Private Fury Road

[Tansu Treicolt]

​

This was no ruse to get her to apologize. This was real, vast, and deeper and intimacy than they'd ever reached. He had no guard, not a single ounce of restraint left. His perfect posture, composure, all of it slipped away and that which he withheld for so long broke through and encased her. She gasped.

No longer was she in her own skin in the too-beige room on Rendili. Back on Coruscant, she saw countless faces she didn't recognize. Smelled the ashen odour of death and bodies far gone. Felt the brush of shoulders from people that hadn't really been in Bay 12. Objectively, she knew that, but presently, she didn't understand.

And then she saw their faces for the first time. But they were unlike any portrait painted. Instead of beautiful and handsome, the aged appearances were broken with grief and fear. A dark-haired woman with the same honest, honey-coloured eyes as Talsin's. And a man built of stone, with gray hairs threaded just above his ears. Their hands outstretched, their cries soundless yet damning. She felt the involuntary twist of her heart. Stillness overcame her the same way it had him, feeling her blood pulse in her temple, her mind agitated. She understood now, his paralysis, and it felt like a punch to the chest.

Talsin carried their deaths like a consequence of his absence.

And she'd created the opportunity on that platform for him to possibly relive the same scenario. Her tongue withered in her mouth, speechless, and all she could do was hold him, breathe, and realize.

She was a person who could force someone she loved to their knees and come undone because of her enormous ignorance. Her shame was caustic, searing every nerve and rendering her entirely numb.

"W-what's happening?"

His sound ran through her and she kept her one hand in his grip, the other slid around his shoulders, held him as tight to her as she could manage, and pressed her face into the side of his. He'd curled into her so closely she felt the breath in his chest, how improbable it was. How dear and divine each breath he drew was. Pulse by pulse, he rejoined her from the deathly place that had overwhelmed him and she gently pressed tiny kisses to his tearstained skin.

"I dunno know Talsin, but it's endin'. I promise. I'm here. Just keep breathin'."

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Talsin Lota
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[Talsin Lota]

Tansu Treicolt

Eventually the tension went out of him, skin sleek with the combination of sweat and tears, shuddering into her.

"I... thought I was dying..." Tal sputtered there softly, voice tired, brought low. "Gosh... that is... so embarrassing. I am sorry..." Making a scene like this, right now, when she had been trying to make him understand... what had she tried to make him understand? Talsin grasped the shape of her words but his mind immediately recoiled from it.

I left you alone.

Another shudder.

"I... I won't leave you alone... again. I promise." The panic didn't well back, his body was too tired for that now, but he felt like the a coiling maw at the edge of his perception.

It could overtake him again if he let it.

 

[Tansu Treicolt]

​

"It ain't embarrassin'." She closed her eyes. "Not for you. Please don't be embarrassed. It's real and honest and I— I'm so—"
Finally, she said it.

"I'm sorry." She whispered. "I don't know why I said that. You didn't leave me alone. I forced you out." There was so much more to say, but she didn't want him to fade away again. She didn't understand the attack he'd just underwent. Therefore, she'd keep her sentences short until he was fully back together.

Her eyes squeezed shut and she inhaled deeply, breathing him in. They were both still soot and sweat. "I'm sorry. You don't have to keep promisin' me Tally. You're always there when I need you."

​

Even back on Coruscant! She would have probably splat to the earth or got hurt under Zantra if he hadn't been there with the getaway car.

"Are you feelin' any better?"

Her wrist lifted from his shoulders, angling at theh patio doorway and asserting a beckon toward the latch. It slipped open and the glass slid to the side, letting a breeze rush in to cool them.

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Talsin Lota
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[Talsin Lota]

Tansu Treicolt

A soft sigh and he kissed her chin softly.

"Just the other day I remarked how messy everything around us was." He coughed softly, his chest still burning from the exertion of the hyper-ventilation a moment ago. "Guess maybe it wasn't just around us."

He wasn't sure why it was like that.

"Are we going to take turns now with the apologies?" Teasing a little, back to his confident self, charming. As if she hadn't just seen him break down utterly in front of her. He always had everything so in hand. Unaffected, in control, formidable. Now there was a shatter in that image that he wanted to project so she'd be able to lean on him without worry.

Their connection flickered with his shame. To put that on her, when it was only for him to carry.

"I am... better." Licking his lips there, wincing at how every part of his body felt. Like he had ran a marathon. Difficult to remember they had been fighting just a few hours ago and then fled.

"How are you?" Hand gently cradling her cheek.

 

[Tansu Treicolt]

​

"No," she said solemnly. "You don't have anything to apologize for. I should have paused and listened to you first. I just saw you all miffed and —" she sighed heavily. "Well. You know."

Thoughts dwelled on his statement about everything around them, and drew a conclusion that maybe he meant they were inherently messy themselves. How could he mean anything otherwise? They were too different. Clearly! She'd launched him into some sort of near-death state simply by being herself.

How could they go on like that? How could she say she loved him but keep him trapped with someone that brought him such anxiety and frustration? It was just a flash —the sorrow in her expression — brief, but deep.

"How are you?"

Tansu felt like something was gnawing at her breastbone from the inside. The pressure and the pain were better than whatever was underneath them. A stabbing unease at the thought of what she was thinking. It wasn't fully formed yet, but she could feel herself walking down an inconceivable road.

But she couldn't bring it up now. He needed time to breathe and recover. She at least had the awareness for that — even if it was a newfound comprehension that had evaded her until just moments ago.

"Don't worry about me." She forced a soft smile forward and eclipsed the outside of her hand with hers. "You scared the chit outta me, but I'm alright. You think maybe a stint in the refresher will make you feel a little more put together? Or more fresh air?"

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Talsin Lota
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[Talsin Lota]

Tansu Treicolt

It was like she forgot... that if she could feel every flutter of his heart, he could feel every shadow over his sunshine.

His fingers pressed a bit firmer into her jaw.

Making her look into his eyes even if her mind was trying to lure her away... the same way his had. "It isn't your fault." Tal said softly, glancing up at her and then running his nose against hers. "You are my sunshine... my pretty flickering fire that keeps me going." Kissing her lips, just as soft as his words had been. "There is a lot on me right now, you couldn't have known... I should be stronger."

Strong enough to carry it all.

"We are meant to be together... otherwise we wouldn't have found each other again and again. From bumping into each other the first time and immediately loathing each other-" A little smirked curl of his lips. "-to smashing our vehicles together and saving each other's arses against criminal arseholes..."

Pressing his lips a bit tighter against hers, wanting to breathe her in... and make her breathe him in in turn.

"Over and over again we keep meeting. Masked, unmasked, just going about our business... and somehow the Force just keeps weaving our paths to entwine. So we are a bit messy... that's what makes it interesting, right?"

Yes, he certainly wanted a shower.

But this was more important right now. That flicker of doubt in her... he could not let it grow into something more.

 

[Tansu Treicolt]

​

Honey met ocean and she couldn't look away. The way he looked at her was too heated— too searching—and it made her entire body feel like one giant, exposed raw nerve. Even the colour of their eyes meant different things — hers light and blue like the sky, his darker, solid and rich like the earth.

"It is." She eked out in quiet protest, unable to bear the truth that she'd said something that had unfurled him to the point of breathlessness. He'd read her mind, or close enough to speak to attempt to quell it. It made her lip wobble just before he kissed her. Tansu felt utterly boneless—her brain blanking as every cell in her body lit up like a beacon at the unexpected gesture.

"You shouldn't have to be so strong that I'm one of the things you have to shoulder. That ain't fair. And I coulda known. I shoulda known. That's not how this is supposed to be."

It was impossible to look away. It always was when he got this close, held her like this, spoke with such certainty and full of concern.

She felt the tight draw of her brows loosen, and her hand clenched tighter against his, arm firmer against the back of his neck when he kissed her deeper. She met him with equal want, if not more, because she was desperate to keep him. He made her pulse race thunderously, like the hooves of the wild horses that used to run free 'round their homestead. And when they were twined up like this, she he could almost feel his heart echoing the same thudding, desperate rhythm of her own. Need-you, need-you, need-you, his told her. Need-you-more, need-you-more, need-you-more, hers answered in return.

"I hope so," she exhaled her answer and rest her forehead against his."I'm just so scared of you. I bring out everything dangerous about you.

You always pitch yourself into the line of fire first, feel you need to shoulder so much and then I push and push and I —" she bit her lip.

"Then you—" she felt misery and hope in a giant confused tangle, all knotting up in her belly and throat.

"I don't want to be the reason you don't exist anymore."

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Talsin Lota
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[Talsin Lota]

Tansu Treicolt

"You are not a weight I carry." He says softly in return. It hurt him that his weakness had scared her so. First on Coruscant and now again here.

He'd have to be more careful, caution. She didn't need to see this. Shouldn't.

"You are a pair of wings that lift me up. You make me smile."

And making him smile, genuine and free, was rare indeed.

Need-you-more. Talsin felt that impression and echoed it back to her. No, she'd be fine without him. Thrive even. It was Talsin who needed her more than breathing.

Finally she spoke the fear that was at the heart of everything.

He leaned in, brow to brow, supporting her and himself at the same time. "You're the reason I persist, my sunshine. The reason I get out of bed and keep going."

Then kissing her lips again, gently.

"I throw myself into danger for you because you complete me."

Talsin smirked, knowing how stereotypical it sounded.

"I know, I know, I sound sappy. But it's true."

 

[Tansu Treicolt]

​

Fluttering her eyes closed, she sniffed.

"You are such a sap, yeah, but yer my sap." Her fingers were fiddling with his collar. Heavily, she exhaled and pressed her nose into his.

"I didn't like your breakdown just now," she tread carefully with her next statement "— Freaked the chit out of me but..and don't take this the wrong way.. kinda nice to see you not so perfect all the time." A small peck to his lips to emphasize she meant that in the most genuine way.

"Makes you even more real."

Pulling back just enough to meet his eyes again, she tenderly brushed some loose, sweat slick hair back from his forehead.

"It's scary that we're so much to one another, don't'cha think?" Tansu whispered, not wanting to repeat the exact same words back to him. Clearly she felt the same. She'd done his trademark put-self-in-line-of-fire-to-save-the-other but to the nth degree that had started this whole kerfuffle.

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Talsin Lota
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[Talsin Lota]

Tansu Treicolt

And he felt she spoke truth. Not just trying to get him to feel okay about it, Tan genuinely didn't mind the 'breakdown' as she called it.

A way to be more intimate with each other, closer, when he wasn't always perfect.

That concept made him snort.

"I am not in any way perfect, Tan. I wasn't before the..." It was bitter on his tongue regardless. But he forced himself. "...breakdown. I make plenty of mistakes, you know that better than most."

The one that had kept them away from each other for so long.

There has been alternatives back then if he hadn't been so blind to see.

"Scary?" Tal thought that over for a moment and then nodded hesitantly. "A bit. But... I'd prefer that over the alternative."

Not being anything to each other.

He carefully got himself up to his feet. "Maybe some balcony time before the shower? I could use a few gasps of real Air before it and then turning in."