Finding Forgiveness

[Rose Kuhn]

[member="Lily Kirsche Kuhn"]

Home.

It seemed better now, less dark, less empty. She supposed that was because dad was home now, because Lily was home now, because people were on the estate again. Rose had run here when she had left the hospital. She had gone out into Coruscant and found a smuggler, had journeyed to the ends of the city world and had found her way back here to Empress Teta.

It had been empty then, completely devoid of what had made it home.

She smiled as she walked down the hall, faint echoes of snoring could be heard.

It was hard to tell if it was Lily or her father that was snoring, but she supposed that didn't really matter. It warmed her, though it also tore her apart. She stepped silently through the hallway, wandering closer and closer to the end. A small cube was gripped tightly in her palm, a datacron. She frowned slightly as she stopped in front of the doors of the Master Bedroom. She heard the feint snores there.

It had been her father.

Rose shook her head and placed the datacron down before the door. For a moment she lingered there, then she turned away and headed further down the hall. They had come home only yesterday, journeyed directly here after the auction. Lily had still been drunk, or rather she had been sleeping it off. Their father had carried her to her bed and after he had tried to talk to her.

Rose had denied him. She had told him she didn't want to know, that she didn't want the details of where he had been or why they had gone. She didn't want to know what happened to her mother or why she wasn't here, she preferred to live in ignorance.

She had always been close to her mother, and though in the back of her mind she already knew the truth, Rose preferred to live in ignorance. It was said to be bliss after all.

A few more careful steps took her all the way down the hall. On one side was the door to her room, on the other her sisters. She frowned slightly, then turned away from her own, dropping the small bag she held and placing it besides the door. With an uncanny amount of stealth she opened her sisters door, stepping on silent floorboards as she maneuvered over towards her sisters bed.

"Lily." Rose said softly as she sat herself on her Sisters bed, reaching over and gently nudging her. "Lily, wake up."

They had to talk.

 

[Ellie Mors]

There were things Lily wished everyone knew when it came to waking her up - especially in the middle of the night. If she was drinking, please let her sleep until that alcohol had properly left her system, and if she was drugged up - please keep her awake. Unfortunately neither of those applied at the moment, as she had basically sobered up enough to be just in what would be the beginning of a horrible hangover. So while her sister gently nudged her to consciousness, Lily grumbled and groaned, fidgeting with the comforter and her pillow to try to keep her mousy hair out of her eyes and to remain as comfortable and asleep as possible. After about maybe fifteen seconds she woke up, not exactly angry, but most certainly not wide-awake. "Huh? Whazzit matter, Rossh?" Lily stammered, trying hard to maintain control over her words while she tried to blink the sleep out of her eyes to see her sister. Being quite indisposed, Lily had no idea if this was a normal thing or not - she was too tired to care, too - but if she was waking up a severely hungover Lily then it must be important. A soft yawn, something she'd learned to make almost silent after the tons of meetings she'd been put through, and she was sitting up. Clearly she hadn't dressed herself quite well to bed, being that she wore a silk top and bottom - just oddly comfortable and roomy. Nothing between her and her clothes today, at least. Flushing red with awareness of the smoothness of her clothes, she looked back at her sister and focused - it was really hard to do when your ears were pounding like snare drums and your vision was blurry, on top of being exhausted physically and mentally. "Am I in your bed again?" She asked, trying to look around while she moved the blanket off of her legs to slide them under her and adjusted the way she sat.

[member="Rose Kuhn"]

 

[Rose Kuhn]

[member="Lily Kirsche Kuhn"]

"No." She answered softly as she shook her head, then considered for a moment.

There was a lot to be said, and not a lot of time to say it. Rose had a plan, a plan that she'd been thinking of ever since they had all gotten home. She needed to go, she needed to be gone. If dad woke up before she could go he'd try to stop her, she knew that, so she had to do this quickly. Yet she and Lily had been through so much, had suffered so much, it was hard to put into words, hard to express what she was feeling or just what she was thinking.

"Lily." She was aware just how intoxicated her sister had been, and just exactly what that did. Of course she herself had never done such things, she couldn't, but she'd watched Lily often enough to know what it meant. "Lily, do you remember dad bringing us home? Coming back?"

Rose had to make sure Lily wasn't entirely lost.

She wanted to do this right, she wanted Lily to understand, and she wanted her sister to be okay with it. Those were difficult demands she knew, but it was the only way that it could happen, the only way that she could go.

 

[Ellie Mors]

Of course she'd be quizzed the moment she was woken up. Admittedly, she did remember only bits and pieces, and being asked about it right now made her breath catch in her throat in apprehension. It wasn't fear that he was gone - she could hear him when she tried - but more-so worrying that she'd done something stupid while she was out. Turning up her nose, as if to be insulted by the question - over-the-top as usual, Lily scoffed. "Of course I do!" She whispered loudly, realizing it was still quite late - or early, she hadn't checked yet. "I mean, I recall the hug and the walking and sitting in the back of the limo wishing I could go to sleep." Lily added, before settling her gaze on her sister. She didn't know what this was about, but she wasn't really all that concerned about a ride home - unless somehow she'd slept through an accident and just woke up from a coma or something insane that she'd seen on a holo-flick before, but obviously that wasn't the case. "Did I do something stupid again, or is there something you want to tell me?" She asked impatiently. It wasn't that she didn't want her sister to confide whatever it was she wanted to say with her, it was that she was right now not in the best of moods - in terms of grumpiness - and wanted to get back to sleep, though she was most certainly willing and able to at least hear her twin out.

[member="Rose Kuhn"]

 

[Rose Kuhn]

For a moment Rose simply let silence hang in the air. Both of them had been abandoned by their parents, both of them had been left to their own devices. It was a hard thing to face, a harder thing now that their father was back. Perhaps that was why Rose felt this was difficult, Lily would find the return of her father, only to see her Sister go.

Of course the two of them hadn't been spending much time together anyway, but there was a difference between one being on Coruscant and the other being on business and one being on business and the other traveling Wild Space.

"I've decided I can't forgive him." Rose barely whispered the words, shaking her head. "He-"

She cut herself off and looked away for a moment, closing her eyes and biting her lip. "I can't look at him without being angry, I can't hear him speak without wanting to scream at him, I just...I just can't stand being around him."

That being said, she still loved her father, loved him with all her heart. There was no denying that, no changing that, but what she felt was as deep as any love. It was something she had to work on, something she had to deal and come to terms with. Rose knew that, Rose knew what she had to do.

"I still love him, he's still my dad, but I can't be here. I can't forgive him yet, Lily." There was a pain in her voice. "So I'm leaving."

She didn't let her sister speak, instead she just kept talking. "But I think it's more than just dad, I think its because of everything thats happened. What I've been through. The Sith, Mandalore, getting sick, now...now dad coming back. I think I need time away, I think I just need to go. Find myself. Explore the galaxy. See something I've never seen before."

Rose talked fast, faster than she had ever before, as though she were on an odd emotional high.

"I'll write, I'll call, I'll update you on every leg of my trip. I just..." Her words kept flowing until finally they stopped. "I just need to go."

 

[Ellie Mors]

Woah.

One moment she thought her sister was asking her to borrow some clothes or something equally unimportant, the next moment she was being told her twin was leaving for the foreseeable future. Of course, Lily was open-minded and understood the need for adventure, it'd always been her sister's thing. It just came as a surprise so early in the morning, or late at night depending on what time it was, to be told something so off-the-wall. And, perhaps because of her openness, she had no problems accepting what Rose was telling her - just finding herself wishing she had more time to mentally prepare herself to be the one living at home almost on her lonesome this time. Father-daughter time be damned, she was still going to miss her twin sister that she'd almost been connected at the hip, metaphorically speaking, for the last eighteen years - maybe a half year just recently being separated because of Lily's lack of ever really coming home at night. However, what bothered her was what her sister was telling her now between her and their father. It wasn't that she expected her to just up and forgive him, especially without mother returning with him - something she kind of thought she understood, but didn't really, and hoped she didn't - but she hadn't expected such a strong reaction, not in this way. Maybe Lily had been living oblivious to her sibling and parents, maybe there was something that made their mother not being home too hard when their father was back, maybe Rose and Alric had grown apart before this had happened - she didn't know. There wasn't a blame game this time around, she just felt .. well, shocked.

"Oh."

It was the only word that accurately depicted how she felt, and it was the instinctual way for her to respond to such a sudden influx of information. It was nowhere near as shocked and upset as how she had acted when she found out Rose had gotten ill - Lily had broken a finger that night when she slammed her fist into her desk at work too hard - but it was still quite apparent that she hadn't known how to react. Trying to think of a better way to voice her hesitant approval, Lily simply leaned forwards and pulled her sister close for a hug goodbye. "Do you want me to tell Dad? I think he'd appreciate hearing a.. Just give him a hug before you go. Please, for me?" She asked, speaking almost a mile a minute. It was obvious she was thinking of how to lessen the blow she thought it would be on their father, at the same point being painfully aware that saying he'd be appreciative of a goodbye was completely ironic considering the circumstances.

[member="Rose Kuhn"]

 

[Rose Kuhn]

[member="Lily Kirsche Kuhn"]

Rose nodded, clamping her eyes shut to press away growing tears.

She had hugged her father before he had gone to bed, held him for what seemed like half an age. She really was glad that he was back, but she couldn't stay. It hurt her too much, stung her in a way that she couldn't quite put into words. Time away would help, and eventually she would return, ready to accept her father back once more.

For now however, she would go.

Her arms wrapped tightly around her sister, squeezing her with what little strength she could muster. "I did before he went to bed. I left him a datacron too, a message to say goodbye. It'll explain everything to him."

Part of her knew that if she looked her father in the eye and told him of her intention she wouldn't go. Rose knew that he would be able to convince her to stay, that he would somehow bring her over to his side. She wasn't ready for that. There was a part of her that wanted it, but she knew this was for the better, that she needed to take this trip.

"You'll get the first update." She whispered to her sister. "I promise."

 

[Ellie Mors]

She smiled, mostly in her own weird sense of humor - leave it to Rose to have already done the right thing. A bit of a sniffle and Lily found her twin hugging her back, only with drastically reduced strength than what she'd been used to. She exhaled a heavy sigh and relaxed her shoulders a little bit, trying to find the words she was searching for - questions, of course. "Are you packing proper clothing? Do you want to borrow some of mine?" Lily sputtered, "A toothbrush, two? Do you have money with you, do you want me to give you my card?" The questioned just seemed to build up in her head like a flood of water behind a dam, only she found herself and stopped when it began to sound a little more absurd. Of course Rose would have packed a toothbrush.

And of course she'd keep her sister involved.

"When I see you again, you better be in one piece, okay? You're a flower, delicate - but with thorns, so you're tough. Bigger, better, and more pretty than a little waterlily, you'll do great, okay? And you can take any ship you want, if you need one, I'll even lend you a freighter - just be safe, good luck. You're the best twin a girl could ever ask for, I love you." If it weren't for being exhausted and overwhelmed, Lily literally would have kept on talking for hours. Questions, concerns, tips, cautions, everything was being blurted out almost at once. This was the Lily that had been known as a valley girl, not the drunken girl that had lost her mind.

[member="Rose Kuhn"]

 

[Rose Kuhn]

[member="Lily Kirsche Kuhn"]

"I have everything I need." It was true. The small bag that she had left outside the door contained clothes, toothbrush, a few amenities that she would need and of course credit chits. It wasn't much to be truthful not compared to what both of them were used to, but it would be enough. As for a ship, well, her father had promised to help her in everything she would need in the future, and Rose intended on making him follow through on that promise.

The hangar here at the estate had a ship that she would take, and before she left for the outer rim she would go and grab a ship from her fathers company.

"I love you too. Be safe, Lily." That seemed poignant. "Take care of dad. I think...I think he's hurting just as much as us."

It seemed odd to say, but the truth had been in her fathers eyes. "You'll be okay, you both will be. Just do me one favor."

She gave her sister one last squeeze then slowly backed off from their embrace so that she could look her twin in the eye. "Be the person I know you can be."

Maybe it was a lot to ask, but Rose knew her sister, and she knew she could be great. Lily was smart, strong, and naturally talented in ways that she had never been. The once sickly twin knew that her sister could become something great, could become a Master of Alchemy, a Titan of Business, and an expert in whatever she wanted to be. She only had to focus.

Slowly Rose stood from the bed.

 

[Ellie Mors]

Nodding, though a little unsure of the meaning behind her sister's tone in regards to her own safety - she hoped there wasn't some expectation for her to just slip right back into being a loser again, she'd started therapy two weeks back, give or take - Lily let her sister get up. There wasn't much else to say or do, this time around at least, but she was glad Rose understood the same sort of pain in their father's eyes, the same look that had made Lily forget all of that confusion and hurt to try to make it all work out. Those last words, though, they hurt in more ways than one. It wasn't that she couldn't do what she wanted, it wasn't that she didn't want to, and it wasn't even that she hadn't planned on it - it was thew way she said it. It was almost philosophical in terms of the tone and context of the words, instructional even, like she might not be seeing her sister for.. well, years. That thorny little Rose better keep up her promise to keep in touch in some way, otherwise she'd be hunted down in more than just a depressed rage.

Maybe she wouldn't be a master alchemist, not now that everything was changing, and maybe she wouldn't try to take her father's previously absent market-share. But she would be the only person she ever should have been - she would be Lily, herself. Nobody else, no pretend names after long nights at the club or a bar, just that uptight little red-head that always seemed to be going somewhere, just never quite getting there. "I.. I will." She mumbled, a bit taken aback by the request, as she started to lie back down.

"Goodbye Rose.. I'll see you.. later." Lily said quietly, keeping her eyes on her sister.
[member="Rose Kuhn"]

 

[Rose Kuhn]

[member="Lily Kirsche Kuhn"]

Rose smiled, then walked to the door.

It seemed like it took an eternity to reach it, every step was heavy, every moved was weighed down. It was as if the force itself was trying to stop her from moving, trying to stop her from leaving. Rose knew that was impossible now, the force couldn't touch her, it was only the temptation of staying at her sisters side. Yet she moved nonetheless, she reached the door and wrapped her palm around the handle. Slowly she turned it and half slipped out of the room.

"You will." Rose said in assurance.

She had no idea how long she would be gone, no idea where she was going, but she knew she would be back.

That was the one confidence that she held, the one assurance that she had. Rose Kuhn wouldn't be gone forever, she would find what she was looking for, she would find forgiveness for her father, and she would get back that feeling of Strength that had been taken from her. She gave her sister one last smile, then closed the door. For a moment, she lingered there, her chest rising and falling as heavy breaths streamed from lips and tears flowed down her face.

Her head shook from side to side, and quickly Rose pushed herself from the door. A hand scooped up the backpack besides the door and quickly She moved through the dark. Step by step she moved through the dark, reaching the stairs and quickly descending into the lobby of the estate. There she lingered once more, half turning.

The tears stopped, and a look of determination crossed her features.

Quickly Rose turned on her heel, her boots clicking against the ground as she moved into the living room. There, on the wall above the fireplace hung a sword, she looked at it, eyeing the blade for a minute. Slowly she moved towards it, gripping the blade and slipping it from its place. "I don't know what happened to you, Mom."

She whispered to the blade. "But I'm taking a piece of you with me."

Rose wrapped a torn cloth around the blade itself, gripping the clothed blade tightly and then quickly headed towards the door.