Star Wars Roleplay: Chaos

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Approved Starship Chariot of Atrisia

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Intent: To make a yacht for Sawa

sienar_fleet_systems_scout_ship_by_adamkop_d6p2t7i-fullview.jpg

Image Source: https://www.deviantart.com/adamkop/art/Sienar-Fleet-Systems-Scout-ship-404918622

  • Canon Link: N/A

  • Permissions: N/A

  • Primary Source: N/A
PRODUCTION INFORMATION
TECHNICAL SPECIFICATIONS
  • Classification: Military Grade Yacht
  • Length: 70 m
  • Width: 22 m
  • Height: 12 m

  • Armament:
Heavy Laser Cannons

Seismic Charges

Armament Rating: High
  • Defenses:
Phrik Alloy Hull, Multilayered Shielding

Defense Rating: Very High
  • Hangar Space: None

  • Hangar Allocations: None

  • Maneuverability Rating: Low
  • Speed Rating: Very High
  • Hyperdrive: Yes
  • Hyperdrive Class: 0.3
STANDARD FEATURES

Captain's Luxury Quarters

Medical Stasis Chamber

Bacta Tank

Beach Equipment

ADVANCED SYSTEMS


Heavy matrix armor and quickly recharging shields that protect against both Ion and standard lasers

Whisperthrust Drive

Kerestian Light Absorbing Cell generator


STRENGTHS

Looooong Rannnnnnnge: Its single most powerful weapon is a collection of Jango-Fett style Seismic Charges, with a wide destructive radius. The primary weapon however, is long range, heavy laser cannons, which have twice the range and accuracy of regular cannons

Fast: It can possibly outrun your run of the mill star fighter

Protective: Its shields can withstand multiple heavy impacts and recharge incredibly quickly, within a minute of having been downed. In addition, its Phrik alloy shell is capable of taking damage that would destroy a ship twice its size

Stealth: Possesses a WhisperThrust Drive, enabling it to remain nearly undetectable so long as it remains at low cruising speed. It also possesses an experimental generator using Kerestian Light Absorbing Cells to create darkness in a massive 150 meter spherical radius around it.

WEAKNESSES

Overheat: After using its 0.3 hyperdrive, its weapons systems are shut down for twenty minutes and loses most of its speed as its generators recharge.

Power Distribution: It can only power one weapon system at a time, and takes a minute to switch between each

Ballistics: Vulnerable to ballistic weapons

Overload: Ion causes its weapons to shut down

Manuverability: Don't kid yourself.

DESCRIPTION

The Chariot of Atrisia is yet another Advanced projects design from Sienar Fleet Systems. Recovered unexpectedly alongside The TIE/DP Prototype in the same hangar, Nine singled this particular vehicle out for the personal enjoyment of her estranged lover, The Vampire Darth Shojo. In more of a state of disrepair than the other, Nine had the thing personally upgraded with modern parts, technology derived from the TIE Prototype she also recovered, as well as a light absorbing generator similar to the one aboard Castle Morpheus. Nine intends for the Chariot and its various luxuries to serve Shojo, and had it specially commissioned for an upcoming trip to a watery planet for a vacation. While an odd combination of technology, it is nonetheless a highly protective luxury yacht with all the amenities, including beach equipment and cookware. Nine intends it as a getting together present and a way of breaking the ice after literally thousands of years of bad blood.
 
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[member="Maple Harte"], the Factory is currently closed through 3 Jan 2020. As this submission is ready to be moved, if Factory staff has not moved this upon the Factory's grand reopening, please ping one of us again.

Thanks
 
Maple Harte Maple Harte
This is a neat ship, I like the overall concept and aesthetic you're going for here! However, I would ask that you consider moving this back into the Pre-Factory for a bit, to make a few adjustments. Along with our fancy schmancy new site and software, we also updated our templates, including for starships. I would ask that you adjust this submission to conform with it, and I think you'll like the newer format a lot, as it works really with what you are doing with this ship. Also, your Force Generator is going to need a direct link, as are some of the other components used here. The site update rendered old links pretty broken - trust me, I know it's a pain but honestly this new site software makes things so much cleaner!

Some of the components that will need links are:

Praetorian Starfighter Sniping Cannons
Geonosian Continuous Recharging Laser System
Seismic Charges
Matrix Armor
Medical Stasis Chamber
Bacta Tank
Prototype Starfighter Sniping Cannons
Recharging Geonosian Continuous Lasers
Heavy matrix armor and quickly recharging shields
Whisperthrust Drive
Prototype Kerestian Light Absorbtion Collector
Alchemized Force Phase Generator

As well as the Titanium and Durasteel used in the 'Materials' section.

So, your submission just needs some tweaks to make it conform with the new template and some links for the special tech used here, etc. Otherwise, it's a great concept and some of it is actually really innovative, particularly the way your description plays into RP character development. Nice job! Just let me know if you want to move this back to Pre-Factory or what you'd like to do, please! Thanks!
 
Maple Harte Maple Harte

What is the status of this submission? According to the rules of pre-factory, you can only leave a submission here for a month, a time limit which you have surpassed now.

Please let me know if you intend to complete this submission in the near future, or if you'd like me to archive it till you have more time.
 
This has been sitting around and...well, we have to discuss some things.

For starters, there is a lot to unpack so I will go do this by section.


UNIDENTIFIED WEAPONS/SYSTEMS:
Mainly the biggest offender. There is weaponry you have listed that just does not exist anywhere from here to Wookieepedia. If you want to make these weapons, feel free to create them from the Factory Tech area. But the following weapons do not exist as a link so far: Praetorian Starfighter Sniping Cannon and GCRLS (Geonosian Continuous Recharging Experimental Laser System. Another is this strange alchemized device mentioned in the Strengths section in the Ghostin section which needs to be linked to or at least explained where this is.

WRONG USE OF CANON LINKS:
This is mainly used if the ship is related to say the TIE/LN or the X-Wings. The links you provided should be elsewhere like the Seismic Charges should be linked into the Armament section. You can hyperlink these from the forum box here by clicking the little chainlink button next to the giant T and the picture frame. Also do not worry on this, everyone does it the first time around.

MANY LINKS NEEDED:
Mainly in the Advanced Systems section. A lot of them are needed for each one and I know this be a major pain but it must be done. Links can be found for most via Wookiepedia. I will help if you need some advice where to go. This was all mentioned by Visanj T'shkali Visanj T'shkali , in the previous posts from here and I suggest looking at that list for mainly what needs to be done.

HANGER BAY IS FOR STARFIGHTERS:
Speeder Bikes can be just noted. Review the Starship Template guide on Corvettes (Your Size) and paste in the right information for its size. Pain yes but to do it right is required.

FORMATTING NEEDS ADJUSTMENT:
Naturally this is just a Suggestive gripe. If you need help with this, I am more than happy to fix it up for you and send it through a DM. First time formatting is a pain and I been there so any time you need help with it, just ask.


Now your ratings from what I seen were actually balanced. Hyperdrive is really fast yes but otherwise, it is balanced in ratings! The one thing most new factory submissions do wrong, you did right! So pat yourself on the back, that is a good thing!

Now here is one of the bad parts...there is a lot and I mean a lot to fix up. You can attempt to fix it all right here which will be fine but it may take a lot of time. There is also the option to put it into the Pre-Factory for additional work and some of us can help step you through the process if needed.

Again, this is all up to you. Please message what you wish to do and if you have any questions, please do not hesitate to ask.

Maple Harte Maple Harte
 
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