Chrysalis

[Kuzo]

She was quiet for a moment, surprise flickering across her face.

"Carach," she said, a soft smile flickering across her face for a moment.

"I've never wanted you to be anything but what you are. Who you are. And I've never asked you for anything. I don't aim to start, not now. Because I know that there's nothing I could ask you for that you could give me. That's not what you are. Either you give it freely or not at all. I'm not...."

She trailed off for a moment, searching for words that they'd never even attempted to speak.

"I'm not asking for a bigger piece of you," she finally whispered. "I'm just asking if you're here," she squeezed slightly, indicating that she meant with her. "You help me remember why I'm trying."

[member="Carach"]

 

[Carach]

[member="Irajah Ven"]

No relief and neither was he upset.

Just molified spinning at the back of his throat as she talked and stripped away the concerns. Was there something there, something they could explore further? Maybe, but in her current state that was not the way to go here.

She already was farther along than when he had just arrived.

Small steps. "I am." Carach simply answered with a smile mirroring his own, until he brushed up to her and the amber started to seep into his eyes again. Hunger staved away, but demanding its return with no hesitation.

Deeper against the wall, pushed, held, up and pinned.

 

[Kuzo]

As easy as it had been to slip into that heat, the familiar presence and hunger of [member="Carach"], once they were on their way it was just as easy for it to slip away.

She curled in a seat in the ship's lounge, not really looking at anything in particular. The chill, the distance crept back in, but she was aware idly of that channel cut into the ice, still unfrozen. It was a single thread across a glacier, but it did not freeze over immediately again. There was a passage there. She didn't know what it meant, what it would mean moving forward, but she kept it at the edge of her awareness.

She hadn't asked where they were going. It hadn't seemed important as already that indifference had settled in as Carach and Cerbera had spoken quietly before leaving. She'd promised the other woman, again, that she would be careful.

Feeling the ship make the jump to hyperspace, she closed her eyes. She was tired, the combination of the ebb and flow of emotions and the physical exertion made her drowse lightly, half asleep as the ship vibrated on its low frequency. Not deep enough to dream, but vaguely aware of movements around her, Irajah rested.

She had trekked a lifetime across a desert, after all. She had earned it.

 

[Carach]

M A E N A​

​

[member="Irajah Ven"]​

It were hours before Raj would be bothered again.

After all, after everything she had been through she deserved some measure of rest. It was only once the ship reversed from hyperspace - the distinct shudder of the ship humming through the hull and structure of the personalized starship - that the doors slid open hissing and gave way towards the large figure behind it. Carach stepped on through, briefly studying Raj, before stepped past her and towards the viewport that had a clear view of the volcanic wastes that was Maena. As age progressed and the Sith became less infatuated with leaving yet another personal mark on the Galaxy, he stepped away from insisting on using his own bases of powers to establish himself.

It would have been all too easy to simply dismiss Maena and go his own way, but... his allies were here and they were bountiful, what more was there to do? But old habits died moderately hard and throughout the months of the year Carach had been building his own 'place' on Maena.

"Had some sleep?" The Sith asked politely, while they broke atmosphere. The state-of-the-art inertial dampeners ensured that they didn't feel so much as a hitch, when the pressure shifted from vacuum to an atmosphere. They moved through the air, glided, off the distance they could see the shine and lights of the New City, Matsu's domain. But they passed it, because Carach had build his citadel some distance away from it, as to not crowd... the view.

His taste had always run eccentric, that hadn't changed even with years passed.

​

​

It came into view some time later and Carach smirked, looking back at her.

"What do you think?" Amber eyes shined, before they returned to the viewport. "Took me a while to build the place, but I think it's mostly ready now." There was undeniable pride in it and pleasure spinning at the back of his throat as he watched. Mostly because the view from a distance was even better than Carach had expected it to be. It was large, but parts were still very much under construction. Durasteel frames and duracrete foundations still in the progress of being erected up to the skies.

 

[Kuzo]

On the other side of death, the nightmares were different.

Just as the distance between her and the rest of the galaxy dictated her waking, it intruded on dreams as well. It took some of the weight, the sting out of the images that flickered through her sleeping mind. Images of her homeworld, of the golden eyes of Carnifex had been replaced by the eternity of the Netherworld. Neither could hold a candle to what she had endured there. Like a hologram cast upon a white sheet, it rippled and moved, ephemeral and light. As the ice thawed, those would solidify, trading access to the passion that defined her for a deeper hold on her psyche.

There was, after all, always a price.

The shudder of the ship brought her out of dream, and the sound of Carach's footfall (surprisingly light for a man of his size) raised her the rest of the way out of slumber.

Still drowsy, muddled from a sleep that offered very little true rest, she blinked owlishly at him before uncurling from the chair. Stiffness and the very normal pain of sleeping in a cramped and upright position shot through her as she stood and stretched. But it was almost welcome in its mundanity. A pain that would ease with simple movement? She could almost relish it.

One hand resting on the chair, she stayed back for the moment as the ship moved through Maena's atmosphere. She noticed enough to realize that they were not taking the path to Matsu's towers or New City at all, but her attention, was on Carach. It was always different to watch someone when they were not looking at you, but at something else that gave them pleasure and pride. Despite her own distance, those feelings were easy to recognize in the amber eyed man. For a moment, the neutral and distant expression on her face softened into a smile.

It wasn't until her turned to look at her that it faded again, his appreciation for what he was sharing with her drawing her attention out the view port. Before, he might have received a hushed it's beautiful, from her. Irajah was a creature of passion, of curiosity. She was a being made for experiences and appreciation of the same. She knew that, she remembered what that felt like.

But none of it came.

Instead she offered what she could. Her attention, at least. She could try.

"It's very impressive."

[member="Carach"]

 

[Carach]

[member="Irajah Ven"]

"It's very impressive."

Carach looked back in bemusement at her comment.

Under different circumstances she would have reacted differently, he knew that to be true. But right now there wasn't much to be done about it. All that the Sith Lord could do was be patient with her, appreciate the effort she was putting in despite of herself and let it all ride alongside its own tempo.

"Have you been considering where you will live?" Her estate was burned down to the ground now after all. No chance of going back to Dosuun, especially not with the... Ren thinking she is dead.

Their lack of knowledge to the contrary worked to their advantage for now.

Not that Carach was plotting anything - every single aspect of his being and instinct wanted him to, but it was not his vengeance but hers.

Wouldn't have been fair.

 

[Kuzo]

And there would be vengence. One of the things that had brought her through the Netherworld had been the intrinsic hunger to live.... but part of that hunger was the knowledge that if she let go then they won. The they had shifted over the last two years, from whomever had unleashed the Gideon virus, to the Zambranos, and now, it rested on the Ren, with [member="Samka Derith"] at the forefront.

Even with the ice and distance, Irajah knew that when the time was right, she would piece by piece dismantle the girl. It did not take passion and fire to settle that very firmly in her mind. No. In this case the cold calculation was an asset.

Cocking her head slightly at him, her brow furrowed. In truth, she hadn't thought about it.

"There is the apartment in New City," she said slowly, frowning ever so slightly. That place had never been home, merely a way station with the thought of her own space. "And I have no doubt that Matsu would extend her hospitality."

Home had always been such an important thing to her. Having a space that she could not only call her own but fill with the things and people that she loved. The apartment in Avalonia had been that, small but full to bursting with laughter, friendship and-

Her mind skipped over suddenly, wheels sliding across a patch of black ice, unseen but unbalancing, a skipped heartbeat before solid footing could be had again.

[member="Carach"]

 

[Carach]

[member="Irajah Ven"]

He nodded, before offering a mild shrug.

"You could always live with me?" The offer was laid out with soft warm smoothness, he wasn't expecting her to say yes or no in that instant, but they had been friends for a year now. More than friends considering the things they shared, but that was besides the question.

Carach had a large home now, plenty of space and not a lot of people to occupy it.

If Raj needed a place to live? It seemed obvious to him to offer it, especially if they were going to resume training her one way or another.

With a new body came new training.

 

[Kuzo]

There was enough distance to mean she wasn't surprised (can't be surprised without emotional expectations), but he'd created a channel wide enough to bring a certain curiosity flickering across her face.

This wasn't Azure. That had been a facility, a temporary situation as far as both were concerned. Perhaps it meant nothing to him to invite her to stay because this was equally as temporary in his eyes. Especially considering the albeit brief conversation they'd had earlier, it seemed the most reasonable explanation.

The alternative was that, despite her telling him she wasn't looking for more from him, he was offering it anyway. Irajah had a habit of settling comfortably into the spaces others were willing to make for her in their lives. She was disinclined to push at the walls or demand more space for herself, rather simply filling it like water and molding to it. If the space someone offered shrank to a point where it was too small for her to stay in? She left. She would not demand that they make it bigger again because already the choice to push the walls inward had been made. There were some things Irajah never argued with- and the emotions that let others in or pushed them away was one of them.

For now, she nodded, curiosity turning thoughtful.

Right now, Carach was offering her more room in his life, even if that did not occur to him. She just didn't truly know how much. If frozen waters could fill the space he offered, or if the edges of herself would simply be to hard to find that comfort spot.

"At least for now that might be best," she murmured. She was taking him at his word, no sense that his offer was anything less than entirely genuine. But better to assume the smaller offer, than the larger. That he was offering her a place to stay until she got on her feet again.

Not that he was offering her a home.

[member="Carach"]

 

[Carach]

[member="Irajah Ven"]

An inclination of the head followed.

"Of course. If you ever decide to you'd rather move to a different place, I would not hold it against you." Carach responded smoothly, assuming she was simply keeping a door open for herself to move, if the experience wasn't to her liking. That seemed more than fair, they might know each other for a year now and shared much together? But that wasn't exactly comparable to living with one another for an extended duration.

Who knew.

Maybe they would want to kill each other at the end of it all. After that there was silence - at least from his side of the room, as he went back to studying his accomplishment.

The angles of the fortress roamed with amber orbs, drinking in the details, wondering if there was anything that Carach could do to make it better. It was difficult to leash that desire for perfection. Always that drive to do better, get better: to take what you can and give nothing back.

"I don't really have anything in house for you, so we will need to..." Nose wrinkled. "-shop?"

 

[Kuzo]

The sudden bubble of laughter from Irajah caught her by surprise. But the look on his face when he said 'shop' brought out a hint of the old Raj and she didn't hold it back. It was a small moment, a short burst of sound, but it mattered.

The laughter felt *good*, even if the surprise that it had come at all was clear in those hazel eyes.

The amusement stayed in her voice even as the laughter itself faded.

"Unless you want to make certain I adhere to a specific aesthetic, you don't have to be subjected to the dreaded horror of shopping," she murmured, the barest of twinkle in her eyes as she teased him. It faded again into something closer to the even tone of before, but not entirely reverting.

"Honestly, there's not much I need or want."

Almost everything she owned had been destroyed in the fire. Part of her was sure she should be bothered by that more. Maybe she would be eventually, but even before Irajah had never been particularly driven by owning things. She enjoyed luxury, enjoyed experiences for certain. But even more so than before, it was just things.

[member="Carach"]

 

[Carach]

[member="Irajah Ven"]

Her giggle prompted a smile of his own as he picked his way across the lounge and settled himself down on the couch, which prompted Raj to sit down as well.

Some distance between the two.

Brows quirked up before the Sith pulled her a bit closer. Raj didn't seem to mind, so he hummed softly to himself as he took a moment to relax. "Probably for the best- I can pick out my own clothing, but..." He thought back to the extravagance that Matsu usually clad herself in. "Doubtful I would be of any use for you."

They still had some time before the ship would arrive.

"Just realized I assumed you'd want to continue your training, is that the case?"

With a new body they could push her further and further, but she needed to want it herself. The time had passed where Carach could force her on his own.

This was a different journey now.

 

[Kuzo]

When he reached out, fingers gripping her hip lightly and pulling her in, she didn't argue. If anything she scooted with him, letting the line of the sides of their body find each other, curves fitting comfortably, smaller form snugging up to just under his shoulder. She pulled her legs up onto the couch behind her, leaning lightly on him.

"I'm not so sure," she murmured. "After all, if I walked into a store right now, I'd probably pick things at random because I'm not sure I care."

That wasn't true. She was entirely certain she didn't care about clothes or furniture. She hadn't even cared enough to ask where he was taking her, what made him think she'd do much better with credits in hand? She didn't even care that she didn't care, so it wasn't a subtle request for help in that, simply a statement of fact.

But when he questioned training, that actually brought a familiar arch of the eyebrow as she turned her head to look at him.

"Even after I left Azure, I didn't stop training, even if it wasn't with you anymore," she said quietly. "A little something like dying seems a poor reason to stop learning now, don't you think? Of course I want to continue."

She spread out her hands in the air, flexing fingers again.

"Even with the piece that's missing.... Cerbera said I would never be as powerful without it as I would have been with it.... but even without it, I can feel a hum that had always been banked deeply before. I did not realize just how much of myself was tied up in keeping Gideon at bay...."

She wanted the chance to discover just how deep the waters went.

[member="Carach"]

 

[Carach]

[member="Irajah Ven"]

"Well, we wouldn't want you to buy table linens, now would we? I will tag along." Carach responded with a low, chiming laugh. It didn't sound very interesting to him, but he had shopped a couple of times before and it hadn't killed him. Besides, he foresaw that they would have some fun along the way.

They usually did.

The Sith Lord nodded at her words. It made sense that she had continued to look for training - it was the way he had approached his own... somewhat. In truth he had always drawn from several philosophies simply because of the reason of his existence. Being formed by several shards of prominent Sith Lords had the ability to shape your perspective on... basically everything to one degree or another.

"Once we are home, I will be sure to check up on your progress. With whom have you had training, aside from Matsu?"

Simple curiosity, really.

It would help him see where the gaps are in her current state.

 

[Kuzo]

Once we are home.

We. Home. Said so casually and impacting lightly against the surface, but later she'd mull those words over. Impossible not to.

"When I left Azure, you know it was to study Gideon, to find a cure. So much of my time was taken up in that pursuit-"

She paused, a small frown flickering over her face.

"You were right. I should have taken your offer sooner. If I had not wasted so much of my time on Gideon, none of this would have happened. Cerbera could have started immediately and we could have circumvented all of this."

It wasn't an apology. After all, none of them could have known that the Ren were working toward Doctor Ven, or that the one who had decided she belonged to them and no other would slit her throat in a fit of 'if I can't have you, no one can.' But there was a hint of annoyance, of vexation in her voice. With the situation, yes, but largely at herself.

"Besides you and Matsu, I studied with a woman named Ashin," she said, a shake of her head as if it would dislodge the annoyance of the rest. "She sought me out at Blackwater after learning of my...... issues.... with the Zambranos." A ghost of a smile flickered and died on her lips. "Gideon held me back there as well. Eventually we had to stop our lessons because of the toll it was taking. But I'd already agreed to the transfer by the time she realized, so I was..... perhaps overly profligate with the limits of my body at that point. In truth, it was those lessons that finally set me to agreeing to it at all."

She glanced away.

"It seemed worth it," she murmured. "But I could have done it sooner and made those lessons count for so much more."

[member="Carach"]

 

[Carach]

[member="Irajah Ven"]

"We make the best possible decisions we do with the information we have, Raj." Carach responded without a second thought on his mind. Sure, they could keep worrying about what had been, but at the end of the way they couldn't have known one way or another? The Sith Lord was exceptionally paranoid, one of the only things keeping him alive throughout the years. But it wasn't a characteristic he could really expect from Irajah... couldn't have expected from the kind of person she was.

These days?

It was different.

Pretty sure after everything the Doctor had been through she was even more paranoid than he was. But his was the point: you had only x amount of knowledge available to you as a person. None of them had known that the Ren would take interest in her, so none of them could have really planned for that particular development.

"Had I known about the Ren? I would have made a better case against going to Dosuun." Carach frowned against that thought. "Point is, don't blame yourself, we are alive now, so all we can do is enjoy now and see what happens."

It only took a few minutes later for the ship to approach the keep and land within the usual landing platforms.

"We are here, let's go?"

 

[Kuzo]

"Well, we both had reason to believe Dosuun was safe enough," she murmured, gaze distant and thoughtful for a moment. She didn't need to elaborate. While she had never brought it up, she had known him as both Irani and Carach, and the comings and goings of one Natasi Fortan meant she had at least the broad strokes. It was also, as far as she was concerned, none of her business. It was not a secret, simply a matter of privacy and she respected it.

She nodded at his question, unfolding herself from the lounge first so he could get up without trouble. She had nothing to get, no luggage to bring with her beyond the shadow of Samson, and the process of disembarking from his ship took very little time.

Settled on the small tarmac, she paused at the bottom of the ramp, looking up at the curving architecture he had wrought since she'd seen him last.

"You've been very busy," she murmured in observation, glancing up at him when he stepped down beside her. "Why Maena? You have so many other places already."

[member="Carach"]

 

[Carach]

[member="Irajah Ven"]

That had been another reason why Carach felt responsible.

For all his influence within the First Order and outside of it? This had been one of the things he had not been able to stop, no matter how much effort and time the Sith put into it. That sense of lack of power? It wasn't something he was accustomed to.

At all.

"Honestly?" Carach mumbled while they walked off the ramp and onto the duracrete of the fortress' main landing pad. "That was part of the problem for me."

They walked.

Outside, corridor here and there, until they arrived at a lounge. Long before that Samson and Raj had been shown their particular apartments.

"I always tried to find my own way. But all my allies, friends, family... lovers were here. Why move besides youthful stubbornness?"

 

[Kuzo]

She gave him a side eyed look as he mumbled, but otherwise let it lie.

They both quietly took on the lion's share of the blame, settling it on their own backs and refusing to share it. Both thinking that there was no reason the other had to shoulder it, because clearly the responsibility for it all was obvious. Beyond the self recriminations however, neither felt it was truly owned only alone. After all, the Ren held the act itself in bloodied hands, and that would not go unpunished.

But now was not the time to plan vengeance. Irajah would not pretend to claiming the word justice. She had no desire for that. She did not wish to see assailants, murders, sit behind bars and locked away. Even if right in this moment it was difficult to truly want anything, she knew that if she could move through and past this, what she desired would not be so lofty as justice. The high road, she had decided, was not worth the price.

Moving through the halls, she absently memorized the passages, taking note of areas she would need, but bereft of the desire to explore.

"Ever since coming to Maena the first time, it keeps drawing me back," she said softly, sinking down slowly onto one of the couches. "The people, the work on Gideon. No matter how far I've gone, trying to find something that maybe didn't exist at all, I keep coming back here."

She smiled slightly, actually even chuckling, but it didn't reach her eyes.

"Did I ever tell you about when Matsu and I met?"

[member="Carach"]

 

[Carach]

[member="Irajah Ven"]

"It does that." Carach calmly agreed with her. He recalled the first time the Spider had invited him to Maena, shortly after ruining most of its thriving population, turning the once-mighty world in a magma-infested hellscape. There was still a part of him that sighed over it. A waste of resources and possibilities, but Carach had always been more pragmatic than his friends. The frantic call in the middle of the night, when Adekos shouted in his ear about the vongshaping of Selvaris.

Once again they settled on one of the couches, his arm curling around her shoulders like before, as if they hadn't left the ship at all.

The Sith mostly did it as a reinforcement, keep the thawing strong and ensure that bit by bit the glacier would turn to water. Maybe it wasn't the way to go? But Carach figured that if she didn't like the proximity, she would simply tell him.

Communication... it had never been a problem for them.

"No, I don't think you have, knowing Matsu it must have been quite the event." He smirked, thinking of the first time they had met. A pleasant evening, turning into an even more pleasing night and morning. Those couple of days - before she had to leave and before everything became so karked up - had been bliss to one degree and another. But life went on and on, things had changed.

Carach doubted it could ever be quite like... that again.