Private Don't Let Me be Gone

[Ryv]

​

Peace
Jedi Praxeum Station,
New Found Home of the Unified Jedi Order

​

Explosions rocked the ground below his feet as buildings blew apart all around him. Crowds of people pushed past him, most of them escaping the madness unscathed, but others bore the marks of the first round of artillery strikes peppering New Kalandra. Bodies were dragged out of piles of rubble once called home, not all of them quite whole anymore. Blood pooled in small puddles down the length of the street, though they appeared to grow in size as the boy ran towards the encroaching forces. Screams rang out louder than each explosion, thousands of voices he could not place but recognized called out to him. So many begged for help, screaming for salvation, only to be cut out one by one, accompanied by a ringing explosion or reverberation of a lightsaber. Tears ran down his eyes, quicker than he could move down the street. The puddles of blood grew larger, enveloping his ankles and rising to his knees. He waded through the mass of thick, crimson liquid, fighting his way towards the last voice crying out to be saved.

Pushing his way through a ring of unmoving, faceless soldiers, the young Jedi came face to face with another padawan. Her hair was short, brown like freshly churned earth, and framed a beautiful face. Two glowing green eyes peered up at him, as green as the purist jade or rolling verdant woodlands. He looked into those eyes he had come to admire and felt his chest tighten. Fear shone through, only to be followed by pain as a crimson saber burst through her chest. Beauty faded away as life slowly fled her collapsing body. He pushed through the flood of crimson ichor as it was now level with his chest and still rising. He reached out through the sea of blood around him, blindly searching for her. In his haste he missed the feeling of something shifting behind him, only to realize his mistake when it was too late. A pair of gnarled hands gripped his throat and pulled him beneath the surface. He struggled against his assailant's unnatural strength, even as dozens of other hands took hold and dragged him deeper into the muck. Red assailed his senses, the taste of iron hanging heavy on his tongue. No matter how hard he fought he found no purchase. He screamed out, calling for help, but no one heard him. For he had no mouth and had to scream.

​

Ryv's body slammed into the ground, jumbled up in his blanket. He pushed it away and sat up against the bed while taking a deep breath. The kiffar's nights had been a rough series of nightmares since the battle of Kintan weeks prior. Each one was different, some featuring his friends, others featuring his family, all of them miserable to think about after the fact. This night was the first-night Auteme had come to mind during one of his nightmares. While he was combing through the rubble on the planet he was concerned something may have become of her, but he was fortunate enough she escaped the worst of his thoughts. It appeared his luck was up however, leaving him unsure of what to do. Rather than sit on the floor and brood, Ryv pushed himself to his feet and moved across his room to the glass of water that he left beside his desk. Taking a sip, he set it back down and grabbed one of the long sleeve shirts hanging from a chair in his room. He threw it on before stepping out of his room to move down the hall.

Given the lack of any real sun nearby, the various Jedi on the station mostly lived on unique schedules. Ryv had managed to keep to the same schedule since first moving onto the station, so there were plenty of Jedi he hadn't had the opportunity to meet up until the recent days. He greeted several on his way to his destination, smiling at anyone who paid him any attention. It helped the padawan keep his mind off the task at hand, even as he knocked on Auteme's door.

"What do I even say?" he asked himself. "Hey, sorry to bother you! Had a nightmare," he facepalmed. "Stupid."

Auteme ​

 

[Auteme]

P E A C E
Tag: Ryv ​

---

Auteme didn’t have a very good sleep schedule.

One would think someone so energetic and lively would get a solid ten hours. If not, she was still the kind of person to colour code her notes — because what are we, animals? — so shouldn’t she be organized enough to get a good amount of shut-eye? Someone as well-read as her likely would have come across the copious amounts of research suggesting that not getting enough sleep could be detrimental to a human’s health, particularly a teenager’s.

It was all to say, she was up, even when Ryv wandered on over and knocked on her door at this ungodly hour.

The door swung open, revealing the girl wearing simple white pajamas that were just a little too big for her. The padawan was clearly tired and definitely not ready for visitors; her hair was unusually messy. When she opened the door her mouth was very much agape in a wide yawn, which lasted several seconds before she addressed the Kiffar. “Hey Ryv,” she muttered, rubbing her eyes. “What’s up? Why are you up so late? I was just going to bed. Wait, are you okay?” With each successive question she seemed more awake — even the call of her bed was not enough to sate her inquisitive nature.

“Do you want to come in?” She offered, opening up the door and stepping aside a little.

Her room was tidy and minimalistic, most of the visible stuff sitting on her desk that was in the left corner. A few holodevices, a laptop, a cup full of pens and pencils, several paper notebooks stacked neatly on one corner, and a decidedly ancient Mandalorian helmet resting on the shelf above the desk along with several books. On the other side of her room was her bed, plus the door to her closet.

 

[Ryv]

Once the door swung open, Ryv took a step back and straightened a bit. He offered her a bit of an awkward smile, though he relaxed as she launched into her questions.

"Hey Aut-" he began, though he was interrupted immediately. "Trouble sl-" once again he stopped answering midway, choosing to remain silent this time as she rolled through the rest of her questions. Once she stepped aside to allow him entry, Ryv stepped past her and studied the room with a furrowed brow. "Ah man, you're super neat. I've got a pile of clothes on my futon, a towel thrown over my closet door, and most of my notes are in a pile on my desk," he turned around and faced her, his hands clasped together behind his neck. "Hey Auteme, how are you? I'm having trouble sleeping. Mostly nightmares about Kintan. I'm fineish, just struggling with that sorta thing," the kiffar rapid fired answers to all her questions before taking a seat on the floor, leaning against a wall.

"Your big ol' pajamas are kinda cute, not gonna lie," Ryv chuckled as he shifted a bit. His long-sleeved shirt was a bit form-fitting. On someone like Aaran, Wyatt, or any of the other Jedi, it might've been flattering. While the kiffar was no slouch, he didn't quite have the build of some of the others. He was also wearing a pair of generic gray sweats and black socks, suggesting he made his way over to her room without shoes. Strangely, Ryv's lightsaber hung from his side still, though he never went without it. "What are you doing up this late? I'd think you'd be passed out right now. Wait!" he straightened in his seated position. "I didn't wake you, did I?"

Ryv's amber eyes were filled with sudden concern and a tinge of frustration.

"My bad, Auteme. I can head back to my room, I just didn't really uh-" Ryv paused and rubbed at his eyes. "I didn't want to see anyone else... I guess.."

Auteme ​

 

[Auteme]

P E A C E
Tag: Ryv ​

---

At least she was still a good listener, even when she was tired... after all, the search for knowledge never slept. And she couldn't sleep if one of her friends needed help.

Auteme flopped onto her bed, staring up at the ceiling as she absorbed Ryv's words. No... this was bad. Her bed was too comfortable. She needed to be uncomfortable if she was going to stay up. The teenager squirmed around and finally flipped over, her head resting on the edge of the bed, at eye level with Ryv. She lazily kicked her feet in the air, taking a bit of time to think over his words. There was much to think about.

First... of course Ryv was disorganized. She could picture his room clearly enough, though she was slightly surprised to hear about his notes. He hadn't mentioned his studies before to her. Second... nightmares? That couldn't be good. She wasn't officially a doctor or psychologist, but she did know nightmares of an event were a major symptom of post-traumatic stress disorder. It was imperative that she help him if that was the case. This galaxy was a little too big for padawans sometimes. Third, she was... cute. Always nice to know. Fourth, she was definitely not sleeping when Ryv had knocked. Even if she had been, she wouldn't mind waking up to help him out...

Right. Wake up.

She blinked, realizing she'd kind of gotten lost in thought -- as in, her brain had started to shut down while her eyes stared blankly forward. Auteme shook her head in response to Ryv's question, hoping to dispel any doubts he might have. "No, no, it's fine. You didn't wake me up. My... sleep schedule's... kinda messy." She shrugged, though it wasn't very visible considering she was lying on her front.

Despite the fact that Ryv seemed very serious and quite possibly in pain due to his nightmares, Auteme couldn't help but feel a bit of warmth at the fact that she was the first person he'd want to talk to. Alas, serious stuff first. "Do you want to talk about your nightmare?" She asked. She'd never make fun of him for it. If he needed support, she'd always be there.

 

[Ryv]

He moved once again, turning a tad so he was no longer resting against the wall. His chin rested on a knee while his other leg ran perpendicular behind it. If it wasn't apparent the kiffar needed her company prior, it was rather obvious once he was hovering a bit closer. He respected a need for personal space, not wanting to overstep his companion's boundaries in any way, but he locked eyes with Auteme and maintained it as she spoke. While the dark spots underneath his eyes were a clear indicator of his unrest, he seemed rather at peace at the moment. He visibly relaxed even further, tension draining from his shoulders as she assured him he hadn't interrupted her rest.

"Okay, cool, cool," Ryv said softly, likely more to himself if anything. "Talk about it? Hmm," he pushed his mop of hair from his face as he considered the question.

Did he want to talk about it? There was so much baggage weighing him down. He struggled with his mistakes from years prior. Of course, he should talk about the problems, that was common sense. So many had been willing to listen, yet he struggled so much with his doubt. Ryv was scared everyone would turn their back on him when they found out who he used to be and what he used to do. And could he blame them? People like him deserved a life behind bars, not the freedom to explore something as magnificent as Peace or spend time with someone like Auteme. He couldn't help himself as he just explored her gaze. There was the concern of a friend behind them, devoid of judgement, driven wholly by a desire to be there for him of all people. They were beautiful.

"I uh-" he had to tell someone.

"Man, this is kinda hard," while he laughed at his inability to outright say what was on his mind, it was clear as day the words were caught in his throat. He took a minute to breathe, focusing on how he wanted to word everything, how he wanted to approach it all. "So, I think I'm scared mostly. Scared of losing all of you guys, you know? Aaran, Loske, Bernard, Cedric, and you. You all are the closest thing I've had to a family since my old man passed away and my mom went missing. It hurt so much to lose them" as Ryv spoke his eyes glistened, tears taking form while he worked to keep his tone even. "I did so many bad things after I lost them. I don't want to go back to that."

He wiped away some of the built-up moisture on his sleeve and sniffled a bit. "Kintan made me realize how easy it is to lose it all, without any warning. I sa-" his voice cracked, his words once more lodged in his throat. "There was a little girl... she couldn't be older than five or six. She was trapped under some rubble and I was so close, I almost got her..."

Maybe it was a tad stupid he tried so hard to maintain himself. His body trembled, eyes glazing over as if he just wasn't there anymore.

"The Sith Lord who toyed with me, she uh, she killed the kid," he squeezed his eyes shut tight as if it would erase the image running through his brain at that instant. "Crushed her like a bug with the stone and wood that trapped her. Her blood, it just, got all over me. It was so warm and the smell was so strong. I could taste it, Auteme. Hell, I can still taste it."

Auteme ​

 

[Auteme]

P E A C E
Tag: Ryv ​

---

Just his words were enough to move her. She could hear the pain that weighed down his words, saw the tears forming in his eyes, and felt the same fear, sorrow, and frustration he did. He'd gone through something terrible. How come she hadn't been told about this before? She should've asked, should've done more, should've been there for him... but that was in the past. She could only really heal someone after they'd been wounded.

The girl rolled off her bed and onto the floor, then crawled over to Ryv on her hands and knees. Without a word she brought him into a warm, calming embrace, even as her own eyes filled with tears. She could taste that blood, the same as he could. She hadn't been there, hadn't even known what he'd gone through before now, but she felt it the same as him. "That's terrible," was all she said.

Auteme completely understood his feelings, and a few moments of silent contemplation lead her to understand her own as well. She felt bad for not being there for Ryv before now, but it wasn't like she could force him to open up about his feelings, so she was content to take things slowly. It was good that he was opening up about painful experiences. Doing so would make him a better person, and that was something Auteme could get behind.

So, she acted as she thought a good friend should act. For a while she just held onto him, soothing him with her presence, staying close and supportive of her friend. She stayed silent, didn't question him or try to pry, just let him speak at his own pace. Part of her was still feeling good about being cared about.

The old Jedi must have been idiots for ignoring love.

 

[Ryv]

It caught Ryv by surprise when he felt her arms gently guide him into her embrace. It had been years since he felt the touch of someone who cared for him in any way. He thought the touch of another had been ruined for him, yet in that instant, he melted into her and rested his head against her shoulder. His arms mirrored hers as he pulled her close and went mostly silent. There were the sounds of the occasional sob he couldn't bite back, but the kiffar kept most of it from spilling out. After a few minutes of holding her close, he eventually pulled back a tad and wiped at his face. His other hand hovered a bit by one of her's before he'd gently take it.

"Yeah," he chuckled a bit. "It was pretty terrible, but you kinda can't change that sorta thing," he reached up and pushed his hair back once more given it had fallen into his face again. "I'm really sorry about all this," he scratched at the back of his head and just lowered his head a tad so his eyes were on the floor rather than her. "I'm scared of having to do it again, you know? This isn't gonna be the last time, considering my masters. I don't know how all the older Jedi can do this over and over again..."

There was so much ahead of him in the Jedi order. He couldn't leave everyone else to do it without him, his father had taught him far better. The galaxy needed the order, the order needed him, so he had to be prepared.

"You know what, Auteme, I uh-" he paused for a few seconds before looking back up at her. "Maybe this might be weird or something, but I guess I am being honest tonight," he chuckled awkwardly. "I think I like you? Not like, just as a friend, but kinda like more? I think you're really kind and smart and stuff. Maybe I am just rambling here, but you're just pretty cool. And I really appreciate you listening to me tonight."

Auteme ​

 

[Auteme]

P E A C E
Tag: Ryv ​

---

It seemed like Ryv was holding back his tears, but he was most certainly not holding back his feelings. Auteme listened to his concerns and ramblings as ever. He'd clearly been internalizing a lot of his struggles and emotions; it wasn't good, but she knew it wasn't that uncommon. The Jedi Order wasn't exactly the healthiest place for young men, particularly emotionally. She hoped Master Morga and Cedric understood Ryv's struggles, though part of her doubted it -- he looked up to them, so he might not open up emotionally very often to them.

"Don't be sorry, Ryv," she said, lightly squeezing his hand. "You should never feel guilty for talking about how you're feeling. Honestly, I'm really happy to know that I'm someone you can open up to." She smiled, wiping her own tears away with her sleeve.

His thought about the other Jedi confirmed her earlier suspicions. Having very strong mentors could create a serious emotional gap between the student and teacher if the latter wasn't careful. Her face became serious, her tone to match. "You're eighteen. You're still just a padawan. I know you care about people, and I know you're capable of great things, but if you push yourself too hard..." She trailed off, remembering how he'd looked right after Kintan. She hadn't realized it then, but the wounds he'd received there hadn't just been physical. Auteme started to worry again. "It wouldn't hurt to let the other Jedi handle it. The masters know what they're doing, and that's why they're masters. We're not there yet." Far from it, in fact.

One more surprise for the night; she'd thought they were finished at the nightmares and other trauma, but this was something else entirely. Her cheeks flushed as he confessed her coolness. She was far from cool, it felt like her face was on fire. Auteme was pretty sure no one had ever been romantically interested in her -- at least, she assumed that that was what this was. She couldn't be sure, considering no one had ever been romantically interested in her before now. The padawan looked away for a moment and tried to calm herself down, to little avail, but managed to speak up in an attempt to make herself seem like less of an awkward dork. "Haha, thanks, um..." She cleared her throat. "I'm always here for you."

 

[Ryv]

Whether Ryv noticed Auteme's dorkiness was hard to tell. He seemed a tad enthralled in the moment, especially since his earlier panic and pain both began slowly melting away. More effort was made to clean his face as he listened to her speak. He lacked any shame in his behavior, seeming more concerned by potentially overwhelming his companion. Her positive affirmation to assuage his concern was met with a wide smile, a bit more of his earlier negativity melting away. There was no question the young kiffar hurt, nor that he needed help. However, his slow climb back to emotional stability in the moment spoke of a quiet determination befitting a Jedi.

"I'm glad none of this is a problem," he said softly. "And I know I'm young, but there have been younger Jedi who made a difference. Plus, there are so many other padawan trying to do just that," he paused momentarily to consider her words. "I um, know I'm not as great a Jedi as Aaran or Bernard. They are stronger than I am in every way. The force, the saber, their studies, raw determination, potential..." he trailed off and continued listing all the things he admired about his two friends. "At the end of the day, I'm not doing enough for the order. Unification is only step one. We'll all have to build trust, stand side-by-side, and work out between the orders how we can best help one another. I can't just sit back and watch, Auteme," his hand tightened around her's as excitement flared in his eyes. "We're all going to change the galaxy, I know it."

Ryv was a passionate person, that much was obvious. He normally made an effort to temper those passions as not to fall to the temptations of the dark side. In this case, he seemed not to mind. His earlier pain had been replaced with a wide array of positive emotions. The padawan believed wholeheartedly in the dream afforded to him by the order.

"My father was a Jedi with the Republic years ago. He fought the One Sith on Kashyyyk, Balmorra, Contruum, and several other planets. He was my hero, the strongest in the order!" the kiffar shared with her. "Things caught up with him though. Once the One Sith took Coruscant, a lot of Jedi broke away from the order. A huge chunk fled from the fight and created the Silver Jedi Order," his summary of Jedi history was probably astonishing given his overall demeanor. "Their departure doomed the Jedi and Republic alike. My father, he died on Coruscant protesting Sith rule, protecting the people."

He paused once more, his gaze breaking away from hers as he nearly whispered. "I can't let him down."

Auteme ​

 

[Auteme]

P E A C E
Tag: Ryv ​

---

Auteme just… listened. As Ryv spoke she just stared at him, taking in his words, sensing his feelings. When they first met, she’d just thought he was a funny, chill guy. A sort of counterpoint among the Grayson Imperium’s Jedi. He was always kind and patient, supportive, reasonably Jedi-like, if unorthodox and unruly. This side of him was something she hadn’t really seen before; this passion and goodness was blinding. He’d been different ever since Kintan, though. At first she’d thought he was hurting, in pain from everything he’d gone through. She knew she couldn’t fully relate or handle those feelings so she’d given him space, but she couldn’t sense any of that now. And now — this — she was simply in awe.

“You’re really amazing, you know that?” She finally said, a quaint smile coming over her face. “I don’t think you get it, actually. How incredible that is. You are. I just…” She shook her head, still looking at him as a stupid grin grew on her face. She wouldn’t be able to explain why she was smiling if he asked. She didn’t really care.

“You don’t even need me to reassure you. I think you know, deep down, that your dad would be proud of you. That he can’t wait to see you keep going. Honestly, I can’t wait. You, your dream, your ideals…. you’re amazing, Ryv. I’m doing a terrible job explaining it, but you are.”

She really did have no idea what it was. Still, she felt almost blinded by the light, by the brilliance of his dream. The way he explained it, told her of his past, the passion in his words, all of it inspired her. She liked Ryv already, but now she felt like she’d follow him through the Netherworld and back. He was so kind, so determined, so good. There was nothing else for her to say.

The idea that he’d come here for help about his nightmares was one she’d likely dismiss — he was the strongest Jedi she knew, and something so small couldn’t stop him.

 

[Ryv]

Auteme's declaration seemed to halt the kiffar in his tracks, though none of Ryv's excitement vanished. If anything, a hint of confusion was sprinkled across his face. He tilted his head a bit and eyed her. No one told him these things anymore. When he was young it was different. His father encouraged him to take on all challenges head-on. It caused young Ryv more than a few scrapes and bruises, but his old man was always there to pick Ryv up and dust him off. He was lucky for the years spent learning from such a great man, but things changed when he lost his father. No one else had much to say to him. The order had excuses, the authorities were frightened of the Sith, and his mother left.

"Thank you, Auteme," he managed to utter out before she continued. Unbeknownst to her, he did need it. Neither Wyatt or Cedric had much to say of his growth. None of the order seemed to notice either. Hearing it out loud from someone, especially her of all people. Someone so brilliant, capable of uncovering ancient teachings and truths, dazzled by a screw up like him. It was almost too good to be true, but when he looked into her eyes, he saw only the truth. "I don't really know what I did to make you say that. It means a lot though," he straightened a tad as he spoke, a surge of confidence taking hold.

"I don't know, honestly. Its been years and I've messed up a lot, but I hope so," his words were spoken softly as if the memories running through his mind were unwelcome ones. "I don't get what about any of that makes me amazing though. Isn't that how all Jedi are? We're supposed to guide the galaxy through the darkest of times. Pillars of hope, beacons of the light," he spoke the last few words much like a mantra. Well practiced, they slipped from his lips as if they'd been said a hundred times. He truly believed in what a Jedi was supposed to be, though it was also clear he was somewhat disillusioned by the state of the Jedi in the galaxy.

"Either way, I'm gonna keep trying to make a difference. I want the galaxy to be a safe place for everyone," he peered back at her and reached up with a gloved hand to brush aside what little bit of her hair fell into her face. "You too, Auteme. I want it to be a beautiful place you can explore without any fears to slow you down."

Auteme ​

 

[Auteme]

P E A C E
Tag: Ryv ​

---

Again Auteme listened, and again she felt that little swell in her heart when she heard his words. It was beautiful, his ideal. It was good and right. She honestly thought that the Jedi should be as he said, and it just made her more willing to see it all through with Ryv. She wanted to help him spread… well… him. He’d already demonstrated an ability to inspire others, and his general do-gooding demeanour was enough to put him squarely in the paragon category.

“You are a Jedi, Ryv. If we’re all amazing, that includes you,” she said with a grin. Even with all of his wonderful expressing of his values, he could always use a little more thought before speaking. “And I’m part of ‘everyone’ too. So if you’re doing it for everyone, you’re doing it for me, too.” She giggled a little. Of course she didn’t mean to make fun of him, but she found it funny how he thought himself part of a collective, yet not sharing in that collective’s traits. Maybe it was the power of the individual.

The teenager shifted, twisting around to sit next to Ryv and lean against the wall — well, more lean against him, as she rested her head on his shoulder. The tiredness had begun to set back in, but she kept all her movements deliberate. Her hand stayed locked with his, and she tentatively laced her fingers with Ryv’s. It felt… comfortable, being here, with another person who she cared about and who cared about her. All the knowledge in the galaxy couldn’t truly tell her about moments like these; this was something truly special to her, so she didn’t waste the moments here.

“I’ll explain why you’re so incredible someday,” she said softly, “because right now I’m not sure you’d get it.” It was hard to explain, anyways.

 

[Ryv]

It occurred to Ryv he could've worded all of it better. Auteme's gentle teasing was welcomed by the kiffar nonetheless. She was right though and he knew it. His more hot-headed nature drove him forward without thinking, guiding him based on what felt right at the moment. He'd heard other Jedi refer to it as the force guiding them all, but Ryv wasn't too sure. When he wanted to say something, he'd say it. When someone's life was on the line, he jumped right up there with them. His explosive instinct guided him well, but tempering it with the cool and collected logic employed by Auteme could only better himself. The heart to act and wisdom to think could be found in all great Jedi, his father included.

"This might sound dumb too, but my old man would've liked you, Auteme," he said softly, keeping his voice down as she twisted to sit beside him. "While he was always willing to do something, you were more likely to catch him thinking through a problem. An avid reader too, its how he spent most of his free time. Lots of other Jedi back in the day were on the move all the time, fighting tooth and nail to make every inch the Sith took as painful as possible," his fingers slid in place alongside hers. "The older padawan's studies were suspended, replaced instead with more combat training. A lot shipped out to war, never to come back. My pops wouldn't let the order take me given I was like, twelve at the time," he paused and pulled a leg up, his right forearm resting against atop it. "He'd visit as many as he could and offer what guidance he had. I remember being so jealous. Why wouldn't he want to spend time with me, his son, you know? Turns out those older kids were as scared as me and they needed him a lot more than I did," he spoke in a way that showcased his admiration for the fallen Jedi, not the jealousy he once held.

It felt weird expressing everything so openly. Ryv hadn't told anyone else about his father, the order, or his earlier life. He knew it stemmed from the comfort he felt in her presence. Each point she made was with the intent of bettering or building him up, not as a Jedi, but as a person. It just felt right putting it all out there after years of keeping it inside.

"I know I'm a Jedi. I just don't see who you all see when it comes to me. I'm a guy fixing up old wiring and cleaning out the station. I get thrown around like a toy in my first battle against a Sith. I couldn't imagine Cedric or Wyatt being so useless," he gently rested his head against hers and closed his eyes. As he breathed in her scent and presence, a small smile took hold. Being so close to her seemed to bring everything into focus. His fears and failings melted away, replaced by a spreading warmth in his chest. "And I know you're a part of everyone else, but you aren't like everyone else."

Auteme ​

 

[Auteme]

P E A C E
Tag: Ryv ​

---

“Your dad sounds like someone I’d like, too.” She curled her toes, waving her feet side to side, the movement keeping her awake for now. Normally she found his voice rather comical, like something she’d hear in a silly teen movie, but right now it was calm and soothing, even despite his excitement and passion. Something she might fall asleep to; not because she was bored but because she felt safe and comfortable.

“My mentor… caretaker. I don’t know. He was basically my dad. Well, maybe more like my mom. Anyways, he was like that, too. Always thinking. He made me think, too. Always reading. Always kind… and I always wanted to be like him. Except…” Her grip grew a little tighter around his hand. “He left. I miss him, but sometimes I feel like he’s gone forever. Kind of like…” Her parents. No, her parents had come back, but still they were so far away, never really her parents again. Since they were opening up, she’d already rambled so much, and he’d spoken enough already, she decided to continue — to tell him the kind of stuff no one else knew about her. Little did she know he had been doing the same this entire time.

“My parents… we got separated, when I was little. I grew up traveling… and I always thought they were dead, because they hadn’t found me, hadn’t come for me. I mean, the galaxy is big, but surely… I mean, they’re my parents. Both of them are Force users, too. They probably could’ve found me, after the crash. Then I just… run into them, and it was a whole thing, and now they’ve been trying to get to know me and reconnect, but… they still feel lost. And part of me feels like I’d feel better if I hadn’t come across them again, because everyone would feel less guilty… I mean, I’m not even with them right now. I should be with them… but I’m still just a little girl to them. Clingy, and protective, and they don’t trust me enough to tell me things, because… they’re so afraid of losing me, even though they already did. My dad doesn’t say anything about his past, but I know he was some… some… some First Order goon before he became a Jedi, but he won’t say anything or even try. I don’t understand them, and I’m really trying, but I just…

“It didn’t last. Sometimes I feel like nothing will. And maybe that’s just life, but sometimes I wish there was something… permanent, out there, for me. Maybe that’s why I like learning old stuff. Things won’t change there.” She let out a tired sigh. It was nice, having someone to spew philosophy at instead of lying awake at night, staring up at the ceiling, going over every thought and emotion alone. Someone to confide in seemed to be something that the two padawans both desperately needed and could easily provide.

 

[Ryv]

"Mhmm," Ryv nodded his agreement at her statement about his father. There was so much more to be said of the late Jedi Knight, but Ryv didn't want to overwhelm her. It just felt good thinking about the man who inspired him to walk down such a noble path. Speaking of him was even better. For so long, Ryv lived in fear at what feelings he'd dredge up at mentioning his father. For so long, the young kiffar hated the man for what he thought of as abandonment. It was foolish to oppose the Sith publicly, yet his old man did it without question. It didn't occur to the padawan for many years. The actions his father took were those of a Jedi. If Auteme considered Ryv a paragon of what it meant to be a Jedi, his father ultimately led him to that point without fail. Ryv was lucky to of had him.

It hurt him to think Auteme lacked anything like that. If his eyes weren't closed it would've been unfortunate for him, given he could feel them moisten beneath their lids. For all of his troubles, he never thought of that luck until hearing about her upbringing. If she could see his face, she'd quickly notice the pain etched across it. A life without his parents would've made him a far worse person, he knew from experience. To think she'd managed to come this now with her mentor and parents bouncing in and out her life was a feat Ryv could not come close to replicating.

"I'm sorry, Auteme. Here I am bragging about my pops, not even thinking about what life could've been like for you. Real jerk move on my end," he nuzzled up closer. "I doubt it means much considering it all, but I think you're an amazing Jedi like I do Lanik or Wyatt. You were the first person to talk to me here on Peace. Lots of people fall into the trap of being like their parents. Yet, here you are," his voice softened as he spoke, all while his thumb gently ran along the back of her hand. "When I went missing on Kintan, you came for me. Tonight is no different. I couldn't find my way, yet here you are, shining so brightly. When I reached out, your hand was there to take mine and drag me out of the dark. I couldn't imagine you being any other way, as selfish as it sounds," his other hand reached out and wrapped around her already held hand.

"I don't plan on going anywhere, Auteme. Not if I can help it at least," Ryv didn't want to leave her. Just sharing space with her felt good. Hearing everything that happened to her made him want never to let go. "Being a Jedi is scary, and I know there are a lot of dangers involved, but if I'm careful, I can make it home to Peace with you."

Auteme ​

 

[Auteme]

P E A C E
Tag: Ryv ​

---

Her feet slowed and finally stopped moving, and for a while she was still, listening to Ryv, but more importantly feeling his presence and emotions. Two people, entwined in thoughts and emotions, opening up to one another, sharing pain but also inspiring each other. It was… nice. There wasn’t much else she could think as the fatigue really set in, but she really tried to consider his words.

Auteme wondered what had made him so apologetic. They weren’t too different — neither of them were all too good with the Force, or fighting, or lots of other things, and neither of them could perfectly understand another person’s intentions and emotions at all times. She understood that, and that was why she didn’t apologize very often. She didn’t need to. She did what she could, and even if it wasn’t always enough it was enough that she tried and helped. Here Ryv was, helping, listening, supporting, and yet broken in pain over something he couldn’t change and he couldn’t have understood under the circumstances. Maybe it was just a bad habit. Maybe it was part of being sentient, emotional. Hopefully, someday, she could break him out of that over-apologetic mindset, but now she could only muster a few words to reassure him. “It’s fine, Ryv. Don’t apologize.”

She let out a small sigh as he finished speaking. It was childish for her to want permanence, considering how the tides of change went about their work in the galaxy. Still, she would always long for something she couldn’t have, for that little feeling in the pit of her stomach to stop welling up at night when she felt alone in the galaxy. For now she’d settle with what she held now, content enough to fall asleep beside someone she cared about. “Be careful,” she whispered. Her eyes drifted to a close, and her consciousness slipped away until she was sound asleep.

 

[Ryv]

Ryv watched as her movement slowed, eventually coming to a halt. The selfish part of him wished she'd remain up a bit longer, sticking around to keep talking about life, goals, dreams, and everything else the galaxy had to offer. The rest of him knew it was unfair to ask that of her. He was fortunate she had taken him into her room, offering her protection from the horrors of his nightmares. He knew more days would come for the both of them, perhaps picnicking somewhere in Peace, her reading something she found particularly interesting. Maybe he'd be able to bring her along in one of the fighters in the hangar, giving her a tour of the artificial moon's surface. The idea brought a smile to his face, followed by a faint blush. He lucked out in befriending Auteme when they both first arrived at Peace. His luck proved true when she welcomed him into her heart.

"I'm glad, Auteme," he said softly, a few minutes after she fell asleep, not wanting to rouse her. Another couple of minutes passed before he slowly began moving, shifting beside her as to allow him to slip his arms beneath her. Exhaling as he lifted her, he turned on his heel and laid her out across the bed, her head atop the pillow. "Thank you so much, Auteme," he brushed a bit of hair from her face before turning and moving towards the door. As it slid open, he offered one last look over her shoulder, his smile returning before stepping out of the room and into the hall.

The kiffar hummed as he moved through the halls of the station, working his way back to his room one corridor at a time. His heart fluttered in his chest, threatening to overwhelm him as positive emotions rolled off of him in waves. Was this love? Did he love the padawan? Had he spent time with someone in such a way, sharing his past without fear of judgment? There wasn't a point in Ryv's life he could recall being so honest. There were no secrets between him and his father, but back then, he was just a boy.

"Oh well," he said to himself as he stepped into his room. "I'll think about this tomorrow, I'm dead," he threw himself into his bed and closed his eyes. After a few minutes, Ryv drifted off to sleep, spared of his nightmares, and blessed with dreams of a radiant young woman.

Auteme ​