Critique the Shark; A Year of Chaos

[Ghorua the Shark]

...Okay, you got me, a year and two days.

I've enjoyed my time here to no end. I had never joined an RP message board before, but had been looking to for a while. I just didn't know where to start, or what board was right for me. Episode 7 pushed me to look up Star Wars, something I had always loved, and I found you crazy bunch of misfits. After a few days of stalking, I finally created Ghorua here, and went to work.

Being a High School student, and with only a few B's in College Literature to my name at the time of my joining, writing with you all has forced me to become a better writer. I've been forced to up my game, and as this game increased, so did my love for Star Wars, writing, and creativity.

This site has pulled me through some pretty rough times, and I suppose some of that can be attributed to this Herglic I've sunk so much time into. Stopping it right here to say I love you all very much, even those I may have pissed off in my brief time here, or those I have never RP'd with at all. You're all great, nonetheless.

So, after a year of Chaos, what do you all think, of either Ghorua, or my writing?

 

[Teynara Jeralyr]

[member="Ghorua the Shark"]

Something smells fishy here...

 

[Matsu Xiangu]

[member="Ghorua the Shark"] First of all, I haven't had the opportunity to write with you directly but this post brought a smile to my face. I am so glad you enjoy this board and community so much. I feel sometimes many of us like to focus on the negative, but at the end of the day this is a great place to come and relax and make friends. And most of all to write! I am so happy that you feel you've improved creatively and intellectually through writing here and that it brings you joy and helps you get through the tough times.

That being said, I took a peek through Ghorua's bio and I really love how balanced he is in terms of strengths and weaknesses. They make sense to his species and lifestyle. I especially love that his weaknesses not only give him character (he hates that he can't control himself around blood, PLOT CATALYST), but they are actual weaknesses. I can't tell you how many times I've rolled my eyes at a weakness like "hard to get along with" and nothing else. Don't get me wrong, that's definitely a weakness. But your creation is a good example of personality flaws combined with a true weakness - his shoulder for example, or the bloodlust that he can't think straight through. Those are things that put him at a true disadvantage and therefore add depth, versus someone who's character is just mean and people don't like him.

I don't feel comfortable offering critiques when I don't have all the knowledge, but I at least had to share that.

 

[Kuzo]

[member="Ghorua the Shark"]

So, we've been/are in exactly one thread together, where we have written directly. I've been forum RPing since 2002, even if my tenure here at Chaos isn't all that long. So when I tell you that this thread is one of my favorite one-on-one RPs I have ever done, I need you to realize that is over the span of 14 years of this nonsense.

On to the gritty:

Your writing is solid, both from a technical stand point and from a creative one. The part that really shines however is how much *fun* it is, and how deeply characterized Ghorua is. You mix the surface role of this hulking brute with a sensitivity and (for lack of a better word) humanity that only enhances and never detracts. I love the mix of humor and sincerity, tension and calm that you have wrapped into a single body in a way that feels very *real*.

From a writing partner perspective, besides the obvious "your writing is entertaining to read", you are generous with your posts. Sometimes short, sometimes meatier, you write enough to do what you need to do with your character, but also to give your writing partner things to work with. This makes threading with you incredibly satisfying and something I'd honestly recommend to pretty much everyone on the site- because it's something that most of us could stand to be more conscious of and do better with. I have never once been left looking at a post, scratching my head and thinking "what the heck do I do with *that*?" while writing with you.

The combination of those things has made the entire experience incredibly enjoyable, and posts from you are one of my favorite notifications to get.

I'm so glad that you found Chaos, and that it is such a great experience for you to be part of. I think that Chaos is richer for your presence here.

 

[Teynara Jeralyr]

[member="Ghorua the Shark"]

On a serious note, we've not written together, but what I've seen of your work, I've liked: and that's only after a year. Many of us having been writing for many, many years, and you hold your own here, which is not always an easy thing to do with some of the writers we have. We've got some good writers, some decent writers, some exceptional writers, and you manage to hold your ground and write things that work for them, and also inspire them in their own replies and responses. That, honestly, is all any good RP writer can do, and all we can ask for.

Imagine how you'll be writing a year from now, or two, or three: if this is how you start with us, I can only expect good things to come from you continuing to do so

Keep up the good work, dude. Perhaps we'll write together at some point.

 

[Valiens Nantaris]

[member="Ghorua the Shark"]
You've done very well. Here to many more years!

 

[Jen]

The humor and descriptive nature of your writing is great. Ghorua is also simply a lovely character.

This feedback may not be the most in-depth of its kind, but it comes from the heart.

 

[Artemis Vahl'Nyx]

[member="Ghorua the Shark"]
Since I just came back from an unannounced, unexpected, and unnecessarily long LOA, I can't say I'm terribly familiar with your character. However, upon reading over some of your posts, along with checking out your character's bio, I can quite confidently say the following: You're a good writer who knows how to keep your posts interesting and engaging. Even if that knowledge is more subconscious than conscious, like it tends to be, it's a good trait to have. As you continue to develop your writing I'm sure you'll find that being able to capture your audience is an invaluable skill. After all, one can write as fancily as they please, but if there's nothing interesting to the text, then, well, they might as well be writing an instruction manual.

I'm glad you've enjoyed your first year here, and I sincerely hope you stick around for another one!