Feedback: It's what I wanted edition.

[Darth Ferus]

Have at me. Anything you got.

So long as its a criticism and not an attack of course. You can PM me those.

 

[Fatty]

As of yet, I have no complaints! You are a very reasonable writer to work with, but like me, during duels more specifics on body movements could be elaborated! More left limb this, and right limb that I think you get the gist.

I haven't seen however, due to a lack of familiarity with your characters, much in terms of an over arching plot. I'm not sure if this is merely negligence on my part or what (which it most likely is), but I don't feel a lot of distinction from your character as to what their goals are in life. Perhaps connect a little more experience into your stories? Involve references to past events in your characters life relevant to the current situation, something like that. I'm not sure! haha

Anyway, a nice sensible guy you are

 

[Minna]

[member="Krest"]

My closest RP buddy. You're a bloody good writer and fun to RP with. Krest is a well developed character (despite the weird soul-body-clone-swap-thing).
Now our RPs will be abit more hostile, but still fun.
I definitely have no complaints.
Except dying. You should definately not die. Unless I get to kill you.

 

[Amaethon]

My only gripe is being a master of all seven forms at 32. Not just you, but being 32 is nothing, age-wise. You do not just pick up several styles and totally master them in a handful of years. In canon terms, a 32 year old Jedi MIGHT have been made a master. It's possible that a master might have mastered two or three forms, such as how Obi-Wan mastered Soresu and Ataru, at that age.

I mean, over all, do what you will. It's the fact that saying 'I have trained since childhood therefore I am a master'. I have seen ten year old taekwondo black belts. Guess who would win, an adult or a kid.

 

[Artemis Vahl'Nyx]

I mean, over all, do what you will. It's the fact that saying 'I have trained since childhood therefore I am a master'. I have seen ten year old taekwondo black belts. Guess who would win, an adult or a kid.

I'd like to counter this, briefly, if you don't mind. I'm fine with Krest having a grasp over all the forms. From what I've seen, he's put in enough work for it. As for the ten year old Black Belts...
Some things don't matter when it comes to age. You don't automatically get better with age. Your age defines how much time you've had available to work on all sorts of things.
At 15 I've spent my time working on (mainly) three different things: Art, Music, Writing. People say I'm 'good for a youngster'. A more accurate term, if we want to say that, is something along the lines of "You're good for someone who's only been writing for eight years" or "You're really good for someone who's only taken six years of lessons and played for seven."

Age doesn't determine skill, practice does. A ten year old black belt in Tae Kwon Do (which I learned, fun fact) wouldn't lost against a black belt adult because they're a ten year old black belt. They'd lose (in theory) because they're small, physically weaker, and don't have a fully developed sense for that sort of thing (due to their brain still growing)

At age 12, being a yellow belt in Tae Kwon do, knowing self defense, and having done Kendo, I fought off my 16-year-old neighbor when he 'jokingly' attacked me. He had taken some martial arts stuff as well, but I still won. Why? Was it because that, even being younger, I had put in more work than him? Probably. Was it because I had access to better teaching? Probably. Was it because he was holding back? Probably not. He wasn't the kind of guy to do that. I'm convinced, to this day, that he was honestly trying to hurt me.

I hurt him instead.

At 32 Krest has had at the most 26 years to train in seven forms. That's almost 4 years per form. Can you master something like that in less than four years?... It varies by person. It varies by how hard they work, their natural talent for the thing in question, and who was there to teach them. From what I've seen... Krest worked hard, has a natural talent for swordsmanship, and had excellent teachers.

I have no complaints.
This, of course, is simply my opinion and should be taken with a grain of salt/sand/however that expression goes.
Just know that now, at 15, I'm twice as better than I was at 12. I'm still not a master at any particular martial art, nor could I take down a real professional. But even 3 years can turn an amateur into someone worth acknowledging.
The same goes with my writing, my art, and my music. You'd be surprised what someone can do in 3 years.

 

[Amaethon]

I'd like to counter this, briefly, if you don't mind. I'm fine with Krest having a grasp over all the forms. From what I've seen, he's put in enough work for it. As for the ten year old Black Belts...
Some things don't matter when it comes to age. You don't automatically get better with age. Your age defines how much time you've had available to work on all sorts of things.
At 15 I've spent my time working on (mainly) three different things: Art, Music, Writing. People say I'm 'good for a youngster'. A more accurate term, if we want to say that, is something along the lines of "You're good for someone who's only been writing for eight years" or "You're really good for someone who's only taken six years of lessons and played for seven."

Age doesn't determine skill, practice does. A ten year old black belt in Tae Kwon Do (which I learned, fun fact) wouldn't lost against a black belt adult because they're a ten year old black belt. They'd lose (in theory) because they're small, physically weaker, and don't have a fully developed sense for that sort of thing (due to their brain still growing)

At age 12, being a yellow belt in Tae Kwon do, knowing self defense, and having done Kendo, I fought off my 16-year-old neighbor when he 'jokingly' attacked me. He had taken some martial arts stuff as well, but I still won. Why? Was it because that, even being younger, I had put in more work than him? Probably. Was it because I had access to better teaching? Probably. Was it because he was holding back? Probably not. He wasn't the kind of guy to do that. I'm convinced, to this day, that he was honestly trying to hurt me.

I hurt him instead.

At 32 Krest has had at the most 26 years to train in seven forms. That's almost 4 years per form. Can you master something like that in less than four years?... It varies by person. It varies by how hard they work, their natural talent for the thing in question, and who was there to teach them. From what I've seen... Krest worked hard, has a natural talent for swordsmanship, and had excellent teachers.

I have no complaints.
This, of course, is simply my opinion and should be taken with a grain of salt/sand/however that expression goes.
Just know that now, at 15, I'm twice as better than I was at 12. I'm still not a master at any particular martial art, nor could I take down a real professional. But even 3 years can turn an amateur into someone worth acknowledging.
The same goes with my writing, my art, and my music. You'd be surprised what someone can do in 3 years.

If a 16 year old wanted to hurt you at 12, trust me, they could have. Puberty makes a big difference for strength and size, and believe me, no moderate amount of skill compensates for a 20+ lb weight difference. I learned that from freestyle wrestling with a 240lb bodybuilder at my old wrestling club. I was faster, more experienced and more skilled but I was also 195lbs and had a much harder time with him than I imagined I would.

As far as music, writing and creative pursuits, yes. I played guitar for 2.5 years and got pretty good. I could sight read a bit and pick out songs by ear. I was no Master like a musician of decades like B.B. King, Freddie Green or Joe Pass. Again, being able to play circles around people at Guitar Center doesn't make one a legend like Stevie Ray Vaughan.

As a Kendo practitioner, you of all people can appreciate how difficult handling a weapon is. Yes, the Force is a huge help with enhanced reflexes, speed, strength and intuition. However even true Shii-Cho (basically Kendo) mastery is relatively challenging despite it's relative simplicity compared to your Juyo, your Soresu or say Djem So.

 

[Darth Ferus]

Lets not turn this into a debate. These are opinions, not facts.

Please take it else where.

 

[Artemis Vahl'Nyx]

Spoiler

If a 16 year old wanted to hurt you at 12, trust me, they could have. Puberty makes a big difference for strength and size, and believe me, no moderate amount of skill compensates for a 20+ lb weight difference. I learned that from freestyle wrestling with a 240lb bodybuilder at my old wrestling club. I was faster, more experienced and more skilled but I was also 195lbs and had a much harder time with him than I imagined I would.

I probably should have noted that my memory is mildly fuzzy and he might have only been 15, along with the fact that while he was a good size, he (at the time) wasn't the most athletic (though he moved on to be the star player on his High School football team, if I remember correctly). The guy went after me with part of a branch (nearly as long as I was tall at the time) so I picked one up as well (we were in my neighborhood park). As hard as he could swing, and as moderately fast as he could go, the dude didn't have as much technical skill as I did. When he hit he hit hard, definitely. I was bruised and sore for at least a week after.

In addition, while I wasn't terribly tall, I'm not exactly light weight. My heritage + diet means I'm a thick-boned, broadly built, and square-ish woman. Centuries ago my people were vikings. I didn't inherit my family's height (due to the shorter nature of my more recent relatives), but I inherited their shape. I'm big. Thick. Hard-skinned (literally). I'm Nordic, he's either German or British or something. This guy was maybe 5'6", who knows how heavy, but his shape focused more on height then balance or thickness. I was probably 5' tall at the time. Weighed a good 150 pounds or something. My bones were big, my shoulders broad, and I had thunder thighs. My heart beat like an ox the whole time. He was bigger. But me? I was tougher. He's male. I'm female. He was at the age where while his muscles were developing into titans his balance was off. His center of gravity was easily exploited. As strong as he was he was slower, he was sloppier, he had spent more time perfecting the art of throwing words then throwing punches. Nature gave him strength, practice gave him a nasty personality and the means to fight in a basic way.

That guy could have hurt me. He had the means to. The desire to. But I didn't exactly just let him beat me up. I fought back until the noise drew the attention of a neighbor and he was forced to shoo. "We were just playing" is what I think I told the neighbor. I probably should have told the truth, but whatever. The kid didn't bother me after that. 'Guess he figured a few bruises was enough for the both of us.

As a Kendo practitioner, you of all people can appreciate how difficult handling a weapon is. Yes, the Force is a huge help with enhanced reflexes, speed, strength and intuition. However even true Shii-Cho (basically Kendo) mastery is relatively challenging despite it's relative simplicity compared to your Juyo, your Soresu or say Djem So.

I picked Kendo up fairly easily. I didn't practice to much, but I paid attention in class (my teachers were great, by the way). The footwork felt almost more natural than the way I learned to walk. Sometimes I still run through the cycles without even realizing it. Working with a two-handed blade was, in fact, the only part where I hiccuped. Before Kendo I was used to one-handed blades (like the average lightsaber). To this day it's my preference. But with practice and some elbow grease I like to think I got pretty good at using a two-hander.

The right amount of reflexes, skills, and practice will do a lot. Krest has had 26 or so years to do so with the help of space wizard powers. I'd like to say he's earned mastery of at least most of the forms, with the others being at a slightly lower skill level.

EDIT: Didn't see Krest's post until now. Sorry about that! Amaethon, if you want to continue this conversation, feel free to PM me. For now I'll stop clogging up this feedback thread.
Except for some actual feedback I guess?

Bruh: You're great! I seriously love your writing, your characters are well thought out and complex, and you've (as I've mentioned) definitely put in a lot of work on them. Keep up the good work, man!

 

[renegade solstice]

A Death Star.. but apparently they either are now some other type of ship or station via scavengers, or they are not in existance. XD
[member="Darth Ferus"]

 

[Darth Ferus]

Lets bump this and see what I might get.

 

[Darth Ferus]

Another bump. Come at me folks! I cant improve on what I dont know is an issue!