Serina's words were not anything new to the Corellian. People told her these things, or she silently thought about them. Despite that, each word cut a new sliver of flesh from the Corellian's bone. Nothing beyond superficial, but the reminder still had a small lingering effect on the woman.
While initially it wasn't her choice to become what she is, it was her choice to stay in. Lovers, friends, and even lingering family had offered her a place outside of the game. She never took it because Allyson didn't know who Allyson was out of her role. The thought scared her, even now. Some days, it felt like this was all she was and ever would be. There was no line between Allyson and Allyson the Shadow.
The mask remained, her face still and silent, as Serina used sharp words to try to tear down the Spy. Some of it made her wonder and made her think further about her place in the Empire. Was she collared? Did she just pass hands between the Jedi and Sith? The thought made her scoff silently, her lip curling upward as the brief spat of air lingered. The Empire was different—here, she did have her freedoms, and she was working towards more.
The Emperor gave her a home, and Madelyn made her belong.
It was hard not to smile at the thought and at the hand Serina had revealed. Allyson wondered if she was aware of it. Serina seemed to think her privy knowledge of the unprofessional activities between the Minister and the Spy were grounds to cause strife between the Kainite and the Emperor. If Serina had known anything about the Spy, she would know of the efforts of the Kainite god and his oldest ally's mission to bring the Corellian into the folds of the Empire. In the same breath, the Emperor could care less who his apprentice chose to lay with.
Allyson was worth more as an ally than dead.
Serina continued, and Allyson listened. The demand to be special was now on full display. She recounted her 'achievements,' and Allyson nodded as if she agreed with the girl. All of them were just titles that meant nothing in the greater scheme of things. And yet, in the end, her governorship, something she seemed most proud of, was handed to her. Reicher, the brother, had elevated Polis Massa, and Serina was given a completed pet project.
Allyson held her tongue; she knew better than to interrupt a woman spiraling.
In that spiral, Serina finally got to the point where she was taking the Corellian. Everything led back to
Madelyn Lowe
. There was no sense in hiding her frustrations at the mention of the Minister's name. Back on Saijo, Allyson had threatened the girl about speaking of the woman. Yet, despite the threat, Serina fully brought the woman back into the conversation. Allyson's eyes narrowed slightly, and her fingers curled tightly into fists. Every fiber of her being screamed to draw the bow, to somehow muster enough of the Force to strangle the rambling woman and to follow through with the threat she made on Saijo.
Allyson could feel the threads tightening around her heart, each pulse pounding in her ears as she felt the sudden taste of blood on her tongue. She wanted so badly to follow through, make her threat real, and extinguish the flame that was Serina Calis.
But she didn't.
Instead, Allyson let her continue, her words bitter reminders of things the Corellian had already thought about. She knew who Madelyn was and what she was. There was no surprise, but unlike Serina, Allyson knew more than what was on the surface of the Minister. Allyson believed there was something deeper that they both had felt, but knew their positions would threaten. It was easier to deny, to play naive to the emotions that swelled at the thought of the other.
This wasn't a fairytale - it was something else, something intoxicating, and Allyson would do anything to protect it.
She smiled and slipped in the silence a small quip.
"I know, and if it's five years, they'd be the best five years of my life. Being collateral isn't so bad, you know."
Her words were playful, but she didn't believe it. There was something almost sacred between her and the Minister - something no one else needed to know.
And finally, the last knife to strike the Spy. It was almost comical when she thought about it. Everything important to Serina was said between the insults and the jabs to the Spy. What was important to Serina, what she didn't value, and everything. Allyson nodded as she brushed stray strands of brown hair from her face and mouthed
wow.
"You sure got me there," she started, feigning pain in her voice.
"Dying alone? I would have never pictured it." Allyson chuckled,
"Serina—I know that. I know most of the things you belittle me for. It's my choice, and it's my place in this galaxy. I don't do what I do for glory or legend. I do it because, at the end of the day, I made some very small change, and that's enough for me."
She shrugged,
"I know I'm going to disappear once I die - even now, I don't exist; like the stories you heard in the temple, I'm a ghost with no home."
Allyson exhaled gently as she thought about where to start responding to the long monologue. Figuring she would explain things as they came up would be the best. Firstly, the Jedi,
"I lost hope a long time ago for the Jedi - what I did hold on to was the fact that it was my experience. That the Jedi were otherwise good, but not good for me."
What hurt more than finding out about her experience not being the outlier was the information on Valery.
"And yes, I did think Valery was above killing children. Valery was one of the only people I had as a partner - I typically always worked alone, but she was special. We worked well together; she could anticipate my moves, thoughts, and plans. Everything. She was smart and good and embodied what it was to be a Jedi."
Something carefully masked was in the Corellian's voice; there was more involved than what she was saying about her old friend.
"So to hear that one of my oldest friends slaughtered a child without a second thought bothers me. I wonder if this was how she felt when I betrayed her on Woostri."
Seeing Serina's back to her, a dark thought lingered in her mind - but Allyson pushed it away and chuckled.
"I'm not scared of Madelyn turning on me - if she kills me, then so be it. Wouldn't be the first to try, but yes. I did choose her, but as you know, I was also chosen by another. So if you think that's being collared, be it."
Allyson shrugged,
"I guess you just don't know what it's like to be chosen. I hope you do one day."
Pausing, Allyson stepped closer, her footsteps quiet until Serina could feel the Corellian's mere presence as she leaned forward, lowering her voice to a whisper.
"I may not have the order from my Master. But I suggest you start sleeping with the lights on, Governor Calis. I did warn you." Allyson leaned away and stepped back, waiting for the girl's reaction.
"As for the names, I could give or take them mostly to feed my curiosities. I would enjoy trying to strike another deal - something good for both of us - but it seems like her Highness is done talking to the scoundrel."
Allyson folded her arms and laughed slightly at the Corellian bravado on full display.
"Running away because the conversation didn't go the way you planned? Or have you run out of venom, Governor?"