a hand on his shoulder, or offer any immediate judgement. It was a small gesture, but it carried its own weight.

"I'm not wearing a mask more than I need to. Not like before," she said. It had been a strange few months, but she didn't want him thinking she had been suffering her own crisis.

"I hid at a Jedi Academy for five years," she said with a small shrug.

She couldn't claim to be responsible for this, but their separation almost certainly hadn't helped.

"You have options. A lot of people don't."

A harsh assessment, but it was delivered gently.

"Sell a small shareholding and start up some new projects for yourself. Or go and invest and guide some small companies and meet new people."

"I enjoyed our time too. Should have said that first."

 

[Judah Dashiell]

"Its okay, I'm not searching for compliments, nor did I expect you to feel the same. However, its nice to hear otherwise."

Judah was sure she didn't come all this way to talk about her own issues though. It was nice to hear she wasn't wearing as big of a mask as before, playing both sides of the fence, not letting anyone see the real Azula Tindara . He understood easily enough, but hiding herself had been so deep that during their second meeting he wasn't so sure if she knew when to turn off the facade.

"No, I'm extremely lucky in many ways. Its not lost on me in the slightest. Which is why I normally don't voice my feelings on such things, it can just be tone-deaf whining. I've got the company. Got a great kid. About to gain a daughter-in-law. Just telling myself I can't have it all. Like you said, I can stay busy in other ways. There's no real reason to wallow around feeling sorry other than I just am at war with heart and mind. I'll figure it out."

One way or another, he had no choice but to figure it out.

"Thanks for listening, didn't have to."

 

[Azula Tindara]

"I probably should have spoken less and listened more," she said.

"Of course you know you have options. You shouldn't feel like... Like you can't feel bad because of what you do have," she added. Azula took more care over what she said.

"If you need to wallow, you need to wallow. Your feelings are real."

Maybe that was what she should have said first. He wasn't a problem for her to solve. Perhaps there were not so many people to just say that he was allowed to change direction suddenly.

"It was hard to keep a straight face when you got to nunnery though. All things considered in giving myself a six out of ten."

 

[Judah Dashiell]

"No, it wasn't you. I should have realized the issues that would arise. Its my fault."

Judah realized he probably jumped in way too quickly and didn't think of all the potential pitfalls being with Azula Tindara would have. He had accepted his own mistake there months ago, shortly after parting ways. The very least he could do was own up and not shirk away from the fact he wasn't thinking correctly. Its what he got for having a little too much of a carefree attitude.

He didn't say anything else regarding how he felt. It wasn't a subject he was a fan of to begin with but he at least owed her a small explanation since she came all this way. Judah was feeling bad about that, but also knew if she didn't want to find him then Azula could have easily said no and kept moving with her own life.

"Only six out of ten? I think you did well, easily an eight out of ten on the nunnery front. You're not giving yourself enough credit."

 

[Azula Tindara]

"I think that's fair," Azula said.

She feigned a wise nod.

Azula reached for the bottle and took a quick swig. She had flown herself so she wasn't planning on drinking heavily. If she had too much that would involve staying over.

That would be awkward. Also dangerous with both of them tipsy. It was not as if the physical chemistry wasn't still there, at least from her perspective.

"How long are you staying here for then?" She asked. She waved her hand and a little logs stood upright and then threw themselves into the fire.

Her tone had changed to something more casual. She couldn't just leave the conversation on that note.

 

[Judah Dashiell]

Judah watched Azula Tindara wave her hand, "tossing" more logs onto the fire. A useful little trick she used often when they were together. At one point he asked if it was abuse of the Force, still not quite understanding everything that world entailed.

"I have plans to leave roughly a day and a half from now. Head back to where everyone is, which is apparently the Centrality Sector. The kids got some contracts going on doing rebuilding."

Judah still found that interesting that anyone was even interested in rebuilding that area. If one was a local, he supposed he saw the appeal of wanting to return 'home'. As for companies, of course they would go where the credits were.

"Details are still vague on that front. Either way.... I can hide out here another month or so until Makai's wedding or I can go back now and try to at least do some repair to the relationships I've damaged. Seemed a lot to try to do in the span of a week considering what will be going on..."

Another sip of his whisky. Judah figured if he waited too long there was no way he could cram in his apologies before the entire family was preoccupied with other tasks.

"What have you been up to? Fill me in."

 

[Azula Tindara]

"I..." Azula briefly looked up to the stars as she sorted events into order.

"...worked my way out a few sectors on freighters doing odd jobs. Then I returned to a life of crime and thievery."

Azula smiled briefly and looked back down at Judah.

"I've actually been doing a little private security work. I'm good."

She wasn't sure that was the most perfect accurate statement, but she was in a place where she didn't need Judah to be adding anything to his worries on her account.

"The wedding is that soon? I assume you must be in touch with him to help him iron out some of the organisation?" She asked. It was a leading question.

 

[Judah Dashiell]

"You're very talented. Is this you admitting you actually paid attention to what I said? That maybe I was right just a little bit?"

There was a small grin, clearly teasing her. It didn't take away from what he said ; she was talented. The biggest thing holding Azula Tindara back was Azula Tindara herself. At least, that had always been his prevailing opinion.

"Hmm, yes. Unfortunately the wedding is extremely soon. I don't see what the rush is. They haven't even been back together that long."

He was a little more freer to speak with Azula. Danger he had pissed off royally. Even if he hadn't, they were dealing with a touchy subject; their kids. Not that he had anything overly critical to say about Myra, not at all. Yet defenses would be up, any mother would have the same instinct.

"Back on track to the subject..no, we are not in touch. What is there for me to organize? I'm not the one getting married. Besides, we left on bad terms, it's best I just give him space."

 

[Azula Tindara]

Azula grimaced.

She was sharp enough to link everything he had just said. She decided to see if she was close to the mark.

"Any chance you left on bad terms because you pointed out that it was all a bit rushed?" She ventured.

 

[Judah Dashiell]

"Hmmm....mostly the reason, yes. There was another issue,but that's separate from Makai."

Judah finishing downing his drink, reaching over to borrow the bottle from Azula to pour more. Another three fingers before setting down the bottle back towards her. Silently he debated asking a question ; a hypothetical one. It couldn't hurt to venture out and see her response. Judah figured the response depended on the person, but it couldn't hurt.

"So, hypothetically, you get back together with someone after six,seven years. Less than a year later you decide to get married and just jump into it? Does that not seem a little crazy? As in, whats the rush? They already do everything together, what does two years or so make a difference for? I don't understand where the fire is at."

 

[Azula Tindara]

Azula decided that another sip from the bottle was warranted before answering that question.

"It seems a lot, yes," she agreed. "If I was on the outside of this 'hypothetical'..." Azula said, managing to conjour the air quotations with the tone of voice alone.

"... I would have said something. The delivery of such advice probably matters."

Azula paused. There was a line between carefully phrasing something and being manipulative. A line she still didn't see as distinctly as she should.

"They're probably so certain they want everyone else to be on board. At least they're both rich and the lawyers can settle a break up.

"I probably shouldn't have said that bit. Let's pretend it was hypothetical."