Approved Species Cyber trooper / Necro.

[Kal Jaii]

OUT OF CHARACTER INFORMATION

• Intent: to create a Cyborg or Borg like trooper
• ​Image Credit: https://uk.pinterest.com/explore/unreal-tournament/
• Canon: na
• Links: na

GENERAL INFORMATION

• Name: Gn,t 555 troopers "Necro" ( a nickname )
• Designation: Sentient
• Home world: Sirirur
• Language: Basic
• Average Lifespan: 60 to 116 years
• Estimated Population: Rare only numbering 1000
• Description: a tall pale race of clones. all are pale white with black patches of Carbon based chitin. and all have Biolumenesent eyes (blue or yellow)
• there bones are extremely tough but slightly flexible.
• there skin its self if is on par with plastoids to a armor rating of 4.

PHYSICAL INFORMATION

• Breathes: type 1
• Average height of adults: 2 meters
• Average length of adults: n/a
• Skin color: black and white
• Hair color: black or white
• Distinctions: Mostly only genders.
• females still poses a lore slender frame and breasts while men still poses broader shoulders
• both poses body types of extremely fit humans. though no other races exist.
• Races: NA tend to all look deathly black and wight
• Strengths:
• + Fearless. The Necro are immune to fear an almost suicidal in there bravery . this is due to there brains being more akin to a droids brain.
• + Strong. due to there tech and dense Carbon bones. at least as strong as wookies.
• Blaster resistant skin at an armor rating of 4
• Weaknesses:
• - EMP and Ion will fry any tech in there bodies. and potentially brain dead.
• - Intimidation. The Necro have little to no charisma and can be opposing this makes interactions difficult.
• Necros glowing eyes are visible over a distance and makes sniping easy. and stealth difficult without aid of stealth gear.
• Due to the genetic augmentations surgery is difficult and Bachta tanks will not heal Necros.
• Gold. the Necros all have an alergy to gold this is an inbuilt weakness made as a control method

CULTURE

• Diet: most common foods can be eaten. gold will block there airways.
• Communication: Verbal.
• Technology level: Common
• Religion/Beliefs: N/a. the necro do not hold any religious beliefs but do hold honor and the group above others. although some do develop rituals.
• General behavior: the Necro are first and foremost troopers. ans Soldiers they behave and act as a combat unit. Despite this they each have natural personalities and act as individuals. similar to clone troopers.
• the Necro were intended to be a mindless " meat droid. " instead they became genetically engineered troopers each with differing personalities some being obsessed with knitting others raving lunatics.
• the troopers do require some training in a military boot camp before deployment but can have some information downloaded directly all though this still requires practice.

HISTORICAL INFORMATION
After a run in with the Black wing virus Kal jaii tasked the Rhan, Jaii Corporations resources in to creating a trooper capable of combating it.
The " Necro " are genetically modified soldier with bone studs grown in their skin like a natural chain mail.
they have plates of a chitinous like compound over their bodies that rivals plastoids. to a tire 4 armor.

​as the Necro are significantly augmented they could not be adjusted to be a single gender so are allowed to mature at a semi natural pace developing genders at a 40 / 60 split favoring the male.
with this the Necro have a dense carbon chitin skin a bio luminescent nectateng lens over the eyes.
there Skeletons are a dense carbon as opposed to bone.

with this the Necro have only been used in small skirmishes destroying small pirate basses.
unfortunately several units have splintered off and gone rogue and become mercenaries

 

[Darth Pyrrhus]

Apologies for the delay on this. Under review

 

[Darth Pyrrhus]

[member="Kal Jaii"]

Overall I find this submission to be pretty thin. I'd like to see more work put into this to warrant it being its own sub. What qualifies the need for this to be its own species, rather than a few cybernetically augmented humans? What's your plan? If it's to make a species for your character, could this be achieved by making references to the process in the history? Or does it make most sense to make it into a species submission? We'll proceed as you want.

Assuming you want to proceed, here's my feedback thus far:

Name: Necro ( a nickname )

Have anything more official than a nickname? Feel free to keep the nickname in brackets.

Language: common

This should be "Basic"

Estimated Population: Rare only numbering over 1000

Do you mean under? A little over? Please be a little more specific as currently it stands pretty open ended.

Description: a tall pale race of clones. all are pale white with black patches of Carbon based chitin. and all have Biolumenesent eyes (blue or yelow)

Can I get an armour rating for their skin?

Breathes: type 2

This should probably be Type I and Type II, unless your intention was for them to require breathing mask in a Type I environment? Sort of like how the Kel Dor require masks to protect them in oxygen-rich atmospheres.

Distinctions: Mostly only genders.

This is too vague. What are the differences between the genders? What set them apart from regular Humans? Any notable distinctions worth mentioning for the varying age groups of this species?

+ Strong. due to there tech and dense Carbon bones.

How strong? Please put this to scale for me. Note that a Wookie is considered to have twice, at most three times the strength of a Human.

Religion/Beliefs: na

Please expand upon this. Even if they're atheists, what kind of value or ethic system do they operate on? If they do not have one, please elaborate on that and how this fits into their psyche, as it sounds like something that would make them stand out.

General behavior: the Necro are first and foremost troopers. ans Soldiers they behave and act as a combat unit. Despite this thay each have natural personalities and act as indeviduals.

There really needs to be more meat to this. Here are some examples of what this section could contain (taken from the species template):
"[Describe general behaviors such as: family life, values, how they raise their young, how they find mates, how they interact with the world and other species around them. Do they hunt? Do they build? Are they inventors? Are they explorers? Are they nocturnal or diurnal? Do they attend schools? Etc, etc. ]"

Similarly I want you to elaborate more on the history. You say it was created with the intent of combating the Blackwing virus. How does it do accomplish this? Was it successful? What happened since? Have they been established into a kind of society, or kept somewhere? etc etc.

Finally please go over the submission once more and go over the difference between "there" and "their". Most places where you've written "there" it should be "their".

Thanks
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[Darth Pyrrhus]

[member="Kal Jaii"]

What's the status of this submission?

 

[Kal Jaii]

[member="Darth Pyrrhus"] ahh sorry i have memory issues. i think i did what you asked,
this was posted on a character i rarely use sorry

 

[Darth Pyrrhus]

Language: common

Should still be 'Basic'.

Races: NA tend to all look deathly black and wight

Assuming you mean black and white.

although some do develop rituals.

What kind of rituals? Please be more specific

the troopers do require some training un a military bootcmp before deployment but can have some information downloaded directly all though this still requires plactace.

Please go over spelling. Not entirely sure what you mean at the end with 'plactace'.

Thanks

 

[Kal Jaii]

[member="Darth Pyrrhus"] edited sorry im verry dyslexic

 

[Darth Pyrrhus]

[member="Kal Jaii"] No need for apologies, just working with you towards a better result

Approved, pending secondary

[member="Mahet"]

 

[Reverance]

[member="Kal Jaii"]

Greetings. Overall, the sub seems rather thin, as I agree with my fellow judge, [member="Darth Pyrrhus"]. However, I think we can muster a method to get this up to snuff. I'm going to ask for a couple of things in here:

there skin its self if is on par with plastoids to a armor rating of 4.

This is within the short description but is not listed as a strength. I will need that to be listed as a strength and additionally, I will need a weakness to counter balance it. Nothing too intense, as this isn't exactly the highest quality, but something that would counter balance (preferably something that would be seen in PvP)

Language: common

Please change this to basic, as requested previously.

Average height of adults: 1'13 to 2 meters

I'm confused by this initial number. Might be simpler to just state 2 meters as average height.

There are numerous typos throughout the submission that I think warrant correction. However, I understand your troubles regarding this process. If you would like, I can go through and make these edits and provide them below for you to copy and paste over. My main interest is that you have a uniform submission that will allow ease of use by others who might desire to right a Necro.

 

[Reverance]

[member="Kal Jaii"]

Greetings, what is the status of the request?

 

[Kal Jaii]

[member="Reverance"]
sorry was waiting for input. is it up to scratch ect?

 

[Reverance]

[member="Kal Jaii"]

Sorry, but you haven't made any of the requested edits or commented on the request.

Here is what was listed above

Greetings. Overall, the sub seems rather thin, as I agree with my fellow judge, Darth Pyrrhus. However, I think we can muster a method to get this up to snuff. I'm going to ask for a couple of things in here:



Kal Jaii, on 11 Apr 2017 - 09:38 AM, said:

there skin its self if is on par with plastoids to a armor rating of 4.

This is within the short description but is not listed as a strength. I will need that to be listed as a strength and additionally, I will need a weakness to counter balance it. Nothing too intense, as this isn't exactly the highest quality, but something that would counter balance (preferably something that would be seen in PvP)



Kal Jaii, on 11 Apr 2017 - 09:38 AM, said:

Language: common

Please change this to basic, as requested previously.

Kal Jaii, on 11 Apr 2017 - 09:38 AM, said:

Average height of adults: 1'13 to 2 meters

I'm confused by this initial number. Might be simpler to just state 2 meters as average height.

There are numerous typos throughout the submission that I think warrant correction. However, I understand your troubles regarding this process. If you would like, I can go through and make these edits and provide them below for you to copy and paste over. My main interest is that you have a uniform submission that will allow ease of use by others who might desire to right a Necro.

 

[Kal Jaii]

[member="Reverance"]
ok i think i got it all. realized i forgot to add the gold weakness.

 

[Reverance]

[member="Kal Jaii"]

Approved.