Devil With The Silver Tongue

[Josh Dragovalor]

Aftermath​

Zeltros​

​

The battle, if you could call it one, had been won. The distribution of Elysium had been cut off at one of it's sources, though it was likely they would need to find the source of manufacturing next. But for now, the battle had been won and they could rest easy knowing that they would not have to worry about this particular night club, a massive distributor for the Elysium drug, being used to distribute it anymore. At least for the time being. Their mission was complete, and Josh had left for de-briefing. They would be leaving Zeltros in the morning to return to Kashyyyk. But there was another factor in the mix. While there, Josh had met a woman by the name of [member="Scherezade deWinter"] who had found herself quite literally dropping into his lap. He had sensed a lot of pain, and mourning for a loved one who was gone now. And somewhere deep down, he had a feeling that she was mourning in the same fashion he was. Not a deceased loved one… But one that had broken promises, and left them as nothing. It was a cruel, terrible feeling to have, and while he couldn’t confirm it, he just had this feeling that he could emphasize with her. He wanted to help. Even if just for one night, he wanted to help in some fashion… Even if that meant walking with her to face her demons for the night. While he’d had to take leave of her due to the mission, he had made a promise to return, and return he would. And she had a number in case he couldn’t find her.

When he had left her last, he had told her to stick around the area, and to call the number he gave her if he did not show up anytime soon. He had made another promise then, and that was a promise to come back for her. Two promises tonight, and two he intended to keep.

After the de-briefing, Josh would find his way out in the streets of Zeltros again, coming across the under-investigation Aroma nightclub. Looking around, he searched for any sign of the woman he had met before. Perhaps she didn’t believe him, and had left already? He didn’t want to think that. Despite her being a Sith, he wanted to help. He wanted to walk with her, at least for tonight. He was genuine when he had said that. But he would never forgive himself if she walked off this planet believing he never intended to honor that promise.

 

[Scherezade deWinter]

"There are a lot of things a person can do under the table, Mr. Lechner."

The giggling echoed in her head as she turned around on the dirty floor, eyes cast at the table's ceiling. They hadn't done anything under that table. For one, they were both physically big people, all muscle and mass. For another, she'd been drunk for the first time in her life. Not drunk like now, not drunk like this. It had been a happy drunk, full of freedom, limb tossing around, landing in bed for what might have been only a minute or an entire night. And at the end of it... At the end of it she had opened her stupid mouth, had told him she loved him. She never should have.

But there was no freedom in being drunk now. Being drunk now had been born out of a necessity. They had betrayed her, broken her, shoved her face in it before she'd had the time to come to terms with the fact she'd been imprisoned for only a week in the Darkness, instead of years. She had been so relieved to discover that the visions there had only been lie, caused by the Darkness to pry on her deepest fears, only to learn that reality was much, much worse.

You are weak, child.

She had snapped that night. Released herself from her sister, her adoptive family, from the Mandrgora. She had banged her head against the pavement until the message her former sister sent her about always being welcome back had stopped. She had gone to her ship that night and skinned the healed mark of the Jart right off her back, freeing herself from anything that had to do with her former sister. The pain that had begun the moment she'd been betrayed never ceased, never wavered. She had spent the entire following day writing. Using her own blood to write, on the inner walls of her ship. All that had happened. All the events of the Darkness. All the... All the word that had broken her. The bacta had later healed her skin, but it could do nothing to heal her heart or her mind.

You had two people when you entered the Darkness. You will have no one when you leave.

And then she had come here, to this planet. It had been about a month since she'd last touched Gerwald, touched anyone. She was starve touched. But no amount of touch could fill the hole that had been torn inside of her, a hole that ran deeper than the love she'd held for Gerwald, deeper than the love she'd held for Katrine. Nothing had worked. Not a dance, not getting feeled up by the local strippers, not the pheromones that reigned so hard in the breathable air. Nothing. The only solace she had found was in killing, and even that had lasted only a brief moment before the pain returned. She knew, she knew there was no wait out for her, nothing that she could do about it.

And Scherezade also knew she had to get out of there. Back to her ship. Take a shower. Sleep in the guest room, because she hadn't dared to sleep in the bed that she and Gerwald had shared.

Still holding on to a half filled bottle of liquor that she'd taken earlier, her other hand reached out for a chair, trying to push herself up. She fell back down, the generic dirt of a bar's floor just going deeper into her clothes and skin. She wanted to care, but she didn't. For now, it seemed like she simply would have to wait until she had the energy to leave.


[member="Josh DragonsFlame"]

 

[Josh Dragovalor]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r1o-Ew1fhH8​

​

But she never felt the floor again.

She had found herself suspended in the air in that moment as she'd tried to reach out to the chair only to give up and begin to fall back down. Should she look up, she would find that a large hand had taken hers, and kept her afloat, before pulling her up and helping her to her feet. Josh had been unable to find her in the vicinity, and while he had come close to giving up and assuming she'd left, something told him to check one place - where he had left her last. Somehow, he wasn't entirely surprised she had remained exactly where he had left her.

"Hey there" He spoke softly with a gentle smile as he would pick up the bottle of liquor she'd left behind and hand it to her. "This is yours, I believe?"

Looking around the battle-scarred nightclub, the Jedi then looked back toward her. "Honey, geez, I know I said to stick around, but I didn't mean literally stay in one spot until I came back" He teased lightly, his lips twitching into a cheeky grin at that. "But regardless... I guess you have me for the night" He spoke with a light chuckle as he would hold out a hand, offering her to take it so he could help lead her out of the club. She didn't seem like she was going to be able to on her own. But his mood appeared to have drastically improved compared to before, after the dust had all settled, and he was back to the way he was when they had met before the fighting.

"I promised, didn't I? I told you that whatever demons you were fighting tonight, I'd walk with you."

And he never broke a promise.

[member="Scherezade deWinter"]

 

[Scherezade deWinter]

Someone held her hand. She wanted to resist, but her muscles weren't being very cooperative. Maybe she'd just had too much to drink. This was dangerous territory by now, being unable to even respond. She knew she needed fresh air, maybe a stamina stim of sorts. It wasn't like she was going to sleep anyway. Sleep was dangerous. Sleep was when the Darkness could grab hold of you and not let you go.

She allowed the person to bring her from under the table, her body falling onto his. It was only his support that kept from falling back down to the dirty floor. Emerald eyes squinted as she looked at the person who'd pulled her from beneath the table. It was that man she had danced with earlier, the man that had almost died from a blaster shot. Josh? Yeah, that sounded like the right name.

He was talking, mentioning that he'd made her a promise. That he'd walk with her that night.

"People only make promises in order to break them later on," she grumbled, her speech slightly slurred. The bottle was in her hand again. Had he put it there? It didn't matter. She drank from it anyway and then took a breath. "And I don't think I'm capable of... Walking."

Did he mean actually walking? The thought only occurred to her now. It was innuendo for other stuff, no?

"I'm out of fight," she resumed, "if you're going to kill me do it fast. The last Jedi who tried took too long and I was rescued before I died. It'd had bee better if I'd died that day."

[member="Josh DragonsFlame"]

 

[Josh Dragovalor]

"The hell are you on about?"

The Jedi would stare at her a moment, squinting as he would let her lean on him for support. Letting out a sigh, he would bring her arm upwards and over his shoulder so he could support her entirely, beginning to move toward the entrance. "I don't give a damn if you're a Sith. The fact is that I made you a promise, and I'm going to keep it" Josh would reassure, letting out a deep breath. "Besides, you helped me back there, remember? What kind of monster would I be to just ditch you like that?" He would add, shooting her a look.

As they went, he would just continue to talk. She seemed too out of it to entirely understand everything he said, by what he could tell, but he promised her company. So he just kept talking.

"Let's get you some air, why don't we? You look like you could use it" Josh would comment. "Suppose with the club being shut down, none of us have to pay a tab. Lucky break?" Came next, albeit jokingly.

[member="Scherezade deWinter"]

 

[Scherezade deWinter]

"I am the monster," she murmured in direct response to his word.

The Darkness had said so. The voice inside her head, the one she had been given inside the Darkness, had said so. And the Darkness was right. The visions might have been twisted, altered, prying on her fears. But they had been right. They had been correct. They had tried to warn her that a betrayal was coming. She'd taken it at face value and believed it had happened. Which... actually had.

Once outside, the fresh air caressed her face. Scherezade closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She could smell Josh, but her nose protested at it, claiming the smell was not the one it wanted. Not that he smelled bad; he simply didn't smell like Gerwald, and despite everything, both her body and soul yearning for the smell of safety that kept the Darkness away. But at least her mind cleared up a little.

"Where are we going?" she remembered to ask, some of the slurriness leaving her speech. He'd been right. The air did her good, very good. She took another swing from the bottle, willing it to go away. She needed to not feel, she needed to not think. Feeling and thinking were tools of destruction.


[member="Josh DragonsFlame"]

 

[Josh Dragovalor]

"Well, if you're a monster, at least you're a pretty damn cute monster" The Jedi would tease back, with a light grin in turn as he would continue to help her outside. Once outside, he felt relief as the air hit his face. The stuffy feeling of the bar was killing him. Not literally but he was happy to be out in fresh air again. Even if said air was contaminated in pheromones as he would use Force Breath to shield himself. Though he doubted that the woman would be so fortunate, considering her condition.

"I'm not sure where we're going" He would admit. He hadn't thought about it. He had thought of keeping her company, helping her and keeping his promise. That was all that he had thought about, he hadn't thought of how exactly. "Suppose we could just take a walk for now. Feel free to keep leaning on me until you can walk on your own again" Josh would add, giving her a gentle smile.

"So I gotta ask" He would begin as he would continue to walk, supporting her with his shoulder still. "What was all that about with the breaking promises thing? Did you really expect me not to come back?" Josh would ask. "It sounds like you weren't even intending to give me a chance. Who hurt you? What caused you to take every promise as though it were a lie without a second thought?"

[member="Scherezade deWinter"]

 

[Scherezade deWinter]

Cute monster? Scherezade blinked. She was a lot of things; but she wasn't cute. Oh, she had no false perception as to her outer appearance, current state included. She was a deWinter, and deWinters enjoyed the genetic lottery win on certain fronts. But it wasn't enough. She did not have the personality to match her appearance. People did not like her, and the Confederacy just barely tolerated her. Her looks were wasted on someone like her, she knew. It would've been better if she had been someone else. Still, she made no comment, not sure if the intent was to compliment or to break the ice.

She wished there was ice. Absent the success of calling her heart to turn to stone, she would've taken ice. But there was nothing in her chest aside for her bleeding heart, cracked, ruined. Most days she felt as though her soul was dying and decaying from within. Gerwald and Katrine had denied that they had brought her back just to kill her again. They had lied. This was worse than dying. This was worse than the Darkness.

Still leaning on Josh, she took another deep breath, needing more air in her lungs. Again she smelled him, and again her nose protested over it being the wrong smell.

And then came the questions.

Scherezade stopped walking, turning now to face him. His physical attractiveness did not go unnoticed, but she did not care about that one bit. But the questions... Whether he knew it or not, he asked for things that she could not tell someone she did not trust. And she did not trust him. He was a stranger, a pretty face in a dim lit bar that had sort of danced with her. Nothing good ever came from starting with a dance.

"I don't like your questions," she finally said after a long silence. "And yes, I did not expect you to come back."

What he would do with her answers, was entirely up to him. She was not going to tell him how Gerwald had promised her, and had then abandoned her to sleep with her sister. She was not going to tell him about how he and her sister had claimed each other while she fought for her life, unaware of it happening. She did not want to tell him that the Darkness had been right, because she had two people in her life when she'd entered it, and there were none left when she came out.

"People lie all the time," she finally scoffed, turning to lean against him again and resume their walk. "We can go to your ship," she added as an afterthought, leaving the offer hanging in the air. He could accept it, he could reject it. He wasn't Gerwald. She didn't care.


[member="Josh DragonsFlame"]

 

[Josh Dragovalor]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=15yiOpUMJsw​

​

Josh was cheeky, that was just how he was, and always had been. He liked to crack wise, tell jokes, flirt a little bit. But one thing about Josh that was consistent was that he was honest. His jokes, flirtations - all of it- it almost always held some sort of truth to it. So yes, she was cute. He considered her cute. She could take that whichever way she wanted, but that was the opinion he had of her. Was she a drunk? Yes. Was she unstable? Yes, that was pretty clear. But she was cute. She also seemed very damaged, and from factors that she didn't seem to be in control of. Someone who got the chit end of the stick, so to say... He had to wonder how she ended up a Sith in the first place.

She would stop him though, and tell him that she didn't like his questions. He frowned in turn, but soon after would nod in understanding. "That's fine" He spoke. "My apologies" Josh would apologize as he would bow his head lightly. If she was not comfortable with what were likely very personal questions anyway, he would not press her. He was not here to press her. He was here to try to cheer her up - and walk her path with her. If that involved knowing nothing of her plight... So be it.

Though his frown deepened when she would admit she did not expect him to come back. The Jedi would let out a sigh in turn and nodded his head again. "I figured" He remarked honestly. "I guess I just kind of hoped that you'd trust me. But... I guess that was a stupid, foolhardy mistake too" He spoke softly as he would let her lean on him again as he walked. "The Silvers felt I was being foolish, coming back for you. They knew I would be, they saw us dance. They said you couldn't be trusted, as you were a Sith. But... I wanted to trust you, at least a little" Josh would admit softly. "And who knows? Maybe this is just a wild goose chase that's going to get me stabbed. But for some reason, I saw something from you. Something that told me to come anyway. I'm willing to take that gamble. That too, might be stupid and foolhardy of me, but... If it's possible I can alleviate your pain even a little, just for tonight at least? I'll take the chance."

He had decided to be open and honest with her, even if he knew she wouldn't be in turn. When she suggested his ship though, he had to think on it a moment. But he then nodded his head. "How did you know my ship had a mini-bar?" He would joke in turn. "Aye. We can do that" He answered. With that, he would begin to lead them toward the shipyard. He was fully aware of the risks. That she could attack him while they were alone, or plant a bomb on the ship. The ship's sensors would be running at all times, and he would ensure he instructed R4 to run extra, more detailed scans for any cloaked explosives. But he hoped that wouldn't be the case. If it turned out she had betrayed him, he'd just kill her. Not what he wanted to do, but it was what it was.

"Yes. I know people lie all the time" He spoke then as they would reach the ship. "Lying, backstabbing... Being ditched by those you care about... I've dealt with it over and over again, even from people I thought I could trust the most" Josh would admit quietly. "The old Order... The old council... My old best friends... My old wife..." He would begin to name off, his voice growing quieter and quieter the more he named. Normally, perhaps he would not trust a Sith with this knowledge. But he wanted her to know that she could trust him. And he knew to give a little to get a little.

Of course, this wasn't information that would do much being used against him. He'd had to accept these things as reality. Rubbing them in would just end with a lightsaber in someone's face.

[member="Scherezade deWinter"]

 

[Scherezade deWinter]

She was damaged. Damaged beyond repair. A few weeks ago, she had been careless, free, and the galaxy had been her oyster. She'd chased adventure where she could find it, she trained without mercy, she constructed entire blueprints to bring many planets down to her feet. A few weeks ago, she had the embrace of a man she loed with all of her heart, and that love was pure. A few weeks ago, she had a sister who had adopted her into her family, giving her siblings and a parent and other people that she hadn't dreamed she'd ever have. But all her joy had turned to ash, all hunger for life and excitement washed from her. She had taught Gerwald how to be free, free like her. She had told him time and time again that they were only limited by their imagination. And she had never imagined that he would take those lessons to take her own freedom away, to harm her, to lie to her, to break her. Break. That's what she was, wasn't she? A stupid little broken toy. Because he'd said, he'd said that it had always been Katrine. And while he didn't say it, the implications were quite clear. That entire time, she had been nothing.

She gulped on these thoughts as Josh apologized for even asking. She nodded in return. She nodded again when he said he had been foolish to hope she would trust him. There was no more trust that she could give. Her inventory of trust had been burned to ashes by Gerwald and Katrine's betrayal. There was no point in trusting anyone, ever. All trust brought on was pain.

He kept talking. She wanted to yell at him, to push him away, when he spoke about something telling him to come to her. No. No no no no. She was not going to hash it out again. There was no mystical design, there was nothing to cause such things. It all boiled down to choices. She had told Gerwald this too. He had given her half of the heart's prey. He had told her that he saw her. She had thought there was a shared connection between them. He'd given words and actions that implied the same. She'd also threatened to stab him on more than one occasion, and had grazed him with her knives. The memories... Too many memories.

Josh then told her of the people who had told him lies and betrayed him. So he knew the feeling. And when he mentioned wife...

"I find it unfair," she said in response, "You have known their lies and betrayal, and yet here you stand, happy, smiling, active. You're not..." what would the right words be in such a situation? "You're not broken. You don't smell like your soul is dying inside your chest. And you're not about to go on a stranger's ship because of the promise of free booze."


[member="Josh DragonsFlame"]

 

[Josh Dragovalor]

"You find it unfair?" He asked, stopping then to look at her once the two were aboard the ship and the door had closed behind them. They were now completely alone, and could speak privately. "You find it unfair that I've suffered, and don't show it, while you've suffered and show it?" He repeated, letting out a sigh and shaking his head. He'd become completely serious in that moment, staring dead into her eyes. "Scherezade, look at me, look in my eyes" Josh would command, staring her down. In those eyes, as fierce as they were in that moment... There was pain. Pain beyond measure. He didn't hold it back anymore, he let that pain radiate, he let it hit the walls as his presence reflected all around. No more did he hide his presence, no more did he hide the pain that he felt, that he kept hidden so as not to let that dread follow him wherever he went, and be reflected in whoever he passed, as she did.

"I had meaning... And selfish people took it away" He growled. "Why? Because it fit their own selfish agenda. They didn't give a DAMN if it destroyed me! I was used, and cast aside like NOTHING when it fit them. And my wife? Ohohoho, my wife... All those years, all the things she had said, all those proclamations of love and a desire for this to last forever... Know where that love is now? Gone. Gone the minute she one day decided that I just wasn't worth it. Decided that she didn't want me. Did she find someone else and decide that I wasn't good enough in comparison to her shiny new toy? Probably! And I have to live with that! I have to live with that every single damn day! Everyday I have to walk knowing that half of my heart, half of my soul, is missing. That I wasn't worth it to someone who I gave EVERYTHING to!"

These emotions had been welling up and ready to burst since she had reminded him before of his issues. But these issues were rooted deep. He had been a slowly breaking powder keg ever since it had all happened... And now, he just couldn't take it anymore. His emotions that he had bottled up for so long were finally starting to come out, and his expression became more and more devastated, betrayed his true feelings more and more as this went on.

"How do you think I feel? Knowing that I wasn't worth a damn to someone that I thought I'd be with forever?" Josh would ask. "I feel worthless. I feel useless. My entire life fell apart around me and I couldn't do a damn thing. All those years of happiness just... Gone. In an instant, gone. I walk this world with a hole where half my heart used to be. I've been abandoned and left, and I am constantly reminded of what is missing."

He took a deep breath then, trying to calm down. He would place her on the couch in the main hub before starting to mix drinks from the mini-bar nearby. "But..." He trailed off as he would look toward her, trying to calm himself down by staying busy. "There's a difference, between you and I...

And that's the fact I've realized that my life isn't over yet. Deep inside, everything hurts... The world is pain and I don't know if I can stop that. But I can make a choice to try. Over and over, this world likes to kark me over."

And then finally... He managed a smile as he would hand her a small shot of alcohol.

"I just haven't stopped hitting back yet. Haven't given up, not yet. World keeps karking me over... I keep going. I'm not dead yet, right? Maybe happiness is still possible... I just gotta try. Maybe that's foolhardy too, but... Well, it's worth a shot."

He shrugged his shoulders at that. His confidence seemed to have returned a bit. "Oh and FYI... You wanted to come here before you knew I had booze. You're here because you want to be. You made a choice to be, no? Yet you seem to be under the impression your life's already over, like you don't have any choices left."

[member="Scherezade deWinter"]

 

[Scherezade deWinter]

That had not been what she'd meant. It was not about the showing. It had always, always been about the ability to carry on, to not crumble at the edges to... To be able to smile. She wanted to tell him that, she needed to fix that, but Josh just kept talking, and Scherezade shut up and listened. Truly listened, as though the cloud of drunkness had gone from her. She looked into his eyes as he requested, but she fought him. She wouldn't be stood down. She refused. But then the pain came out and she almost stumbled back. There was an open-ness there, a vulnerability that she had never had anyone shared with her except... Except for Gerwald. And while she knew, her body and her mind also knew, that it wasn't him, they all snapped to attention as though he were.

Her hand came up as he spoke, not with violence but with gentleness as she held his cheek. She understood his pain. She felt it, coursing through her body. Different, yet so similar. Her mind barked at her for thinking that sentence. It was another one of those lines that had been reserved for Gerwald. Different, yet similar. And she cursed herself. Cursed herself for still thinking about him while Josh poured his heart out about his pain. Cursed herself for... For still loving Gerwald, despite everything. She knew that if Gerwald opened that door right there and then and apologized for being stupid, she would run into his arms and never let go.

Josh continued to speak, mentioning the difference between the two of them, how he chose to try. Scherezade had no witty response to that. Or any response. Her choices had always been limited. She didn't have the rich history that he had. She had no one to make choices with or about. After six months of existing, she was well and truly alone, and there was no changing that.

"My life is not a life," she said after a long silence, letting his words sink in, "Until a month ago, I was a happy person. I was free, I was wild. I was... am... was... am... In love. I told him so. He told me he could not say it back, and promised me that he wanted me in his life, that we would make a lot of moments together, that we would continue to create a lot of firsts for each other. I believed him. He couldn't say it back but every word and every action said he was. He took blood debts for me, talked to me, we made plans... Plans for the future. Plans to save his siblings, plans to visit places, plans to... Plans to do a lot of things. He came from a place that had forced him to bow in servitude, a mother who convinced him that he was an inferior. And I loved... love him. I wanted to show him freedom. I wanted him to comprehend just how free he was and how untrue what he had been taught was.

And then he disappeared. We were supposed to meet up after a mission for the Confederacy. I later discovered he never showed up to check if I was still breathing, because he was busy sleeping with my sister. And then... Then the Jedi almost killed me. He and my sister saved me, brought me back to life. But while I was unconscious for a week and struggling not to die, they... They chose each other. They loved each other. They claimed each other. And this was among the first things they told me when I woke up, before I had time to understand what was happening, because while it had been a week for them, it had been years for me in the Darkness. I had to kill visions of him in the Darkness and when I came out, I still loved him. And I still love him now. But they brought me back just to kill me. They tried to swear they hadn't, but this was what they did. I taught him how to be free and he used that freedom to take mine away and break me. He told me it was always my sister, and not me, never me. And I still don't understand, if she had always been the one, then how could anything have ever happened between us?"

She fell silent then. It had been the first time she'd voiced the tale, aside for the blood writings on the wall.

"I left them that night. I wished them to die of old age surrounded by fat grandchildren, and I left. I told my sister we are no longer sisters, we are no longer family. I left the Mandragora. I am banned from Ryloth. I am just barely tolerated within the Confederacy. The Darkness told me... Again and again and again... For years, that I had two people when I entered it, and that I would have none when I came out. I thought it was a lie, something the Darkness had created based on my fears. I only later realized the Darkness had merely told me the truth. And now they are living happily together, and I am broken, and I cannot collect the pieces because they fall through my fingers like water. I was happy and carefree until a few weeks ago, and they took that from me, and I don't know if I will ever be like that again."

Scherezade stopped talking. Her face was wet with tears that had begun while she spoke of her story. She remembered everything. Every word. Every detail. The pain was coursing through her again, not because of Josh's words, but because of her remembrance of her own. She wiped her face on the back of her hand and took a few steps back, trying to regain composure. Up until a few weeks ago, she had only cried twice, and both of those times had been in front of Gerwald. Now... Now she seemed to be crying all the time.

She turned her back to Josh and took a few breaths. They had shared their pain. But it meant nothing.

"I just want... To not feel. Anything. If I can't be happy again, then I want to be able not to feel at all. I don't want this misery, and no choice that I can make will take me out of it. I want my heart to turn to stone."

[member="Josh DragonsFlame"]

 

[Josh Dragovalor]

Both sides were silent for a little while. The both of them had told their stories, more or less poured their hearts out. Josh finally took a deep breath and poured them both a much larger set of drinks instead of the tiny shot glasses, and handed her one as he would sit down on the couch.

"Well..." He trailed off as he tried his best to process all that had been said, and try to formulate some kind of plan. Yes, he was already trying to think of how to help her out of this situation, and she hadn't even said it a minute or so ago. "I'll tell you something that I didn't dare tell the Jedi. I felt it was unnecessary to tell regardless but..." He would begin. "The Elysium drug. The one that we were there to stop the distribution of. When I saw it after the raid, I considered for a moment stealing it" Josh would admit, looking her in the eyes. "The Elysium drug lets you relive happy memories for a little while... But the side effects aren't worth the risk. They will destroy your body, your senses, and eventually kill you. That's why we went after them. They preyed on people's unhappiness and their deepest desires, got them addicted and then destroyed them. But despite that, in that moment I was very tempted to take it."

He let out a sigh. "I... I just wanted to be happy again. I haven't been happy in a long time. I've lost my family, I've lost trust in so many, and now I don't even have my homelife anymore. I just wanted to be able to relive my happier days with Shmi and Jason... Just for a few minutes, a few minutes and I'd never think about doing it again. But... I knew I was lying to myself. I knew it'd never be enough. I'd become an addict, and I'd do anything to have a few more minutes reliving my moments with them. But they wouldn't be real... And I'd be destroying myself and any chance I had at a future just to relive the past for a little while."

Josh shook his head. "That's why I need to move forward. It's okay to be sad, don't get it twisted. Of course I'm upset about what's happened. That's normal. That's human. To want what you've lost? That's normal. Maybe not to the level I do... Between that and everything else, I'm a broken man, I see that now. I'm a broken man that not even the one I thought I'd spend the rest of my life with... Wanted.

But the problem is that'll never change if I took the Elysium, if I just... Wallowed in self pity all the time and tried to hang on to the past. I hurt, Sch, I hurt. You know that though, you can feel it for yourself. You can feel how badly I want my wife back. How badly I want my old life back. But... They're not coming back. They're never coming back. They will never, ever come back. It's gone... It's gone and gone for good."

The more that he talked about it, the more pained that he visually looked. This was getting harder and harder for him to talk about, but he saw a chance to help.

"But it's like I said... My life doesn't end just because I'm miserable. And just because I'm miserable now doesn't mean I will be forever. What if I'd become an addict, huh? What if I'd wallowed in self-pity, became an addict, destroyed myself in front of my students, in front of my peers, my child... I'd destroy the confidence of my students, lose all that I've built and potentially leave my son without a father if I'm constantly gone looking for my next take. I need to be a good teacher... A good peer... A good father. And maybe along the way, I'll find happiness again.

But for now... I'm sad. I'm miserable. All I want to do, and have been doing, is crying and drowning myself in drink. And that's okay."

He took a deep breath and took a long gulp from the drink he was holding.

"But I won't be forever. And neither will you, if you choose to move forward. You lost your lover, you lost your sister... And you still love him very much. I lost my brother, I lost my wife... I still love her very much. I can't make a choice to get them back. I can't make a choice to reverse this. I can't restore my happiness. I never will."

But he would manage a smile.

"But I can make a new happiness. That's what keeps me going, if nothing else. That's something I can choose to do."

[member="Scherezade deWinter"]

 

[Scherezade deWinter]

Something he hadn't dared the Jedi? Scherezade wiped her face on the back of her hand again before taking the offered drink. She didn't even know what it was, and here she was, drinking the dark amber liquid. She remembered how she'd recoiled at the sight and smell of liquor when Gerwald had introduced her to it. Well. Joke's on him. With the conditioning her body had been undergoing since that terrible night, she could probably drink him under the table these days.

He mentioned a drug called Elysium. Scherezade blinked. She didn't know what it was, what it did, had never even heard the name of it. Her aunt would probably know though. She listened on as he detailed what it did, and for the briefest of seconds, her heart fluttered. She sat down on the couch next to him, hanging on to every word. A drug that made you relive your happy moments. She could take it, she could use it, she could experience her time with Gerwald again, she could go back to the early days with Katrine when they were still stuck together all the time, she could...

She could not.

She closed her eyes, not wanting the tears to come again. She couldn't take the drug. Because coming down from it... Having to return from it... Perhaps that would finally kill her. The last dagger through her heart. But then... hen her heart would stop beating. Then things would be all right.

But then Josh turned his tale, into confession, into a lesson.

Scherezade frowned in anger. His smile was not returned. Instead, she rose from the couch, downing the remains of her glass.

"I don't want your preaching," she half growled at him, taking a side step because the room became woozy again.

She stabled herself for a moment again the wall, and then turned to face him again. he had offered her the night, he had offered to share the pain. They were done with the latter part. His sharing had turned to preaching and she couldn't bear to hear it. She had tried to make choices. She had tried to move on. She had tried to forget. It wasn't working. Nothing was working.

There was absolutely nothing sexy or seductive in her next move. "Let's just get it on," she said with a sigh, her fingers working quickly to remove her shirt. Five knives fell from beneath it, landing on the floor with a loud bang. Everything else came off within an instant, and she stood now on a pile of discarded fabric and about a dozen Czerka knives. But there were no more weapons hidden on her body.

Her body was not hidden. Only Gerwald had seen it in full. She had the body of a Warrior. Scars ran along most of it, decorating all the places where she had been stabbed, shot, hit, scratched, pawed, clawed. Milky smoothness decorated only her back, and that had been because she'd skinned it and then used bacta not too long ago.

But among her scars, there was only one that she regretted having, that she could not bring herself to cut out and heal. A small circle on her left breast, the remains of where the Jedi's lightaber had pierced her heart, and thrown her into the Darkness.

She stood in front of Josh, hands on her waist. She had told Gerwald that nudity was never an issue. It really was not. She was proud of her body and even the liquor could not hide it. All that remained to be seen was Josh's reaction.


[member="Josh DragonsFlame"]

 

[Josh Dragovalor]

The Jedi let out an exasperated sigh. Of course. Of course that was her reaction. "Fine. I'm sorry if I came off as bloody preachy" He grumbled, shaking his head. "I just... I've spent so long trying to figure out what to do. And now I think I have it. And now you're here, and all I can see is what I went through. Sure, there was no darkness and chit involved but..." He remarked, with a shrug, throwing out formalities and politeness in favor of casuals and curses. "I think you can do it. The problem is you don't think you can."

He left it at that, downing the drink entirely and moving off the couch to pour himself another one.

CLANG!

His lightsaber had flown out from his belt and he'd turned around in mere moments, his eyes piercing as he would face some possible assailant, lightsaber in hand but not activated. When he realized it was Scherezade stripping down, he quirked a brow but placed his blade back onto his belt. He hadn't heard her say anything about getting it on, he'd poured his focus into his drink as he tried to cool down. The Jedi would look her up and down for a moment. She was beautiful, scars or not.Though he was surprised, and a bit confused, and didn't seem to understand her intentions.

"Well... If that's what you're comfortable in, it's a free..." He trailed off, and then shrugged. "... Planet. Have at it" He spoke as he would casually finish pouring his drink. "Must be cold though."

[member="Scherezade deWinter"]

 

[Scherezade deWinter]

She hadn't been listening to his words. His last speech about choice went completely over her head. After all, she'd been busy discarding. And then...

"What?" she asked, blinking in surprise.

Had she done something wrong? She'd only had sex with Gerwald before, and it had been natural for them, it had been right. It had been a moment they'd spent almost a day building together just so it could happen. He had been her first, her only...

"Isn't this what having the night means?" she asked, the surprise never wavering from her voice.

Was there nothing that she could do right?

Scherezade groaned and turned around, hands reaching for her clothes. She could get dressed as quickly as she could get undressed. "Forget it," she grumbled. Her pants were already on. Her shirt and knives were still on the floor. But instead of finishing the dressing ceremony, she just walked over to where the drink was, poured herself another one, and downed it in a single go.

No. She couldn't get anything right. All her choices was wrong.


[member="Josh DragonsFlame"]

 

[Josh Dragovalor]

"I mean, that wasn't what I meant, no" He would admit, scratching his head as he would ponder what to do, what to say... "I mean, I'm not exactly opposed to messing around. Not going to lie, you're beautiful. I guess this just came a little suddenly" Josh would add, taking a deep breath. Well, now he had a look at her intentions. He supposed he should have seen it coming.

"I told you that because you were in pain. Because you missed someone. I told you that whatever demons you were to fight on this night, I'd be there with you. I meant that literally. Nobody should have to suffer through what you do by yourself" Josh spoke, just being completely honest then and there. "I wanted you to know that you didn't have to be alone."

"But..." He trailed off as he walked toward her, leaning in so their noses touched. "You're bold, I'll give you that. Just be careful about what you provoke..." He whispered against her lips then. "Same warning as before... You just might get licked."

As if to illustrate his point, he would slide his tongue along her lips, grinning deviously. If this was the game she wanted to play, he could play it.

[member="Scherezade deWinter"]

 

[Scherezade deWinter]

He was backpedaling. Scherezade rolled her eyes, pouring herself another drink. At least free booze wasn't being taken away from her. It was especially good, since this stuff wasn't as cheap as the stuff she hoarded for herself. She wasn't even particularly good at being a good drunk, it appeared. He spoke more, about not wanting her to know that she did not need to be alone that night.

He was wrong. Even if they had ended up in bed (or on the couch, or the floor, or wherever), she would be alone tonight, as she was every night since coming out of the Darkness. Not being alone was not just about having someone physically near. There was a connection that was needed, and she and Josh certainly did not have it, and if she'd suspect for a single heart beat that one such was forming, she would have ended it and left right away.

The main problem was that aside for the memories and the pain, Scherezade was touch starved. She didn't like it when people were in her personal space. Gerwald had been the only exception. But her body knew what it was like to be embraced, whether in est or for the entire night, and her body craved it. It was too horrible to think that she would never share her bed again, especially after deciding that she would never give another the access to stab her heart.

And suddenly, there was a tongue running along her lips. When had he closed the distance between them? She hadn't noticed it.

Her body screamed and rebelled on the inside. This was not the right tongue. This was not the right man. This was not the right smell.

Scherezade paused Josh briefly only to take another drink. The right man with the right smell and the right anything did not want her. He'd wanted her sister. Josh was right here, and he was willing.

So she kissed him back, doing her best to ignore her body's protests. She knew, she knew that he was not that she wanted. But it had to stop mattering. Because the one she wanted would never want her again.

[member="Josh DragonsFlame"]

 

[Josh Dragovalor]

Not really backpeddeling, he was a competitive flirt. And while it wasn't exactly classy, she'd outdone him. Not to be outdone, he'd thrown his own jab to keep in the lead on this one. Where it led was where it led. And sure, he knew that perhaps his offer wouldn't help her much. But it was better than not helping at all, right? He wanted to do what he could, if there was anything.

After that lick, he was pulled into a kiss. And for a moment, all the alarm bells were ringing. This was wrong. This wasn't his wife. Truth be told, while he'd had his moments of flirtation, this was the first time he'd done anything of this kind, or was about to do what they were likely about to do, since said separation. In that moment, the entire thing felt a hundred kinds of wrong. But he knew what the reality was. His wife was gone. She wasn't coming back. She didn't want him, she didn't want Jason, he was unwanted and he knew it. And yet, for a moment, as he would return her embrace for a full kiss, wrapping an arm around her waist to pull her in as close as he could as passion began to heat up his end of the encounter, he almost felt sick. Not because of Scherezade, but because he knew this wasn't who he was used to.

Unfortunately, neither of them would have who they wanted again. That was life. And even he could admit, deep down he was starved for this sort of attention. How long had it been now? He really wasn't sure. It certainly felt longer than it was. What was probably months, felt like years.

After a few moments, he broke the kiss lightly, sensing her hesitation. He stared her over a moment, before finally speaking, one question.

"Are you sure?"

She was hesitant, that was clear. Was she sure this was what she wanted? He understood that she still loved the man who'd broken her heart, but he wasn't sure if he was comfortable doing this if she wasn't up for it. If she wasn't comfortable with it, he would understand. Sure, he understood her intentions, he understood this was probably just a temporary fling, a one-off fender bender, but... He still wanted to respect her feelings on the matter. And yet... His voice broke when he asked. There was another reason, a second reason. When he asked, his voice didn't have the same level of confidence that it had before. It was as if he knew in that moment where this was heading, and something hit him.

The truth was, his confidence in these matters hadn't been the same since.

He had agonized over and over about what had caused the separation. What he had done, what about him was the reason. He was never told, never given any information, leaving him to speculate. One of his ideas was that he was not able to perform worth what she wanted. That he wasn't good enough. Deep down he knew it likely wasn't true, but the thought of it being a possibility had almost completely shattered his confidence. And now here he was, about to partake in something along these lines for the first time since, and he couldn't help but doubt himself.

Josh being left alone to his thoughts had been a far worse enemy than any Sith ever could be.

He tried not to convey this, of course, but the lack of gusto and confidence was there. The doubt was there. In truth, he hadn't lost a step. But how would he know?

[member="Scherezade deWinter"]

 

[Scherezade deWinter]

"Are you sure?"

Her body tried to scream for no. Her mind tried to scream for no. Scherezade shut them both up. No. She wasn't sure. She wanted Gerwald, not Josh. Every fiber of her being longed for Gerward. But Gerwald wasn't here, and Gerwald never would be again. She couldn't wait for him, because first of all, he'd never change his mind, and second, if she began to actively wait, her situation would become worse. Maybe some tiny shred of logic hadn't left her after all. She couldn't wait for Gerwald. She couldn't turn back time and do things differently with him.

She shook her head. She nodded her head. She shook her head again. In the absence of Gerwald, she didn't know what she wanted. SHe had never even considered other people while they were still seeing each other. There simply had been no room for other people to be in her heart the way he was. Love others, sure, she had loved Katrine, and she had loved her aunt and cousin. But in love with others, no. The mere thought made her insides turn around. And after that horrible night on Katrine's ship, she had not really considered other people. Not seriously. She had come to Zeltron looking for something physical. But what Josh was offering extended to more than that. He'd offered to share pain and keep company.

She nodded again, and then shook her head again. It was complicated. It was too complicated. And her nose, her nose kept wrinkling, unhappy that the scent did not belong to the Lupine that she had wanted to be his and had wanted to be hers.

Scherezade sighed and reached for Josh's pants. "Can't we just do it and decide later?" she almost pleaded with him. Sometimes you had to rip something off like a band aid.


[member="Josh DragonsFlame"]