Damn it!!!!

[Jack Sparrow]

I love sandwiches. Sandwiches are easy to eat, but I hate sandwiches at New York delis; too much f***in' meat on the sandwich. It's like a cow with a cracker on either side. Walk in, order a pastrami sandwich. "Alright, anything else?" Yeah, a loaf of bread and some other people! "What kinda bread?" Rye. No, f***, banana. You got banana bread back there? "What kinda cheese?" Cottage. "Get the f*** out! I'm not makin' a banana bread, pastrami, cottage cheese sandwich! That would severely ruin my reputation!"
--Mitch Hedberg

 

[Avicus DuSang]

Mitch Hedberg is my favorite comedian.

You, sir, are the coolies.