Public Cooking With Kal

[Kal]

"Welcome back to Cooking With Kal, where the chef might change but the spirit beneath remains the same. Today we will be doing some creative cooking, as usual, but with a twist." Kal had chosen a six-armed humanoid for the occasion. The species was somewhat unclear - in fact, there was a good chance the male specimen had been tailor-made.

Kal was, of course, one of the Galaxy's few practitioners of culinary alchemy, having studied the rare art from the holocron of the only true master it had ever had. Most of his recipes were reproducible at home, however.

You could make 'the Perfect Chocolate Fondant' without space magic, it just wouldn't be as perfect.

"Today we will be joined by a guest - someone who has been instructed to bring the ingredients we will be using today. Now, I don't know who they are or what they're bringing, so let's find out together!"

 

[Mercy]

Kal

Stage left entrance was a walking slab of muscle.

It was wearing shades inside a building, which indicated they were a special kind of nerf herder. But that was the only way to make it in show business. So, they probably fit right in. The crowd went wild, politely at the ding of the 'applause'-indicator, but Mercy took it in strides. Raising her arms and pumping them as she walked up on the stage with a mighty grin on her face.

In her hand was a grocery bag.

It was bulging at the seams and straining to burst. The moment she put it on the table in front of Kal, or six-armed-humanoid!Kal, it sighed in relief at the pressure relieved.

"Heya, Chef, glad to be here." Mercy drawled lazily as she sat down with a pleased sigh. "I gotchu something good for today."

Once Kal began drawing the ingredients out? It was... meat. A lot of meat. Of different types, different animals, portions and sizes.

"Oh, right."

From out of a pocket Mercy pulled a vial of something. "Hot sauce. Can't ever go wrong with that, right?" The 'laughter'-indicator popped up and obediently the crowd laughed as if Mercy made the best joke in history. She grinned wildly at that and waved happily to 'her' people. "I love yar audience, buddy, big fan of 'em."

Maybe she needed her own show? This was great.

She should have looked at HoloNet advertisements sooner.

 

[Kal]

If Kal was at all bothered my the monothematic nature of the ingredients, he did not show it. If anything, the way in which he rubbed two pairs of hands seemed downright enthusiastic. "Alright, let's see here. Some Nerf meat straight from a supermarket, what looks like womp rat thigh... oh, that's interesting. Where did you find a Wampa heart?"

There were more animals (hopefully animals) represented, but the details could wait. It was not as if the folks at home would be attempting this specific recipe exactly as he cooked it unless they were feeling particularly bold.

Eying the vial, his smile widened. "Very hot sauce too. Quite the meal we've got here."

The audience seemed to like her too - half the audience, anyway. Some of them were overjoyed to see a cooking show spiced up, while the rest were rather miffed about the perceived culinary inadequacies of her ingredients of choice.

Kal himself could not give a damn - doing strange things with food was half the fun. It was not an exaggeration to say that some of his episodes were unairable due to the health risks posed. "Have you got anything specific in mind, Ms...?"

Mercy​

 

[Mercy]

Kal

"Well, Chef, I had to dig very deep, but eventually I managed to get my hands on one!" Mercy chirped back with charm and cheeriness. It was easy to be charming however when the audience cheered you on. The fact that half of them only clapped and applauded when the sign activated was lost to Mercy.

Or perhaps she didn't care about that little pesky detail.

"Dun' forget about the wa- womp rat liver." Wa? Had Mercy been about to say Wampa? Prooooobably not. No, it must have just been a hiccup. "Really tasty with some red wine, I am told." Then a grin. "Mercy. Jus' Mercy, but dun' worry I ain't planing for us to be particularly merciful-" Laugh track was engaged. "-to those nuna thighs, trust me."

"How about you, Chef Kal, got any other names or jus' Kal so the audience can easily remember it?"

The tease coming up and playfully so.

Finally Mercy shrugged at his last question. "I dunno, mate, I ain't a chef. But... I 'eard ya can make some really tasty patties and sausages, then serve it with hot sauce an' buns. Unless ya wanna get more creative than that...."

 

[Kal]

Mercy seemed an odd choice for the woman, but to each their own. What were names but fleeting labels?

"Oh, many. Kal is one of the few I tend to keep, however!" Labels could be used and discarded as necessary, though Kal was not necessarily all that discreet - he tended to happily introduce himself with his 'real' name to most he met in his own guise, so to speak. Those he met while possessing some meat puppet or another was another matter entirely.

"A solid starting point." Opting to use the womp rat thigh as a starting point, he quickly produced a meat grinder and got to work, sextuple arms moving about with borrowed mastery. "Buns would be difficult - unless you're hiding some?"

That was part of the gimmick. Spices and tools he could produce, but the rest the guest'd bring.

It might be possible to transmute some meat into a bun-like form, of course.

Mercy​

 

[Mercy]

Kal

"Well, then ya picked an easy one to keep, chef. Doubt anyone be trying to abbreviate it any further." Then a grin. "Chef Kay. About the same amount o' syllables."

Sign lit up.

Audience clapped.

Mercy basked in the glow.

"Oh, well, I figured... we can jus' use some o' the meat for buns, right? Fry 'em right an' wrap 'em around the other meat." The collective heart rate and cholesterol rating spiked up just from those words. Mercy didn't seem to mind though. In fact, she seemed positively famished and was already glancing down to the raw meat with something of greediness.

"Ya get it, right? Tryina' cut da carbs somewhat for this month. Gotta take care o' ya routine." Mercy struck a gaze towards the alien over the rims of her shades. "Then again, ya dun' seem to worry that much about carbs, do ya, buddy?"

Grin.

Sign lit up.

Audience laughed.

Mercy- well, you get it already.

 

[Kal]

"Meat wrapped in meat, eh?" Locating an appropriate piece of meat, two of his arms got to work on a new project while the other four continued to work on the sausages. Every once in a while he levitated over tools or ingredients that were out of reach. "Why not make some bacon and add another layer still?" There were no breaks on this cholesterol train.

Chuckling merrily, Kal flashed a smile to his ad hoc partner - and the audience beyond.

"Certainly not. Why worry about keeping a body healthy when one can simply print another, am I right folks?" There were two ways in which he could do this show - being relatable or being outwardly alien to the point of fascination.

He had chosen to fall squarely in the latter category on his first day and was not stopping now.

Mercy​

 

[Mercy]

Kal

"Chef... yar reading mah mind." Positively licking her lips at the thought of that.

Meat perched between fried meat, rolled into a greasy-dripping bacon sheet. Wasn't that exactly the kind of chit you wanted between your teeth? Her stomach growled there and Mercy grinned. "Mah stomach agrees with ya too. Dear feth, that sounds great." Already eyeing the limbs working their magic and yet...

Was it weird Mercy wondered how the ch- yep, very weird. That was way too much like Arcturus Dinn , thanks.

"Huh, really?" Pointed look up and down. "Printed? Damn, they come up with alll kinds o' chit these days, don't they?" Cheerful as she stretched and began looking a bit impatient.

That was Mercy for ya tho.

For now she tried to keep it in line. Maybe Kal could sense it anyway though.

 

[Kal]

Kal was not actively reading her mind, per se, but he was toeing the line. That was the way he operated.

"That they do, but then making bodies has always been harder than swapping them - for most." Force only knew how quickly you could spin up a Spaarti clone if didn't need a soul or much intellect. He liked to think that his associates' methods were at the very least more elegant. No Ysalamiri or proto-people needed, just empty vessels for possession.

Registering her hungry impatience, he separated some sausages from the rest. How he had finished them this quickly was difficult to explain - at times his arms had been little more than blurs of motion. "Normally one would leave them to hang for a while, but what kind of show would that be." With a series of sharp gestures, a few sausages began to levitate.

"Don't try this at home unless you're a licensed culinary alchemist!" As usual, Kal offered no explanation as to how such a license might be earned. Within moments, the sausages began to bubble as they rapidly prepared themselves.

Mercy​

 

[Mercy]

Kal

It wasn't hard to read Mercy's mind anyway.

It was all surface level motion.

Skin-deep.

A constant shift between rumbling hunger, sudden spikes of aggression, before turning back around into pure bliss of being Witnessed and Adored by such a large crowd. There did not seem to be much more happening than that. This... in itself was an illusion, of course. Mercy (as many young adults) were an everchanging tempest of emotions and feelings.

She frontloaded the things she was willing to show at the front. Everything else? Pushed it down deep. In this she was no more special than any regressed youth still processing the events of her short-ish life.

"You must be going through those bodies like candy, chef. Or do you prefer a specific one?" Cheerfully inquiring as if the format of the show shifted from cooking to an interview. And Mercy was curious about that. In a... theoretical fashion. She loved herself too much to ever consider swapping to a different body.

Kal's next display made her blink behind the shades however.

"Wow, that's fancy as kark. How do you DO that?"

Public sign turned on again.

The crowd oooooh'ed in awe at the display.

 

[Kal]

Mercy seemed the type that would not hesitate to kill for business or pleasure - the kind that would terrify most people, but Kal was not most people. Hard to be scared, truly scared, when bodily death was an inconvenience at most.

Bring a Force-imbued Blade into the picture and he might view matters differently.

"Oh, I like to mix things up. Some are better for cooking..." The bacon he was working on spun through the air, was caught by another arm, and then a third began cutting it anew. All in a split second. The polite audience applauded politely. "... but others have different strengths. I prefer being male, but it's no biggie to be a woman on occasion."

Gaze swivelling back to the sausages, he slowly levitated them back down - catching them in mid-air with a platter - his eyes glowing a faint white all the while. "Practice, mostly - and some pointers from a long-dead Ewok."

Mercy​

 

[Mercy]

Kal

She chuckled.

"Can't imagine being in any other body than mah own." She smirked there and gave a little stretch.

Sign went on.

Audience went oooooooh.

Which only encouraged Mercy and realistically speaking you should never encourage Mercy. That was the way to increased property damage and people traumatized. Literally and figuratively. "But sounds cool regardless." More than cool. It would let her get away with practically anything in one body and then jus' swap to another one, once she was done.

Dangerous prospect. She liked that part of it at least.

"Ahh, an' here I was gon' ask ya to gimme some pointers." Mercy grinned. "Shame the fella be dead, otherwise I would'a have ya point 'im out to me. I enjoy adding new tricks to mah repertoire."

As Kal was finishing up Mercy realized the attention hadn't been on her for a minute. Which was deeply unacceptable.

"Whatcha say, dear folks, ya wanna see something cool tonight?"

YES YES YES, HOORAY - The crowd went in response once the sign lit up to cheer. - GO MERCY

It might be a bit much, but they were being paid by their performance, so there was a lot of encouragement to be as enthusiastic as possible. Mercy didn't mind, of course. She was eating it up. Rising up smoothly she flexed her arms to the delight of the crowd. Then? Without any issue she picked up the sofa she was on with one arm.

The left one.

The brilliantly mesmerizing tattoo flared up as the enchantment did its part.

 

[Kal]

Smiling wickedly, he delivered a quartet of full-prepared sausages to his guest. Given who she was, they would likely be gone in no time, but at least she had an appetiser. The last thing he wanted was for her to stop nibbling on him - that'd scare the audience. "Oh, I wouldn't say I can't give any pointers. You seem like you might have the potential to learn."

Focusing his attention on the bacon, he began to exert his power in a more subtle way. Condensing them down to what might be described as the idealised form of bacon. "It's much simpler than that whole bioalchemy shtick some people do. Making a meal is a whole lot easier than making a monster, at least as far as the basics are confirmed."

Obviously, culinary masterpieces were more difficult than shoddy monsters.

Glancing over at the woman as her showmanship intensified, her tattoo received a long, somewhat concerned, look. He did not, however, attempt to stop her. He could only hope she knew how to handle the power imbued therein.

He would certainly never have inscribed something of that nature on anyone he cared about.

Mercy​

 

[Mercy]

Kal

She dropped the sofa with a poof back on the floor.

As if it was made out of a feather.

The applause sign winked on, but this time around it was in vein. They were already applauding. It seemed that for all their business like behavior even the crowd was impressed with that kind of excitement displayed right in front of them. "I dun' know anything about monster creation." She said frankly as if she wasn't on the HoloNet web being broadcasted. "Always seemed a lil'..."

Brows furrowed as she took the hotdogs offered and started chewing down on one with no hesitation.

"Yeah, arrogant? Karkin' creating critters outta nowhere. Not mah speed." She wolved down a second one. "Feth me, dis is sum' good chit, Chef. Ya definitely should get me dah recipe, if ya know what I mean."

Laughing track.

Mercy finger-gunned them back in return.

"So gimme dem pointers, replicant man. I am all ears..." And chewed down another one. Kal had been entirely right in his assessment. She was feeding herself like there was no tomorrow.

 

[Kal]

The sofa dropped to the floor with a poof and... nothing exploded, no monstrosities crawled out of cracks between worlds, and no audience members collapsed to the floor to start speaking in tongues. In short, Kal was relieved.

Smiling brightly at her comments, he found himself agreeing - she was not the kind of person he envisioned creating the monster of the week in some dimly lit laboratory. She seemed much more likely to be that monster, so to speak. He was fairly sure she was a Sith or at least a Darksider, but that was unproblematic - Kal was not particularly judgemental.

"You've probably heard sayings about cooking with love. This is vaguely like that. The simplest form of manipulation is to mould whatever you're cooking towards closer to an idealised concept - tastiness, perhaps."

The bacon shifted slightly, it turned crispy even as salt levitated upwards to coat and infuse it.

"Some general training is likely needed, but it is far easier than, say, making a Force-imbued Sword." It helped that the changes in question did not always need to be anywhere near permanent. Food only needed to be tasty until eaten.

Mercy​

 

[Mercy]

Kal

Something under Mercy's skin hissed.

She didn't notice, but Kal might. It was annoyed. It was hungry. And her pinky was already hooking in eldritch shapes, because it desperately wanted to try and summon a star-weird. So it could swallow the entire studio whole. It was just the pinky however. The rest of Mercy's hand was rigid tight and strict.

Clearly Mercy had control of it.

Right now.

"Huh, that be sounding familiar to me, yah." Similar way to how Mercy had refined the cleaver after hammering it home. Moran showed her how to beat it into shape and his assistants talked about intent. Chit like that. Alchemy was... fascinating, really. She doubted she'd ever excel with it the way she could destroy things with her fists, but...

Moran awakened something in her back then. A desire for more.

"That's impressive to heck. So... ya could... theoretically of course... give it a chocolate finish?" Staring at the floating bacon with clear hunger.

 

[Kal]

The thing that was part of Mercy was somewhat concerning, but it seemed stable. For now.

A chocolate finish? Eying the bacon thoughtfully, he procured a mixture of grease and other miscellany from some of the other meat, carved a series of strange glyphs into a bowl, and poured the mixture into it. "Quite the request, there, but it should be doable." Eyes glowing brighter than ever, he ceased his other efforts to focus entirely on the process.

Slowly but surely, the greasy meat derivatives turned into liquid chocolate. Well, sort of.

It was not technically speaking chocolate, but it did taste, look, and smell like it.

As the audience looked upon in a mixture of awe and disgust, the recently-transmuted 'chocolate' was poured over a great many long slivers of bacon, hardening slightly in the process to keep it from dripping off.

"A curious request, but there we have it. Can't say I've ever tried anything like it!"

Most of the strange treats went to Mercy, but Kal kept one for himself.

Mercy​

 

[Mercy]

Kal

Mercy blinked there slowly as it happened before her.

That was certainly not something you could deny.

"You actually ... did it..." Blink blink as the large woman accepted the piece of bacon wrapped in 'chocolate'. Maybe it shouldn't have surprised her that much. After all, she had seen Moran reshape a piece of metal into a deadly sword more than once now. What was a bit of chocolate compared to that?

A feth ton.

After all, the piece of metal was closer to a sword than bacon was to chocolate.

She bit off a piece. Chewed, thoughtfully. The audience hushed. Watching her reaction closely. Until Mercy smirked and murmured, "Crispy." Which elicited hoots, laughs and clapping.

"Well, Chef Kal, I think I learned a lot today. How about you folks in the audience and at home?" Called out towards both groups. In response she received more cheers, words of affirmation and clapping. "Ya dun' mind if I show up more often, eh? I think I am getting used to this. Mebbe I will do some cooking o' my own on yar show, like a guest chef!"

Teasing Kal with that as she bit off another piece of the chocolate bacon. It really tasted pretty okay.

 

[Kal]

He had surprised her - and the audience - it seemed. Reshaping one form of matter into another was not an everyday affair even on a show as strange as this one. Emphasis on reshaping, as the meat-turned-chocolate was different and yet the same, so to speak. If one put it under the microscope, it would be revealed to be essentially the same thing.

The same atoms and the same molecules (mostly), but arranged somewhat differently.

"Excellent. Perhaps you will take an interest in culinary alchemy yourself!" He had his doubts, personally. She seemed the warlike sort and that rare branch of the alchemical arts was decidedly nonmilitant, poisoned cookies notwithstanding.

"I can't say I would mind, so long as the audience agrees?" Their enthusiastic response was answer enough; no wonder, the strange show they had been putting on was rather more exciting than your typical cooking.

Mercy​

 

[Mercy]

Kal

A hearty chuckle there.

"Well, Chef, I have been collecting bobs and bits myself across the last few months!" Different force techniques from people she came across during her travels. First the existence of teleportation (she still couldn't get the hang of that one), now this new take on alchemy... the galaxy certainly was a very interesting place.

As long as you kept your eyes open.

The audience's cheers made her grin and rose up. Bumping her fists in the air to their cheers. "Yes! Great, I will be back, don't doubt it!" After one more cheerful wave to her 'fans' and to Kal, then Mercy strolled off set.

"Dear feth, I am hot. Anyone got a bottle o' water for me?"

Relaxed, nonchalant, accepting a bottle from one of the attendants as she plopped down in one of the studio chairs.

"Well, that was pretty good, wasn't it?"