Private Compassion & Compromise (Kyra Perl)

[Caedyn Arenais]

The Silver Rest, Kashyyyk.
Kyra Perl

​

A couple days had passed since Caedyn's last unfortunate incident involving Kyra Perl and Acaadi , and in the nature of their new routines, today was scheduled to be another full day of training for the pair; Having done his best to give Kyra the space she likely wanted, Caedyn wondered how things would play out. At the very least, he knew not to go looking for her if she failed to show up on time. Given how that whole affair had gone, he could only hope it wouldn't be the case again today.

Given the fact that Caedyn made it a habit to get up at 5am every morning, he had just under an hour to kill in every day that they shared together. Today, he decided that sparring would best encourage Kyra to take to his company with some semblance of hope for a positive outcome, yet before he would set their session into motion, he decided to use one of the training droids to spar against on his own. These droids weren't protocol droids of course, they were humanoid but far more agile and advanced if choosing the appropriate setting for a Jedi Knight such as himself. Issued a training lightsaber to match his own lowered frequency, the result of which would be a fast paced match while the shield generator attached to the back of the droids torso would keep it from sustaining any damages, while also registering hits from it's opponent and recording them.

The truth was that Caedyn required the distraction. Things had been fast moving since he had moved back to Kashyyyk from the Outer Rim Territories, and he had put the majority of his focus (if not all of it) into planning and guiding his Padawan Learner. In the numerous challenges that had come about however, this had also emphasized a certain lack of support that he might otherwise had been able to find in that of a friend, or close colleague within the Order.

Unfortunately, he was realizing that these days he didn't really know who his friends were. With Asaraa Vaashe and him so rarely seeing one another these days and since the death of his Father his family had felt even more distanced than usual, something that was quite a feat given how rarely they'd come together before then, Caedyn found himself feeling quite isolated. In the past, he'd had Veiere to bounce idea's and discussions off of, despite how there was always a certain resentment held over his father and a lack of comfort and trust given their past...-But nowadays there wasn't even that much.

 

[Kyra Perl]

Kyra did NOT want to come. But as she knew all too well, not coming was not an option and being late was-- well-- something he'd pursue. It was early, but not early enough to not feel heavy embarrassment. She had been Caedyn's padawan for near half a month, but the number of session together barely fit on one hand. And even then, most saw early dismissals.

She had no clue how this was going to work, and her fears she expressed to Acaadi still held firm and true.

She didn't feel cut out to do this. At all.

Her confidence shattered, she walked into the training room with her head held down. She didn't wanna look at him. She didn't wanna see the judgement in her eyes. She came because it was expected of her, and despite her attitude of the past, she wasn't brave enough to snuff authority. Caedyn's own wash of emotions hung vaguely in the air, barely tangible-- mixed with distractions-- but setting a bad tone for the room nonetheless.

She said nothing, instead sitting down on her knees at the edge of the mat, as all padawans did when waiting instruction.

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

Upon sensing the arrival of his Padawan, Caedyn reached out with his left hand, palm open to the droid and instructing it to cease and return to the edge of the room where it would then power-down. He was relieved that Kyra Perl had come, not certain whether she would show up at all, so sensing her entrance rendered his training session with the droid at an end. Upon turning to look her way however, without needing to sense for her emotions, he could clearly see it through her body language that she was looking sullen and defeated with her head down, avoiding eye contact with him.

Disengaging his Lightsaber, he clipped it to his belt and moved to approach the side of the mat to where she was seated. Rather than call for her, or begin their session in his usual manner, Caedyn instead moved to her side and lowered himself to the floor to take a seat beside her. There was a moment of silence between them that followed, wanting to allow her the opportunity to speak and yet with her in such a state, she seemed not unwilling.

Eventually, while looking out across the sparring arena, he took the initiative to speak first, uncertain of whether she would be willing to listen or believe anything he had to say. In the past, she had doubted and repressed every attempt he had made to show kindness and warmth towards her.

"I'm sorry that I'm not the kind of Master that you'd have liked, Kyra" Caedyn apologized genuinely, his voice soft and tone gentle as he spoke his thoughts quietly between them both. "I've taught classes before, but you're the first Padawan I've had the privilege of taking under my wing. I know there are some things that I don't yet understand, and there will probably be a lot of things about me that frustrate you but above all else, I want the best for you".

He wasn't certain how she would take his words, quite likely try to fight it in some shape or form but he had to try, it was important to him that she understood that he cared.

"The other morning, I wanted to stay and talk things through with you and Acaadi. I know you won't want to discuss it and that's fine, we don't need to but I just want to let you know that I'm not angry. I'm just concerned for you both and should either of you need it, I'm here to talk to in confidence. For advice or...Whatever".

 

[Kyra Perl]

Kyra swallowed hard, her fingers picking at her cuticles as she struggled with words. There was so much she could say in that moment. That she was sorry. She didn't mean to be difficult. She was lost, he was frustrating, she spoke without thinking, she had no clue how to be better than she was, she was so afraid of letting him down.

She said none of it-- too many words to get past the tightness of her throat.

Instead she fell into silence, its presence easier. She was exhausted. And in more than just body. How could she get better? She didn't see a way.

"...It's my birthday next week," she whispered, her voice cracking. "No one knows."

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

Caedyn blinked, not having expected to hear the response that Kyra Perl offered in exchange. In the rather abrupt and unexpected change of subject, the corner of his mouth tugged in a sort of half-smile for his Padawan's awkward way of answering him.

The added fact that he was the first that she had told, after how many months of being at the Silver Rest and knowing her peers by now, seemed to give some form of suggestion that she was trusting in him at least a little bit.

"None of your friends know it's your Birthday?" He asked curiously, his attention well and truly removed of his prior concerns for himself and instead solely taken in by his Padawan; "Isn't your Birthday something to be happy about?".

 

[Kyra Perl]

Kyra gave a weak shrug, staring down at her fingers.

"I guess. If people care."

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

"Would you believe me if I told you that I care?".

Caedyn looked to Kyra Perl , his left hand lifting to rest upon her shoulder with a gentle grasp that was meant to give her some form of assurance and an attempt to comfort her without overstepping his boundaries. He'd done enough of that lately.

"If you don't feel like telling others, you don't have to. But maybe we should celebrate it somehow?" he suggested, hoping to offer her something to smile about.

 

[Kyra Perl]

Kyra sniffled, her gaze shooting sideways up at him, then back down to her hands. "...It's on a training day," she confessed, vote tight. If she wanted to or not, she was due in to his lessons. Clearly this meant the day couldn't be celebrated, even if she fessed up to wanting it to be.

Which she did. Desperately. She just didn't want to ask. It hurt, very deeply, to ask someone to notice. Or care. Or do something with her. She had been away from home for a long time, and the lack of involvement of her family as they each grew up... She hadn't expected to last long enough at silver rest to do something here. But now that it was, she was paralyzed.

He had said she could talk to him about anything.

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

"Well..." Caedyn exhaled with a huff, a sort of half-laugh yet not wanting to be inconsiderate of her feelings or have Kyra Perl assume he was laughing at her expense in any means; "I've put a lot of emphasis on training lately, and while somethings have been going well, somethings could have gone better. It's going to take me some time to learn what works best for us both in terms of going about our training and studies together but I also talked about discovering who you are as an individual...-And having a Birthday sounds like a very important thing for an individual to celebrate" he grinned warily, giving her shoulder a squeeze, hoping that she might notice his attempt to raise her spirits.

"Besides, I don't want our time to be solely focused on training and having to tell you what to do. I want to get to know more about you, I want to know my Padawan not just for what you can do, but for who you are. I don't want to just be your teacher, but someone you can rely on and trust. I know it will take time and we've had our share of challenges, but I'm not going anywhere...".

 

[Kyra Perl]

"...But you wished you had someone better," Kyra stated softly. "I'm a headache, I know you feel it. I'm not what you were hoping for-- I'm not good idea-- I make you feel sad. Why don't you just turn me in and let them kick me?" She announced, not looking at him.

"Yeah. I figured that out. I know that's why you're here-- I know that is what will happen to me. Just let me go." She shrugged off his hand. "You don't have to pretend with me anymore."

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

Caedyn withdrew his hand upon hearing her mention the Assembly indirectly, having obviously caught on somehow. To an extent, Caedyn felt he had probably given it away somehow in his trying to encourage her to take her training a little more seriously, but then there was also her talent for picking up on emotions and reading people almost like they were an open data-file.

"The Silver Assembly did ask me to look into your time here, as they were concerned with your progress, it's true. They don't however deny students lightly and so I was asked to meet with you and advise them on what I felt would be best. What I wasn't asked however, was to take you as my Padawan Learner. I was given no boundaries or expectations in how far I were to pursue the matter, and I made that decision of my own volition" Caedyn explained to Kyra Perl , wanting her to understand his view and understanding of the situation, as well as his commitment to her.

"Like I said, you're my first Padawan and that is a great deal to me. I take it very serious and making a commitment like this means dedicating myself one-hundred percent to supporting you however I can, not just as a Jedi, but in your personal growth and as what I have always hoped would become a close friendship with you over time" he gave pause, having said all of this. It would likely be a lot to take in, but she had raised the subject and Caedyn felt she deserved to hear it all in full disclosure.

"As a senior student, and in my earlier years as a Jedi Knight, I imagined what it might be like to have a Padawan" Caedyn continued, "I had a very good relationship with my Master, she was like an older Sister to me. We were only two years apart and yet she was so skilled and knowledgeable in the Force. The idea that I might be able to be that to someone else..." Caedyn again paused, though this time out of realization that he was delving into rather personal details now; "Those were very special years to me" He elaborated in short.

"Have there been some frustrating times between us?" He echoed her previous comment, with the intent to answer; "Yes, we've both had our frustrations and there have been challenges I hadn't expected or prepared for...-But in no way does that change my opinion of you as my Padawan. You, Kyra are my Student and I will always give everything I have to this partnership of ours. We may still be getting to know each other, and I may screw up at times as well, but unless you're so adamant that you go to the Assembly to officially request that I be removed as your Mentor, there is nothing that will change how I feel about being your Master and passing on everything I know to you so that you become a Jedi Knight one day...".

 

[Kyra Perl]

Kyra slowly curled up, legs to chest, his words starting to blur as the world felt dull. He had always said that she would need to deal with what happened to her at some point. He couldn't know that it had all unfolded the day before. But know sitting besides him, hearing him declare care over her well being-- swearing his dedication to her future up and down-- spouting words of commitment and-- and-- love for her as a person...

When the world felt dark and ready to swallow you as a person, it was the small things that resonated within you the most.

Tears started streaming down her face-- hot and salty, they dashed onto her knees and soaked right through. This was all she ever wanted-- someone to care. Why did it have to be him? Why now? Why like this?

It was too late.

"I can't do this," she confessed, yesterday's realization spilling over to him. Confidence shattered, she held no faith in herself on this path. "I'm not cut out-- I can't--"

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

Whether he was within the Jedi Temple, an Enclave in the Outer Rim, or on assignment somewhere in the Galaxy, Caedyn had learned that there were certain times where one had to stop over-thinking, doubting and criticizing yourself and instead go with your feelings, your instincts and what your gut was telling you.

Witnessing his Padawan on the verge of a breakdown like this, it was one of these moments that reached out to Caedyn and putting his concern for how it might look on a professional front, to the back of his mind, he leaned over to Kyra Perl and embraced her in both arms.

"You will get there if that's what you want, and you won't be alone. I'll be with you every step of the way, I promise" Caedyn spoke softly. Perhaps later on he would question whether he was right or not to be trying to comfort her in such a way, but in the moment what he knew for a certainty was that Kyra was suffering from a trauma, with further stress piled on top and all of which she had tried to bottle and hide from her friends.

She needed support, and he'd always be there to offer it.

 

[Kyra Perl]

Sobs tore through her, the padawan breaking down on the most unlikely of shoulders. It was hard to put to words what went through her then. She had come in embarrassed and expecting judging, and now sat sobbing over abduction, torture ... and daddy issues. How she got from point a to point b was unclear, and hardly mattered. The cork that had been holding the pain back was gone, and finally, she was facing herself for the first time.

And she sucked. She hated what she found. Stupid, hopeless, ditzy padawan with no future! Acaadi was hurting. She had been tortured. And it was all her fault.

The tears ran dry, and finally, she pulled back. On any normal day she would be embarrassed over her state, but she had bigger things on her mind than dignity and his opinion of her.

"Everything feels dull," she croaked. And it had ever since the invasion, when she had absorbed Darth Praz's energy. The light had been snuffed out of her then. It did not matter how much they cleansed her. The world had lost its sparkle. She felt dull.

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

When Kyra Perl pulled away from him a little, Caedyn withdrew his arms, giving her the space she needed once again. Her words sounded something similar to what one might feel when going through a depression, yet for some reason Caedyn got the distinctive feeling that she was talking more than just about how she was feeling within.

"I know things feel like a mess at the moment, but over time it will get better" He replied gently to her, "Both Acaadi and I are here for you, and I am also here to support him as well if he would like to talk about anything. You both have been through a lot though Kyra, I don't want you to be too hard on yourself" he tried to discourage her from blaming herself, or putting more pressure on herself than she needed.

"I probably should have said this much sooner, but I'm proud of the two of you for all that you've been through. You're both still here, and you've got a great future ahead of you in the Order".

 

[Kyra Perl]

Kyra sniffled, going quiet as sat in her thoughts. His words had very little affect on her, her mind too far to really process. She gave a half-hearted pick at her own cuticles, trying to fathom how any thing could begin to look up from here.

She understand that time healed things, she had experienced it before. It was just-... much different then. She still had a direction back then. She was no longer sure of her own abilities. Acaadi had gotten tortured over her.

"He's not my boyfriend, you know," she uttered. Oh wait. Now that just made it sound worse! "I mean. It's not like that." Not helping! "He's just my closest friend!" She exclaimed, getting flustered and huffy. She hated assumptions. Hated!

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

Glancing back to Kyra Perl , Caedyn listened as she tried to explain the situation between herself and Acaadi . He gave a wary smile, appreciating her being willing to discuss it in some form, no matter how large or small the details. Caedyn understood that it wasn't easy for Kyra to open up to others.

"You care about each other" Caedyn responded in a rhetorical sense, summarizing what mattered above all else from his point of view. "He's obviously important to you, which was why I would have been willing to talk with the both of you about what happened but I also don't want to intrude. Your relationships, no matter what form they take, are yours to choose and anyone that's important in your life will be someone I care about too".

Of course, it helped that Acaadi seemed like a good one, not some trouble maker that she'd met from outside the Silver Rest but someone she might be able to rely on and they help each other when times were toughest.

"Good friends that genuinely care are a precious thing in life" He added thoughtfully, reflecting back on the absence of a social life in his own personal circumstance, "Despite how awkward that morning was, I'm kind of glad to know you have someone else to lean on for support if you ever need to".

"Just keep in mind what I said about being safe, okay...".

 

[Kyra Perl]

Kyra's expression contorted, the girl reeling back in a wash of protest. "Ew! Stop! Nonono!" She whapped at his arm, the professional bridge of respect and protocol still not upheld by the girl. Her hands flailed in the air for a moment, utter embarrassment flashing through her.

She would not have that talk with him.

"You- " she accused. "Should not ever be mentioning that again. Just-- pretend you never knew-- which you shouldn't of! No more entering my room without permission!" She whined. If Caedyn ever wanted a glimpse into fatherhood, this was surely it.

She stood up in a huff, wiping her clammy palms off on her pants in a repetitive, soothing manner. "Just-- Stand up and do your job and let me stab you."

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

"I just want you to use your head" Caedyn's hands raised in a defensive manner, "But don't worry, I'll drop it" he resigned rather easily, knowing how uncomfortable the discussion was, having experienced more of the situation than he ever intended or had prepared for. However, they had made some further ground and Caedyn felt good about the fact that she was slowly opening up to him.

"Yes we can spar together..." Caedyn answered to her request, "But I haven't forgotten about your birthday...-So if you don't invite Acaadi, I just might" he chuckled softly, moving to get up to his feet before she had the chance to get a cheap-shot in at him, for his cheap-shot.

He was still rather pleased with the fact that Kyra Perl had told him about her Birthday at all; "I'm just kidding..." He admitted, giving her a somewhat lightly dismissive wave in case he might be discouraging her from confiding in him again in the future. "If you want it to just be us, that's fine...-It'll be your day. You just let me know what you want to do for it" he suggested, moving into position and standing with his lightsaber hilt in his right hand.

He would wait to see if she would bow, wanting to see if Kyra was getting used to the routine or if she was still somewhat forgetful of Temple etiquette.

 

[Kyra Perl]

Kyra stuck her tongue out at him, his teasing not met with more challenge than that. "Yes Master," she sassed, curtsying instead of bowing-- but she went down none the less.

Her saber jumped into her hand-- an ever so slight headache the reminder of what happens when you rush forward. She eyed him warily this time, her saber igniting with a snap hiss once his ignited first.

"I want you to actually teach me this time," she stated ... a thinly veiled command. "Show me, don't just watch." She pointed the tip of her saber at him, then said very plainly. "I dun wanna play games." It was by far the serious he had ever seen her yet. She said so with a scowl, her face set in a rare bid of determination.