[FO] Aftermath

[Pharazon Draken]

[SIZE=11pt]“No, I may not be, but I remain Hapan, and I will do what I must to survive” Pharazon replied, imperious facade slipping almost as soon as he had attempted to assert it. However, he did manage to gain some semblance of control over his emotions, even if his conversational filters he usually exercised to avoid at all costs conversations likes this were lost to him. He would not show any more weakness than was unavoidable.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=11pt]He chuckled again slightly and unintentionally as he felt how hollow her words were, niceties and pleasantries coming from the mouths of those who knew better always amused him. Sighing, he shook his head once again and uttered a short phrase in the ostentatious, elegant and some might say needlessly verbose Hapan language, his native accent that he generally perfectly suppressed returning in an instant as he spoke. He looked to the Doctor almost expectantly but then chuckled again, this time tiredly, and shook his head. [/SIZE]

[SIZE=11pt]“My apologies, that saying is something of a unspoken, at least not openly, proverb among some of my people, roughly translated it means there is always debt, though it loses something in translation, I am sure you are familiar with the sentiment” he said, voice haggard but still firm and proud as he looked at the Doctor with knowing eyes, though he knew not her own experiences, only that she possessed the same grim knowledge as he, if not more.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=11pt]“I will not beleaguer the point or try to make you understand the demands and necessities of Hapan social interaction by which I live. Suffice it to say, I will remember you and what you have done for me, call and I will answer. This I swear as Pharazon, not Captain Draken, should that mean anything to you.” Relaxing himself as much as he could while leaning upright and meeting the Doctor’s eyes, a multitude of emotion evident in his tone as he left the implications of his oath and debt remain broad.[/SIZE]

“But, should you wish to keep this entirely within the bounds of duty”[SIZE=11pt] he continued, audibly resigned and disappointed in himself as a result of her hollow and purely professional tone. [/SIZE][SIZE=11pt]“I will continue to uphold and fulfil my duty as a Stormtrooper and will not allow what happened to occur again should have any say in the matter, and I am sure your medical skills and mannerisms will not waver regardless of what drives you to practice them, so let us repay each other[/SIZE][SIZE=11pt] through continued service”[/SIZE][SIZE=11pt] he finished, sounding as rote and hollow as the Doctor had earlier he supposed. He had never felt much obligation to duty or nationalism before his time as an Imperial Stormtrooper and he was still conflicted as to his position in the First Order. Pharazon was far more concerned with personal duty which he assumed she would likely infer, and regardless, his mind was too muddled to force himself to put up his regular zealously Imperial facade at this moment.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=11pt]If he was honest with himself, however, Pharazon no longer knew why he served in the First Order military. In the beginning it had been necessity and a convenient way to avoid death at the hands of his pursuers, and execution at the hands of his newfound Imperial acquaintances. Though after serving with the 189th, fighting with them and leading them into battle, witnessing their own loyalty and determination for the Imperial cause had forced him to question his own beliefs. Sighing again though saying nothing this time, he supposed he may [/SIZE][SIZE=14.6667px]have[/SIZE][SIZE=11pt] found something he could believe in after Kaeshana and Mustafar, people who he could trust with his very being, though even that begrudging realisation did not sit well with the generally excessively secretive and suspicious man. If anything that potential for him to dedicate himself to the Order made him more uneasy, Imperial society was superior to that of the Hapan system of government he was sure, but he could not reconcile his [/SIZE][SIZE=14.6667px]identity[/SIZE][SIZE=11pt] as a Hapan, as the son, nephew, and brother to those in his noble Hapan family, no matter what some of them had done to him with his current position as an Imperial Stormtrooper, fighting to conquer the stars and enforce order on a chaotic galaxy. Overarching certainty and conviction had abandoned Pharazon's mind beyond the fierce loyalty, bonds of fire and blood, and personal connections to those Stormtroopers under his command.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=11pt]He allowed his professional and stern facade to reassert itself as the conversation turned to his cybernetics, he was growing tired and increasingly concerned about how much he was sharing with this stranger, so was glad for the reprieve.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=11pt]“I have no doubts in the quality of Imperial medicine, indeed, this is not my first cycle either” he said grimly, failing to mask the comment in humour, as he flexed his left hand which was missing the cybernetic little and ring fingers he had been forced to adopted after Kaeshana.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=11pt]His eyes again lingered on his leg, and his expression again darkened as she said the new limb would be stronger. He knew [/SIZE][SIZE=11pt]and felt with all his being that it would not be, but he had little choice and refused to shame himself again.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=11pt]“We shall see Doctor Ven, we shall see” he replied, cold and resigned.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=11pt]“I am not surprised they were damaged, I am sure the anti-tank round must have damaged them in some manner or perhaps they were damaged during the airstrike…” he paused, mouth still open. Anti-tank round? How do you know it was an anti-tank round? [/SIZE][SIZE=11pt]His mind raced until it found an unsavoury answer, [/SIZE][SIZE=11pt]…You felt it… You know… [/SIZE][SIZE=11pt]Pharazon fell silent, closing his mouth slowly as he looked from his leg to his hand, fear and confusion lancing across his face for an instant before he brought his muscles under control once more.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=11pt]“No...no matter, I am sure the Corps, Central Command, and the medical service will ensure all is correct with my fingers and new leg…” he mumbled, only vaguely aware of the words she had spoken and the open fear in his own voice.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=11pt]Fumbling over his next words in a desperate attempt to distract his mind his mind sought a topic to distract him and fill in any holes in his memory.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=11pt]“The battle, the announcement by the Grand Moff, we were victorious? Mustafar and the mining facility are under Imperial control? The wider campaign succeeded? My troopers acquitted[/SIZE][SIZE=11pt] themselves admirably?”[/SIZE][SIZE=11pt] he stammered, unable to do anything beyond babble to quiet the voice in his mind screaming at him that by acting this way she will suspect [/SIZE]something of him.

[SIZE=11pt]Another voice told him she likely did not have many answers either, given her own state of consciousness the last time he had seen her, but he was too disturbed to consider this.[/SIZE]


[SIZE=11pt][member="Irajah Ven"][/SIZE]

 

[Kuzo]

She was, of course, familiar with the sentiment. She'd chuckled slightly, shaking her head, but the expression was good natured. Until he spoke of continued service. Then again, her face grew serious, distant. Absently, she flexed her right hand- the cybernetics good, but nothing like the precision of a surgeon's hands. A combat leg? That was well within the technology available. But that was about power, not manual dexterity.

Just one. more. thing. that he had taken from her. She was still a doctor, yes. But an entire slice of that aspect of her had been shorn away in a single night. And for what?

So they could break her and put her to their own use.

It was easier, in that moment, to let him talk, and beyond a nod here or there, she didn't reply. In part, she'd said her piece. But in part, the weight of [member="Darth Carnifex"] down the hall had once again been brought full upon her shoulders.

It wasn't until his clear confusion and concern that she once again fully focused, a small frown creasing her forehead as she watched him with some measure of concern.

"That is what has been reported, yes," she said slowly, watching him. "I admit that I am not particularly familiar with," she paused, trying to find the words and ended up just making a small flapping motion with her hands as if it meant something. "All of this. Not that part of it. But that is what they are saying, yes."

But her attention wasn't really on those words.

"Pharazon," she said, her voice almost gentle. "For a minute, if you can, pretend I'm not a doctor. Pretend I'm..... just Irajah. What's wrong? You don't have to tell me, but I know there's something that has you spooked. I get it, trust comes hard. But whatever it is, if there was ever a safe place to talk about it.... it's here."

​[member="Pharazon Draken"]

 

[Pharazon Draken]

[SIZE=11pt]Pharazon nodded absently at Irajah’s confirmation of the broadcast and victory, though she added nothing to what he had already heard. Not that this even registered in Pharazon’s mind as he continued to stare and rapidly mentally leap from thought to thought, fear to fear, and from one irrational conclusion to the next. He sat silently as Doctor Ven spoke again, absently noticing the change in her tone before his mind, clouded as it was, recognised what she was saying, what she had noticed, what she was asking. Pharazon slowly raised his head as the fear that had lanced across his face previously returned openly. He looked to the door before shaking his head again and returning his gaze to the Doctor, looking directly into her eyes, his look of fear and desperation unchanged.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=11pt]His mouth open and closed several times as words failed him, after swallowing he began to speak, voice weak. [/SIZE]“I… Doctor… Irajah… I knew that the X-Wings were going to strike the formation on Mustafar, I could feel it… I could see it before it happened” [SIZE=11pt]every word was a struggle as he fought to maintain control of his emotions and overcome a lifetime of harshly taught inhibitions and [/SIZE][SIZE=14.6667px]desperately[/SIZE][SIZE=11pt] guarded secrecy. But there was no stopping the release of his thoughts now, no time to even respond in a more coherent manner to Irajah's offer to talk, the mental walls had broken. It was time.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=11pt]“I know how I lost my lost leg even though no one, not even you has told me what happened. I have felt the fear and anger of my men… of my enemies during battle.” he continued on, bitter memories inflecting his tone with anger and disgust as well as fear. [/SIZE]

[SIZE=11pt]“I… I have felt where my enemies have been without seeing them and have experienced such clarity… such power and awareness that goes beyond the realm of battlefield luck or coincidence.” he grow more and more frantic with every word, every sentence as he let all his fears, all his darkest secrets and experiences out in a single and uninterrupted stream of consciousness.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=11pt]“Voices and premonitions[/SIZE][SIZE=11pt] haunt my dreams and waking thoughts, beckoning me, urging me forward, my sister…” he paused finally at this point, body slightly shaking as he remembered her, and of the messages he [/SIZE]knew must originate from her, knew must be real even if they defied all logic. “My sister, who I do not even know still lives, has spoken to me… For my entire life as I think back on many experiences I had once dismissed, and the past two or so years in particular my mind has been haunted by these feelings, these visions… these powers.”

[SIZE=11pt]“Irajah...” he looked her dead in the eyes, face frozen in absolute terror, vulnerability, and desperation and asked the question he had been dreading and refusing to even consider for years.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=11pt]“Irajah… what do you know of the Force?”[/SIZE]

[SIZE=11pt][member="Irajah Ven"][/SIZE]

 

[Kuzo]

"Oh Pharazon."

Her voice was soft, gentle, grounding. She reached out, her left hand covering his.

There was no mystery here. No horror or condemnation. Those things didn't even occur to her. While she had been disinterested in perusing her own sensitivity for so long, there had never been a true stigma in her upbringing. Her own opinion on force users as individuals had shifted and churned over the last year, but ultimately it came down to the person, not their potential as far as she was concerned.

There had been no great epiphany for Irajah as she grew up. The fact that she and her father could use the Force was simply a given, even if he had only been willing to teach her the one thing, and refused to speak of his own history. She understood him now. And while it may have tarnished warm memories of her childhood, to understand the lies and the deceit, she understood why he had kept it to himself.

This was different.

"I know enough," she said gently. She lived on Panatha, Maena. Trained with the Force as far as her body would allow. "You're sensitive to it, and there is nothing there that you need to fear. What you do with it is entirely up to you, but you seem to think that it makes you a monster. It does not. It just means that you have a choice ahead of you. Whether to learn how to utilize this tool at your disposal, or to leave it in the bag."

Her smile grew a touch wry.

"It's a dangerous tool, to not understand. But knowing it better may help with the fear."

[member="Pharazon Draken"]

 

[Pharazon Draken]

[SIZE=11pt]Pharazon could do nothing but continue to stare into the compassionate Doctor’s eyes, though his own continued to clearly be glazed over with horror. The same horror that was still frozen upon his features, eyebrows raised and apart, mouth slightly agape, his chiseled features refusing to form any shape than transfixed terror and disgust. He could barely hear Irajah’s once more soft and gentle words, her one expression of his name had he been of sound mind would have left him with the knowledge that she understood his reaction, but that once again, against all of his paranoid expectations, that she would not betray him, that she had empathy [/SIZE][SIZE=11pt]for him like few others had expressed toward him during his mostly oppressed life.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=11pt]His emerald eyes twitched slightly as his mind slowed, as the [/SIZE][SIZE=14.6667px]realization[/SIZE][SIZE=11pt] of the implications that Irajah’s confirmation of his darkest fears had for both his past and future began to consume his focus. The medical equipment that still marked the great and pale body of the Stormtrooper officer continued to quietly permeate the room as the associated lights continued to flash and medical and military staff and personnel continued to walk past the door, all ignorant to the changes occurring with Pharazon’s mind. However, neither could Pharazon himself fully come to terms with the thoughts flowing through his mind quite rapidly, even if by his own perception he was nearer to a standstill in time.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=11pt]Irajah’s words, though soft and understanding had hit Pharazon like an ice cold blow to his entire chest and abdomen, eclipsing even the feelings that had resulted from finally giving voice to the thoughts and fears he had held for years. No words escaped his lips though he tried to speak for some time after Irajah revealed to him what he was and how he should not be ashamed. Finally his mouth and throat began to work but all that spilled out was slow [/SIZE][SIZE=14.6667px]mumbling[/SIZE][SIZE=11pt] in Hapan, "monster… monster…. creature… they were right… they were always right". [/SIZE]

[SIZE=11pt]He continued for some time like this, with the basic translation of everything he said eventually being repeated as his mind slipped between the two languages he was naturally fluent and talented in. Tears once more flowed across his face, across his cheeks, across the prominent scar on his right cheek, though far [/SIZE][SIZE=14.6667px]quieter[/SIZE][SIZE=11pt] than his previous outburst. The emotion was raw, as raw as before but far more despondent.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=11pt]As her hand covered his left hand, his three remaining fingers twitched slightly at the contact, but soon relaxed, making no moves to eject her.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=11pt]“Why?” he moaned softly as he wept, faced falling so that his chin fell upon his chest. There were no protestations or demands for secrecy, only a frightened young man who despite his size was slumped in resignation of the ultimate flaw, the ultimate abomination of his society. Force sensitivity, a connection to the hated Jedi.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=11pt]“Is it a curse?”[/SIZE]

[SIZE=11pt]A thought then occurred to him, causing him to fall silent as one memory linked to another, as words in a dream met the few scraps of knowledge he had gathered on the force during his travels and his extremely limited direct contact with other force users mixed together into a dread [/SIZE][SIZE=14.6667px]realization[/SIZE][SIZE=11pt] in the deepest [/SIZE][SIZE=14.6667px]realization[/SIZE][SIZE=11pt] of his mind. The darkest secret of his family that he had secretly torn from scraps from hundreds if not thousands of family records and histories finally made sense, and more questions about his father forced themselves to the front of his mind, one's which would not soon leave.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=11pt]His head raised slowly, eyes red, tone darker and ominous but clearly in response to a revelation, with not even a hint of malice like a previous statement he had made this day.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=11pt]“Or does it run in families…” he stared at the wall, not making eye contact with Irajah again. He stared in silence for a few moments before finally returning his gaze to Irajah’s eyes, locking his once again bloodshot vibrant green eyes to her own hazel eyes.[/SIZE]

“You speak of there being no need for fear, and of controlling and using this… sensitivity”[SIZE=11pt] he paused, memories of dark clothed figures he had seen or come into contact with during his time with the First Order filling his vision. He knew little of them, more than most common soldiers he suspected given his extensive search of archives for even the hint of footage or records of them. But he had admitted to himself long ago that he knew almost nothing of them, but what he did know, terrified him. They possessed the force, which made him instantly wary that they may seek out others with that ability, whether they wished to be found and taken or not. He could not be sure of anything about them, other than [/SIZE][SIZE=14.6667px]knowing[/SIZE][SIZE=11pt] any contact he may have with them could be dangerous.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=11pt]“But I am afraid” his voice grew cold, “and I will not be controlled… I will not be used”. He was speaking to himself more than her, tone more indicative of recalling bitter memories than anything like suggesting that he thought Irajah wished to exploit him.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=11pt]He saw her smile, he inferred that she must know something more, something that he did not, something that could help. His tone grew warmer and softened somewhat, but his fear, grief, and emotional fragility was undiminished. [/SIZE]

[SIZE=11pt]He looked deep into her eyes, he had bared all to this Doctor, and there was no turning back now.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=11pt]“Can you help me… control it…” he paused before his final question, this one far more firm and definitive than the others. [/SIZE]

[SIZE=11pt]“To hide it?”[/SIZE]

[member="Irajah Ven"]