Codex Denied Frank

[Herah]

OUT OF CHARACTER INFORMATION

• Intent: Combat mount for Muad Dib
• Image Credit: https://www.artstation.com/artwork/xzko5r
• Role: Combat Mount
• Permissions: N/A
• Links: n/a

PHYSICAL INFORMATION

• Age: 20
• Force Sensitivity: Untrained Force Sensitive
• Species: https://www.starwarsrp.net/threads/vanquos-dragons.124499/
• Appearance: Small about the size to perch on the shoulder or the arm and in black

SOCIAL INFORMATION

• Name: Frank
• Loyalties: Muad Dib
• Notable Possessions: N/A
• Personality: Mischievous as ever but protective of whatever he thinks belongs to his and if he wants something he will do anything to get it
• Training: Combat as a mount and by themselves

COMBAT INFORMATION

• Combat Function: Support role for when in flight for attacks from the sky for heavy attacks from the ground

Strengths:

• Hard to kill - While not as thick scaled as the larger brethren he can take hits from small arms fire with ease
• Rhakghoul Breath: Due to partial infection from the Rhakghoul virus his breath attack while only 5 meters in radius will affect those unprotected or immune to the disease be turned to rhakghouls
• Telepathy - Can only communicate telepathically with other dragons and there rider’s
• Maneuverability and climbing speed - it's wings and tail aids in it's directional flight allowing it to yaw, pitch, roll, turn with amazing ease .

Weaknesses:

• Breath weapon does not discriminate: Anyone hit by his Rhakghoul breath attack if not prepared for it will be affected by it wether the be friend or foe
• Not as fast as a starfighter - While it does have incredible speed in flight a starfighter or ship can easily catch up and surpass it.
• Small: cant hit hard like his larger brethren or burst through anything outside of a glass window

HISTORICAL INFORMATION

Frank while small was seen as a trouble maker and a rude one at that, with no room left out for his sarcastic nature sometimes keeps to himself less he wants to pull one of his many pranks, His breath and teeth were mutated by the Rhakghoul virus but not to a point where he became rabid but he can infect others with it if hit by his breath attack or bitten by him. He has sometimes chosen people to hang out with and stick with but hes more interested in causing trouble and being just sarcastic as possible.

 

[Zak Dymo]

Herah

I'll be conducting this review for you. There are just a few points that I want to address.

1. Image Credit

Image Credit: https://www.artstation.com/artwork/xzko5r

There does not appear to be any image on this submission. Did you mean to include one? It's fine if you don't mean to include an image, but I wanted to ask the question before this submission is locked.

2. Loyalties

Loyalties: @Muad Dib

As per the template, link any relevant characters, faction pages, or groups. A tag is not a link, and user accounts may be renamed. As such, please cite to Muad Dib's character sheet here so that it is clear which character this refers to.

3. Training

Training: Combat as a mount and by themselves

This statement is very general/vague. As per the template, if your beast companion has been trained to perform special tasks or follow certain commands, list those things here. As such, please elaborate to clarify what kind of combat training this refers to.

4. Appearance

Appearance: Small about the size to perch on the shoulder or the arm and in black

You've linked that this is a Vanquos Dragon. A review of that submission would indicate that the smallest Vanquos Dragons were roughly human sized.

Description: Most Vanquo dragons bear little resemblance between one another visually. Each takes after their particular environment, however most share a few similarities. Their scales cover their body like mail, and while color variation differs they tend towards certain brighter colors more on the regular. They also possess wings, most commonly leathery wings not unlike a bat, however some were able to possess feathered wings. These Dragons tend to be larger creatures with a single particular subspecies being unable to grow larger than the average human.

So the idea of one small enough to perch on a shoulder or arm (parrot/falcon sized) is not consistent with the linked species sub. If your aim is something diminutive, I'm going to need a solid explanation for why a Vanquos Dragon would be so sized. In the alternative, you might consider dragon species that are approved at the size you have here, such as Wee Dragons.

5. Strengths & Weaknesses

Strengths:

• Rhakghoul Breath: Due to partial infection from the Rhakghoul virus his breath attack while only 5 meters in radius will affect those unprotected or immune to the disease be turned to rhakghouls

Weaknesses:

• Breath weapon does not discriminate: Anyone hit by his Rhakghoul breath attack if not prepared for it will be affected by it wether the be friend or foe

There several Codex rules that I want to refer to here.

1. All submissions should reflect the strengths and weaknesses of their species, equipment, materials and components for transparency, balance, and fair play.
2. Language that could be interpreted to force another player to do something they do not wish for their character is prohibited.
3. NPCs with the following should have further exposition, solid intent, and particular attention paid to the balancing of the strengths and weaknesses to the balancing of the strength and weaknesses to prevent your sub from being reported in an RP:
   • Sensitive information or knowledge.
   • Unusual, Rare, Master Ranked, or excessive powers.
   • A large number of resources such as military, technology; or a widespread area of influence.
4. When creating NPCs consider actionable PvP related weaknesses to balance PvP related strengths.

With regard to the strength and the weakness of the linked Vanquos Dragon, as I've noted above this NPC is exceptionally small for the species. As such, I assume you mean for him to be an example of the Minfilia race of Vanquos Dragon, except here is a quote from the species sub.

Minfilia Dragons: Minfilia dragons are much softer scaled, lack the ability to produce their Force breath weapon, and the size and power to be much of a threat. Runt of the litter they have to be smart to survive rather than powerful.

So the smaller dragons not having access to their breath weapon was a point in the original submission. So the fact that this small Vanquos Dragon possesses a breath weapon is already going against the weaknesses of the linked species.

That being said, the species submission deals with fire breath. While it does refer to the possibility of other breath types, it specifically references combustion.

Breath: Most Vanquo dragons, with the exception of Minfilia dragons, possess some kind of innate ability to cause a combustion of air sent through their mouth, though some do possess additional features aside from fire

Breathing fire or some other elemental aspect would not seem to equate to breathing a virus. That will need significant explanation and substantive development, though for all the reasons noted above I don't think it works with the Vanquos Dragon sub without significant changes to the size and nature of this submission.

Those are my thoughts and I look forward to yours in reply. Please let me know if you have any questions in light of my review, otherwise please tag me when you have completed your edits

 

[Zak Dymo]

Herah

Can I please get a status update on this?

 

[Zak Dymo]

Herah

Archived due to inactivity.

Please submit a Submission Modification Request to continue working on this, if you choose.