[member="Talon Rahl"]
Overall not a bad start by any means. I completely understand where you are trying to take your character in each of your posts and the amnesia route is always an interesting avenue to explore for character development.
Now for certain areas of improvement:
I would suggest you perhaps take a little more time going forward as flow and transitions seem to be the biggest drawbacks in your writing. Obviously it's something we all pick up with time and experience (myself included), but i really feel if you could hammer out your transition game, you could really elevate your writing to the next level. Other than the transitions, my other big suggestion for you would probably be to slow down a bit and read through your post on your own before posting just to weed out some of the grammatical things and spelling/extra/misplaced wording. I run into it, too, in my own writing and I believe everyone on this site can admit to the same thing and we all make these hiccups in our own writing, but I really believe if you can work those two points into your writing effectively moving forward, you can really put your writing to another level.
If it helps, look at other people's writing too. We can all easily learn from each other and as [member="Srina Talon"] once told me; "Really, I just think more writing, will get you where you want to be. Exposure to different writing styles may also have an impact on your own. Different styles can really bring out some new flavor that you didn't even know you were missing."
I hope this was helpful for you and if you need any clarification on anything I said here, please do not hesitate to ask.
