Evad's RP coaching [Squr Tyson]

[Evad]

Preface: I'd like to tip my hat off to @[member="Kal Ordo"] who had originally started this idea. You are an inspiration sir and I'm glad to be able to help another in your footsteps.

Greetings. Welcome to RP Training. From here on out, my OOC instructions and comments will be written between the following brackets:

(( ))​

If you have any questions, feel free to raise them in your own post, or amend them to your responses, but please use similar brackets to distinguish them from your IC text.

Your training begins now:

[SIZE=16pt]1)[/SIZE] BIOGRAPHY

(( It is recommended that all posts, whether in this training or elsewhere, be in third person, past tense. It is also recommended that all posts be written like a story, with actions and descriptions in plain text, and speech in quotation marks. Other formats can be difficult to read, detract from the content of your post, and may difficult for others to follow. It is my personal recommendation that you use color to show when you are talking. It is very easy to read.

But before we start training, I would like you to post your character background story. Go into as much detail as you can. This is very important, because every character needs to know where they come from, and what type of person they are. Once you have posted your background, we will proceed to part two. ))

@[member="Squr Tyson"]​

 

[Squr tyson]

This mandolorain has been trained with gruesome physical trials since he was six. He is exactly like his father who has no compassion, no remorse, just hate and anger. This man is very strong in the upper body that even in his armor people know how big this man is (muscular). Squr had lost his father during the sith- mando war's unfortunately he never had the revenge to kill the madman. His anger remain's even if he's happy. In order to sate his hunger for revenge , he enjoy's the thrill of the hunt knowing that the only people he can trust are other's of the mand'ode. Along with this he inherit's a fire-spray interceptor from his father , which allow's him to hunt down people with ease , and when alone attempt hit and run tactic's on capital ship's. This ship along with his armor are the only traces left of his father, he never had a mother nor did he really care. He recognized that without his father he would not be the mandolorian he is today or the man he is.

Trait's that make him stand out from the average crowd are,How physically capable he is compared to most being's. to them he was a big bulky muscular human, a brute. But an advantage to this was people considered him dumb when he rather is not , this bounty hunter is a decent pilot along with this being currently trained by his new mentor Ordo. In a close quarter's fight or space battle he is a fierce warrior , anyone who dare take him on alone mind as well throw in the hat . Another thing that defines him, being extremely bulky and muscular was the fact that he is a wrestler, and brawler which mean's he can back his pure brute strength up with training, effectively using his body against his enemies.

Other skill's he has learned is how to use close quarter's weapons and medium ranged weapons , such as wrist blaster's and many other items that are short ranged. Unfortunately because of his muscle mass in his upper body (which is the , core , arm's ( all of it) , pectoral , and shoulder, and neck muscles), he is rather sluggish and slow meaning that people needing to escape his wraith can do so by outrunning him or just simply continue dodging his attack's, while he may be able to take a lot of hit's this is why he has received training. He need's to be disciplined, trained , and more responsible.



( OCC: dont know what else to really say sorry if it's to long but i like to try to have details like asked )

 

[Evad]

(( There is never any need to apologize for being 'too long'. It is actually a recommendation to go with longer posts. There are certainly times where a short and to the point post could be useful, but if you can be descriptive, length is NEVER an issue. Be proud that you write in longer posts.

Now one thing to note here is that you typed the entire description in block format. That means that there are no breaks for paragraphs, no spacing to make it more readable. A few grammar tips will help you do this. First whenever you are finishing up a thought, or a series of actions that are related, hit enter twice to start a new paragraph. Reading as one block isn't reader friendly.

As for the actual text here you did delve into more than what you biography originally stated which is great! You want to remember that your biography is always a work in progress and you can add to it as you need to. So having a complete biography is not necessary, but you want a good back story and yours has a good amount of that. I would recommend to edit your posts for spelling and punctuation. One of the suggested ways to do that is to open up a word processing program like Microsoft Word, Microsoft Works, Office.org, or even Word Pad. Type the post in there and use the auto-correction features to help.

Try and edit the above post with these tips and tag me in it when you're done. ))

@[member="Squr Tyson"]​

 

[Squr tyson]

@[member="Evad"]
( thank you for the good tip i never really thought of pasting my work into another word doc, to fix it )

 

[Evad]

(( Spendid! Now you can see how easy it is to read now that it is broken up into paragraphs! This is a great step, and you want to ensure that you do that with any of your RP posts on the board or elsewhere. It is a small edit, but it makes a VAST improvement in readability.

That being said let me address one little thing in your description, and that is the mentioning of how physically large Squr is. In a cartoon we would see him being very muscular, and it would always be noticed because we're seeing it constantly. However when you transfer into a text based scene, it is up to our imagination to do the rest. However, there isn't much need to so often repeat that he is large, and muscular, and physically big, and strong, and brutish, and large. You can see how that would start to get redundant. As readers we understand once you say things like "impressive size" "massive build" or "muscular body" that for his entire career he's going to be that big. It is not necessary to state that, or to list all the muscle groups in which he is large. Once in a while throw that in certainly, but it doesn't need to be constantly repeated. ))

[SIZE=16pt]2. SETTING THE SCENE[/SIZE]

(( The training section consists of a number of situations for you to react to. Unless otherwise stated, these situations do not follow on from one to the next. You will be told what are you are expected to focus on in which section. In description and tone, you must focus entirely on the describing the scene set before you and establishing a tone to the area. Do not worry about combat just yet, but you will be doing un-moderated and moderated combat later on. Do not react the scene, but rather place your character in the scene and describe what it is like.

A hint for this would be to focus on your five senses. Sight, Hearing, Taste, Touch, and Smell. ))

[SIZE=9pt]Scene 1:[/SIZE][SIZE=9pt] You find yourself in a large droid factory that has not been in operation for about fifty years. There was a distress signal sent out from this factory but there is no one around you. All the machines are offline and only rusted metal and scrap is laying around. The floor is no longer clean, but littered with debris. [/SIZE]Occasionally[SIZE=9pt] a machine will spark nearby, but it is just residual electricity and nothing more. There are two catwalks on either side of the main assembly line which also happens to be the floor, but the [/SIZE]conveyor[SIZE=9pt] belt is turned off. Up ahead there is a door that is slightly open with lights flashing on and off behind it. [/SIZE]

@[member="Squr Tyson"]​

 

[Squr tyson]

@[member="Evad"]



The muscular mandolorian had gotten a distress call in a peculiar place. Apparently an old factory 50 year's old! He then activated his wrist blaster, flamethrower, and napalm rocket with one verbal command “all on “. It was a dirty place with droids falling here or there on the ground ... rusted. He then turned to face the flickering lights on and off with ZZZt sound. He then nervous whispered “good thing i polished my brass knuckles .... I got a bad feeling about this”. He walked toward the light's flickering on and off and decided that it may be best to go with his sith chainsaw. He then put away his DC-15 rifle in his Holder compartment of his armor and took out the chainsaw. Cranking the pump giving it a RRRRRRRRR sound.



After searching his surrounding's he stepped on the icky floor with his bounty hunter skills someone had recently been here but who?! He looked upon the dust seeing if he could get any tracks of the man. He had got nothing, the track's lead towards the light again he then turned on his heat seeking vision to see if there was a body near the dark thin flickering lights. There was none, the evidence got worse and worse as he moved along in his investigation. His big bulky body started to sweat in his armor. He slowly approached the flickering lights with caution the closer he got the tenser his muscles did. Their literally was no sound in this silent dormant factory what had happened? He then in his manly voice with no fear in it called " Hello? anybody out there? "

 

[Evad]

(( A good start my friend. Already I can see that you are taking the guidance and training of this thread to heart. Using color and quotation marks to separate action from speech makes it far easier to read and follow. I can see that you have worked on editing out grammatical errors and spelling issues. A few errors remain, but that's not as important as doing what you can with what you have.

Now here are some tips about the functionality of your posts and avoiding redundancy. Notice that you often use the words "He then" when your character is about to do something else. This is repeated over and over again, which becomes somewhat stale. Try and switch things up. For instance in threads with my characters, I often use new ways to describe my characters. Example below. ))


Azrael turned to the side, spotting a large durasteel crate that rested in the center of the open and spacious room. His eyes shifted back and forth to ensure his saftey in a room that was only lit with dim, barely visible, light. Footsteps became softer as he crouched and used slow and smooth motions to approach the container and attempt to understand it's origin and what may lay inside. Turning on his heel, the half-blood Mandalorian did a three-sixty to once again ensure he was alone before making his way to the crate's opening.


(( As you can see I used my character's name, and then I began to describe parts of his body that he was using next. "His eyes" "Footsteps" "Turning on his heel" You want to bring the reader into understanding specific parts of the character rather than having them just see the entire scene. Focusing their attention on different points of interest forces them to see at new angles. Think of these like new camera angles. You might see in first person mode for a while, and then crouch to see him taking soft steps, and then doing a panoramic shot to sweep across the room. And then lastly I described him as a half-blood Mandalorian. Try and stay away from too many of the "He then" descriptions and change it up. ))


Scene 2: You wake up to find yourself in normal street clothes with no armor or weapons nearby. Laying on a cement slap in the middle of a sewer system with a river of muck and grime filled water directly to your right about waist deep. The long tunnel stretches far as you can see in the dim lighting. Sounds of rushing water echo nearby as it ricochets off the curved stone ceiling above you. A few rats scamper about foraging for food. A ladder rests to your right, but half of the rungs are broken leading up to a sealed off grate that you likely cannot reach.

@[member="Squr Tyson"]​

 

[Squr tyson]

Squr looked around it seemed as if he where in yet another muck situation. All he remembers is when his eyes saw the heat seeker filter turn on in his helmet to look for a body he was knocked out. Trotting along the bulky body tired already from what seemed to be an endless smelly damp hell hole used the walls as a guide. The mandolorian felt soulless without his armor. Who could blame him? It was one of the thing's that helped define himself as a member of the man'ode of somthing useful in this galaxy. As strong and powerful as he is with out his armor many of his weapons where gone too. He would yet again have to rely on brute strength to get himself out of the swamp of poo.

His eyes then peered at the rat's already being annoyed his boot's stomped on the rat's nearby . The rat's gave a good EHHHH, sound causing others to flee away with a small whisper coming out of the strong man " that should keep things quite " . Silently squr approached the light it may be a trap and a bad one too. Squr decided to take the risk shouting out " hello ! anybody out there?!" if someone were to view his fist's they would be tense like the rest of his muscles in his body . for all he knew it could be the bright light people talk about before finishing his bounty after giving them their last right's.

(OCC: anything missing ? @Evad )

 

[Evad]

(( You are progressing in your ability to describe a scene, and you've been taking all my hints to heart, which I'm very glad to see. At this point though, before we move to the third phase of this training, I want us to take a bit and get into the mindset of re-reading and editing that which you have posted. It is always a good idea to take a little bit of a break, and come back to what you have written. Read it out loud to yourself and see if anything just doesn't seem to fit. Edit those parts and re-read it again. Two times should be sufficient.

So for this exercise, take your last part (about the sewer) and copy it into your next response. Re-read the post out loud once or twice and see what you think might need to be changed. I'll give some hints on what I saw after you complete this editing exercise. ))

@[member="Squr Tyson"]​

 

[Squr tyson]

Squr looked around,as it seemed as if he where in yet another muck situation. All he remembered was when his eyes saw the heat seeker filter turn on in his helmet to look for a body, he was knocked out immediately afterword. Trotting along the bulky body tired, already from what seemed to be an endless smelly damp hell hole used the walls as a guide. The mandolorian felt soulless without his armor. Who could blame him? It was one of the thing's that helped define himself as a member of the man'ode of something useful in this galaxy with a sense of purpose. As strong and powerful as he is with out his armor many of his weapons where gone too. He would yet again have to rely on his brute strength to get himself out of the swamp of poo.

His eyes then peered at the rat's being annoyed his boot's stomped on the rat's nearby . The rat's gave a good EHHHH, sound causing others to flee away with a small whimper.The strong man whispered to himself " that should keep things quite " . Silently squr approached the light it may be a trap! A bad one for sure. Regardless Squr decided to take the risk shouting out " hello ! anybody out there?!" spectators imaging this event would view his fist's as they would be tense like the rest of his muscles in his body . for all he knew it could be the bright light people talk about before he collects his bounty after giving them their last right's.

(OCC: edited a bit )

 

[Evad]

(( I can see where you edited parts of these two paragraphs. There are still some grammatical errors and spelling mistakes, but that will happen with just about any writer. No one expects perfection, and your post is readable and enjoyable. I like that you threw in some questioning moments there, and that you set the mood of the scene. You are still relying often on describing your character as big, muscular, large and so forth. I would recommend trimming that down even more as it seems to be your main focus.

One other thing that I neglected to mention about paragraphs though, is that when you or anyone else in your posts starts to talk (and you are going to show their speech), you want to start a new paragraph for anyone new who starts talking. So if you are the one speaking, start a new paragraph, and anyone new who begins talking, do the same for them. We will however move on from this into phase three.))

3. Interaction

(( This phase in training will deal with how you interact with people, mainly PCs (playable characters). For this exercise I will post, and then you will respond to this. This is still not going to be about combat, as that will happen later in this training. Simply react to what my post talks about, and interact with my character. For purposes of this exercise, I will assume the role of a janitor in the Mandalorian mess hall. Remember that you do not control PCs and must adapt to how they act. ))

Scene: The Mandalorian mess hall after hours. The room is empty aside from a single man in cover-alls wielding a dry mop while the kitchen staff is currently working to clean up from the last meal session. You enter the room having lost a datapad that you had brought in with you during mealtime. It is not in plain sight.

Mandalorians were soldiers, warriors, and men and women of legend. They were also apparently, pigs. The entire room was a disaster area, with much of the spare food on the floor, trays in disheveled array lined the long metallic tables. Liquids of various origins covered the floor were the messiest of warriors had sat at meal breaking bread and swilling their favorite black ale. Down one of the rows a kindly man in his late sixties was pushing a dry mop to collect the debris and do his normal duty of cleaning up. Grey hair lined his temples and filtered through the former black mop of air on his head. His human skin showed age while the deep set blue eyes regarded the mess with an amused smirk. Nathan was used to the mess, and he never minded cleaning up after them. He was one of the few Mandalorians who had never seen battle, but had been a loyal and peaceful servant of the clan for many years, humbly resting in the shadows and cleaning up after his vode. He enjoyed his work.

@[member="Squr Tyson"]​

 

[Squr tyson]

@[member="Evad"]

Squr was frustrated he could not find his data pad he had with him at all ! " Ah kark were could it be ? where could it possibly be ?!" he then started frantically searching around in his heavy armor when he saw the janitor . " excuse me but have you seen a data pad laying around somewhere fellow vod ?"

 

[Evad]

(( Remember that even when you're going to interact with a PC, you want to remember that this is not a separate kind of roleplay. You want to take what you used and build upon it. So you want to still set the scene and be descriptive in every post. Also, I'm not sure if you mean federated of frustrated. ))

Only the sound of the dry mop pushing remnants of Mandalorian meals across the floor was heard in the vacant mess hall. That, and the janitor's melodic whistling while he did his duty to the vode and kept the place clean from the various activities within the eating concourse. It was a tune from long ago, something he'd known since he was a child, and something he'd held near and dear to his heart. Lifting the wooden stick to flick some remnants of dust and debris from the broom before he pushed it back along the tiled floor and continued to sweep up. Cerulean eyes averted as the double doorway burst open to reveal the shadow of a man that could be considered 'big-boned'. The heavy armor was a dead giveaway that strength was this man's passion and creed. The Janitor didn't recognize the armor from any talks he had with his other vode.

"Lost something vod?" The Janitor asked in rhetoric before Squr's own question came his way. Both hands folded atop the broom handle as he rested his chin squarely on the back of both hands, eyeing him for a moment. "I've not seen it yet, but stick around, you never know what might show up during cleaning hour. I once found fifteen credits and a buy'ce. The shame of the Manda rested on that poor lad that day." A worthwhile smile rose across the elder man's face as he continued to sweep. Squr was welcome to look around, but the Janitor hadn't clocked a visual on a datapad all day in the mess hall.

@[member="Squr Tyson"]​

 

[Squr tyson]

@[member="Evad"]

Looking around the much of a mess hall squr thanked the man with a respectful nod. The mandolorian had not realized how much of a pain it must be to clean up after his fellow vod not one clue. In all relevance it's exactly like a football team dinner, jawa juice spilled on the table, a broken black ale bottle some bantha meat being eaten by flies. Gah”Is it always this messy after I leave?" The mandolorian chuckled hoping to bring laughter with the other mando.

[SIZE=11pt]It was quite sunny out today when he looked out the window’s.... too bad the bulky mando could not go to the weight room like he planned on going to today. It was just this karking data pad that had his plan's to his new fracking armor. If he could not find it boy would he go on a rampage. No one could really tell but his body was starting to get aggressive and tense. How the heck could he forget his data pad? Now he had to bend down in his heavy armor and get dirty searching through the left over trays of food. ”you don’t mind if I search through this muck do you?"[/SIZE]

( OCC: is this better ? trying to really incorperate everything)

 

[Evad]

(( Much better, you are doing well to put together the pieces of the training and blend them together. After enough practice with this, it will become more natural to you. Soon you will begin to develop your own style of roleplay, but for now focus on structure and format. ))

Scene: You wake up groggy, and all around you is darkness. The sounds of footsteps and other noises filter in, but in a echo. Everything seems hazy, and you feel your body limp and unable to move barely an inch, as if all the strength in your body is null and void. Soon the darkness is peeled back as a black sack is pulled from your head. You find yourself seated on a chair that is bolted to the ground with your arms cuffed behind you in shackles welded to the chair, your feet also are fastened and unmovable. Your armor is stripped, and your weapons removed. Infront of you is a man in full military garb - and he is angry.

"Wake up!" The Rattakian bellows as he tosses a glass of water in your face to stir you from a drug-induced stupor. "I'm only going to ask this once while you still have all your teeth." The pale faced, bald-headed man sneers at you with an evil grin appearing on his tattooed face. "Who hired you to try and take me out? Obviously you're not getting the contract, and that means you're not getting paid. So who hired you to off me?" The man rose again and tapped a few times in vain on a broken datapad that he held. A datapad that had been yours. It was smashed when your ship was shot down from the sky. "I know you're just the messenger, but I'll get my answers one way or another, no matter how painful it is for you."

 

[Squr tyson]

@[member="Evad"]

The muscular man had failed his mission and was severely injured from interrogation. Squr saw his target the man who had a price on his head, out of spit the mandolorian's mouth spat out siliva in the man's face. " go fething die in a sarllac pit, im not dead yet which mean's their's always a possibility i can kill you.so keep wasting your breath you but ugly mynock. mandolorian's do not give in to coward's like you!" ​The stubborn mando then sais. His armor may be gone but the more and more this idiot kept interrogating him the more angry his eyes got. soon his energy would build back up he would just have to rest and let the bald - headed man tire himself out.

 

[Evad]

(( Clever use of phrasing you have gong on there. I like it, and it works well in that situation. Sounds just what I'd expect a Mandalorian to say in being captured and in interrogation. Good job. I don't see anything in there that really needs much work, and you're progressing so we will move onto another phase. ))

4. Combat

(( Combat is an essential part of role play boards such as these. It does not have to be the main focus, but it will most likely happen depending on your character. There are a few things about combat in a free-form role play that you want to make note of.

Firstly there are two different aspects of combat that you need to understand. That of NPC fighting and PC fighting. The NPC fighting is far less based on actual skill or wording, and is often allowed for a more creative flow. NPCs can be anything and everything and can be taken out far easier than any PC. When engaging in combat with NPCs there are a few schools of thought that you want to consider.

NPC-centric: Are the NPCs actually important to the plot? Do they have names, lives, backstories? If you answer yes to any of these, it's a far more intimate fight where you not only have to describe yourself, you also have to describe them. Their feelings, emotions, pain, movements - etc. This is by far the more monolouging portion of fighting. Only you are writing these interactions, so anyone who reads this will want to know both sides of the story.

Story-centric: This kind of combat centers on the story itself. The NPCs are background noise essentially, and while you are still in combat, it's not about the combat. It is infact about the story of your character and what is trying to be accomplished. These often involve flash back memories, thoughts of your character, and the over-arcing goal of the story. You are narrating your character normally from a third-person perspective as if watching them fight, while you describe their emotions and thoughts on their mission.

Player-centric: This features your character specifically and their physical actions in combat. This is normally detailed, and descriptive in the way of how the fight is happening. It is not simply enough to say vague statements, but this is to be a detailed description of the event. NPCs are still background noise, but this is where the focus of the fight is on.

With those descriptions we will start with an NPC fight. I am going to provide you with a scenario and I'd like to see you create three responses to it, for each of these types of interaction. Please take your time on this one. I want to see the separation in each, and none of the three responses should look similar at all. You don't have to label which is which, but I'll show you a format I'd like you to follow. ))

Scene: You have found yourself within a Genosian arena where thousands of Genosisian natives are scrambling for seats as they have a Mandalorian for entertainment. Your jetpack has been taken keeping you from escaping, otherwise your armor and weapons are still functional. A protective barrier has been erected to keep the watchers safe, but you are stuck inside with the warriors and beasts under their command. A squad of ten Genosian warriors carrying spears and others carrying blasters have circled you from the far ends of the Colosseum. As well they have two Gundarks and a Rancor on standby if things start to get hairy. Those creatures will only come out if you've killed all your opponents. Your goal? Survive.

Format: Take whatever kind of NPC fight you want first. After you have finished that kind of post, put a line below that and then post the next one. For an example see below:

POST
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POST

@[member="Squr Tyson"]​