Exitiletintisris

[Tyraan Fell]

(Much smaller than on picture)

Image Source: http://chris-illustrator.deviantart.com/art/Korb-Parasite-369920597

Name: Exitetintisris

Designation: Non-Sentient

Homeworld: Solarn

Language: They are a silent species

Average height of adults: 0.096 millimeters

Skin Color: Light Blue, Light Purple, or Light Pink

Hair color: No hair

Breathes: I don't really know how to explain... Uh... Whatever Earth's atmosphere would be.

Strengths: They are resistant to radiation & disease and they are too small to see with the naked eye.

Weaknesses: They are defenseless. They are very light weight. They can't survive the pressure in space so they are practically grounded on Solarn.

Distinctions: The color of their eyes are always dripping a mysterious purple liquid.

Average Lifespan: 1 month

Races: N/A

Estimated Population: About 1,000 (Only found on Solarn)

Diet: Any Sentient creature

Communication: None

Culture: Really they just live to hunt. They are the only predators on Solarn. They feed on people by eating them from the inside slowly. They continually try to get into infecting people's minds by dosing them with a mental disease to make them stay on the planet so they can be food forever. They have the disease on them sense when they were born, so they can infect the mind.

Technology level: No technology is needed by them

General behavior: Their behavior is usually aggressive because they always want food.

History: They lived forever on Solarn. They originally only fed on plants but when the immigrants came, they wanted to feed on them as well. They slowly went towards their victims and started to feed on them. Their disease wasn't strong enough. Them alone almost caused an extinction and that could have if their numbers multiplied. When the dam broke, almost all of them were murdered. Only about 10 survived. But now their numbers are increasing once more and still trying to feed.

Notable Player-Characters: N/A

Intent: To make a parasite that can start a plauge

 

[Rusty]

Under Review

 

[Rusty]

Hi, I'll be your CJ for this entry.

This is a very interesting concept, but there are several issues we need to address, so we'll take them in order.

• Firstly, the picture depicts the droch of the Death Seed plague. Nasty and unpleasant to be sure, but doesn't seem to have much in common with the species you described.
• The size listed puts this species on the same scale as the average bacteria. This presents several problems. Some of it's just fluff, like the fact that eyes are unlikely on that scale, and while certain bacteria can have a color it doesn't make much of a difference.
• The lifespan is something of a problem. I'm guessing it's 679 years, but you don't say. Critters this size aren't usually that long lived, all told. They reproduce and die fairly quickly.
• You mention that they're very strong, but on a bacterial scale, mechanical strength doesn't matter much. Resistance to drugs or UV radiation would be more handy than a knack for squats.
• Likewise with the weaknesses. I've no problem with a species on this scale, but they'll need weaknesses to match.
• The population seems low for a species of this nature. 1,000 could likely all fit on the head of a pin. Given the rate at which bacteria and similar organisms reproduce, we'd expect this number to be much, much higher.
• You say they feed on thoughts, but the mechanism isn't properly explained. While there are bacteria and parasites that can alter the behavior of their hosts, a single organism is simply not enough to have a profound, or indeed any impact. I personally would recommend writing this species along the lines of toxoplasma gondii (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toxoplasma_gondii), a parasite common to cats that, when it infects humans, can cause severe mental illness. Though a single organism on its own can't do much, when you have an entire colony working together, it's downright scary. We'll still need a better explanation for how they feed off of thoughts, but that should put you down the right path.
• With that in mind, their nature should be more parasitic than predatory. It would be pretty neat if you had them alter the behavior of the hosts in such a way that they could more effectively spread. There are a number of different paths for this, but anything that could make one more likely to spread bodily fluids such as saliva or mucus would suffice.
• How did this species come about? It's extremely rare for life to form out of nothing, especially something so specialized as this. It's not unreasonable to think that they might have been engineered, but that's just a suggestion. However you go about it, we will need more in the history section.
• Intent also seems a little vague. If your idea is to turn the little critters into some sort of plague, that's fine, and I'm sure they'll make for an excellent monster. We just need to make the intent a little more clear. If it's to start a pandemic of some sort that's fine, or if you want them to create something far more insidious we can work with that as well, we just need some more to go by in this section.

That's about it for now. This idea has a lot of potential, and I'd love to see it reach it to its fullest.

[member="Rehn Sohklitade"]

 

[Rusty]

[member="Rehn Sohklitade"]

What is the status of this submission?

 

[Tyraan Fell]

[member="Rusty"]
Working on it

 

[Tyraan Fell]

[member="Rusty"]
The picture was as close of a picture depicting the look of this species. The colors and other things should be different. Besides that though, I think I fixed it.

 

[Rusty]

Thanks for getting back to me on this. We still have a few issues that need to be addressed.

Average Lifespan: 1 month

Estimated Population: About 1,000 (Only found on Solarn)

It seems unlikely that a species that only lives a month would breed slowly enough that one 1,000 individual specimens should exist. The lifespan should either be much longer, or the population much higher.

Culture: Really they just live to hunt. They are the only predators on Solarn. They feed on people by eating them from the inside slowly. They continually try to get into infecting people's minds by dosing them with a mental disease to make them stay on the planet so they can be food forever. They have the disease on them sense when they were born, so they can infect the mind.

History: They lived forever on Solarn. They originally only fed on plants but when the immigrants came, they wanted to feed on them as well. They slowly went towards their victims and started to feed on them. Their disease wasn't strong enough. Them alone almost caused an extinction and that could have if their numbers multiplied. When the dam broke, almost all of them were murdered. Only about 10 survived. But now their numbers are increasing once more and still trying to feed.

It's still not clear how exactly they feed. Also, it seems highly unlikely that they would randomly go from feeding on plants to feeding on sentient minds. Most plants are not sentient, and ever if they were, it seems a bit of a stretch for any creature to go from gnawing on Groot to attacking humans in such a short time span. Furthermore, it seems unlikely that they would be the only predators in the ecosystem.

If this planet Solarn has been subbed, it might be helpful to link it here, so I can get a better idea of what you're talking about.

As far as the picture goes, please remove the one of the droch. It's not necessary to have a picture, and it's better to have no picture than a wrong one.

[member="Rehn Sohklitade"]

 

[Valiens Nantaris]

Archived due to inactivity.

PM me to retrieve it.

[member="Rehn Sohklitade"]