Feed back: Akio Diachi

[Akio Diachi]

Ok, so your not going to offend me, please, be very honest. This is my first Forum-based RP character so I just want to know how I am doing. (Think: bumper sticker here that says 'how's my driving?')

I am not too concerned about whether he is badass, cool, or any of those things (however, it would be pretty cool too if that came about as a by-product ). I really wanna know a few things:

1) How's my writing? Is it clumsy? Not poetic enough? Too poetic? Is the stream of consciousness annoying or egotistical?

2) How's my character? Is his dichotomy struggle between emotional/emotionless unbelievable? Is it ridiculous/unbelievable or could be expressed in better ways? Is his reference to death as an art, and thereby obsession with art annoying?

3) Is he believably true neutral? Does that need some work? Is his struggle for neutrality, no morals, no emotions, leaving him differently?

4) Do you have any other insight/feedback?

5) Thank you.

6) Here is a cookie o.o

I appreciate any and all feedback. Enjoy the cookie.

 

[Gherron Dragovalor]

1. Great writing man! I just read a few of yours posts, and you really know how to put the details in, but also how not to put too much. A great combo I always enjoy when I read.
2. I like him. Haven't seen too many that compare to yours in the way you're playing him, but that's a good thing. Mysterious and unique are always great qualities.
3. So far from what I've read, it's hard for me to tell what alignment he is, though that's only because I only read the first few posts. There is definitely a way about his thought patter though that gets me to believe he'd cross some lines, but only to get his job done if he needed.
4. Only one... I noticed in your bio that he has a bunch of cortosis stuff? Yeah, here, you've gotta do a thread where you suffer a devastating defeat from a force user to get it, and then a submission for each piece that requires the cortosis.
5. You're very welcome.
6. Give me some milk with that cookie, and you've got a deal.

@Akio Diachi

 

[Gherron Dragovalor]

Here's the list of restricted items btw:

http://starwarsrp.net/topic/14386-banned-restricted-items-list/

 

[Akio Diachi]

*gives milk with cookie* [member="Gherron Vael"]

Oh sorry, I did a thread with Heol Wraith where we fought a Scarlacc to get to a cortosis. I almost died x.o Is that booty kickin' enough or do I still need to get the floor mopped with another force user? Either way its cool, I totally understand; it ain't worth something if it didn't come with a price. I appreciate the feedback.

Here is the thread we fought the Sarlacc:

http://starwarsrp.net/topic/69169-within-the-once-mighty-jungle/

 

[Gherron Dragovalor]

Alright, just making sure ^-^ That is definitely good enough lol. Just so you know though, when you make the tech submissions for your gear, depending on the judge, you may get one or two items out of one thread. But usually it's safe to do a thread for each block of cortosis you'll need.

@Akio Diachi

 

[Akio Diachi]

[member="Gherron Vael"] Thanks man I appreciate it. I am about to start on those right now then! First time for everything.

 

[Gherron Dragovalor]

Hey, no problem We all gotta start somewhere, right? You should've seen me when I first got here, I was clueless.

@Akio Diachi

 

[Akio Diachi]

[member="Gherron Vael"]

I generally am always clueless XD

 

[Gherron Dragovalor]

Lol. The fun part is learning little things as you go.

 

[Akio Diachi]

Aye, the joy is in the journey.