Star Wars Roleplay: Chaos

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Codex Denied Cho

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Talon Aegis

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e099d5e479e586070d1b260fb853f255--fantasy-creatures-mythical-creatures.jpg


OUT OF CHARACTER INFORMATION
  • Intent: Tamable beast that will stomp through enemies due to its armor
  • Image Credit: Url ; Site ; Https stuff ; Earl ; :D
  • Canon: N/A
  • Permissions: N/A
  • Links: N/A
GENERAL INFORMATION

  • Name: Cho's
  • Designation: Semi-Sentient
  • Origins: Ordo
  • Average Lifespan: Childhood: 200 years ; teens: 150 years ; Adulthood (to death): ~300 years ; Total ~650 years
  • Estimated Population: Extremely Rare
  • Description: Bipedal monster with two breeds, the cave dwellers and the ocean dwellers. The ocean variant hunt for the first stage of their lives and sit waiting for prey throughout the rest. Though the cave dwellers actively come out at night to hunt, they need material to survive, it not even having to be organic due to their immense size their bodies have adapted to low food enviroment making nutrients from nonorganic materials, or just the bacteria on it, though trees do tend to work, they prefer meat.
hang-luo-deepseachoeditedit.jpg



PHYSICAL INFORMATION
  • Breathes: Type I-III
  • Average Height of Adults: Sea: 300 m ; Cave ; 100 m ; Desert 200 m
  • Average Length of Adults: (With tail) Sea: 300 m ; Cave: 150 m ; Desert: 100 m
  • Skin color: Sea: Turquoise ; Cave: Black, Purple ; Desert: Sand
  • Hair color: N/A
  • Distinctions: Large arms, with two claws at the end ; Two massive arms out the sides with a sharp tipped bone at the end ; Glowing eyes
  • Races: Cho
  • Force Sensitivity: Force Dead
Strengths:

  • Bone plating that is unharmed by blasters and lightsabers while being charred by explosions
  • Tail that can whip around and break pillars of rock and large metal buildings
  • A mouth that can increase to a size that can eat many medium sized spaceships whole
  • Both can go onto land, though sea tends to stick to the waters
  • Apex predators
  • All spikes and bones that stick out are very sharp and can puncture steel with ease
  • Doesn't have skin to be melted off, and a thick gland over the eye (Not immune to lightsabers)
  • A roar that can reach 250 db (More than enough to kill a human)
  • Can breathe in multiple oxygen rich and non-oxygen filled environments
  • Force abilities meant to harm cannot be applied directly to a Cho
Weaknesses:
  • Massive, easy to spot while in open, areas
  • Glowing eyes give them away in the dark
  • Hard to feed, they're massive
  • While the back has the strongest plating, it has gaps exposing very weak plating.
  • Oceanic are impossible to train, and if they see you, they are extremely aggressive
  • Cannot be directly helped by the force


ChoGath-League-Of-Legends-Fan-Art-1-1030x708.jpg


HISTORICAL INFORMATION
What were once sailor myths appeared on an island known as Dante's Isle. Once the mountain on the island had opened, they emerged making every Mandalorian on the island go extinct. These animals show no ability to be stopped once started, though there are bones of them deep underground throughout Mandalore. They are tamable, but first you need to get close enough to it. It show's no mercy but will stop if it is fed.

The sea dwellers would lie and wait in deep trenches, eating the biggest fish and were known as myths because they would attack boats. One legend was of an Armada that was to cross the sea. Though none made it to the other side, now that a sea dweller had been seen and documented, they suspect it ate through them. (See image #2) Though knowledge is very limited, for they are hard to find and Dante's Isles is known by few and traveled by even less.

The desert Cho was known for a while, though no one ever tried to mess with them. It lay their in the sand its mouth wide open looking up. It would wait for enough to walk onto it, in which it would close. Digesting the animal it had captured as a venus fly trap does. This one would also stand and actively look for food if it went too long, this is why it had hands, to dig and to pick what he wanted up. These can go for years without eating.

The differences between the them can be identified by their unique properties.
Desert: Different Jawline with slight underbite, Golden backbone plating
Cave: Bone spikes on the back of each limb, Slanted backbone plating
Ocean: Fins, gills, More flat jawline

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Hey there Talon Richwood,

I'm going to need you to fix up your links as well as the broken image at the top of the submission.

Three of those links lead me to a redirect page, but it would also help to clean them up as well.

Example: Artstation Link

Strengths:
  • Despite their size, they are shockingly good at stealth in both caves and water
Weaknesses:
  • Massive, easy to spot
  • Glowing eyes give them away in the dark
  • Hard to feed, they're massive

As far as Stealth is concerned, these strengths and weaknesses seem to contradict the species ability. Can you clarify how they are skilled in this area given the weaknesses you've listed?
 
Talon Richwood

The image at the top of the page still appears to be broken.

Though the cave dwellers actively come out at night to hunt, they need material to survive, it not even having to be organic, though trees do tend to work, they prefer meat.

Can you please explain this a little more in depth. The writing may seem confusing to those who read your sub in the future.

Also, Force Dead Species are not immune to the Force, they're just not affected by most abilities. Submissions that consist of Force Dead beings should provide appropriate strengths and weaknesses in this regard. What benefits does this provide and alternatively what draw backs may come from this. Try to balance it out.

Breathes: Type I-III - This is a strength, for example. Not all things can breath in every type of aptmosphere.

Also, if you could provide a little more information between the distinctions of the caver and oceanic types. What are their differences and further context as to how they might behave so that other writers may be able to explain the species in their posts should they come across either variant.
 
Talon Richwood


The links for the images you're using lead to a redirect page and still need to be fixed.

done, except fo r the difference between cave and ocean, those are 200 m difference along with color

As for this, I would still like to see more description of the two types of the species. Does one live longer than the other, is one more aggressive than the other, what are their behaviors in contrast to one another. Also, which of the two are 200m longer and what colors do they typically possess? The more detailed you can be here the better.

I'm still not seeing anything within the strengths and weaknesses section regarding the species being Force Dead. There needs to be positives and negatives to this as per the Template Requirements.

See here: Force Dead species are not immune to the Force- they simply cannot be affected by most abilities directly. Force Dead species should include appropriate weaknesses related to that trait, such as an inability to benefit from positive Force powers like healing or battle meditation.
 
Talon Richwood | WolfMortum WolfMortum

Good work on this guys, you've gotten most of the issues, there are just a few things I'd like to bring up to go through before I approve the submission.

Name

You're using the name Chos for the species while the image used is that of Cho'gath from League of Legends. Given that you are describing large armoured monsters I find this a little bit too on the nose. The Chaos Roleplay Rules specifically bans this:
2. Cross-Over Role-play is not allowed.

To this end, I'm going to have to ask you to please, either change the name of the species or the images used.

Estimated Population

  • Estimated Population: Extremely Rare

Extremely Rare isn't an option given by the template. How many specimens exist? Would semi-unique cover it?

Distinctions

You do describe the species here as per the below:
  • Distinctions: Large arms, with two claws at the end ; Two massive arms out the sides with a sharp tipped bone at the end ; Glowing eyes

The template, however, asks for the distinctions within the species, between males and females and the variations between different regional groups.
  • Distinctions: [ Describe the unique physical traits that define what they are and set them apart from more common species like humans. Be sure to include any differences between male and female, as well as variations between different regional groups if any, and characteristics that denote a matured or ageing specimen. ]

While I am aware that you do describe those differences later in the submission, please also include all those details in this field as well so that anyone looking at your species will know exactly what they're dealing with.

Strengths and Weaknesses

As a weakness you mention:
  • While the back has the strongest plating, it has gaps exposing very weak plating.

The only other mention of the plating is the strength:
  • Bone plating that is unharmed by blasters and lightsabers while being charred by explosions

Could you please clarify if the weaker plating is still that capable, or if not the level of firepower needed to defeat it?

  • A mouth that can increase to a size that can eat many medium sized spaceships whole

How big is a medium-sized ship? I assume you're talking freighters then it could still be 1/3 the size of one of the creatures.

  • Both can go onto land, though sea tends to stick to the waters

You mention 3 sub-species at the bottom of your historical information section, please correct this.
  • Can breathe in multiple oxygen rich and non-oxygen filled environments

How are their bodies able to breathe in non-oxygen filled environments? Do they require oxygen to live or do they gain nourishment from other means?
 

Talon Aegis

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John Locke John Locke Put it into where ever its supposed to go, Im way too busy at this point in time to work on it further, sorry, and thanks for all your help
 

Ylla Caeli'runa

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Talon Aegis

Where are you on this sub? Would you like more time to complete it or would you prefer to have it archived? Is it ready for live judging?

If I don't hear anything back within a few days, this submission will be archived for inactivity. If you would like it pulled back out of the archives so that it can be worked on - Please make the request in the Submission-Modification Thread.
 
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